Communications in a Family Business

Oh, my gosh. What are we talking about today? Communications in a family business. Okay. Yes. No, don't invite people. Switch the mic on. Okay. Tweet on. Okay. Can I put this down somewhere? That is clear? Okay. Okay. Okay. Happy Friday, everyone. Love me some Fridays. What a week. Has it been a week for you? It's been a week for me. Have we done our weekly reflections? That's always my first question. Have you thought about the week? Have you taken a moment to process your week? Monday seems like it was so long ago. Like, when was Monday even? What did I do on Monday? Go day by day. Go about how you feel about the week. What worked really well this week? Say something you're grateful for. What am I grateful for this week? What are you grateful for? Is it a person? Is it a project? Is it a thing? Is it something you got? Is it. Is it something you gave? Are you something that someone is grateful for in the week? Did you do something for someone this week? And they're grateful? This morning, my assistant told me how she loves her job. She woke up remembering how much she loves her job. That touched me so much. I was so happy. Love that. I'm grateful for that this week. You know, you have hard weeks. You have good weeks. Every week is full of, like, so many different things you have to, like. Well, I find with time, I've learned you really have to appreciate the small things, and you have to learn to enjoy those moments. I feel like in life, we're always rushing and pushing onto the next goal, the next achievement, the next problem, the next challenge. But it means a lot to stop and remember the important things and be grateful for the things. Don't you see these quotes on, like, Twitter or Instagram about how you're so busy and caught up chasing the next thing, you don't even realize what you're living today is what you worked so hard for, is what was your dream three years ago, A year ago? Five years ago? So it's important to take moments for gratitude and take moments to acknowledge the good things. Life is really short, people say all the time, and you have to appreciate who you have and what you have. But life is also really long. Yo, you know, I feel like I'm not that old. Yes, yes. I'm no longer a youth, so I'm reminded so often. But I still have a long way to go. So I feel like I have to put in good habits and practices now that will sustain me for the long haul. Gary Vee is always saying life is long, and it's such a weird thing to say because it's the opposite of what everyone hears. But it's important. Life is long. Can you sustain the way you are living right now for the next 40 years? Is this who you want to be and how you want to feel? What do you need to like change and implement and grow with so to make sure that the next 40, 50, maybe we'll live 60 more years? You know, these days I have grandparents who are in their 90s. I could make it to 90. That's still 60 years away. I gotta put in a good foundation now I have to make sure I'm putting in good practices and habits, you know, and gratitude is an important one because we acknowledge all the bad things we do so much, right? Think about how much time you spend in a week thinking of the things you didn't do well, the mistakes you made, the things you haven't done, the people you have let down, the appointments you missed, the things you are late for, the report you forgot to send. We beat ourselves up so much and we spend so much time on the negative and we don't. Well, I find in our society now, habits and our practice, we don't acknowledge the small good things and the small wins. We don't celebrate the small things and yet those are the things that keep you going. Because life is not just a big milestone. It's not just the big end of year party or when you get your degree or when you have a child. Yeah, they're huge big things that you can acknowledge. But that's how often, once a year, once every few years. You have to like have fuel for all the small, small things you do every day as well. It's important. It's the same logic as building like small habits. You don't change in big leaps, right? You don't make big differences in your life by one giant step one day. It's about the small things you do every single day that build up. And that's how you see massive change over time. So I feel like if you use that same logic, it's about the small good things that you notice every day. You know, they say gratitude begets more gratitude, right? The more things you acknowledge and you're happy about and you're grateful for in your life, the more you'll see good things in your life and the more good things will find you. So if you notice all the small things every day that are good in your life, that you're grateful for, firstly, it helps you, it holds. I feel like it grounds you and it motivates you in the day to day things that you're doing, but also it builds because it shows you that there is good and you're capable of getting these good things. So it gives you hope and it gives you drive and it makes you believe more good things will come. Because if you don't acknowledge the success and the progress you've already made, how are you going to make more progress? You won't notice it either or you won't make it. Right? So that's my weird reflection for the week. Be grateful for the small things. Be grateful for the things you can pay for, the things you can afford, the moments you have, the time you have. Be grateful for the things around you. Where was I yesterday? Oh my gosh. I was driving the airport yesterday. The lake just looked so beautiful. I was rushing, I was on a call, I was rushing to the airport. But I just remember looking out the window and being like, wow, it just looked great. It was