Improving Your Communications

Always forget. Always forget. Well, it's nice to be in my own office on a Friday for the first time, I think in months. This has actually worked out. It's good to be back one Friday. That also be. I'm sure next Friday I won't be here improving your communications. Isn't that today's topic? Yes. Start now. Go Twitter. Let's do it. Twitter likes to keep me on mute. I don't know why. Okay. Twitter is working too. Hello. I feel like it's been ages. I think I didn't do last week and the week before that. I was in Boston and my Internet was terrible and it kept cutting in and out. I'm very, very sorry. But back on track every Friday, 4 o'. Clock. Today's a public holiday in Uganda, but we are here, so it shows. I'm committed to going back on track. It's a Friday. It doesn't feel like Friday. You know, when there's a public holiday, Thursday feels like Friday. And I'm sure yesterday was crazy. Lots of stories about how things were, but it's still Friday. Today's the real Friday. And also it's the beginning of the month. So instead of just doing your weekly reflection, I feel like we should be doing your monthly reflection. And we've talked about this before. So at the end of the week, it's good to see what went well, what didn't go well, where did you do well? Where did you do poorly? What can you improve? What was good? And you need to pat yourself on the back. It's important. Actually, yesterday I was reading in Arianna Huffington's book and someone had mentioned it to me this week as well. When you are trying to rewire your brain for positive things, it is harder to than when you do it with negative things. Because as human beings, we're so sensitive to negative, like, where we didn't do well enough or where we can improve when we do the right thing or do good things. We brush past it so fast. But if you're trying to, like, build new habits and be a better person, when you do something good or a new habit in the right way, you really need to take a moment to thank yourself and pat yourself on the back and be like, yes, this is good and it works and I can do it, because then that makes it, like, stay in your brain stronger and better. But it's harder than with negative stuff, because that's what we're trained to do. Like, which is quite sad. But it means when you do things that are good, like if you did something this week that's new and you survived, you should be like, oh my God, I did it. Thank you. To my whole spirit and body and self and everything. I put in the effort and I achieved it. And that's a good thing because then your brain will remember that. And next time it will be easier for you to do that same good thing faster and like, it becomes your norm. So in building habits, you need to like spend extra time to. What's the word? The way they said it, Let it settle in or sink in. You need to spend like 10 to 20 seconds focusing only on, yes, I did well, I did this thing well. Tell yourself that yourself remembers it. So next time when it's hard and you're struggling to do it, your brain will be like, no, we did that last time, we know how to do this and it'll be easier. So some neuroplasticity for you. So it's important that you do that and that you teach yourself new habits because it's good to keep growing and improving. That's one of the indicators of happiness progress. So I'm saying at the end of the month it's also good to do like a monthly check in because there's some stuff you can't do every week, but throughout the month you should be able to do so. Whenever we are talking about our personal development, we think about mental, emotional, physical and spiritual. So if you look at your goals for the month or your vision or what you're trying to achieve, your intentions, and it's easier to make sure that you're in harmony and balancing or working on each area rather than in each week. It's always better, I think, to look big picture and then come to small tasks. So when I think about goal setting, for example, I'll do like 18 months, which are the big goals, and then how do you break those down into monthly tasks and daily tasks? And what are you doing every day that's helping you in these different areas of your life? But at the end of the month it's important to look back. So I always look at my values and then I also have like a 10 point checklist of like the different areas of my life. And I give myself a score and then I think about why and I reflect. Why have I got a lower score this month in character than last month? Or why did I get a higher score in family this month than last month? Where is my energy, where is my effort, where are my intentions? And how is this all coming together to make sure that I am being the person I want to be rather than just coasting. And like, I don't know how last month went. Did I make money? Did I not make money? Did I. Was I healthy and fit? Or was I not? So it's important to track these things and measure them and then reflect in a compassionate way. I must always add, because it's not helpful to just beat yourself up about something. Shame is not a motivator. That's what a lot of therapists say and remind you. So it doesn't help to say, oh, you failed again this month. Oh, this month again, I didn't meet my goals. Maybe your goals are too big. Break it down into something achievable. Once it's small, you can do it. You feel better that you did it. Then you build on it for the next month. So it's important to look back, to reflect, to ask yourself these things, see how you can do something differently in the future. Sometimes you're hit with things in a month that you've never had to deal with before. I had a month like that. You gotta