Eckhart Tolle explains how awareness and presence change the way people relate to each other. When you stop reacting automatically and judging, conflicts shrink and ego-driven behavior loses its grip. Consciousness transforms relationships from the inside out.
Do people start becoming nicer as you become more aware? Or is it just that you no longer get consumed by the anger that arises when in the company of not so nice people? Well, I would say both. When you become more aware, you're not reactive anymore towards people. You don't personalize things anymore, make everything personal and are always looking out for some kind of hidden insult or looking what's his real intention behind what he's saying? What does he really want? You're just. There's an openness and a non judgmental attitude towards others. That non reactive relationships then generate already more consciousness in the other because unconsciousness, two unconscious people to strengthen each other's unconsciousness. So if somebody says or does something that may be unconscious and I don't react to does not become amplified through my reaction. If somebody says or does something unconscious and I react to it, condemn it. Even if it's just in my mind, I actually amplify it and I myself become part of that unconsciousness through my judgment. If I can be non reactive, I can allow other humans their behavior because that's their present stage of consciousness. They behave as they have to behave at this moment. So I allow them to behave, to do what they do. I accept it. And then suddenly there is a different energy there. So I don't amplify that. And those people, then I don't condemn them. I don't equate their unconscious behavior with who they are. That's why it's so important not to judge others. It doesn't mean you kind of go through life saying oh, they're all, everything is fine. That you don't see unconscious behavior. You see what they do, you know what they do, but you don't equate that with who they are. You know, it is an overlay on it is human unconsciousness. They're expressing that it's not who they are in their essence. If you confuse the unconscious behavior with who they are in their essence, then that's called judgment. If you see that somebody is doing something extremely unconscious, that's not judgment because you don't equate it with who that person is. And so you don't say he is evil. That statement would be wrong of anybody because in essence nobody is evil. But they manifest extreme unconsciousness which we can call in many cases evil. So that's important then not to strengthen that and to get trapped in illusion. Because when we believe in our own judgments, it's not only we trap others in the judgments. We ourselves get trapped in the Judgment, judgments. Also people become nicer, which is true what the questioner says. People become nicer when you are present and aware because they can feel the absence of judgment in you, even if they don't. They may not be able to tell you, but I can feel the absence of judgment. They only feel it as a certain goodwill flowing out from you towards them or an acceptance flowing out from you towards them. And humans can feel that. Even unconscious humans, unconscious, they can feel that. And everybody's grateful for that. Underneath all their madness, they feel grateful because somehow in that acceptance, in that goodwill that kind of flows out in that space, through that space of acceptance, they feel a little bit more themselves than they usually are. So. And when a human feels a little bit more at ease in themselves, when they come to you, they like you and they are very nice to you. They don't know why. And their usual ego patterns, not all of them are operating anymore. Some may still come up, of course. So the ego is less. The ego doesn't feel threatened. It feels. Oh, there's no need to be that defensive here. The ego feels it can kind of relax a little bit. It's still there in the background way, just like a little, like a dog, but it's not in its usual state like the Rottweiler, So just, okay, can relax a little now and then. They like you, so you become a nice person to them. That's perhaps all they know when they ask, oh, he's such a nice guy, like to see him, like to go to him. And that's a nice. Okay. So, yes, you do experience that. So partly simply because presence, acceptance is there and is recognized, and partly because there's the absence of reaction when somebody suddenly blames you, for example, says, you left that door open. You shouldn't. Oh, I did, yeah. The usual ego thing, of course, is to say, no, I didn't. Whether you did or not, because it's regarded as the ego feels diminished when somebody blames you. You did that. No, I didn't do that. You did. And it starts from there and then escalated. Why do you always blame me? Look what you did yesterday, that's called reaction, defensiveness, and that's not there. So then there's just. You're stating the facts. You left that door open again. No, I didn't. And then there's no further arguing. Yes, you did. Well, maybe if that's what you believe or say, yes, you're right. I did that again, sorry. You don't feel diminished when you were wrong? The ego feels diminished. Just to admit that you've been wrong is a dreadful thing. So the ego can't do that. It's like a little death. To say that you've been wrong is a little. And if somebody proves to you that you've been wrong, it's even worse. And then some people will start hitting you. That's how the ego can. An ego can easily do. If it's so obvious that you've been wrong and somebody proves it, then you start hitting them. That's a big argument. And if you knock him out, the ego still wins. Yes. There is a general improvement in relationships, of course, with presence.
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