Dealing With Stress and Overwhelm

Feel overwhelming. And it starts to feel overwhelming when those kind of thoughts come in of that resistance to what is actually happening. And then how do we take care of ourselves? It's actually a good sign when you come to that point of feeling overwhelming. The. This came to me actually at a time where I was actually feeling really overwhelmed. And I feel like as if I was going to just fall apart. And that nursery rhyme, Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall. Humpty dump.

12 noon, 12:30 Sunday comes this huge pain. Body comes over me and says, you'd better get some rest because tomorrow you're going to be working all day long, and you don't have the energy for it. And that's just how it feels. It feels. Even if I try to put presence to it, it feels like a monster. And everything else that happens in my life, it seems it's much easier to put presence to, but this is, like, hugely overwhelming.

Okay, so when you say it's easy to put presence to some things, what are those some things that you can put presence to?

Just little things that happen. Like some of the teachings that I've learned, like looking at other people and myself as works in progress. There are certain things that people are going to do in life that may be upsetting, but you understand that whatever their level of consciousness is at that time, then that's how they're acting. So not to take things quite as personally, look at my past and look at mistakes I've made and say, well, if I wouldn't do the same thing again, then I've grown so I can have more compassion on myself and I can have more compassion on things I don't understand right now.

Okay, and what exactly feels overwhelming for you?

Because my body's tired and when I have to work for all day long, stressful kinds of situations and things, even if it was a job that wasn't quite as stressful, it seems like my body's exhausted and I can't get rest.

Okay, and what are your thoughts that go along with it?

Shouldn't be. That's one of the thoughts that this life doesn't. This doesn't feel like my life. It shouldn't be like this. I should figure out a way so that I can live in a way that's better for me. I feel like. Like even. Even things that have to do with the political climate that I don't like very much. And I said, oh, I wish I lived in a country that was more progressive or in a. You know, where do you live in The United States. I live in a progressive city, but.

But it's maybe progressing too fast for you, huh? You know, I know the feeling. Things can. Humpty had a great fall. All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty together again. And when that verse came into my head, I realized, oh, my God, I've been searching outside of myself all my life to try to fix me inside. Now I've come to this spiritual teaching, and am I actually going to now live that spiritual teaching? So, in other words, who's going to put Humpty Dumpty together again but you? Not you as the egoic sense of self, not you as you know yourself as through the thinking mind, but that state, stillness, that awareness, that consciousness will put you back together again and will give you the tools that you need. And not only the tools, but the right action will follow where you say you have. Say, for example, you've got the two kids coming up to you, and then you go, not now. You know, it's like, not now and there's a not now of meaning it. Or do you have a not now where you. You just don't quite know where your boundaries are and you kind of think you have to take care of everybody else first, when really, it's like you're on a plane and the plane's going down and the little things drop down. What are they called again? The oxygen masks drop down. And the advice is you put your own mask on first before you help yourself, children. And oftentimes. And you know, yesterday when there was that questioner who came up and who said she just didn't know who she was anymore after, you know, having her two kids and taking care of her two kids. And I understand that I have child. I did not have two, but I have one. And it's like this precious little soul, and you just feel this big responsibility, and it was all transferring everything over and then not really taking care of myself first. And when you don't take care of yourself first, then you do end up coming to that point of breaking down, of feeling that overwhelm. So when you feel that overwhelm, what are some of the tools that can help you get back on track? Yeah.

Okay. Well, coming here is one of them. I'm going to physical therapy to get back being able to run again. That used to be an outlet for me, running in age group triathlons and things like that. But once I stopped doing that, then I really don't have much of an outlet. Now, except for.

Do you do any meditation?

I don't do much sitting meditation. I try to do more mindfulness.

What does that look like when you say you try to do more mindfulness? So when you're in doing you are being mindful.

When I'm doing things, I try to pay attention more. Like example the washing the hands. Just try to be more present smelling soap, feeling the warm water, try to be more mindful walking, things like that.

And then when you say your body just feels so tired, do you then rest?

Yeah, a lot of times I do. And that causes strain with the family because a lot of times I don't go downstairs. I stay up in the room where it's quiet. Sometimes the kids can be noisy and that just adds to my stress level. So I go upstairs, I shut the blind, sometimes shut the door and read or I'll watch a show, I'll watch the Eckhart tv, things like that.

Okay, so. So forgive me here, but I'm failing to see where you say that you're overwhelmed and you will take a rest, you will lie down, you will relax. So in that period of time, are you truly relaxing or are you thinking?

Probably both. I mean there are times when my mind is going on different things, but I'm an introvert too, so I like the quiet.