learn, you gotta see what skills do. I already have, what can I do? What is in my control, what's not in my control, and reflect on that. So I do reflections morning and night. So in the mornings I set intentions for the day, and in the evenings I do reflections on the day. Did I actually achieve all the things I wanted to achieve? What went well, what didn't go well? And then on Fridays, I do that for the whole week. Because some things you can't just get done in a day. Some things drag on. Sometimes you're in a mood, sometimes something happens, there's different circumstances. And then again at the end of the month, how did the month go? When I think about the beginning of May, I'm like, my God, that was so long ago. So much has happened. So it's good to break it down into the things that were important to me. So sometimes you achieve so much in a month, but. But none of it was useful or important to you. It wasn't your priorities. You were handling someone else's stuff. Or sometimes you had a really slow month because you were dealing with something emotionally, so you weren't productive. So every month is different. But it's important to understand yourself. That's why I say look at it with compassion. You're not here to judge and beat up and give marks like you did 80% well this month. Good or bad. It's about understanding. Once you have the data, you have somewhere to Start like a starting point. And every month you have the data to look at and see how did I really do this month? Who was I this month? How did I show up? Did I do the things that were important to me? How did I feel about things this month? How was my health this month? How was my spiritual practice this month? What did I actually do? Last week I saw a video by Jay Shetty and he was talking about the difference between effective days and efficient days. And I really needed to hear that video that day. Love the divine timing. But it was interesting because some days we are very efficient. We will tick off like 10 things on the to do list. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. I did all of that. And some days you don't tick off 10 things, but you spend time and purpose and you have an effective day because you didn't do as many things as you could do. But the things that you did have a lasting effect. They were effective. I'm trying to see how to explain that better. It made so much sense to me. He's much better at this than me. But it made sense to me because sometimes it's not about banging out 12 meetings in a day. Sometimes you need to sit there and brainstorm for two hours or you need quiet time to figure out how am I going to deal with this or to process how do I feel about this. Sometimes you need to step back and slow down and have effective days where the result of that day is going to last you much longer than doing 10 different productive things. That's what it felt like to me. So that's a new concept for me and I really liked it. Effective days versus efficient days. Because I'm such a planning, like a planning person. I'm always like efficiency, efficiency, efficiency and everything. You can't be efficient with like emotional, emotional stuff. You can't be efficient with everything. Sometimes even physical stuff. I over planned physical stuff this week. I'm so sore. I'm in like, I was in tears yesterday, like, oh. Because I was trying to be efficient. I'm like, if I bang it out and I put the gym and yoga and everything unstructured. Yeah. Sometimes it don't work that way. Sometimes things are effective and not efficient and that's okay. I'm learning. So it's about balance, I guess. Like with everything in life. For me, I think it's important to experiment, find what works for you and keep that. If something is adding value to your life, whether it's making you more useful or more joyful, it's making your Life simpler or smoother or more peaceful. Add that to your life and keep it. If it's not, it's not. That's okay. Try something else till you find what works. Experiments, they help. So today we're supposed to be talking about improving your communications. Communications is such an important thing and communications has such wide scope. Man, I feel like it's an area you never stop learning. There's always something you can find out or do better at or help or improve. But I think with improving your communications, the first thing is you have to try and not be defensive. Because when you're trying to improve other things, it's self driven. Most of the time I want to get better at Excel or I want to get better at riding a bike. You take yourself, you learn, you're not an expert, you go humble and you improve. But with communications, we all assume we can communicate and we're good at it. So when people give you feedback or critical, a lot of the time people take it badly. But you can't improve if you're being defensive. And I know it's hard. I'm not saying it's not. I know the feeling when someone is criticizing what you did or how you did it or how you said it. It's about your tone. Oh my gosh. I understand, I understand you're not communicating, I'm not understanding you stop repeating the same thing over and over. And I feel like I'm communicating to the best of my ability and, and the person is just not getting it. It's very frustrating. But if I think about it calmly, it means I need to improve on my communication skills. Because communication is an outward skill. It's not internal. Yes, there's our own internal communications like self talk and that's something you can improve on and work on for yourself. But the communications I'm talking about today is external. So if the person you're speaking to or the audience