Compilation: Navigating Sexuality and Spirituality with Awareness | Eckhart Tolle

Unconditional love towards all humans is the transcendent love. You love the formless. You recognize the formless as yourself in the other.

Hi, first of all, greetings from your fans in Poland. I promise them to tell that we all have very heavy pain bodies there. So you're, as you probably know, teachings is quite a salvation. And my question is again the same topic, like a one track mind. Actually that question about sex triggers the question in my mind because I've just listened several times to the the autobiography of a Yogi of Paramahansa Yogananda, amazing book. And those spiritual masters, they explain, explain very clearly and logically all kinds of things including the symbolism of the Old Testament. And according to them that snake is the nerve running through the spinal cord and activates the sex nerve. And the forbidden fruit was sex because it was predictable that. And if humans tried that, it would cause the fall of the humankind from pretty much a God on earth with powerful mind to the level of animal. So my question is, do you think that sexual life actually is an obstacle in spiritual unfoldment if someone wants to attain a high level?

Oh, thank you. In many cases it is an obstacle to the awakening consciousness. But in essence it doesn't have to be an obstacle. It can be transcended, which means you don't eliminate it, but there is a much vaster hole in which it loses its importance. So you transcend it rather than eliminate it. The elimination of it I would not recommend except for very rare individuals for whom that is. Right. So it's transcendence rather than elimination. But to me the.

Beginning of.

The.

Fall.

I would interpret somewhat differently from the Bible as the beginning of the identification with the mind, the human mind, the knowledge, the eating of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, the differentiation of conceptual thinking coming in. But one can interpret it in many ways. For most humans, I would say do not attempt except with. You are one of the exceptions. Do not attempt to suppress or eliminate sexuality, but bring awareness to it. And then it's no longer addictive. And then it may fall away. For some people it then falls away by itself. But you don't need to make.

It made me feel bad that because you know that there is that union between a man and a woman and there's a lot of beauty in that. So actually I was sort of turned off by that information. In the Autobiography of a Yogi.

Well, he still, he came from an ancient Indian ascetic tradition and there's a place for everything. So for most Westerners Especially, but probably even for Easterners, it's really awareness rather than elimination of something that is so powerfully built into the human organism. And use it for awakening rather than for letting it draw you to unconscious, into unconsciousness.

Thank you.

My question is on sexuality and like, yeah, I would say instinctive impulse. When I see for example, a woman jogging to look, most times I look. And also when the lady is beautiful inside, also how do I balance? Not getting too lost in. In the. The little play, you know, it's my question.

Okay, thank you. I know what you. You may have heard of something called tantra that means basically bringing consciousness into something that is usually unconscious, for example, sexuality. I would even include other things like.

Eating.

Things that tend to pull you into unconsciousness. I don't know if you've observed some people who, the moment they start eating, they become quite unconscious, relatively speaking. And then when they stop eating, there's a bit more consciousness again. They go and then they wake up. So eating consciously would be bringing some awareness into that. Tantra is traditionally used to point to the possibility of bringing consciousness into sex. And sex starts the moment you're looking at a woman dogging. And basically what tantra means is not to make it into a means to an end, not to look to the next moment and the one after that. The final moment of man, woman, union always being orgasm. But sex starts with looking and to be at every moment. Honor the moment and enjoy the moment for what it is, which is there's nothing wrong when you're body, mind, organism gets drawn to that. You know that this is happening. If you don't know that this is happening, you become the reaction and then you are lost. But if you know that this is happening, you can actually allow yourself to be drawn. You can look and enjoy just looking. There's no need to go beyond that. Can you be. I enjoy looking at all kinds of humans, including women or men, it doesn't really matter. I enjoy the human form. I like to be sometimes sit in a cafe in a corner and simply observe, watch the human beings come in, leave. Some are old, some are young, some are beautiful, some are not so beautiful. They're all beautiful inside. But on the external, the variety of the human form is just quite wonderful to watch. And if you don't want anything, the question is whether the attraction turns into wanting. The attraction is the attention moves there and it's unconscious. And then the moment comes when you realize that the attention has moved there. There's no need for you, as some spirit traditions might Tell you you must not look at a woman. The moment you notice your attention moving, look somewhere else. By denying it, you really intensify ultimately the unconscious urge to look. There's even in Buddhist monasteries, the monk. When I first visited a monastery, I could see a woman was trying to give a monk something, a pencil or something. And he said, I'm sorry, I can't take it from you. You have to put it on the table and then I'll take it. I'm not allowed to take something from a woman. And this is how. Because the power of sexuality was so strong that for a long time in the past, people were afraid of it because you can't control yourself. If you even just take something, there might be a flash of energy coming. Who knows what will happen next? If you just take a pencil from a woman, what's going to happen next? So to enjoy, you can also, if you, for tantra, you can enjoy touching someone. There's no need to. It's all really connected with the self sufficiency of the present moment and not always needing, wanting the end result. And that includes any kind of sexual attraction. If you bring in present moment living into normal life, you can also practice it there, where you simply enjoy whatever phenomenon is arising at this moment for what it is. Instead of it becoming some kind of wanting something in the future, wanting more. Observe the impulse. And if you get lost in it, then you have to wait until you wake up and then can observe yourself running after her. I remember I had a friend in England many, many years ago who suddenly became very interested in spirituality and asked very deep questions. And a couple of times we were sitting somewhere outside in a park or cafe and I was talking to him. That was my early form of teaching. Individuals coming and asking questions. And I observed a couple of times he was listening to me. It was so important to him, just this vital question being answered. And suddenly I could see him. He was looking somewhere else behind me. What's going on? He stopped listening. And then I looked around and there was a woman sitting there behind. And he. Spirituality was so important for him. But then something else came up that was even more powerful at that time and that was the attraction. And then I pointed it out and he woke. He suddenly he was like a man waking up from sleep or from a dream. Oh, it was completely lost. And then it happened again. And after that he was able to be aware of that pull. If you are aware of that pull, you are not the pull. You are not in the grip of that pull. It's nature. The pull is part of the physical nature. But then you are not aware. If you are not aware, you become the pull and it dominates the next thing that you do. You may run after, or you may try to approach her, or you may lose yourself in fantasizing for the next 30 minutes. All kinds of things happen. If you become the pull, the pull becomes action or it becomes thought. So are you the pull that you can sense or are you the knower, the one that knows that this is happening? And if you can be the knower, you can allow yourself or your body, your physical organism, to experience whatever is happening at this moment without losing yourself in that. It's a spiritual practice. So I recommend that you go into a place where you're likely to encounter many beautiful women. I don't know where that would be. The beach or the. And practice. Sit there and let your attention be pulled. Wonderful practice. And women can do it with men or with other women or men. With men, it doesn't matter. The important thing is, can you be the awareness of. Of what's happening or are you losing yourself in the pull? So as a practice, just be there. Space for the impulse, space for the attraction. Without believing that you need to change something. If you suppress it, I don't think it's the most skillful thing to do. To actually say, I must not look, because something will build up inside you, it will make it even more powerful, and it will not become obsessive. The awareness will deepen as you practice that. And then you have a choice. There is always a choice. It doesn't mean you cannot act. You can act from the awareness. You can still. If you want to meet someone, you can still approach her and say, I don't know what, Nothing comes to mind. That's why I've never done. Has arisen in the past. And the question what can I say? Don't know, but you may be better at it. So.