like super peaceful and the clouds and all the different shades of blue. I was like, Uganda is such a beautiful country, you know, take a moment. We're lucky. It was nice. Grateful for many things. Gotta keep reminding myself that. And I suggest you do too, as you do your weekly reflections. So look at what, how this week was. What are the good things? I'm not saying don't look at the bad ones, but you have to look at both. If you only look at bad things, life becomes grim and sad and stressful. And there's enough stress in the world, there's enough grim things, there's enough problems. Let's also look for the good things and the happy things and the nice things. So communications in a family business. So someone reminded me this week that I always talk about family businesses and I think of my own family and my own family business. Right. But when I say family in business, I'm always thinking about like siblings, parents, uncles and aunties because that's what I'm used to working with. And this week someone reminded me family also is spouses. And I was like, oh yeah, that's true. Many spouses work together. So I'm going to try and make sure I'm more aware of that when I'm giving examples and talking about things. Good thing. I work with lots of spouses. I've seen the dynamics there. They also have their ups and downs like a family. And so when it comes to communications, you always want to remember you're trying to be effective. This is also something my mentor reminded me of this week. It's not about being the most direct or the most efficient. It's about being effective. And when you know the people you work with, we've talked about emotional intelligence. You assess people, you understand people, you understand where they're coming from, the different personalities, the different backgrounds, the different pressure, the different agenda. It's easier to adjust your communication according to who you're dealing with. Right. And so it's about effective communication. It's about the person you're communicating to or the audience or the people understanding what you're saying and getting what you're meaning. Yeah. So it's about getting on the same page. That is being an effective communicator. So now with family businesses, it's a bit more challenging to communicate in an effective way because you have so much more baggage, because you know these people in a different way. It's not the way you know your colleagues in a regular office, but you carry so much more. And a lot of the time with family businesses, you also have other things going on with them. It's like having an office friend who you also do private things with. Like, you plan events together or you go for things together. Your dynamic is different from, like, a regular person who you only ever see in the office. So now when you think about family, you're carrying all this other baggage about them, with them, all these other things. Have you planned this? Did you buy Mom's birthday gift? Are we going for aunties? This one's barbecue on Sunday. There's so many other things you carry when you're working with them. And something I spoke to my brother about this week. I was telling him, you have to forget that this is our father. Sometimes when you are working with him, this is your boss. You have to figure out how to separate the two and how to communicate things. Because I need you to get certain things out of him and get certain things done. And you can't be thinking, let me get this from my dad. You have to be thinking, the chairman needs to make a decision on this. The chairman needs to approve this. And my job is to get that approval out of the chairman, not, oh, you know, let's not stress that about this, this week, or dad said this, this, and you, like, get diverted with family things or with other things. No, you have a to do list. You have an agenda. You need to effectively communicate that. And I had to communicate that because I realized I've never communicated that to him. And now that we work together and he does so much of that interface and that work, he needs to be empowered, to communicate effectively and to get what he needs done for his job. So when I'm thinking about family business, you have to separate the layers. I don't know if therapists will agree that this is healthy, but I find this to be effective. You look at the things you have to do for your job, right? And these are people who, if you work in a family business, you understand this. You have your job, your to do list, your deliverables. What does it look like to do that job? Well, and what helps me sometimes is to think, if I was doing this job in another company where it wasn't my family business, would I be behaving this way? Would I be communicating this way? Would I be achieving what I'm achieving? So think about your job and your deliverables as they are not you as the daughter, the sister, the son, the cousin who works in the business. What is your job? What do you need to get done? And then see, how can I get this done effectively in this situation? Because of course it's going to be different from if you are in a separate company, right? But you want to have the same efficiency, efficacy, you want to have the same results, right? You still need to be good at your job. You still need to get things done. So how can you make sure you are getting what you need done in your job, right? And the way you would effectively communicate this in another company would be different from how you're going to have to communicate this in your family business. Because with that baggage and all that extra stuff comes extra knowledge. It's like having colleagues you've worked with for 20 years, you know each other so well. I love those stories of like, people who've worked