or the group is not understanding what message you're trying to get across you, it means you are not communicating effectively. You are a poor communicator, or in this situation you are a poor communicator. So it means you have to do the work to improve. And I think that's something that many people struggle with. You see, there's lots of like managers who give instructions and they think they're communicating clearly and then the team does something wrong and then the manager is pissed and they're acting like it's your fault as the team, not their fault as the manager. So managers, I take it to you, we have to be able to listen to the feedback and to create that space for feedback. You have to realize if people are not doing or understanding, you are communicating poorly. There's something you're doing. You are the problem. Essentially, the good thing with you being the problem, it means you are also the solution. So it's not only bad news, but that defensive mode is what first has to come down. And I know it's hard, especially in our culture, with ego and pride and hierarchy. What do you mean? I'm supposed to listen to my juniors? They're supposed to listen to me. If they're listening to you, but they're not understanding and they're not doing and delivering. It means you are not communicating effectively. And this happens across all sectors, all organizations, even in families, even in homes, even in Rotary, even in church groups. We are always communicating. But if you're not communicating effectively, people are not understanding you, people are not agreeing. People are not going to do what you're saying. You're not influencing them the way you should be. You're not being with them. You're not. It's not working, is what I'm trying to say. And a lot of the time we're so focused on our own agenda or our own way of thinking, our own perspective, we don't even realize it's not working for the other person. It's hard to hear. I was just at a lunch and I had to hear a lot of negative about my own communication, which is a big coincidence, but it's true. And at the end I realized if I only see things from my way and my perspective, it's clear to me. Of course I understand what I am saying. It makes sense to me. But the other person who I'm communicating to, it's not making sense. And I don't know what to do. But when I shared this, other people gave me different perspectives and now I can see, oh, that's how it's coming across. Oh, so when I say this, this is what they hear. It's not the same thing, but because I put myself in that environment and I shared openly and I listened to the feedback. It's still hard to process and accept. Not because I'm wrong, it's not about right and wrong. The point is the point. But there's different ways. There are many different styles, there are many different options. So it's about accepting you can also improve. And just because you think you had good intentions and you were doing something one way doesn't mean that it's Effective for someone else. Everyone has different learning styles, different perspectives, different backgrounds, different triggers, different things that are going to upset them or things that will make them listen or not listen. So it's important that you take that into consideration if you want to be an effective communicator. And like I was thinking for myself, I need to be an effective communicator because I don't want to keep going in circles with this. It's not efficient. And, you know, with me, efficiency is always the top thing. It's not efficient if I have to keep explaining over and over and over, or if I find myself in the same situation over and over and over, it means I need to change something. So if you're a manager or if you're a person with a recurring problem in your life and you always blame the other person or the other people or the other team or the other party, maybe it's you, maybe it's your communications. We are not perfect. Nobody is. I like you have to see, what can I do to change the situation. Because insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. If you're communicating in the same way and people are not understanding and you just keep doing it, you're just going in a loop, Nothing is moving forward. This is inefficient. So you either accept the situation or you do what you can to change it. And in this case, you need to be a more effective communicator. So the first thing in improving your own communications is you have to be able to hear this feedback. You have to start to notice, where are you losing people? Is it that you talk for too long? Is it that you talk too fast? I know, I get that a lot. Is it the way you're saying it? Is it your tone? Are you shouting? Are you scaring someone? Are you talking too low and quiet and they don't even hear you? Where are you losing people? Where are you going wrong? Where are people now misunderstanding you? So to be able to identify that, to work on it, you first have to be open to finding that and accepting that you are not perfect. We need humility in everything in life. We do, we do, we do. No one is perfect. No one is perfect at everything or even at one thing. There's always something you can learn. There's always someone who knows more than you or has a different perspective from you. So. So I really encourage you to first bring down the defenses. Ask for feedback or listen when people are talking about the feedback or submitting the feedback, or try to Notice where are you losing the people? Where do their eyes go glassy and they're not paying attention? Or do they all start picking up their phones when you're talking? Or do they react in a way that you were not expecting? Do