How to Break Free from Ego Identity | Eckhart Tolle

Identity. All humans are very interested in identity. Who am I? It's a very important question for humans. The first needs. First, the primordial needs of a human being are, of course, food, shelter, and for a young child, some love, loving attention. But soon after that, the next very, very important thing comes up is identity. Who am I? A sense of self develops, and that begins in early childhood. In early childhood, the first thing a child learns is there's a sound that the parents pronounce. And at some point the child learns, that's me. John. Mary. Mary. Mary, Mary. Ah, it's me. I'm John. I'm Mary. Wow. This is the first step. What arises is the beginning of a conceptual identity, a conceptual sense of self. And so the sound of your name is the beginning of that. Because that name is a thought form that can also be expressed through the vocal cords. But it is a thought form. And that's the beginning of it all. That's me. I am John. And then John looks at the body and my body. And sometimes for a brief period of time, a child talks about him or herself in the third person, as John is, John is hungry, or Mary is. And then gradually it merges with John. It's no longer he or him. It's not I. And then I. As the child learns to speak, the most important word becomes the word I. And again, that's another step in developing a conceptual identity. I, another concept in the mind. I. But you begin to identify with the concept. I is most people's favorite word. In some languages, it's used more than in others. Because in some languages, the first person is already built into the verb. But in English or German, I don't know how it is in I is used a lot. So here we have the beginning of a conception. Now the next step is John or Mary. They have contact with objects. Objects. They play with objects, toys. And then the parent gives the toy. And now the next step is. The child answered, this is mine. My. My toy. Mine. And so another interesting thing, identity is the beginning of seeking identity in external objects. Seeking identity in external objects. And once this has happened, this toy assumes enormous importance in the child's mind. Because it's not just an object or a toy. It's mine. And you can see how important it is when somebody tries to take away another child, takes away the toy. And at that moment, Dukkha suffering, enormous suffering arises because it's mine. You've taken something away from my identity. It's not because five minutes later the child would have lost interest in it anyway. But here's the identification with it. And the identity. The growing identity of the child feels diminished. If somebody takes away this toy, it's like somebody tearing the piece out of you. It's so painful. And some children scream if you take something away from them that they had identified with. I have terrible suffering and that's the beginning of it all. And then further things happen. Of course, the child grows up and more and more begins to identify with other things. Identity is not yet complete. It's never complete. But identity seeks more to identify with, because otherwise, who am I? So the next very obvious thing is of course, the body, the physical body, my body. And then the child grows. The body gets stronger, grows. And then the body. You compare the body mentally to other bodies and see, is my body better or not as good as other bodies? Or can my body do more than other bodies? Another favorite thing for a child is the child can jump. I can jump this high. You can't do that. But I can do that. I can jump higher than you. Oh, identity has grown a bit more. I can jump higher than most other children. And then gradually the child gets older. Then parents. Who are my parents? Your parents? I remember when I was. My parents were not very well off. It was in the 50s. The next thing turned, said, what car does your dad have? My dad didn't have any car. It was a terrible problem. My identity felt diminished because I couldn't say what car. Others said, well, at that time they only bought three or four possible cars he could buy. One was a VW Beetle, one was Opel, and the other one was a Mercedes. And there was only one type. That's all. But so that determined the value of your parents. So what? I was afraid of the question, what car does your dad drive? He's going to get a Mercedes soon. I said, and that's okay. Any day now he's going to get it. He never did, but that's okay. And identity and then becomes more and more complex. Your identity seeks other things to add to itself. It seeks, yes. Body, of course, is a very primordial one. Social class, what your parents. This is a little bit connected with what I said about car. Your parents have a nice house or not, or what social class do you belong to? In some countries, that is still important. In other countries, not so much. And gradually other things arise. Identification with things. Identification with things which become concepts in the mind. We need to talk briefly about body because it's such an important identification for many people. Obviously, people identify with their Physical body. And it is a source of great suffering for many people. And for others it's a source of pride. It's a source of pride. If your body is either stronger or better looking than other bodies and you have pride, you feel your identity is enhanced. Look at my body. You don't say it, but you show your body off or you are ashamed. You don't. My body is ugly. I'm so unhappy. I'm so unhappy with my body. And that also isn't conceptual identity, but a negative one. So whatever becomes part of your conceptual identity, not everything is good. There will be other things added to your identity that are very painful. For example, the body, if it's too, too thin, too fat, too this or too that feel, it's. I was very unhappy with my body. It was never, was never as good looking at most other people's bodies. So for many years it was a source of suffering to me. What do you put on your body? Clothes. So that becomes an extension of your body. So you can, what clothes you wear become part of your identity. As everybody knows, when you see advertisements the for designer wear and so on, they are not selling clothes, they are selling identity A piece. They're basically saying if you buy this, you will have added something very positive to your sense of identity to who you are. Why this? Because it will make you bigger in your own eyes and in the eyes of others. So. And then you have Prada or whatever it's called, which apparently is what the devil wears. There was a movie called the Devil wears Prada and you have a little son. Are they looking at it? Yes. But what is it really? It's more added to a conceptual identity of who you are. Or if you're not good with body, you can have other things. You can have your social background. Let's say maybe you have ancestors that were famous or going. Or maybe you have ancestors going back. You're maybe an aristocrat. Well, they don't exist anymore here, I'm sure. But in some places you can say you have an ancestry very distinguished and you can think about that and talk about it and you display it in the way you behave. And this is the home of my ancestors. There it is. Oh, oh. Enhance. We feel more than others. So the ego seeks more. It fears to be less, it seeks more. And then other things become part of identity that are painful because you compare yourself to others conceptual identity. And then others have more than you or are better at this than you or have higher status than you. And that's very painful. So what I'm talking about is the ego, the human ego, the egoic identity. And what the human ego is a conceptual sense of self. Conceptual sense of self that you carry around with you. And that's. You call it I. When you say I, the word I, you refer to this conceptual sense of self.