together for so long and they know each other's families and personalities and dynamics and they've been through that. You know, when people say, we've been to the trenches together, you've seen things, you've suffered together, you've had late nights, hard times, stress. It makes you bond, right? And you're closer and you understand each other better and you can get more done. You work better as a team because you've seen all the different sides of this person's personality. When you work with people in an office, they only see like office. You like the office version of you. Unless you've worked together for so long or you go for like those team building exercises where you get to relax, have fun, show your personal side. These things are useful because a human being has many different facets. All of us are multifaceted. We all have different sides, different personalities, different moods. Sometimes we're like this, sometimes we're like that. And yet we all channel like the office version of ourselves. Firstly, I think that's very old school. That's like old school, patriarchal, capitalist, like society. Show up like this in the office and I don't think that works very well. Maybe it worked before, but the world has changed. We're so much more open. People have access to your social media. You have to be more authentic. We work longer hours, we work different hours with work. From home, you can see everyone's house where they are, their kids are running through the zoom call their pets. Like, we really blurred the lines between office and like person. And I think our work identities are such a big part of us, but also our life is more integrated. So I wouldn't shy away from being your true self in the office. Firstly, I think it's easier to live more authentically if all the parts of you are in alignment and are showing up wherever you are. And also it helps you to communicate better because you understand each other. You understand what background someone is coming from or what personality they have. It helps you to speak, speak to them better. Some people prefer, like you just send them emails and everything's written and they're organized. Some people hate that. They don't want to read all these emails. They'd rather you came and told them to their face and casually talk to them, oh, you know, we need to get this project moving on this. Then it connects with them, you know, because that's the kind of person they are. Some people need to plan everything like three months in advance. If you drop a project on them one week before, they're just stressed now, they don't like you. And other people, if you start telling them about a project for three months from now, you're like, why are you stressing me with that? I have enough things I'm dealing with right now. Holla at me, you know, two weeks before the date, then I'll think about your project. You get to learn people. And so the advantage you have in a family business is, you know, the people, you know the dynamics, you know the personalities, you know what they're like. So use it to your advantage. Think about what you have to get done, what is on your plate, what is on your to do list. As a worker in this business, how are you pushing the business? How are you moving the business forward? What is your contribution? And then when you think about how you communicate, think about who you're communicating with and why, Right? Because you understand the dynamics. All offices have politics. This boss likes this one. This boss doesn't like this kind of people. This boss is happy when you show this. This boss only reads reports about money. This boss only likes reports about people. You learn people with time, right? So when you're trying to get your job done, you need to know the office politics and the audience you're dealing with. And that's where your communication skills come in handy. You know, this is technically my supervisor, but the only way they approve projects is if their colleague on this side also thinks it's a good idea. So now that means I need to make sure the colleague also is in the loop about this project I'm trying to drive, then my supervisor will approve it, and then I'll be able to get my job done. So use those relationships and the understanding of those dynamics to your advantage. Too often we get caught up in the emotional stuff of family businesses and the drama. No. Whenever you need Auntie so and so's approval, she first stresses you. She makes you go in circles. She wants these reports. She wants this assessment. If you think about it like that, you're just going to stress yourself out. You still have to get it done. If you know auntie, this one wants this kind of an assessment. Before she approves anything, do the assessment first. Then you go to her and be like, auntie, here's the assessment. This is what the feasibility says. This is what I propose we do. Is it okay with you? Do you see the difference? You have to use the dynamics to your advantage. You have to understand your audience. I feel like in a family business, that is the more important part of communication. In other types of situations and dynamics, like when we're talking to students, it's more about you and how you communicate and the different skills you need to build. But when you're working in a family business, it's not so much about your okay, your skills matter. But knowing the dynamics and the relationships and the personalities you're dealing with has a much bigger impact on your ability to get your job done. If you are constantly fighting with your brother who works in the business, and I say that because I fight with mine, you don't get anything done. If we can never agree, the whole project is stuck. And it took me a while to realize that