Finding Balance | #03 #inspiration #personalgrowth #believerance

Foreign. Hi, I'm Dr. Nathalie, and today we're speaking about balance. Balance is a very elusive thing. I think there's a lot of articles and theories about work, life, balance, and a balance of different things in your life. But I can't say I have a definitive answer or a strategy. I just have my own experiences and thoughts on how I am managing and maintaining balance for myself. I don't think it's a static thing. I don't think you can just reach balance. Aha, I've got it. And it's done. Because life is ever evolving, and so are we. So for me, it's about continuing to find a balance. When I check at the end of every month and reflect how I was doing in my mental, my physical, my spiritual, my emotional, how am I doing in my relationships, in my work, in my. How I'm pushing myself, how I'm taking care of myself. It's about seeing that you kind of end up in the middle. You go too hard on one side one month, and then the next month you go the other way. Or a couple of weeks you didn't go to the gym, then you go to the gym four times a week. As long as you kind of end up where you feel like you need to be, which is why it's important to measure things. I feel like that is enough for me to know that I'm doing my best in all these areas of my life. And I'm confident, conscious, and aware of where I'm spending my time and my energy. What helped me, some of the exercises I've done about this over the years. There's one exercise where, like, coaches and therapists, they tell you, imagine your funeral, right? You're dead and gone, and it's your funeral, and everyone is there and they're sad. What will people say about you? What do you want to have been known for? How did you live? You know, what are the words, the principles, the values? How do you want to be remembered? And I love this exercise because it realigns you with your purpose. It reminds you about who you're trying to be, your character, your goals, your values. Where are you wasting time? You know, you want to end at a certain point, by the time you die. And we all hope we live to be like, live long. And we've reached and lived out all our dreams and experiences. By the time we are gone, where have we ended up? Who is the kind of person that they're burying and what they're going to say about you? So I think that's a really powerful exercise that helps you to realign what you're trying to do and where you spend your time. And if you're really living up to who you want to be. But another one, which I thought was funny, at that same funeral, your relatives are going to be fighting about who gets what. Someone is going to be complaining about the food. There'll probably be a thief there if it's a Ugandan burial, you know, and all the many people that will be there. And then there are going to be some people who are busy that day, who have work or personal problems or issues, and they don't even make it. So live your life, you know, And I like these two ways that they look at your funeral. Because it's about balance. If we live too much for others, and purpose. And I want to be remembered as this great man who changed lives and built schools and did this. A lot of that is external. Yes, there's purpose in it, but balance is also about you. It's only your life. And I think that's something we forget a lot of the time by living for society, for others, for our relatives, our friends, what it's going to look like, what will people think of me? You lose a lot of yourself in that process. And I think that's where you lose balance. I feel you're balanced when you have your peace and your internal compass, and that's what you're living your life by. That's what balance means to me. It means I'm not being pulled in directions by other people, other goals, other desires. And a big part of that is saying no. Because at the end of the day, when I'm gone, someone won't even make it to my funeral. Someone. I've spent so much time in person and wondering what they think. Oh, no, I was busy that day. But, you know, she was a great person. So I also have to remember to live for me. And I think that's something a lot of people struggle with, to find that delicate balance. What is important to you? Yes, Your relationships, your work, your achievements. It's part of you. So it's about you balancing out how you spend your time and energy. And I think something that has helped me with that is intentionality. When you know what you're trying to do and who you're trying to be, and you're proactive, you're aware, you're intentional about how you spend your time, how you carry yourself, what you wear, what you say, where you go, what you're doing, then your time is More valuable to you. Your actions are controlled by you, you are aware and you are conscious. And that's how you have a bigger impact in the purpose and the bigger things that you want to do. But also it helps you to say no with integrity. And that is a very difficult thing. That's something I really have struggled to learn over the years. There's constant demands in life, there's constant opportunities, there's constant distractions, constant, constant pressures. So to be able to say no, to filter your own time and your own energy and prize, that that is a skill. I think that's something that you have to build with time. No one is just born with it. You can't just read about it or hear someone talk about it and then it's part of you. We all have