In this podcast monologue, Michael R. Ayalon recounts a pivotal moment at an eating‑disorder seminar where he realized he was "starving" himself of success despite having the abilities to achieve it. He critiques the simplistic, willpower‑based advice common in many self‑help books—telling people simply not to sabotage themselves—as akin to telling an anorexic to just eat. This insight led him to write his first book, Permission to Succeed, and later develop the Power Habit System, a structured method for granting oneself permission to succeed. Ayalon explains that habits are not merely broken with willpower but are composed of five stages: cue, routine, reward, craving, and belief. By identifying the trigger (cue) and the underlying belief, one can replace an unwanted routine with a healthier one, rather than trying to stop the behavior outright. He illustrates the model with a smoking‑cessation case, showing how clients quit in under a month by swapping cigarettes for an apple after recognizing stress as the cue. Throughout, he emphasizes habit replacement, the inadequacy of generic advice, and the need for a concrete system to achieve lasting change.
Chapters
And so I was at a seminar on eating disorders, and I realized as the speaker was talking, I said to myself, I went, you know, I am not starving myself of food, but I am starving myself of something. What is it? And I realized that I was starving myself of success, meaning that I had all of the capabilities, all of the abilities to be very successful, but yet I wasn't successful. And I said, why? Why is this keeping happening? And I realized that I'd been studying all those success books like I told you, but, and they all talked about it in the same way, in the sense that, you know, when they were talking about like self-sabotage or holding yourself back, they would basically say this. Well, listen, if you're holding yourself back, stop doing that. And I went, wow, that is really helpful. Thanks a lot, guys. Yeah, I never thought of that. It's like, and literally after I had that epiphany and that realization, I realized that saying something like that, which is what all the gurus say, you know, if you're holding yourself back, don't hold yourself back. If you're sabotaging yourself, don't sabotage yourself. I'm like, that's like saying to an anorexic, well, why don't you just eat? No duh. I mean, like, if it was that easy, then no one would ever have any problems, would we? You know? So it doesn't even make any sense when you see it in this new way. So I was literally there and I said, oh my gosh, this explains my whole life. And I knew because as Emerson said, what is most personal is most universal. So I said, because this is so personal to me, I knew that millions of people had to feel exactly the same way, but no one had ever talked to them about it. And that's why I decided to write my first book, which was entitled Permission to Succeed, because I realized that we don't need more how-tos of success. What we actually need is a formula and a method and a system to give yourself permission to succeed. And that later became and evolved into what is now called the Power Habit System. which you can go to powerhabits.com. That's what became known as the Power Habit System. Or another way to say that is the unconscious habits of highly successful people. So it's so funny that, you know, we talk about Stephen Covey and he's my, you know, my hero, my, the reason, my inspiration for getting in this program or this business, I should say, this industry. But what many people have said about my work is that my work starts where Stephen Covey's left off. What is a habit? See, we're not taught what a habit is. We're just said, well, if you have a bad habit, then break it. You know, don't do it. You know, like I said, That is stupid advice. It doesn't mean anything. Oh, thanks a lot. You know, if it was all that easy, then no one would ever have a problem, right? So the point is that what we're taught is just to use willpower, right? Meaning, hey, if you want to break a habit, just break a habit. Think about this. If you imagine if you're in your kitchen right now, somebody brings in a plate of chocolate chip cookies that just came out of the oven, right? And they smell great and they look great. And you just, that smell is wafting. You can taste it. Your mouth's watering, right? And then they say to you, okay, now don't eat a chocolate chip cookie. Whatever you do, now I'm leaving. Don't have a chocolate chip cookie. It's like, no, it doesn't work that way. Right? That's trying to use willpower. It's stupid because we humans don't like to deny ourselves of anything. Right? We like, we want what we want. And that's unfortunately or fortunately what a habit actually is. So what I teach, you know, in my books and my programs is what is a habit? Well, a habit is actually 5 stages. And it's actually very simple once you learn it. But it's the cue, routine, reward, craving, and belief. So very simply, it means what is the trigger that happens that cues or triggers the habit? What do you actually do when the habit is triggered? What is the reward that happens in the brain? What is the craving that occurs as a result? And then finally, what is the belief that actually is embedded in you? So take something like smoking, you know, and a lot of, of course, teenagers are unfortunately smoking, but many, of course, want to quit, which is great. And I've helped people who had been smoking for 10, 20, 30 years, and they've been trying to quit. They tried everything. They tried hypnosis, the patch. I mean, everything, you know, everything. And they couldn't quit. They used my method. They were able to quit in less than 14 days, literally less than a month. And so anyway, my point is that once you understand what a habit is and why something gets triggered, so let's say it's stress. Let's say you're tired. Let's say it's, you know, you wake up. I mean, it could be anything that triggers you. And then it's just simply a matter of replacing that routine with something that's more healthy. Like instead of picking up a cigarette, you eat an apple or something. You know? So the irony of habits is that you actually can't stop doing anything. What you do is you replace it. You can't stop a habit, but you can replace habits. Frankly, you know, you can replace unproductive or unhealthy habits with healthy, productive habits that will lead you to your goal, to where you want to be in life.