you have to figure out the dynamics of who you're dealing with. Because when it comes to dealing with family, and this is true with spouses, I've seen spouses like this as well. When you're dealing with the dynamics of family, you're dealing with so many more layers of emotions and stories and history. And so that's what you have to face. That's what you have to address. That's what you're communicating to. You're not communicating to Tom or Sarah or Brenda. You're communicating to Brenda, my cousin, who I've been through so many different experiences with, or Tom, my husband, who I know is irritated with me about something I did at home, who is stressed about the kids, this, this, whose mother is sick in hospital, with this, this and this. That's who you're dealing with. And you have to think of that more. I think when you're dealing family businesses, of course, all human beings carry their baggage and their stress and their personal things. But in many office situations, you don't know those things or you don't have access to them. You know, there's a boundary because you are work colleagues. You keep things professional. You don't share those kinds of things, so it doesn't come into context. And also them knowing they have not shared that their mother is in hospital, they can't now expect people in the office to treat them differently. But if it's a family business, and we all know grandma is in hospital, we are all stressed about it and we still all have to work. It's a different dynamic, you know? So I think you have to be honest about these things and face them and just realize that that's what you're dealing with. You're dealing with not just the character and the person in the workplace. You're dealing with them in their entirety because that's your relative and that's a person that you have to deal with out of the office. Their dynamics affect your life. So the boundary is different is what I think. And so when you're communicating with family, I think it's about that, understanding that and understanding that your audience is different and the dynamics and the relationships are different. Now, when you're dealing with spouses, one thing I had to learn, you tell one spot one person in a marriage, something in the office, the other one will always know it. Yeah, I'm not married, so I don't get the no wall in between and like tell every everything. Because it can be difficult when spouses work in different departments and one is not supposed to know the other or what is going on in that department. You know what I mean? So some officers have policies about married couples or even when people start dating in the workplace because there is now a leakage of information in that relationship. So also you work with spouses, or if you are a spouse or a person who works with their spouse, you have to understand that's another layer of dynamics. There's no secret between you. I guess in family businesses, their secrets are fewer because more people have access to information just because your family. But it's not always the case. So you have to also know that when you're dealing with Sarah and she's married to Tom, Tom has everything you're telling Sarah. So if there's a challenge in the company and there's an issue, you better make sure the information you're giving Sarah is sensitive. Because if Tom goes and tells his whole department about the problems in your department, it's going to add more problems for you to deal with. I'm not saying don't tell the married people things. Sometimes you have to tell them. Just tell them, knowing if they tell their spouse the consequences, you're ready to deal with them. So there are different dynamics, is my point. With family businesses, when you're dealing with families, you're dealing with people who have relationships at another level. It's not the same level as colleagues, as supervisor and junior as peers, as workplace, you're dealing with people who have other relationships, even in siblings, even in parents, even in spouses, even in cousins. It's very hard for you. If you're working in a family business and you know your cousin is going to tell your auntie who is the boss, all the tea that's happening on the floor level, it's going to put bias in the boss's mind. Sometimes workplace gossip travels, but by the time workplace gossip reaches the boss, usually it's very far. But in a family business, if you know that, okay, it's this sister who always takes the tea, or it's this brother who always tells his cousins because they all play football on Tuesdays. So, you know, on Tuesday all the office gossip is going to go, which means it's going to get to grandpa, which means he's going to change his mind about this project or this decision. You have to think about things like that. It can be a lot of work when you start to adjust, but eventually, with practice, like anything, you get better at it. You get better at assessing and knowing people's strengths, people's weaknesses, people's relationships with each other. You don't just put these two on the same project. They're going to fight for us. Don't put these three in the same area or on the same trip. They won't get any work done, you start to think about things like that. And I think that's a communications area because it's about assessing and understanding your audience, which is a big part of communications. It's something I talk about in the public speaking course. The way you present and speak to people when you're doing a presentation or a speech is different depending on who you are speaking to. If I'm doing a speech for students, I'm not going to talk in the same way as if I'm doing a speech for corporate bankers, you know, so it's the same skill. And the skill is assessing your audience. And