different pressures, different distractions, different strings being pulled constantly. Do I have to make my boss happy on this function? I have to go for it, but that means I'm going to miss my kids function. So we all have these obstacles and choices and demands in life to make and, and for me, balance is a conscious thing. If you're just constantly pulled by everyone in all their directions, you wake up in 10 years and be like, but how did I get here? What is this? How is this my life? So if you're conscious about it and you're pushing back, you're resisting, which ones are you saying no to? Which ones are you saying yes to? Where are you spending your energy, your time, your money? These are all your resources that are yours, they're not other people's. So you also have to protect your space. This is why boundaries is important. I love that it's become something in like social media that everyone talks about. But learn what it is for yourself. Because if you don't know what your own values are, your own character, your own goals, your own dreams, when you die, they'll talk about you in a way that you don't recognize. Don't wait for it to be that late. Don't wait for a moment or a wake up call where you're like, I'm now 55. All my dreams I had when I was 20. I didn't do any of them because I was told I need to take this path. Be a lawyer, get a good job, work in a farm, dress like this, act like this. These are the friends you should have. Did you ever stop to ask yourself, is that what I want? Is that really who I am? Yes. There's pressures of life. I'm not saying don't work, don't reject your job or whatever degree you've done, or what your goal and career and your parents have invested in, but find a balance. I met a young girl a few weeks ago who's 18 and she came to me after a conference and she's like, my dad wants me to be a doctor, but I want to study economics. What do I do? And I was like, I love that she realizes that what she wants and what her dad wants are different. And she needs a plan and a strategy because she's trying to be conscious, she wants to be intentional. She doesn't want to wait till she's 70 and retired as a doctor and now she gets to study economics. Because I know a lot of people who are like that who had to go with the flow because of financial strains, because of pressure, because of society. I'm not saying it's easy to do these things. How much agency does an 18 year old girl really have in her life? Can't you tell her dad, no, I'm not going to go to study the science, pay for economics? She can't. But it doesn't mean she gives up and just gives up her life and now wakes up and questions it or is miserable every day. Do you really want a doctor who doesn't want to be a doctor? So you have to think about the balance holistically. I'm not saying work 20 years in a job you hate so that for the next 20 years you can do something you love. I don't think that's balance. Nothing is promised in life. What if now you wanted to go hiking and go traveling and do all these adventures, but by the time you retire, your legs no longer can do certain things. Your knees and your joints and your old aches and pains and arthritis. And what now? See? Or what if you don't have the money because now you've had seven children, they also all had seven children. Now you're just stuck in school fees for the rest of your life. You don't know, find balance. Life is really short. You know, everyone says that with fomo, like you have to, like yolo, you have to do everything, be everywhere, attend everything. That's also not balanced. You're just being pulled by society. But attend the things that are important to you, attend the things that you really want to be at. Not because you're scared, ah, what guy is having fun without me? But because it gives you joy. These particular people, that passive events, you want to be there, not that you're pressured or obligated. You want to be There. Start saying no with integrity because you know in your spirit you mean it. I'm not saying no just because I don't like this person or because I just want to hide from these people because I'm tired. I went to seven events this week. Say no because it's not in alignment with what you need to be doing with your life right now. There's a lot of that that we don't do. Just because all your friends are hanging out every day, you have exams tomorrow for your ex, the cpa. Does that mean you go and hang out with them? No. You know what you have to do. They're not gonna sit the exam for you. Take that part of yourself. That is what I mean when I say say no with integrity. You are the only one who is in control of your own life. People who tell me that their parents forced them to get married. I have no sympathy for you. You are an adult. No one can force you. You have to know what you can and cannot tolerate. It has to be up to you. You are the one who has to make these decisions in your life. Because now you're going to be stuck with someone. They're also in that situation. You don't like each other, you don't get along. Now we'll all be miserable for 30 years together. No. The world will not end if you tell your mother no. That's the truth. It sounds harsh and it sounds disconnected, but it's true. There are very many of my parents hopes and dreams that I have crushed. Crushed without mercy. It hurts them, but they are not going to live for me. They get to go back to their lives and say goodbye, good night, have