Yeah, so do I. So when you relax, it needs to be a full relaxation that will recharge you, that will feed you. That stillness that in that relaxed awareness and being still will recharge you. Is the healer will bring healing to you. So become aware of the kinds of thoughts that you have, but don't. You can be aware of them but don't believe them. So stop believing in those thoughts. When you say that you like the quiet and you kind of go upstairs and then it's causing stress in your relationship because the children or your partner isn't wanting you to do this. So is there then an argument about it?

There's not much of an argument about it. Just little comments or something that she says sometimes because.

And what are those comments?

Oh, you're going upstairs again. There you go again. And oh, it's dark in here. Open the blinds and oh, it's too hot in here. Turn the heater. It's like she doesn't mind me having time alone because she knows I'm introvert, but she thinks it's excessive. And I would tend to agree that I spend more time than I probably would if I didn't feel so exhausted. And right now I do have Physical stress that's causing problems with my body, like my endocrine system and stuff is off. And I didn't really realize that, but it's distress coming from too much stress in my life, in my day, which I didn't even know was happening. I thought I was doing good.

Just stop for a second because this is what I'm seeing and this is what I'm hearing. You're saying that you're stressed. You're saying that your body's tired, but yet at the same time, if you can see yourself and see that your mind is actually racing a mile a minute, you know it's going and going. So can you right now, because all it takes is the present moment when you're starting to feel stressed and overwhelmed. Can you, in this instant, quiet your mind and just be still?

Can sometimes.

Okay, can you do it right now? This is what I meant. I'd like you to do it right now. Standing there, finding that inner stillness, finding your breath, feeling that inner body. And if thoughts arise, you notice them, but you don't. You choose not to follow them. Bring your attention, your focus right down into your breath, into this room where you hear sounds. You're aware of the sounds, you're aware of the breath, you're aware of sensations in the body, you're aware of thoughts. Step out of that awareness of form and step into the awareness of awareness itself. Who or what is aware? It's not a thing. You can sense it, you can feel it and breathe. And from this place. What are you afraid of?

Maybe being alone.

Being alone.

It's the first thing that came to my mind.

Right. And yet you say that you like to spend a lot of time alone. So do you see the conflict that's inside you? You have. On one hand, you're saying to yourself, I want to be alone. That on the other hand, you are afraid to be alone. That causes stress, a lot of stress. It's a pull. You're being pulled in two directions. So I invite you to either, because I'm not quite sure whether it's that you're afraid to be alone or that you're actually afraid of people.

Probably non acceptance.

Non acceptance of people.

People not accepting me.

People not accepting you. So if we turn that around, you don't really accept yourself.

I accept myself.

Do you?

Yeah, I love myself.

Ah, okay. But you just don't like other people.

Well, I don't like. I don't like it when other people are doing things that irritate me.

Well, a lot of people Are going to be. Can irritate.

Yeah, that's. I mean, that's.

So the judgment is. Is that you are kind of disturbing me.

Yeah. Just the example of the noise and stuff in the house, I like to go away from that. I don't dislike them, but I dislike the.

So are you a spontaneous person, would you say?

Sometimes, but not much when it comes to planning, you know, I'd rather. This depends what I feel like at any given time. I don't really like to make plans, and then that day I don't really feel like it. So I like to wait until it's time to do something and then say, let's go do it.

So there's a resistance to life because children are oftentimes noisy and oftentimes spontaneous and they just live in the moment. And you're a meditator who. When the kids come in the door, you may not say this outwardly, but inside it's like, go away. Stop it. Can't you see I'm meditating? Now, I could be wrong, but my guess is that you really don't accept yourself.

I don't know. Maybe that's true, but I feel like I do. I don't know. When I'm around here, I feel fine. It's just when I'm, I guess, the highly sensitive person. Book by Elaine something. I forgot her name. But a lot of that is the way that I am. I'm more quiet. I like quiet environments and things like that. And when I'm there, I'm fine. It's just when I'm around, like, type A kind of people who are, like, really aggressive and loud and things, it causes a certain degree of discomfort. Like with me.

Was there somebody aggressive in your family?

Well, not in a mean way aggressive, but. Yeah, my. Well, I know this is being recorded. There are people who. Who are more pushy, I guess you could say.

True, they are.

And they. And they won't stop talking. I find that when I'm.

So you're not able to sort of put up your boundaries and just sort of say, well, I guess it's enough for me and somehow excuse yourself.

I do that?

Yeah, you do that.

Yeah. But it's. It's just.

I'm failing to see the problem then. If you do all those things.

Well, it's for an example, like my partner, she has, like, groups like friends and stuff that go. And I. Often I'm there, but the conversation. I like conversation involving, like, feelings and talking about things like that I don't like. I don't like small talk very much. So I like the way that I am. But it presents a problem when it comes to people who aren't that way.

