How to Care Without Burning Out | Eckhart Tolle

So compassion towards yourself is important. Compassion towards others means, implies that you have empathy towards other human beings. And you can only have empathy to the degree to which you are in touch with the deeper levels of who you are. If you live exclusively through a mental sense of self, then you cannot have empathy. Because you're completely out of touch with who you are in the essence of your being. The empathy that you have for others arises out of the realization of who you are in the essence of your being. Because then by recognizing your own essence, you recognize the essence of the other. But I wrote in I Believe in the Power of Now that there are two aspects to compassion. One is you observe and you recognize this. Perhaps the suffering of another human being or another life form. You can almost feel it yourself. And you may want to do something about it that is often part of it. Compassion is the sensing. And it may lead to action, if action is possible or wise, or if you are able to do it. That's one aspect. The other aspect of compassion is not normally talked about. And that is to sense the essence of the other person underneath their suffering. Can only do that because you can sense your own essence by doing that, by sensing the essence of the other through your own. And recognize that there is something in the other that is you, that is ultimately that's consciousness. So you recognize the consciousness, not the conditioned consciousness, but the unconditioned consciousness in the other. Then you connect with the Other at a very deep level. And by doing that, that is a level of perfection beyond form. Then you recognize there is a dimension, a transcendent dimension in this human being that may be in suffering. There is a transcendent dimension of that human being that is beyond the suffering. But that human being may not know that, but you recognize it in the Other. Then you still feel the suffering also of the other. But you don't lose yourself in the suffering of the other. You recognize the suffering for what it is. But it does not draw you into suffering also. It's just there is a. Something resonates in you, resonates with it. But you are not drawn into suffering by the other person. Because you are connected with the transcendent dimension in yourself and the other. But now you can truly. Because if you are suffering too, you can't be really of real help. You can truly help the other if help is possible. If you are connected to the transcendent level. At the same time, there are people who are very empathetic towards others. And some of those people are called upon to become professional helpers. You might become a therapist, you might become a social worker. So it's often people who have a lot of empathy for others, they choose helping others as their profession. And many of those people, at first, they are happy with what they're doing, but many of them actually, after a few years, experience burnout, experience depression. The suicide rate among psychotherapists and psychiatrists is quite high. So they lose themselves in the suffering of others and make it their own. That is not something that you want to do and is not something that is necessary. And this is particularly important perhaps now, what I'm saying now to hear for those people who are professional, help us. The essence of who you are needs to be always in the background of whatever you do, whatever action you perform, whatever words you speak, you need to stay connected with that deeper essence so that there is a peace and a fullness, the fullness of life, as Jesus called it, that you can sense that core of yourself as consciousness. You are consciousness. And the other also, ultimately is consciousness going through the dream of suffering, ultimately the nightmare of suffering. And you do what you can. So stay connected to the stillness within yourself when you help others, feel the stillness, the alert stillness, and then do what you have to do. I'll say a little bit more about compassion. Compassion needs also to be. To exist within the larger context of awareness. Compassion is a wonderful thing. It is a sign that you as a human being have already evolved beyond complete identification with form. So that's. It's a wonderful thing. Nevertheless, the application of compassion, when it becomes action, requires awareness. An example. One could give many examples. You may see a homeless person in the street. Now you sense perhaps the suffering of that person, and you want to. Out of that compassion that you feel, you may feel called upon to help in one way or another. You can buy a sandwich for that person and give it to the person. You can give money. It's also possible that you might look and say, oh, I have actually have a spare guest room in my house. And so you invite the homeless person into your home because there's a strong desire in you to help. But the question is there wisdom with it also? Let's say you invite this person to your house and wanting to help, which is a wonderful thing, and perhaps it works beautifully. Perhaps it gives this person a new start in life. Or it could be that this person that you have invited into your house rapes your daughter, steals from you, inflicts violence on other members of the family, and then leaves. So you have exercised compassionate action without wisdom. So what it is that you do as compassion arises, it requires wisdom. In what way can I help this person? And sometimes the help is not physical help, this help, for example, some people are in deep psychological suffering. The help that you can give that person is attention. You can listen to them. And perhaps out of this attention that you give, which is presence, this is what they need. Perhaps help arises through something that you say to them. How I started as a spiritual teacher, people came to me. They spontaneously, they asked questions. Then I said things. I could see their suffering, but I was not suffering with them. I could sense their suffering. I could sense a small amount of suffering in me. But I was deeply connected already then with the essence of who I am. And I realized there was no suffering. So when I listened to these people often, there was a slight smile on my face, and that smile on my face was there. They were talking about their suffering to me. And as I was listening very attentively, there was a slight smile on my face. And some of them suddenly stopped talking and said, why are you smiling? Do you think that is funny? And I realized, oh, I mustn't smile. Because I smiled. Because I could sense something beyond their suffering that they themselves could not sense. That was in me, but also in them there was a dimension where there was no suffering. And occasionally they, by me sensing that, they also could sense it in themselves. And that is called healing, spiritual healing at the deepest level, when that happens. So I was helping many people, you can say, out of compassion. But then I realized there are also other people who continuously come to you, not because they want to get better, they want to suck up your energy, which is you give them attention continuously. And they love that. And they come every day with new problems. They don't want the solution. They get addicted to your attention. And if you continue to give it, you will become depleted. You will become. Ultimately you would experience burnout. And it has no purpose. Again, this is a similar case where compassion, the exercise of compassion in the practical realm requires wisdom. So there were some people that I had to say, I'm not going to see you anymore. And then, oh, how can you do that to me? But that ultimately was the best thing that I could do. But they were not ready for. But perhaps of what I said to them when I did see them, perhaps some of that remained in their mind. And at some point it actually did change their lives. I don't know. But here again, helping people is great. Being used by others who are unconscious beings instead of looking for their own being, looking for the source of all aliveness and energy within themselves. They look to others to give them that aliveness. So they Again, wisdom is required here so that you don't exercise compassion stupidly. Sa.