a good rest of your day. You have to know what you can and cannot tolerate. You will be the one on your deathbed who has to reconcile. Did I really live all the things I was meant to live in this life? When there are people pressuring you to attend things or to do things, or to pay for things, or to say yes to things, it's not them. You're going to pay for this person at their wedding lunch. You're going to pledge more money than you can afford. Then it's you who is not going to have money for what you needed. No one else. So you have to start to protect yourself with these boundaries and make it clear where you're trying to go, who you're trying to be, so that you say no with your chest. So sorry I can't make it this weekend. Have a wonderful time. You don't owe anyone an explanation. You don't owe anyone your time. Yes. It's your family. They sacrificed yes for your school fees. Guess what? They didn't do it for you only. They did it for them. What kind of parents would they be if they didn't sacrifice for your school fees. Please. You have to find a balance also in how you say no and yes and the things you allow into your life. Because everyone has their own agenda, their own problems, their own desires. So at least be in control of your own. Know where you're trying to go, what you can and cannot manage, what you can and cannot afford. Don't say yes to things you can't afford. Tell people. You know, I would love to help you out right now, but I just can't. I have too many other commitments. If I can help you in future, I will. There is struggle and poverty all around us. If we all said yes to everything, no one would manage. You have to be able to draw these lines for yourself. And you can't blame other people or resent them for constantly dragging you down. When parents tell me their teenagers are in the wrong crowd or they had bad friends that influenced them. No, please. No one should be influenced. Even your teenager has their own brain. They have their own desires, their own yes or no. How do you know it's not your kid influencing the other people's kids? Please teach your own children how to say yes and no. How to assess things for themselves. It's a skill we all need. I wish we were all taught this when we were younger. Go on YouTube and watch a video about boundaries. And then don't be upset when people put their boundaries and tell you, no, I can't come. There's always those friends. Ah, but why you come? What kind of a friend are you? Next time I won't come for your thing, okay? If you're going to respond poorly to my boundary, that's a you problem, not a me problem. This is why you have to have integrity in your no. If you don't know why you're saying no, you're going to be swept away with other people's desires. You find yourself in situations and you ask yourself, what am I doing here? How did I end up in this situation? Why am I the one paying for this? Why is my Saturday being spent in this kind of a function? It's your life. It's only you to blame. When you take responsibility for these things, that's when you can start to maintain a balance for you. I miss so many things. Every day I get opportunities Every day I have to say no to. I get opportunities I say yes to. I have family functions too. I have things I need to spend my time doing. Life. I only have so many hours in a day. I also have to reconcile and balance at the end of the day, balance my own books. I said yes to 17 family functions in one month. When am I supposed to see my friends? When am I supposed to get my work done? When am I supposed to rest? No one. I can't go and complain to other people and say, give me back my hours and my money and my time and my joy. No. I have to take responsibility for. For that. So to find that balance, you have to be conscious about it for yourself. You have to be intentional. And the good thing is, as much as life is not promised, as much as life is short, life is also long. Yo. Yes. You do not get to do this one thing you wanted to do this month, but there's next month. You know, inshallah, you will get to live it. You'll get to do the thing, but you have to be intentional about it. Albert Einstein said, the only way to maintain balance in life is like riding a bicycle. You have to keep moving. I like that. This month I did not manage to go to the gym. I pray that I have life and energy next month that I can go to the gym more. You have to keep moving forward. You sit there and beat yourself up, but now you're stuck at the function and you're pissed. It doesn't help make the most of the situation you're in. Say yes and no as you can. Maintain your boundaries, be intentional, stick to your values and reconcile your own books. If you can't do it every month, do it every quarter. You can't do it every quarter. Do it at least once a year. Ask yourself, who is the person that started this year and who is the person that ended this year as me? How have I grown and changed? What have I learned? Where can I still do better? And where am I so proud of myself that I've learned this aspect? Reconcile it for yourself. That's how when you look back over time, you're like, yeah, I'm okay with this balance. You know, I'm hitting most of my targets. I'm in the area that I want spending enough time in all the things that are important to me. You create that time with the self awareness, with the intentionality. Balance is not impossible. Elusive, maybe, but it's not impossible. It's just up to you.