If, let's say we love all. If, let's say we love, we all love each other unconditionally. How can I decide who is to be my partner? Is this based on physical attraction? Isn't this a contradiction with this higher state of consciousness? Okay, so if you love everybody unconditionally, how can you possibly decide who is going to be your partner? That's the question. Because it seems that there's no preference anymore. Or if it's physical attraction, isn't there a contradiction? If you're in a higher state of consciousness, then should not be physically attracted to anybody. Is that the implication, the question. Well, the love we are talking about, the unconditional love towards human beings and life forms is a. See, what is it that you love in the other? When you love unconditionally, you don't love their physical form, you don't love their psychological form, their personality. The unconditional love goes deeper. It's a transcendent love that what you love is not the form, but the formless essence of the other. And you can only love that when you can sense within yourself that dimension, the formless. When you can be still and present enough and then look at another human being. And then you can recognize something. What you recognize is, for lack of a better word, the consciousness, which is the essence of the other human as it is the essence of who you are. Consciousness. Prior to the consciousness being born into some kind of form personality which is there, and the physical form which is there. But in every being there is still the dimension of consciousness that is prior to form. Although the human being has become form, consciousness has assumed form, has incarnated, so to speak. But that doesn't mean that the formless in timeless consciousness is lost. It's still there as the essence. And when you can sense it in yourself, you can sense it because you are still and present enough from that dimension in yourself, you can sense it in the other. And that is love. It's basically a recognition that in essence the other is the same as you. But then, of course, there's always. That is the transcendent dimension to every human being. In addition to that transcendent dimension, there is a form identity of every human being. Every human being has a physical form and emotional form and a mental form. That's the inner, that's the personality. So the physical appearance and the personality consisting of mental, emotional, conditioning and so on. So there are the two levels. The unconditional love towards all humans is the transcendent love. You love the formless, you recognize the formless as yourself in the other. But then you are still here as a form too. And the form may respond to another form, the physical. There can be physical attraction. It is not incompatible with the transcendent realization. Although some ancient or not so ancient traditions may tell you that it is not incompatible. You can have physical attraction on the level of form. You can also have an attraction towards the mental, emotional form of that other human being because it resonates with something in your own form. So that means you may be drawn to another human being physically or mentally, emotionally, because you resonate with that. And then Perhaps you enter into a relationship so different levels operate. The transcendent remains. It can become obscured through excessive attachment, of course, to the mental or emotional dimension in the other. So in a relationship, the realization of essence identity, as I sometimes call it, can become obscured when form identity takes over completely, which could happen through the pain body. Which could happen through emotional getting identified with arising emotions and losing touch with the transcendent. Yes, that can happen, but it's not incompatible. Everybody's challenge is to balance the two in their lives, in their relationships, to relate to the other on the transcendent level. And at the same time, if it's there, on an emotional, mental, physical level. Without the transcendent dimension in a relationship, it's not ultimately satisfying. And it cannot really, truly work for long. If the transcendent is missing completely in a relationship, Physical attraction and attraction between personalities is not enough to keep it going. Can be going for a while, but then it becomes frustrating. And you see more and more of the limitations of the other person. And the other person sees more and more of your limitations.