that's the skill that I think is very important when you're communicating within a family business because your audience is very different from when it's just a regular work audience because of the relationships and the dynamics that you have between yourselves as family members. And also if you work in a business with family members, you should also be thinking of that. I've seen with our own staff, they know the dynamics. If you need this, you have to tell Natalie. If you need this, you have to tell Madame. If you need this, this is where you go to chairman. They've learned how to manage us as a family and they know how information travels in the family, how decisions get made within the family. And they've learned that the ones who last and the ones who've moved up and grown are the ones who've learned those dynamics and those relationships and they know what to do and how to not upset us by doing this that way. You know what I mean? So it's a skill that you learn in communications and it's a skill that I think is more helpful in family businesses. So let's do some questions. I see. I'm moving through time. Where are the questions? Where do you draw the line on association and treating a family member as an employee? It should be a very clear line. Do they work for you, yes or no? Are you paying them money, yes or no? Are they providing services? Yes or no? Sometimes you have family members who are volunteering, which is lovely and wonderful. I really appreciate all my family members who show up for my startups, events and photo shoots. And you need someone to work at a shop or a booth at an exhibition. That's different. You thank them, you pay them for the day when they are. They have deliverables. I need you to do this, this and this. You are responsible for this person or for this project or for this stock. Then they're an employee and you need to treat Them like an employee. I'm not saying it's different from being a farmer. They're still a family member, but they should have a contract. They should be getting paid. They should get lunch with the team. Like, they should get all the benefits of being an employee and also all the responsibility. Just because you're my family member doesn't mean if you don't hit your sales targets, it's okay. No, it's not okay. What is the challenge? Why aren't you moving? What is going on? You got to treat them like an employee because you're compensating them like one. I think it has to be fair. What environment offers the best communication advantage? Number one, all men group. Okay. I think you have to create environments that encourage good communication. Sometimes it helps to separate by gender, like all men or all women to get feedback. Sometimes it helps to separate by like all the juniors together without their boss so they can talk to you straight. Like, frankly, what I think is best with environment is you have to set a company culture where people are not scared to speak up. That is a hard one in our society. You have to create a culture where no one gets in trouble for disagreeing or for having an idea or for complaining or for giving feedback or criticism. And the way to do that is to not punish people when they speak up. If people are whistleblowers who come and tell you something that's going on, you have to protect them and you have to make sure that it is encouraged in the company. We have an open door policy is what it's called. Come and tell us what you think. Build relationships with people. And also in group situations, like in meetings, don't chastise people or come down on them if they disagree with something or if they have an idea that's not good, or if they're saying something that's contradicting some other team member or someone who has more power in the organization. That's what scares people and makes them not want to speak up. So to have good communication, people need to feel comfortable communicating. And that's the environment you need to create in work. How do you best overcome a boss that refuses to communicate with you? It's a good question. I would firstly wonder why they don't want to communicate with you. People have their own reasons. Are they just a poor communicator? Is it you they're not communicating to, but they're communicating to others? Is that the problem with the relationship and the dynamic? If they're a poor communicator, you can Take on some of the effort to communicate, ask questions, send emails, show up for things, just sit there quietly and listen and learn. You have to find what is their communication style? What is the easiest way for them to communicate? I. I know like for example, some people, I'll see you in the office and I'll just say hi and I'll keep it moving, but I'll be texting you the whole day. I'll be sending you WhatsApp. Do this. Where is this? How is this? What is this? But I'm not gonna sit there and chat with you because I don't have. That's not my communication style. So you have to figure out what is the easiest way to interface with this person. Do they want, once a week we meet, you tell me everything and then I'd get out of your way and I don't disturb you. Is it that you want to send me an email? Is it that you want to talk to us as a team? You have to find what's the best way to communicate with them. If they are refusing actively to communicate with you, is it that they have a problem with you? Were you put in their department and they didn't want you, who brought you there? You need to look at the situation, what's around the situation, who do they communicate well with? Can you become an ally with that person? You have to figure out how to get information out of your boss, otherwise you can't do your job well and then that becomes your problem. I do my best work alone. I