ADULTS NEED FRIENDS TOO

Making friends as an adult, this is something that many people struggle with and unfortunately it's something that we all have to deal with. So it should not be something that we struggle with. Especially when you've moved to a new place or a new job, or your friends have changed or moved somewhere else. Human beings need to be around each other and to have contact and community. And also this kind of leads into networking. Having friends is important for support and for joy in your life, but also for learning new things, for trying new experiences, for having different kinds of adventures. So the easiest way to make friends as an adult, I would say, is to be proactive about it. When you go to a conference or to a new environment, try and be approachable. So relax, smiling, not have a closed body language and a look where you don't want people to approach you or be only in your phone or pretend you're reading something so people don't come near you. This these are opportunities for you to meet like minded people. A conference is a great space because you've all come to understand and to learn about the same topic. So everyone already there has something in common. Other places that you can make friends are places where you have joint hobbies like the gym or football. Sports is a really great way to make friends because you're always on teams or you have someone who is doing something similar to you and you can learn. Or people find different ways through church. That's a nice place where everyone is approachable and you get into small groups like for fellowship or for book clubs or for different kinds of office group things like events you do together like birthdays or celebrating something. You'll meet people from other departments who work in your same company. So you already have stuff in common. You just have to look for more. And human beings always have many things in common. Way more than we think. We unfortunately like to focus on the differences. Yet there's so many things we have together and even if there's so many differences, that's something that should be celebrated. It's very interesting to learn something about someone who has a completely different background from you or completely different likes from you. You can try new things together. And these days with technology it's really easy to Stay in touch. WhatsApp or with Facebook you can ask people, shall we meet up today? Shall we try to do this? It's a bit awkward for the first few minutes, but just try. No one has ever died from an awkward lunch, or from awkward tea, or just meeting someone for drinks. You will live through it. If it's not going well. Don't order more. Just be like, oh, you know, I'm really tired, or I have another engagement. It was great meeting you. We should do this again. And you leave. It's fine. But try that awkward, fearsome feeling. You'll feel it, but you can still do it. You'll feel the awkwardness. You won't want to do it. You feel like, ugh, let me not leave home to meet this girl I met the other day. But it could be fun. You never know. You might have friends in common. You might have a great time that day. You'll find other things that you both like to do or something, or a trip you can both take together. And you've made a friend for a long time. And because adults are constantly changing through different stages of your life, you'll have different friends. When your friends are all mothers or fathers and have children and everything revolves around the children and you don't have a child, it becomes difficult for you because now all their progi is birthday parties and play dates and different things that you don't want to be a part of, or you can't always be there without a child. Or if your friends are all workaholics and you never see each other because you're always working, you need to find a way to stay in touch and and at least come together to talk about work. Let's all go for drinks after work and talk about like, oh my gosh, my boss did this this week, or I'm working on this project. Find stuff that you can work with in common because your stages of life are different. Some people will be at a stage where they're now house hunting and looking for what they're going to buy or where they're going to rent, or where they need to move. Talk about that with your peers or people you know. It's about finding the things you have in common and the part of life you're going through. So old friends are great because they've been through so much with you and they'll always understand you and know you better. Even if you are at different stages of your life, an old friend who has known you through different parts of your life, you'll be able to pick it up as if no time has passed and catch up and trust each other. But new friends are always interesting and fun and vibrant and you learn more stuff from them. And sometimes it's easier to have closer ties with people who are going through what you're going through. Your workmates, your relatives, people your age mates or, or people who are trying to learn something that you're trying to learn. If you're like in Toastmasters or Rotary or one of these out of work clubs, those are people who are like minded and who are dealing with stuff that you're dealing with every day. We're now trying to fundraise for this project so you can have tea about it afterwards and laugh and joke about, oh, I've asked this person, I tried this. Did you go to this company, find the commonalities and share with them? It's about being more open and approachable and not being defensive or hiding or worried about other people. It's a more trusting mindset, but the more you give, the more you get. And if you have a good intention, it's very unlikely the world is going to punish you for that. And the information that you shared will come back and bite you in the wrong way. People are way too paranoid about this kind of stuff and you miss out so many opportunities where you could have just shared information and you have both learned and grown and done something even greater together. So I think it's important to make a proactive effort as an adult and not just for networking, but to make actual friends. Because support is something that's very important for all people. And having a good support system is usually based around the people who are around you. So you need to be proactive about how you choose those people and how you also like grow those relationships. You can't just say, okay, we had coffee once, now we're friends. You also have to put in continuous effort, check on each other, make sure you see each other often, make sure you listen and you care. Those are the things that carry friendships through time and that add a lot of value to your life and to your spirit.