Dr. John A. King shares practical strategies for navigating the holidays without losing yourself. He recommends limiting alcohol, setting time limits at gatherings, taking breaks to walk, and driving yourself so you can leave when you need to. He also warns against slipping into a victim mindset during stressful family time.
about mental health and guardrails for the holidays. So this time of year can be a very emotional time for a lot of people in a lot of ways, a lot of positive ways, a lot of meaningful ways, a lot of connective ways, but also a whole range of ways where people find a great challenge. So the first thing I want to do is give you permission to have guardrails. Give yourself permission to going into this holiday season. To be able to say, you know what, there are some things I can do and there's some things I can't do. There are some people I can connect with and there's some people that I have a challenge connecting with. So here's just 2 or 3 ideas, and I'm open to taking questions if you've got any. The first thing I do is I don't like being around drunk people. When I grew up as a child, a lot of the trauma and issues that happened in my life, and if you know my story, you'll know the sort of level of childhood abuse that I was subjected to. So alcohol, I don't like drunk people. I don't like being around them. I don't like how they get with each other and interact with each other. So if I'm going to go to a party where there's a lot of alcohol, I will go early and I will leave early and I will always have something to go to. And I will gauge the window of my involvement based upon the behavior in the room or say a set number. I'll be 45 minutes or I'll be an hour and a half. And then I'll go. Secondly, I will go with the determination to engage only in a positive way. What I mean by that is sometimes you get around family environments or friends or work things, and there seems to be a sense of negativity in people's comments and conversations. Well, I always go with the attitude is I'm going to be the positive one in the room. And if someone is snarky or snipey about someone else, I will just deflect the comment or I will go and get a refill. I'll go get another beer or another plate of something that I'll have to work off tomorrow at the gym, but I will make sure that I navigate and I'm responsible for my own space. And that's probably the big thing going into a holiday period or any sort of family obligation is understanding that you are responsible for your own space. You're responsible for your behavior. You're responsible for how you let messages in. And how, what you do with those messages. So that's 2 things. Avoid alcohol or control those environments, control your own space, control negativity. I always try to go on top of that with a grateful attitude and a thankful attitude. I am grateful to have these friends. I am grateful to have these family members. I am grateful to have people at this season. And that underpins everything I do. I go there with that attitude and I extend that grace and that gratitude going in there. The third thing, fourth thing is I always drive. I always take my own car. I don't want to go somewhere and Aunt Dottie is getting hammered on sherry and Christmas cake and pudding and she's out of control. I don't want to do that. So I always drive. I make sure I drive. I take myself so I can leave if I've got to. Number 3 is feel free to go for a walk or number 5, whatever we're up to. is feel free to go for a walk around the block. Take yourself outside to the front deck. Go outside and have a smoke if you smoke. Go outside and have a beverage if you've got a beverage in hand. Make sure that you're regulating your emotional involvement and engagement with the room accordingly as you go. Probably the last thing is if you are not in a position where you have family that you want to be around or can be around, Is enjoy your own company. Like, it's okay to do you. It's okay to find someone else to bless at this time of year. Melissa and I, my wife Melissa and I, we always try to find people that might be floaters, satellites, don't really have anyone to connect to. And we make a point of doing that and connecting with them in some way. The best way to make friends is to be friendly. The best way to have family is to provide that opportunity for connection. And it might just be being warm to someone. McDonald's is often a really lonely place for fathers at this time of year. I meet and connect with many men sitting in McDonald's or somewhere like that, a chain restaurant that's open and they're sitting by themselves because they don't have the kids. They're in the middle of a horrible situation. If you see someone like that, just stop and smile. Say, g'day mate, how you going? How's your day? And just be prepared to listen. That 45-second or 2-minute interaction, I know in my own life when I was in that situation, it totally changed the course of my day just to be seen and to be noticed. And I think that's a very important thing going into this time of year. Those of us who have had extreme trauma need to be aware of the victim mindset. Is when you're going into this time of year, make sure that you don't succumb to the victim mindset. Make sure that what you're doing is that you're in a very positive place and a very healthy space, and don't give room to it. You are good. You made it this far. You will get there and you'll be able to overcome, and you will get through this Christmas with absolute flying colors. So there you go. There's half a dozen thoughts. I didn't know what I was up to on guardrails for Christmas. Love to connect with you on Substack at Dr. John A. King. Love to connect with you on social at Dr. John A. King. And if Manna Life can help you in any way, shape, or form, please let us know. We're about to launch our new website and our new online community in the next 2 or 3 months. We'd love to have you part of it. We'd love you to engage in us on Substack. On my account, on the Amana account, and call you blessed, man. Have a tremendous Christmas. Have a blessed time. Get around your family and friends and just enjoy them for the fact that you've got some to go and be with. I'm going to stay online for another five minutes. If anyone's got any questions, please just drop it in the chat, and I will do my best to see if I can't give you an answer. If not, I'm going to light my cigar, finish my coffee, and go and do another, go and do another podcast. I do about 3 to 5 a week podcast. Well, maybe 2 to 3. I've got 5 appointments today for different people that I'm doing podcasts with. And if you want to connect more with about what we do in the area of anti-human trafficking and trauma recovery, go to drjohnaking.com. And if you're interested in the new book we've got coming out on trauma, please click on there and enroll. And we're going to have some chats with the author and connect with people. And I'd love to connect with you. Love to hear your stories. Love to hear about the things you've learned in your journey towards mental health. And I'd love to also get your feedback. Please drop in and have a chat. I might start a chat on Dr. John A. King on my Substack about what boundaries you've put in place in order to make holidays successful. Anyway, folks, doesn't seem like there's anyone with questions. And I wish you all a tremendous day and a tremendous holiday period. Cheerio.
