In this solo talk, Nataliey Bitature reflects on the tension between two leadership modes – the supportive coach and the decisive boss. She argues that coaching, which centers on belief in people, asking powerful questions, and granting autonomy, yields higher performance and engagement, while micromanagement drains energy and stifles creativity. Bitature describes the circumstances that demand a shift into "boss mode": repeated performance issues, stubborn behavior, or when an employee’s actions threaten team harmony or organizational goals. In those moments she emphasizes the need for clear, hard conversations that set boundaries, deliver feedback, and prompt self‑reflection, all delivered with empathy and respect. She outlines practical tactics such as using metaphors, framing consequences, and observing the employee’s emotional state. Throughout, she stresses that the leader’s role is to cultivate a safe space for growth, encourage collaboration, and intervene decisively when necessary, balancing compassion with authority to maintain a high‑functioning team.
Chapters
Sometimes it's difficult to know when to be the boss, when to be the coach. And that's, I think, the moments that are difficult as leaders when you have to be the boss, because being the boss means all the difficult things fall on you. Sometimes someone is hard-headed, they don't want to hear it, they can't see it. Something you can see in them, they can't see for themselves, and they need like a lesson in it. The best way to get the best out of people is to encourage them. When you believe in someone, you support them in their work, they perform better and they do it better. And as a leader, I think it's about cultivating that space so people feel comfortable to grow, to shine, to try, to fail. And the whole principle of coaching is really about asking the right questions to get stuff out of people, because what you're trying to get is already in them. You just want it to come out. We all have different roles and different management styles. Sometimes it's difficult to know when to be the boss, when to be the coach. Personally, I like coaching as my management style. I feel like I learned quite early on in my career that the best way to get the best out of people is to encourage them. When you believe in someone and you support them in their work, they perform better and they do it better. And you don't want to micromanage, that's so time-consuming and frustrating for everyone. Coaching was something that I really, really enjoyed learning and executing, and it's something I think I do in all aspects of my life because everyone has their own knowledge, their own contributions, their own talents and gifts that they're ready to contribute. It's about creating the right kind of environment, and as a leader, I think it's about cultivating that space so people feel comfortable to grow, to shine, to try, to fail, to give you feedback, to talk about stuff. And the whole principle of coaching is really about asking the right questions to get stuff out of people, because what you're trying to get is already in them. You just want it to come out. I used to be more of a boss before, where I just tell people what to do, execute it, instructions, follow it, do it, I don't want to hear it. But that way you get frustrated because everyone has a different perspective, a different lens, a different way they do things. And at the end of the day, you're looking for a result. How you get to that result, does it really matter? If you're very controlling like I am, sometimes it matters, but it helps to try and let go of that and let people have autonomy. That is a human need. We need to feel like we are independent, we are adults, we are respected, we are valued. So letting people do what they want to do it, how they want to do it, to execute the goal, I think is always the better way to go. It's very rare now that I would try and have boss moments, and it's usually when someone is in trouble, if I'm honest. Like, the system has failed. We've tried to coach you, you've had warnings, your supervisor is frustrated. By the time they've brought me in to be like, yo, get in line, this is your last chance, and we do value you and want you to be there, but you— some— there's like a wall you're hitting on and you're not getting the progress and you're not seeing the value or the person is not expressing how they need to. So that's when usually I come into like boss mode and it's just, I need to draw a line. This is a hard conversation. This is the position you've put us all in. We are a team. We want to achieve, we want to get somewhere, and you are not budging. You're being stubborn about something or rigid. You must have your reasons or your traumas, but you are being a block. And remind you that this is an organization and there's systems and there's a hierarchy and there's a reason we all have to work together and know our roles. So it's time for people to be a bit humble and let's see where you can learn, what you can do better. I try to use those opportunities to give feedback, but you also have to see the mood the person is in. Sometimes someone is hard-headed, they don't want to hear it, they can't see it. Something you can see in them, they can't see for themselves, and they need like a lesson in it. So it's useful to give like a metaphor or an example, or to explain to the person that I'm trying to believe in you, you're letting me down. I want you to succeed in this work, but if you keep fighting with your colleagues, it's 'If you keep coming to work late, if you keep sending the wrong emails, then there's nothing I can do to help you.' So sometimes people need that hard talk, and I think sometimes it's more about shaking them up or pulling them out of the monotony of the day-to-day. Sometimes it's about egos. People have become too big in what they are doing. They are clashing with others. It's interrupting the workflow. And I think especially in company settings, offices, businesses, you need community and you need collaboration and you need harmony. People need to work together and get things done. If there's one person who's causing problems in the whole office. You're now stressing everyone. No one is performing at optimum levels because of your ego, your bad manners, your temper, your divorce, your bizibu at home is now causing us chaos in the office. So that's when I have to bring you in and like, we've tried to coach you, we've tried to help you through this situation, and now it's about, okay, you need a rude awakening cuz something has to change. You get to a point where change has to happen now, otherwise it's you who's not going to be here. And that's, I think, the moments that are difficult as leaders when you have to be the boss because being the boss means all the difficult things fall on you. And it's more about having the courage and the empathy to have those conversations and have them well so that the other person is not left feeling abandoned or ganged up against, but they are left feeling reflective. Whenever I have to have a hard conversation with someone, that's the feeling I want them to leave with. Yeah, they're gonna be upset. Sometimes they shout, sometimes they cry, they fight you, but at the end of the conversation, I'll know it went well at the end when they leave with that look in their eye of, I need to think about something, I need to think about my behavior, because that's what I need them to do. Because they're not thinking actively, they're in autopilot, they're just doing what they want, reacting every day, and that's what's causing the problem. So I'd say that's when to be a boss. I really encourage all leaders to look into coaching, like read about it, watch the videos on YouTube, understand the basics of coaching, because it really helps you to bring out the best in everyone around you. And it makes your own life easier. Micromanaging people is exhausting. You can't do that for so many people all the time. It's tiring and it's inefficient. And this way you get to see people's creative sides. You get to have happy, motivated people around you, which I think makes any work environment much better.