they react defensively? Do they listen? Do they do the same thing over again after you just exclude explained it? Because sometimes it might be you and your way you're communicating. I'm not saying you have bad intentions. I'm not saying you did something wrong. I'm just saying if you want to have a different outcome, you have to have a different input that's sometimes easy. Like with manufacturing, you know, if you put something in, this is what you get out after it goes through the process. So think about it that way. Scientifically, it's not personal. It's just your communication style is not having the outputs that you expect. So it means you got to change the input. And sometimes that is all it takes. Once you can accept that, then you can start to improve. Then you can do the research and figure out, okay, this is where I'm going wrong. What is another way that I can communicate? How else can I tackle this problem? Because if this problem keeps popping up and I always go at it the same way and I'm not getting a result, that's different, I need to change my approach. Let's try something else. Maybe it's not in my nature, maybe it was not my first choice. But you know what? I need the results at the end of the day. So that's what's important to me. How we get there is not so important. So door number one did not work. Let me try this other approach. Some people need things written down. Some people need to be told seven times, which I don't think is the case. You have to find like the way that they understand. Why do they need to be told seven times? Are they distracted? Are you speaking too fast? Do they forget? Some people you need to tell them, bring a notebook to the meeting, write it down. Don't tell me you forgot. Some people want it in a video. Some people need the audio. Some people need to be talked to calmly. Some people need to be explained to. Most people want stories. Storytelling is such a useful skill. The more in business that it keeps coming up and the things I learn, I'm like, seriously, we're in a board meeting. Why do I need to be telling a story? Human beings like stories. That's the way we are designed. Biologically, we relate to other people. Sometimes you need to give an example. Maybe it's the language you're speaking, maybe it's the way that you communicate. Some people are not going to sit there and read a four page report. Some. Some people need bullet points. Some people want a PowerPoint. I'm not saying we have to change everything. If you have a team of seven people, you can't make a PowerPoint and a report and an email and sit and tell a story and then also have a meeting. It's inefficient. Right? But you need to understand who are the different people, how are the different learning styles? How do I need to communicate to make sure everybody is moving forward together? Ubuntu right? There's no way we're going alone. Sometimes I think it would be more efficient, but unfortunately it's actually not. Because if you reach alone, you're still going to need other people once you get there. So you might as well go slow, go together. We got to move together. So think of your team, think of your family, think of your situation. You have to move together. So you need to communicate in a way that everyone is understanding you only as fast as your slowest person. When you move as a team, that is the fact. So let's see how to improve. Once you identify these areas, then you have to practice. That is the last step. People really love to read things, watch YouTube. I read this book by this person. I did this class, I did this course. Here's my certificate. Are you practicing the things you learned? If there was an exam that was like someone watching you over the next three months and that's how they're going to judge you, are you actually doing those things? Think of it that way. Not that you passed the final exam in your course or I read the book, now I know what it is. Are you applying those principles to your life? Because the cold, cold, horrible truth, because I'm also guilty of this, is if you're not applying those things to your life, you wasted all your time reading that book or watching that video or doing that class. It was just a waste of your time and energy. Why were you there? You might as well have been watching Netflix. If you're not applying something to your life, you didn't learn it, you're not embodying it, you're not living it. So you have to see, am I applying the principles? People who read books and apply the information, they grow so fast, it's wild. I was reading this Twitter account, this guy only talks about books. He's like, when he's reading a book, he's Highlighting his underlying. And after every chapter, he writes his own summary to make sure his brain is really absorbing everything that he's doing. And then you can write action points from what you learned. How are you going to apply those principles into your real life? Like, sometimes I'll be talking like, I was thinking about the Arianna Huffington book I was reading yesterday, but am I applying what I learned yesterday already? I don't think so. It shifted how I think. But is it that I haven't had the opportunity to apply it, or it's just sitting there in the back? You have to start applying what you're learning. So I always try to think of things as action points, even when I'm reading. Sometimes if you watch me read, I'll just. I'll read and then I'll stop and think because I'm trying to think of. Okay, this makes sense. Let me think of an example in my life. How do I apply it? In the courses that we do for her, on the worksheets, for every module, I ask questions that whatever principle I'm talking about