The Antidote to Loneliness and Social Isolation

Coming up on this mini episode of the Doctor's Pharmacy.

Being socially isolated is as harmful to your physical health as being an alcoholic and twice as harmful as obesity because cellularly, right, we end up storing more, and again, you're the doctor here, but as there's so much sort of knowledge around and studies around when you don't belong, all of a sudden your cellular reactions become slower, you're metabolizing food less fast, and there's actually a lot of studies that I've read around that.

Maybe you're depressed. anxious in using food as your source.

Of well, that too, of course, that too. But it actually sets off a cellular chain reaction. Our lack of belonging and isolation sets off this sort of cellular chain reaction that sort of slows down our metabolism as well.

Hi, I'm Kaya Perowne, one of the producers of the Doctors Pharmacy Podcast. Emerging science is beginning to unveil that social isolation is a serious cause of illness. In fact, social separation is a larger cause of disease and death than poor nutrition, lack of exercise, or smoking. Dr. Hyman discussed this topic in two recent conversations on the Doctor's Pharmacy Podcast. Let's listen in starting with his interview with author, co-founder, and CEO of Daybreaker, Radha Agrawal.

We all have this longing to belong. We all came out of an evolutionary history that was tribal. We were all in community.

We are born in community. We are literally born inside of a mother's womb. So we are born in community and without it we cannot survive or thrive, right? It's so clear that our lack of belonging or isolation is the actual essential issue that ladders down to every other societal problem that we are facing today. So the most generous act we can do as human beings is to create community. The most generous thing we can do for ourselves and for each other is to sort of extend our hand and say, Hey, will you be my friend?

So in Okinawa, which is one of the longest lived people in the world, They form a community at birth of babies that are kind of connected by their parents that go through life together and go through all the ups and downs and trials and tribulations from birth to like 100 years old. And it builds this sense of, and it's not like 100 people, it's like five people or four people. And it's, you know, most people can't even say there's one friend they have that they can call up when they feel bad or sad, who they can have a honest, transparent conversation to. That's really heartbreaking. And it's so much of a driver of so many of the ills society. It's something people don't talk about.

Well, 85% of people experiencing mental illness are isolated or alone. And so because we ostracize them from society, they're not welcomed because they're not mentally sort of abled, right? So that piece of it only sort of creates that sense of anger. And so it's on each and every one of us to out there who's listening on this podcast right now to really make friends with everybody, whether it's someone who's who's older than you, younger than you, someone who's mentally, you know, sort of experiencing mental illness, how can we actually bridge those divides that every single human on this planet can belong?

Yeah, it's so important. You know, today we're seeing so much otherness in the world.

That's right.

We basically vilify the other, we disconnect from other human beings. If we're isolated, it's easy to kind of make somebody the enemy and to disconnect. And what you're offering is sort of the antidote to this isolation, disconnection that keeps us from authentic connections with each other and with building a real community.

There's so many moments in life where we're starting all over again. And at each point, we sometimes tell ourselves it's harder and harder to make friends. And that's what I want everyone out there listening to understand.

Never too late.

It's never too late. It's never too late. And you have to go in first to belong to yourself. So often with community building, grasping outside of ourselves to find those friends. But it really starts with this journey of self exploration first to get to know who we are, what we value, what we can bring to a community and how we're showing up. How are we at listening? How are we at connecting with, you know, with everyone around us?

It's almost like focusing on not only how to find a friend, but how to be a friend.

Yes, that's exactly right. How can we sort of shine a light on ourselves first in a beautiful way, in a glorious way, before we go out? I think so much of self self-help today. Also, it traps us. We get trapped in self-help we get trapped in personal development that we forget that the whole point of personal development is to do what? Is to better relate to the outside world. Right. We go inside.

Self-care but it really should be we care. Yeah.

Right.

