How to Stop Money Fights in Your Marriage

that couples fight about, and that's finances. Noah St. John is an author and an expert who is here with us this morning with some advice to help you stick to your financial resolutions this year without kind of, you know, breaking up the marriage. Number one tip.

Well, you're absolutely right, Stacey. A Citibank survey showed that in fact financial problems are the number one cause for divorce in the United States, 57%. What I teach my clients is that money doesn't change anything, it reveals everything. So it's really a magnifying glass. So if you have a couple And they're having relation— uh, they're having financial problems. And what's going to happen is if they're close, it'll actually bring them closer, but if there's a distance, it'll make it further apart. So it's really important in these stressful times that we keep that communication open.

So if you're 2 people who view money in a very different way, should you just not get married, or what's the best advice to do?

Well, there are 4 basic money personalities: the spender, the saver, the avoider, and the monk. Now, the spender spends, the saver saves, the avoider avoids, and the monk just treats money like, oh, I don't want to get my hands dirty, just don't even look at it. So imagine a spender and a saver who got married and then they have financial problems. Insert argument here.

Yes.

Right? So it's going to be tricky. So it's really important that we don't assume that we look at money the same way. I lucked out. I'm a saver. I married a saver. So that worked out great.

I'm a spender.

He's a saver. We both hate spending money, so it's awesome. But no, it's just important to keep that open.

Now you were talking about ostrich syndrome. What is it? Sticking your head in the sand.

You got it. That's right. Oh, everything will just work out fine, and just ignore it. That doesn't happen. You know, I teach my clients $20 bills tend to not walk down the street, knock on your door, and say, hey, can I come in?

If only.

You know, that would be great. But, you know, we have to work to do the things that we want in life. So it's really important. So the basic problem is people don't know what to do, or they know what to do and they're not doing it. So there's plenty of free help out there. Sometimes you have to bring in an objective third party to act as a referee. So instead of sitting across the table pointing fingers at each other, you're sitting on the same side of the table looking at the problem.

Now, I know some people get so overwhelmed that they just feel like, why bother? It's just going to be a mess. It is what it is.

That's the why bother syndrome, right? That's almost as bad as the ostrich syndrome. And so what's really important, like one of the things I teach my clients, is to use Afformations, which is empowering questions that actually challenge your subconscious assumptions about money. So for example, one of our clients named Susan came to us. She was broke. She was ducking calls from creditors. I mean, she was in debt. It was really bad. She went through the program, and actually 6 months later, she's now built up a 6-figure income and has her own TV show.

That fast?

Amazing. So, in fact, on our website you can watch a free video series on how to use affirmations to change that subconscious pattern in your brain. 5 minutes a day.

You and I need to talk a little more.

5 minutes.

It's awesome. Now, what's your next tip? Don't assume that everything is—

Well, what I say is don't assume money is everything. Yes, it's very important, but it's true, the best things in life are free. I mean, hand in hand with your spouse, gazing into each other's eyes, you know, that's free. Unfortunately, the mortgage, groceries, electric bill, that's not free. So, you know, a Princeton study that was reported by the New York Times recently showed that a person's income happiness level tends to level off at $75,000 a year. After $75,000, we actually don't get much happier. We're taught in this country things equal happiness, but that's not totally true. So if there's problems in your relationship, yes, it could have a lot to do with money, but there may be other things going on.

So basically, I found that shocking when I read that study, that basically as long as you have enough money to pay for the things to keep you in your house and food in your Right. Refrigerator. You don't need to be a millionaire.

Well, it's true. It's just amazing because we're taught just get more things and then you'll be happier. But there's a point where it doesn't really matter, and then that's when the free things are more important.

That's awesome. Some great advice. I appreciate it so much.

My pleasure.

We're going to have all of this on our website later if you'd like to see it. Many, many tips we can use for the new year. We'll be right back