in the video, you apply to your real life immediately. How are you going to apply this into your life? And I don't say that. I say, what are these three areas? How can you do this? Give me an example of that. Because you need to use it as an example. Before I did my Masters, I remember one of my teachers giving me advice. He says, don't go straight into your masters after undergraduate, because the use of a Master's is you have work experience in between. So when you're learning stuff in your Masters, you'll be thinking, oh, this is how I apply it in a real life situation. And I was a teenager at the time, so I was like, okay. But I'm glad that I did it because it was really good advice. You need to be able to think of real life experiences. Not for Peter and Jane and Paul and other people like the examples in books, but for you. How does this affect you? How does this apply to you? So you need to be applying what you're learning into your real life. And I say practice because no one is perfect. And you're not going to get it perfect the first time, but you practice it. It's like learning to ride a bike. Every time you learn a new skill, a new perspective, a new idea, a new concept, you first have to try slowly, slowly. Small, small. You fall, you get up, you try again. Okay, now I'm getting the hang of this. And then eventually you're just riding the bike once you get. You know how to do it. You don't even have to think about it. You just know how to do it. And that's the practice of learning. You go from the unconscious and from the conscious to the unconscious, where you're putting in conscious effort. I have to keep trying. I have to keep practicing. Like, if I'm trying to change something, if I'm trying to apply a new concept into my life, I have to remind myself to try. I have to remind myself, don't go the way you always do it. Do it the new way. Try, practice. It feels uncomfortable. It feels unnatural. But. But in that practice, I will improve. And once I keep practicing, it will become the new normal. And that's also where neuroplasticity comes in with your brain. Your brain has the standard way it does things. So when you're trying to change something, your brain wants to go the standard way because that's the easiest way. It uses the least amount of energy. So you have to catch. Not gonna go that way. I'm turning the opposite way this time. So that catching is what takes effort. That's why you need to put in the willpower and remember to apply the concept. And then you go in the opposite direction. And the more you practice that, that becomes the easier road. Then your brain does it automatically. That's when a habit becomes your norm. Because now your brain just knows, oh, I immediately do that. That's how I do this. Because now I know how to ride the bike. Time to get another bike. Time to learn another skill. But that's what I would say with communications. It's the same learning principle. It's just you're using it in an area that is more sensitive, but it's also more useful because we communicate every day in every aspect of our lives. If we don't learn how to effectively communicate, you're just giving yourself more suffering and more problems. It's gonna take you longer to do anything and everything. You don't need to be a salesperson, but you need to be able to communicate effectively, whether it's only to your family, only to your friends, to your colleagues, to your boss, to your juniors. Like, you always have to communicate to someone. So the sooner you learn and you get better at it, you know where your weak spots, you know the areas you need to practice. You start practicing, you start improving, you start to see the results and the benefits, that sooner your life gets better. It's helpful and you see the results and it's encouraging. So I encourage you to improve your communication Skills. Oh la la. I talked for 20 minutes. Oops. And there's so many questions, I can't even see. Okay. Wow. I am a digital marketer, but I'm finding issues with virtual communication with clients. Any help. Virtual communication is challenging. I do understand this zoom life we are all on, but you gotta get used to it. You have to learn. I think we lose something in energy with virtual communication, but you can overcompensate or you can balance it out. I remember watching a video about zooms in the pandemic because I was now on zoom all day. So I wanted to be more effective in my communications. Small things like doing big gestures, like when someone is talking on zoom and you like, nod your head, it encourages them because half the time you can't see or hear. You don't know how people feel. You don't know what's going on. You know what I mean? So with virtual communication, I think you have to communicate more. That's what I found. Not just big gestures, like nodding on the zoom, but like, send Messages, send emails. WhatsApp use ways that you keep in touch and that it's easier to track. So if you're meeting someone in the office all the time, if you forget to say something or you want to tell them something, it's easy. But when it's virtual, you have to put in effort. And a lot of people feel I am disturbing my colleague. I don't want to harass them or check on them or ask someone seven times. Most people fill that gap with virtual communication. So I would always say over communicate. I think I use WhatsApp 10 times more in the last two years because I'm just always in touch. I'm in so many more groups for different work projects, different teams, just because you have to be in touch more. Even if it's morning team, how are we doing today? Any update on this? Hope you guys are fine. You'd rather just keep in touch