Exactly. It's like I'm, I'm going to get a massage. I'm going to, like, take care. I'm going to eat healthy so that I can take care of my children better, so I can serve my community better, so that I can show up for the world better. And yet we forget that we just get trapped in the look at me selfie moments without realizing that that's actually the sort of the ladder down to isolation, loneliness, and sadness. One in four Americans have zero friends to confide in. This number has tripled in the last 30 years, right? There's a direct correlation between cell phone penetration and social media penetration and our isolation and loneliness. Like the graph is almost identical. So it really is interesting to sort of realize that we have these sort of slot machines in our pockets, right? These cell phones in our pockets that are dinging away and taking us away from our connection points and making us more isolated when the goal of them from the very beginning was to actually connect with social media, right? So what's happening is we've given keys to a Ferrari to a five-year-old without teaching them how to drive, right? That's what's happening. So there's all this beautiful knowledge and beautiful technology in our pockets, we just haven't sort of harnessed it correctly.

Many people assume that social media is strengthening their ties to others, while it may in fact be doing the opposite. Real relationships take time and face-to-face interactions to maintain. So having more online friends doesn't necessarily translate to strong relationships in real life. Dr. Hyman explored this topic in his interview with creator of the award-winning online show MarieTV and founder of B School, Marie Forleo.

Something you taught me is friend power is more important and powerful than willpower. And I think that that is not only true when it comes to our health and transforming our health, but I think it can be true to transforming any area of our life. Loneliness in America is up, I believe, if not, you know, you can Google and find out, but it is dramatically increased over the past 20, 25 years. Also, a woman who has actually been through B school and has a phenomenal book, her name is Bronnie Ware. It's the five top regrets of the dying.

Oh, yeah.

That classic book. So the number four regret of the dying is I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends. So when people are on their deathbed, that is the fourth most likely thing that they'll say. Number one.

They answered all their emails.

Not that they answered all their emails. Number one regret is that I wish I had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life that others expected of me. Two is I wish I hadn't worked so much. Three is I wish I had the courage to express my emotions. Four is about friends. And five is I wish I would have allowed myself to be happier. And this is from a palliative nurse who had been there at the bedsides of hundreds of people as they crossed. And these were the four common themes.

That's powerful. It makes you stop and think.

Yeah, but the power of friendship, and I think it's so important in this day and age, especially as we get older and as people move around and, you know, go to different places, it's like even if you can't see them in person all the time, rather than having these digital tools own us, we need to use it to deepen and strengthen our connections with real humans we love.

Human contact is vital for everyone. And just because your calendar is full, that might not mean real contact is going on. It's important to reach out to your loved ones and let them know you care and ask them for help when you need it. Dr. Hyman recommends incorporating more community into your life by reaching out to a friend or family member each week and asking them to share a meal together. Explore an area of interest to you by taking a class, finding a local volunteer opportunity, or attending local meet-up events. Taking the time to strengthen existing relationships and building your personal community is an integral part of any wellness plan. Check in on people in your life who may feel lonely or isolated. Even if this seems like it might be a phase for them, it's important to let them know they're not alone and that they have a support system ready and willing to help. I hope you enjoyed this mini episode of the Doctor's Pharmacy. Thanks for tuning in. Hi everyone, I hope you enjoyed this week's episode. Just a reminder that this podcast is for educational purposes only. This podcast is not a substitute for professional care by a doctor or other qualified medical Professional. This podcast is provided on the understanding that it does not constitute medical or other professional advice or services. If you're looking for help in your journey, seek out a qualified medical practitioner. If you're looking for a functional medicine practitioner, you can visit ifm.org and search their Find a Practitioner database. It's important that you have someone in your corner who's trained, who's a licensed.

Healthcare practitioner, and can help you make.

Changes, especially when it comes to your health. Don't forget, there's a way to listen completely ad-free. With Hyman Plus on Apple Podcasts, you can enjoy every episode without any breaks. Just open Apple Podcasts and tap Try Free to start your seven-day free trial.