What's the problem, though? I don't understand what the problem is. The only problem it would be if you think there is a problem, if you think that the other person is, I don't know, thinking that you're not enjoyable or something.

Yeah, it feels like they're not interested in what I'm saying. If I'm talking about these kinds of things and I'm not really.

You really don't accept yourself then?

I love myself. I just don't. I don't like being around certain.

But you don't accept the fact that you're just not a small talk person.

Yeah, I just don't put myself in those situations where I'm not comfortable and other people maybe are not interested in what I'm saying either. Like I know myself enough to know that it's uncomfortable. So I don't put myself.

When I'm hearing you speak, this is what I see instead of this focus right down into the situation. Okay. And that fear of being alone, it's like going outside of yourself and seeing, oh, well, they won't like me because I'm, you know, not somebody who does small talk. They won't like me because I want to spend time alone. So there's. It's like I see you bouncing around inside yourself. Bouncing here, bouncing there, and not really getting down to the. Just the crux of it. The point. If you are really truly exhausted and overwhelmed and tired and your body is tired, then just let it go and rest. Be still, rest your body. But what I'm hearing you, you say it, but then you're not really doing anything really for yourself. I mean, you will go and rest, but then your mind is going. But can you just fully be overwhelmed? Fall apart like Humpty Dumpty. Let yourself completely fall apart. What will happen? Do you think something will happen if you fall apart? Are you afraid of falling apart?

No. At this point I really. I want to fall apart.

Great. Because that's the best place to be, is to fall apart and then from there. So for me, it was like that Humpty Dumpty sort of first came in. I let myself just completely go. And then I realized I'm the only one. And not me as the ego, but I'm the only one that can never now build myself, put myself back together again. And how will I put myself back together again and let that question remain and sit in you. Because it's not going to come through most of the time. It doesn't come through instantly. And it'll come through maybe as a thought form, but it will gradually. It's like gradually putting yourself back together again. Now maybe the mind might come in and say, but I want to get put back together again right now instantly. And it can sometimes take years, maybe months or maybe weeks. You can't really put a time frame on the evolving, the evolution, the unfolding of your true nature into your true self so that you can live in this world, be completely okay. If you truly are a person who really wants to be alone. It would be okay if you really are a person that says, I don't want the small talk. But you can be in small talk and you can just be silent. You can be there as this witnessing presence, as this alive being. And then maybe when you sit there, instead of having these thoughts of which are the egoic sense of self thoughts, the pain body thoughts of, oh, they won't like me. And oh, I'm sitting here and nobody's paying attention to me. And oh, they're talking really just frivolous things. You're just enjoying yourself. There's this wonderful little. I don't know, I think you call it. I'm not sure if you call it a joke, but there was this famous English writer at a cocktail party and, you know, everybody's making their small talk and he's just sitting there and somebody comes up to him and says, are you enjoying yourself here? And he says, it's the only thing that I'm enjoying here. So it's like getting to that part where you just. You allow that awareness to come through that consciousness, to come through without. Doesn't matter what other people are doing. Who cares what other people are doing? In fact, it's none of our business what other people are doing. Just be there as this witnessing consciousness. And as you're there as a witnessing consciousness, you will either be there and sit there and enjoy yourself. You may not enjoy what's going on, but you're enjoying yourself because maybe you have, you know, a partner who likes to do this. So you kind of compromise and you bring, you know, you kind of attend these things, but you're just there. Doesn't matter. Doesn't matter if somebody talks to you, but you'll find the more that you have less of those kind of thoughts and less of a demand on yourself and on other people of an expectation of how things. Things should be expecting that it should not be this way. People should be more deeper, talk about more deeper things. Or I should be able to be alone. I shouldn't have come here. Well, if you truly want that in the awareness, in that presence, you will either find yourself moving and saying, hun, I'm going home. You stay and enjoy yourself or you'll just surrender and just go, okay, I'm here. But you know what I feel the aliveness within. I just feel really good. I'm having a good time. Wow. And it's not about the other. It's about what is going on inside you. Are you filled with these different emotions, Filled with these different thoughts? Rather than being filled with the Holy Ghost, the Spirit, The Holy Spirit, your spirit. That is relaxation. That is a way to get over the overwhelm. Just being yourself, not that head, self. You start identifying and seeing what those kind of thoughts are and just really going, wow, you, you don't have to pay attention to those. You don't have to believe in your thoughts. They're just thoughts. They're just judgments, labels, concepts, whatever you want to call them, they're just thoughts. Presence, consciousness is not a thought. Even though we use the word consciousness, we use the word stillness, we use the word Buddha, nature, Christ, consciousness, whatever you want to call it. And there's this saying a Dao was saying, the Dao is not the Dao if you can name it. And that's your true self. That's the self that has that peace and that joy, that is beyond all understanding, beyond all activity, no matter what is happening in your world. So let yourself collapse and fall to pieces and then create yourself. You're recreating yourself, but not you as the entity, the old entity. It's you as consciousness. So always the practice of returning back to that consciousness, returning to that stillness. Okay, what's going to happen here? How am I going to build myself up here? And don't think about it. You pose the question and it will be answered. But not on your time, on the consciousness time, which is really no time. It's just this moment. What do I need to do for this moment? How am I going to build myself up in this moment? Feel. Oh gosh, I'm thirsty. Simple sip of water. Maybe that's what you're needing. Wonderful. Oh, my body's really tired. I think I'll go and have a nap. Lay down, Just feel the body. Maybe even sleep. Maybe not. You're just feeling the body. The kids come in.