with that. And even with clients, it shows that you're up to date. Your you care, you're thinking of them, that you're invested. You know, my trainer actually, and I had a conversation about this the other day because I felt like I didn't want to disturb her. She also felt you down and disturbed me. But we talked about it. We're like, you know what? This is better. Let's just WhatsApp each other every day so we know how things are going. Yes, yes. So I feel like most of the time we feel shy about it, but everyone wants more communication. How Can I send a negative message or one addressing insecurities in a professional way? I'm sorry, I find it. I'm laughing because we all struggle with this. There's actually an Instagram account. I should send it to you. Jackie, do you know whose question this is? We can send them the video. There are professional ways to say things. So what I would say is write out what you're trying to say. Writing makes people clear and it makes it also clear to you if this is rude or not. So when you write it out, say it out loud. Would you say that someone's face, Are you being attacking them or are you being useful? Because there's constructive criticism and that's where you have to be. If you're being a professional, you need to state facts. Don't. When you do this and everyone was angry with you or we all hit you in the office because you're rude, you can't say things like that. You need to look at the facts and give an example. Last week in the meeting when you called Karen unattractive, it hurt her feelings and we feel like this is not professional. You know what I mean? You have to write it out in a way that is sticking to the facts and is showing them an example and how the reaction was to the rest of the team or to the project. Last week when you didn't reply your emails, we lost the client because they thought we were not responsive. You know, you can tell people what they did wrong in the negative bit, but stick to facts and show them the example. And it's also nice to provide solutions in future. Kindly stay in touch with us in future. Please refrain from attacking women about the way they look. You know, I'm just giving examples. So stick to facts and be clear and don't be emotional because if you are now emotional and attacking them, they'll get defensive and they won't hear anything. So write it out to see that you're not, you know, and sometimes it also helps to bounce it off someone else. Like show them you know and see what they think. What's the best way to respond to anything negative thrown at you verbally? Aha. Now this is on the opposite side. If something is thrown at you, firstly breathe. I know it sounds stupid, but you need to pause because your immediate reaction is going to be defensive, to be angry with them or to shut down. I think it's fight, flight, fawn or freeze. Like those are the human responses to being attacked. So when something negative is thrown at you, first pause. Take a few deep Breaths before you respond. Now what they said to you, is there any way it could be right? Is it constructive criticism or are they just being mean? You know, once your emotional response has calmed, then your logical mind can assist that. But if you're only being emotional, whether they were right or wrong, you're just going to be defensive, right? So first breathe and calm down and then try and understand. Are they trying to tell me something so I improve or are they just trying to be nasty to me? Now if they're trying to tell you something to improve, you want to hear that? You want to try and see how did I get into this position or how can I improve this in the future? So you can say thank you for the feedback. Sometimes if they're being mean, if they're like your boss, you still have to say thank you for the feedback. I'm sorry. But logically you can note like this person is horrible. Just don't be, you know, rude back doesn't help. But I would say that's the most important thing is to first become. And I know it sounds hard and annoying, it's very hard to become when people are being mean, but it helps. Even if you take three deep breaths before you say anything, just pause. And sometimes when they're just being mean, that awkward pause is going to make them feel bad about what they've said. Sometimes people are saying negative things to you and they have no right to do it or they should not be doing that. But if you react defensively, they won't even learn the lesson or hear what you say. But if you pause and you realize this person is being negative and we can't tolerate this, you have to say be firm, but let them know it's not okay what they've said, it's not appropriate. You don't have the right to say things like that to me. This is a workplace. You can tell them calmly that what they've said is not correct, it's inappropriate or it's not correct. But you have to be able to say it calmly because if you start shouting or if you be defensive or if you also rude back, no one is winning or moving forward in this situation. How can someone build self esteem to avoid mistakes while offering their speech? You can't avoid mistakes in life. Life is full of mistakes. No one is perfect. You can't foresee the future. So I would say embrace failure first. Don't feel so bad about your mistakes. You just learn from them and you get back up. And that also builds your self esteem. Because once you know, you survived the mistake. It did not kill you. You did not get fired. The world didn't end. You become more confident and stronger. And now you know, whenever you make a mistake. Where did I go wrong? How do I make sure this doesn't happen again? Where can I improve? Think of it that