John, in his early 60s, describes his "snapback" method for recovering from depression: three to five days of diet changes, intense gym work, and intermittent fasting, a practice he's refined over 15 years. He speaks openly about a recent suicidal episode and childhood trauma, explaining how acceptance transforms those wounds into strength.
You're in your early 60s now, so this is in your rearview mirror by a bunch of years now. Relentless resilience, is that still a day-to-day practice, or have things gotten easier as you've gotten more settled in John 2.0 and further from this inflection point?
Yeah, do you want me to be like really honest or just podcast honest?
No, I want you to be really honest.
Probably Sunday I was suicidal.
I think. Oh, okay.
It really, it was a horribly dark day and I had to sit down on my bed with my best friend and say, it's just really shitty and I can't figure out why. It should be really good because my life is incredible. Like I look at it, I run the numbers on this thing and it's great. But depression's like when you fly a plane and then this cloud bank and you can't get above it. But sometimes you get a break cuz you know the sun exists. And depression is when that cloudbank hits the ground and it's fog and you can't even get up. And you know the sun's still there, but you can't even get up.
Hmm.
But so for me, I then sat down and I played the script back for the last 90 days. Okay, where did I get off course? What small change was I making 90 days ago? That put me over here, I got to get back. What I've discovered is my snapback is quick. Snapback's about three to five days. I can get out of there because I can change my diet straight away. I can get to the gym. I've been to the gym probably six times in the last four days. My diet switched up. Whole bunch of stuff's gone. Intermittent fasting, which I hate, which she loves. And I'm back there. I'm going to finish this. I'm going to do another session of cardio. I'm going to go to Grav. I'm going to an art show with her tomorrow and I'm back on track.
Okay.
Everything's back on track. So the swing back's quick, but that sweet, that ability to be able to change the course in 3 or 4 days took me 15 years to get here. To your point, is it better and clearer and quicker? It is, but it never goes away. And I think that's the thing. Childhood trauma and sexual abuse is the gift that keeps on giving. It's just, it's like Christmas. It turns up more than once a year, every now and again. So it's always going to be there. But what doesn't have to be there is the lack of knowledge to manage it. If you can turn your scars into Medal of Honor, if you cannot be embarrassed about what your story is and just go, this is who I am, man, I just got to do some stuff. And that stuff is not having caramel macchiatos. If it's not that, then I'm going to be okay.
Yeah.
So I think that's where the maturity comes, that John 2.0 can accept that. And that snapback is quicker. But I think I'm aware that one of the things I should never do is relax on my approach to relentless resilience, because if I do, then the person who stands to lose the most is Melissa.
Yeah.
And I'm not prepared to do that.
