Being Present In Relationships, with Eckhart Tolle

Past, just in this moment, through the power of this moment, which is the power of presence, which is who you are and not meeting the other person as a walking personal history. And that is an enormously liberating thing to do when you can meet even your mother and father, with whom quite a few people. Some people have a wonder conscious family, and many in this world did not grow up in a conscious. Their father and mother were manifesting varying degrees of unconsciousness and resentment built up over the years between adult children and parents. Often this grievances, resentments, complains. He doesn't understand me. I get criticized all the time. He doesn't even want to understand me, my father, my mother. And the same reactions happen every time you visit them, and then you have a fight and then you leave. And next time it happens again and you look at them and feel the inner body at the same time. And then you come in and you say, now it's vital that you are anchored now, it's vital that you're anchored in the now, into the interaction, meeting everyone without. And then you get the old thing. Your father says, are you still involved in that spiritual, airy, fairy nonsense? Still haven't got a job, have you? I told you years ago, you should be doing this and that. Then you have to be very present and just sit there and simply say, well, yes, I'm still doing that. But then he, if it's your father or she, if it's your mother, after a while will feel a slight disorientation because you are not feeding the old patterns anymore, you are not reacting, and his or her ego will feel there is something missing here. And so it will be hard for them to keep up that playing out that script. If the other one isn't playing anymore, isn't reacting anymore, simply stating this is how it is. And you don't even expect anything anymore. Because expectations that he or she should behave in a particular way to make me happy is to do with being identified with certain thoughts. That's how things should be. He should understand me so that I can be happy. The whole thing is an illusionary edifice. You won't be happy even when he understands it won't make any real difference to you. Now he understands me. So now what? What has changed? Nothing. He doesn't understand me. So the same nothing. You become free of that which you thought you needed when you were identified with thought in presence. You don't really need anything, psychologically speaking. You don't need psychological this or that. And there you are. And then you can see the patterns in your mother or father crumbling. And for the first time, perhaps he or she will ask you a genuine what are you really into? What is that this has happened? People have told me these miracles happen, and if they don't, that's fine too. It doesn't really matter. So there comes with presence comes an acceptance, a compassionate acceptance of what is, which very often means what is is the human being in front of you. Be compassionate, giving them space to be. Because presence is you have found your inner space or spaciousness, formless consciousness, peace.