way. How can they gain confidence? Like speak without looking sides at slides. Does that mean at slides? I'm hoping that means at slides. If you want to speak without looking at your slides, you need to practice a lot. There's no way around that. You just have to do it over and over and over again until your mind learns the whole thing. In like series. In my public speaking course, we teach about that a bit. It's called being Happy Birthday. Good. Where you can practice your slides and you know the like first sentence for each slide and how you end with each and it. It's like a series you learn. It's like learning a song until you learn how to do it without seeing, looking. I'm a digital marketer, but I'm finding issues. Oh no, we did that one. Okay. We had some from Twitter. How does the way we communicate make those around us feel? That is a good question. That is something you should be asking them. Try and notice. This is what I'm saying about feedback. When you are talking, when you're communicating, how do people look at their body language? Look at their facial expressions? A big thing that helps with communication is being present. If your mind is elsewhere while you're talking or someone else is talking to you, you are not present. So you're not picking up on a lot of the communication. Human beings communicate in so many other ways other than speech. We have micro expressions, we have energy, we have body language. This tone, the there's pace, there's so many different things. But unless you are fully present in the moment that you're in, you will miss half of those things. So if you really want to know how people feel, be present. Be there. Make your whole being there. Don't be thinking about something else. Don't be on your phone. Be where you're being. And as you speak, you'll see how they're reacting. And as they speak, you are listening to them, not listening to respond. You're not thinking of your response. You are feeling them and feeling as their energy and their communication comes across. And then you will know. So it's something that, I guess it's intuitive, but it's something that's built into all of us because this is how human beings have survived. For so long, we have to communicate to each other. All animals. Do you see your dogs barking to each other? They know what each other is saying and feeling, but we are not present, so we lose a lot. How are communication skills important in business and student associations? Communication is everything. It's like water, you know, we can't live without it. It's the lifeblood of everything. It's how we are moving through each other and how we are engaging and interacting and getting things done. So in business and in student associations, you really need to be an effective communicator because otherwise your agenda doesn't get done, you get misunderstood, you are not being received the way that you expect. So it's an important skill. And that's why even for students, I say the sooner you work on your communication skills, the sooner you begin to improve and the more effective you are, which makes you more efficient, more successful, and also, I think, more likable. People who communicate well, everyone likes them, everyone listens to them, they get a lot done, doors are open for them. So it creates opportunities for you. So improve on your communication skills. It's something you will not regret. How to ask someone to mentor you. How to best effectively ask for funding for a project with mentoring, I always say it's better to be specific and it's better to be giving. So. So when you find someone and identify them as someone you can learn from, it doesn't really help to say, please be my mentor. That's really vague. The kind of person who you want to mentor is probably busy, so you want to be specific. Hello, Nelson Mandela. I thought it was very effective the way you said this. I read your book. I really love this principle that you taught us in the book. I would really like to learn more about this, this and this area. Can I please go for coffee with you? Can I please take you to tea? Can you please recommend me two books about strategic management that you liked or that helped you in your career or which kind of accounting course do you think is useful for the workforce in this day and age in our sector? You want to be really specific and also it helps if you like, are helpful and useful. Be like, oh, hello, Suzanne. I met you at the banking conference last month. Remember we discussed this book. Here is the title. I meant to send it to you. Do you have any advice for me as a young person working in banking, how I can move from compliance to strategy over the next five years? You see what I mean? You need to give very specific so that they can give you a specific Answer. Because if you're just telling someone, mentor me, that's like just dropping a mountain on someone's plate. Like, I'm already busy. What do you mean, mentor you? So be specific, be helpful, be kind, be polite. And, like, be on time. Ask questions. Do the things they actually tell you so that when you come back. Oh, yes, I read the book you told me. I did the course you suggested. I met the person you introduced me to. Thank you so much. So now then, they help. They're happy to help you build on that. When asking for funding for a project, I have a video. I think about this on YouTube. I would say you have to show what you've already done for the project. So you have to show you have proof of concept, you've used your own money, how far you've gone, have data, have facts. Show them you're serious. Show them that you have the qualities to take it forward. And then also be specific. I