need tips to successfully communicate with groups. You might do your best work alone, but there's no work that is complete on your own, right? So you need the group. So to learn to work with the group, I would say firstly, practice. You need to learn to spend time with other people who you work with and understand them and let them understand you so that they also don't feel like that one doesn't like being with us. Let's not send him, let's not invite him, let's not do things because you have to work together at the end of the day. So spend time with them, ask questions, get to know them as people, and then it might be easier for you to work with them and again, figure out their communication style. As a team, you need to know what are your norms? How do we work together? Do we send emails? Do we meet once a week? Do we talk on WhatsApp? Do we talk on Slack? Do we meet every day? What is our team dynamic? How do we get the team to achieve its Goals. Because as a team, you have shared goals, you have a shared vision. You're trying to achieve something together. So it's important that you communicate in a regular way, in a way that you're all comfortable with. So you know expectations and you all have your roles and you all know what's expected of you within the team. So you need to communicate those things. So to learn how to do that, first you have to spend time together. Even if it's on zoom, if it's at lunch, if it's a meeting, find a way to sit together and agree. How are we going to communicate with each other, how we're going to keep in touch, how are we going to keep updating each other on what's going on so that we can all achieve our shared goal? Okay. Miscommunication is really a common issue in family business. Yes, it can be for any businesses. However, family businesses differ in the layer of commotion, familiarity, and family dynamics. Yes. That come with compositions and decision making. How would you rate the level and quality of communication in family business people? You know, I always find with family business people, it's either really, really good because they've learned how to navigate this like you've been in the trenches, or it's terrible because many families have dysfunctional communication and now that just carries over into the family business and no one corrects each other and they all just keep going and they think it's okay. So I feel like I wouldn't see that there's like a level. I think it's harder. I think when you work in a family business, it's harder to communicate effectively. So you either have to be more proactive and you get better at it faster, or you stay terrible. And someone who's worked in a family business and then has to move to like a regular business will either be very good or they'll be very bad. Another question. Is it really a good idea to use benchmarking from other family business since there is severe silent treatment, different family norms and beliefs? I think benchmarking is always great because you learn best practices. None of us are doing something that the world has never seen before. So whatever you can learn from each other, it cuts down your learning time. You just have to be careful about what you're benchmarking. If you see in another family business, then they all don't talk to each other, but somehow they are working effectively. You gotta ask yourself, why? How are they making this work? What's the communication that's working? I would always come at it from A non judgmental angle and see because there's always results. Some families communicate very well and things work very well. Some communicate very badly. How come things still work? Are the things working very well or are the things barely working? You need to ask yourself why and understand and assess. The more you can learn from others, I think the better and it helps. I learned a lot about how to communicate in a family business from my friends who are also in family businesses to understand how do you do this? How do you manage with this? Sometimes they have an answer, sometimes they don't. You also learn, you also practice and then you'll share one day and see. Are those all the questions? Because I think we're out of time. Okay, last question. How do you overemphasize a habit of asking why? I've tried my best, but my family doesn't pick the idea. Can I make them responsible for the outcomes in order to instill this why questioning in them? Yeah, that's a good idea. If they know that it's their responsibility how it works out and you will not jump in to clean up the mess, they will start to wonder why as well. They'll start to ask themselves why and try to look back where in the process they're going wrong. There's also a good Simon Sinek video called Start with why. I think his book is called Start with why. He has a TED talk about why asking why five times. So you get to the understandings, like all the different layers and also lead by example. It's one thing to tell them, but by the time you're saying overemphasize, you're struggling because you're trying to push something on them that they don't want. So do it and show them how it's effective for you. Don't tell them you do this. See how me I'm doing it. If you think it's good, you try it. And also giving them more responsibility and not fixing situations that have gone badly because of their own decision making will help them to put in more effort and hopefully they also get to the point where they want to know why. All right, those are all the questions. I think we're done with communications. Am I right, Jackie? We're moving to branding. So I hope that was helpful. If you have any other questions, you can always send me a DM on one of the platforms. Otherwise, I will see you next week. Have a nice weekend.