Ah.

Hey. Oh, hi sweethearts. Give you a hug. But you know What? I need to rest right now. I'll be down in maybe 10, 15 minutes and just fully rest. So that when you're resting, you're fully resting. When with your children, you're fully with your children but knowing the limits, because there are limitations and maybe your limitations a little shorter than some people in being able to be with people, that's not a problem. It's actually okay. So maybe you take shorter moments with them and then take a break and just be with yourself and rejuvenate fully by truly being present. Let go of those thoughts that something should be different than what it is. Does that make sense?

Yes, makes sense. And just quick question. Like when 12 noon comes or 12:30 comes on Sunday, I feel this overwhelmed. The same thing. Go into presence and say, okay, I'm going to feel.

Yeah. Because that thought, when you say you're even starting to create it right now, and that is you're thinking you're going into the future, and that future hasn't even happened yet. You don't even know what Sunday is going to be like. You may not even feel overwhelmed on Sunday, but you're already predicting that you will.

I want to ask, while I have somebody who can help me.

So stop that mind, stop that anticipation. Stop going into the future and be in the present moment. When the present moment is here. If you're overwhelmed, take care of it. Present moments here. Maybe you're feeling wonderful, great. Maybe you want to be with people. Hey, kids, let's go out. Be present. Because only in the present moment, right? Action follows. So Sunday isn't here. Drop Sunday completely. And when it comes, who knows? Who knows? But what we. If we keep on thinking that we will create that situation again and again and again. It's like I mentioned, might have been actually in the morning group. Maybe it was yesterday where. Or maybe it was even here, I don't remember where you can have this profound meditation. And I've done this many times myself, where I'm sitting, doing a meditation. I'm like, oh, my God, this is so profound. I had this great meditation and then comes, you know, the next day, and you do your ritual of your meditation and. And you're wanting that same profound meditation. We're holding onto yesterday's meditation instead of being in the present moment, in the aliveness of now, where maybe you'll have a more profound meditation, maybe not, but there's none, no attachment to the forms of this moment. All forms come and go. But the more that we hang on, the more that we contract the More that we have expectations that our life should be going a certain way. And the more that we begin to feel overwhelmed because life is not matching our thought about how it should be. So now I'm seeing a little bit more focus and clarity in knowing what it is that's going to, that you're going to have to do. And that is coming into the present moment and stay stillness. Instead of being here there and looking at that, thinking about that, worrying about this going into the future. Over here, right here, right now. I think it was, I forget the woman's name who wrote the course in miracles. What was your name again? Right, so I believe she had a dream where she dreamed that there was this book and she could see into the future or see back into the past. And she was able, she had a choice. She can go into the future or go into the past. She looked at it and then she said, no, I just want this moment right now. And then the course in miracles came through her, channeled the course in miracles. All you need is right now cut through time. Just this moment. How am I feeling this moment? What am I sensing this moment? Am I lost in thoughts? Am I lost in emotions? And if you are even aware that you are, you're not completely lost. If you were completely lost, you wouldn't even be aware. You would just be in your emotions, in your mind, thinking and thinking and following your thoughts everywhere, going everywhere with it. But you cut through that and then you have that choice. And usually it's a very short window of opportunity when you choose, choose to become be present or choose to be again lost in thought or emotions or in the pain body. But we have that choice. And as awareness grows, that choice is so clear to us. And you might maybe sometimes choose to go into your pain body, choose the thoughts, choose the emotion. But eventually you'll come back to this falling apart place, this place of overwhelm. And then when it gets too great, you realize, okay, I gotta come back to the present moment. Because this is the saving grace is the present moment. This is where you can be rejuvenated and filled with that spirit within you right here and right now. The only moment that exists as reality is right now. So be with that, work with that. I know that you're going to appreciate it, succeed.