get messages like DMs. So, madame, I have this business. I would like financial support. What does that mean? Do you want me to buy you something? Do you want me to buy your products? Do you want a loan? Do you want a grant? Like, even if I had the ability to help you, how am I supposed to help you? So be specific. Show people. I have a shop. It's been running for six months. We sell children's shoes. Every month we sell 20 to 30 pairs of shoes. Now, I want to buy a container of shoes from China. It costs $5,000. I need support in this $5,000. I've raised TofA 2000, so I'm looking for a loan for the remaining 3,000. And at this rate, as soon as the container gets here, I'll be able to pay you back within six months. By paying you this much per month, you know, if you do something like that, someone is more likely to give you that money than, hello, I have a shop. I would like support. Be specific. Be organized and show. Let the facts and the data show and speak for you. Don't say, hello, I'm Mary. I'm very trustworthy. I have this shop. Please give me a loan. I don't know you, Mary. How am I supposed to believe you're trustworthy just because you said it? Be specific. Show your track record. Show what you've achieved. Show that someone can believe in you and want to support you and how you are going to pay that money back. Because no one likes being asked for handouts. I tell you. Okay, do you have a template you'd recommend for monthly review reflections, which are the core life areas do you look at? Oh, that's interesting. So I don't have a template, but I created my own because I think everyone should make theirs. One area I would say look at is your own values. If you just Google values exercises, there's so many websites which help. Like, it's like a game or like an app, which you can. It shows you different types of values and helps you to narrow down because you don't want to have more than like three or five, otherwise it's too much. And then another one I like is the Wheel of Life, which someone explained to me as a concept. You can also Google that, where I have 10 different areas where I look at the different characteristics in my life or the different areas that are important to me, because everyone's values will be different, and everyone's life is different. Everyone's achievements and dreams are different. So you need to have your template where you write out what are the things that are important to you. Is it your family, your work, your mental growth, your physical health? Is it your relationships? Is it having fun? Is it learning? Is it art? Is it bikes? Biking? I don't know. You have to write, like, 10 areas of your life that are important to you, and then every month give yourself a score out of 10 for each of those. How much effort did you put in? Were you actually achieving? Was it purposeful? Like, how do you feel you're doing? But there are a lot of different review templates. I have some annual ones which were also useful. I'm wondering how to share them. At least I have your name here. I can send you the links for the annual ones, which also helps because when I do the annual reviews, I break those things down into monthly tasks and monthly goals. So I can send those to you, Billy. I see. And then we can look at that. I think those are all the questions. I'm just checking. But, yeah, it's useful to make it for yourself. I like to look at many different ones, look at all the different ideas and options and perspectives, and then find the ones that are important to me, that mean more to me, because that's the ones that will drive me. And then I write them. Well, I guess I have my phone here for those on video. Can see. So I write them in my to do lists every month. For example, I have not yet started the June one, but can you see that? No, you can't see my phone. Okay. You can kind of see. You see, I write like a list, like a table and Then I score myself out of 10 in those areas every month. And it's called the Wheel of Life, because if you think of a wheel, right, imagine it was divided into 10 sections. And whatever score you score in each of them, 10 out of 10 is like the perfect wheel. So your life will roll along smoothly and great. But if you have four and a six and a ten and a two, your wheel is just going to, like, be all shaky, which is what I feel like most of our lives are. So if you're more intentional about it, you know, you can get everything to, like, a six. And your wheel is small, but it's rolling. But if you're not intentional about it and you're not watching it or checking it, you have twos and tens and eight and four. And your wheel is all bouncy, all over the place, which I feel like leaves us feeling unsatisfied. Because even if there's a 10 area in your life, you have areas which are two that are important to you. You'll never feel satisfied. You know, you won't feel that joy. So I feel like it's important to measure these things and assess and be aware of it. And it's helped. I've done this, I think, for over a year now. So every month I'm checking and seeing, and I notice I am improving in the areas where I was two or three, because I. I think at the back of my mind, I know that this is important to me and I don't want to reach another end of the month, and it's still three in this area. So I put in more effort because the areas which are already 8, I just have to coast, like, I just have to put in minimum effort to keep it going while I work on the three to bring it up to an eight. So it helps you to adjust and reprioritize your own life. Hope you found that useful. It's been really long today. I will see you next week. Do your reflections and have a wonderful weekend.