How to Deal With Betrayal | Eckhart Tolle Teachings

I am trying to understand why a person would attract others who ultimately betray them. Assuming that we create our relationships consciously or unconsciously, why is there the experience of betrayal? Assuming also that I know and love myself profoundly, what is to be learned from being betrayed? The question sounds a little abstract, but the questioner is not here. I assume that the questioner feels betrayed by someone. And since the questioner is a woman, perhaps she feels betrayed by a man. Perhaps. Maybe it's by a woman. Now, of course, betray already is a word that is quite heavy. He betrayed me. She betrayed me. There's already a huge amount of heaviness and story in that. If you put it slightly differently, it loses some of its heaviness. And putting it slightly differently could sound like this. He is a human being, and he manifested behavior that corresponded to his level of consciousness at that particular time when he did it. Perhaps at other times when I met him, he seemed to be at a better, higher level of consciousness. But then he fell back to a more unconscious state, and then his behavior manifested that. Where's the betrayal? It suddenly disappeared. So that makes it easier on you to deal with it than to impose a huge narrative or judgment on another person and involve you in this dreadful act of which you become a part. The act of betrayal. Yes, of course, you suffered. We all suffer, and we all encounter humans who make us suffer because many humans, most of them, are unconscious, and they are not always at the same level. That's an interesting fact that humans can be at enormously varying levels of consciousness according to the situation they find themselves in. There are some humans who have a potential for committing a crime, but circumstances never put them in a position where that potential becomes actualized. And then it can happen that other humans encounter a situation that is very challenging and brings out all the worst accumulations within them that come up to the surface, and suddenly they turn into these monsters. And before you might have known, have known a completely different person, a complete different level of consciousness. So humans get challenged or encounter situations that bring out certain aspects of their unconsciousness between. In. In sexual encounters. Because it's not unlikely that the betrayal has something to do with the man going off with another woman. Not unlikely. Now, that is an area that. That kind of attraction that can make people very quickly, very unconscious. There are expressions for that. I won't say so. Yes, they. That's the unfortunate thing with human beings. They are not. They're not fully enlightened. So. And then, of course, you say, I trusted him. He promised me when we got married. That he would be faithful. And I trusted him. And I'm sure when he promised it, he meant it. I don't think when he promised to be faithful, he meant, I'm not really going to do that. When he promised to be faithful, he meant it. But then a few years passed, and then one day he had a few drinks and then he looked at that woman there and he was gone, completely unconscious. And again, in Jesus words, forgive them, for they know not what they do. Now, to forgive them is only something that you do for yourself. Because you free yourself of the burden of having to live with a narrative or a story of betrayal and be part of that and then part of your sense of identity. This is very painful but seductive. Part of your egoic. Ego. Your ego identity then is, I am the one who has been betrayed. And that's a dreadful burden to carry in your sense of self. So if you believe in that story that your mind is created, the act of betrayal, he betrayed me. So you're setting up for yourself an enormous amount of suffering because that story will become part of your sense of self. And if that's the case, then even it will influence and color the way from now on in which you relate to other men or women or whatever it is, can easily color that. So you have to be very careful and see what you're doing to yourself by by creating these stories, they. On the conventional level, they are true. You can say, he betrayed me. That's conventional way of using language, but it's not the real truth. You might have heard of Byron, Katie, the spiritual teacher. She always questions whatever thoughts the mind produces. And that's a wonderful thing because otherwise you might feel tempted to believe in every thought that comes into your head. He betrayed me. And of course, Byron, Katie would ask, do you know that for sure? How do you know that? Yeah, of course I know. And then eventually, if it works, the person is meant to disidentify from the thought that the mind has created and become free of being trapped by this thought, which really means consciousness is trapped by this thought that the mind has created, and you are trapped in it. So be careful with the stories that your mind creates. And sometimes if you rephrase, as I just did for you, rephrase the story, it suddenly does not cling to you anymore, and it no longer becomes part of your identity, your painful identity or sense of self, because you want to be free of that. So. And of course, then you, unfortunately, you have to forgive him. Sorry, you have to. That is part of it. When you realize, yeah, he was unconscious. Forgiveness comes, and that's fine. It doesn't mean you want to start all over again. Or maybe you will, but probably not. Because unless a shift has happened in him, the same kind of thing might happen to him again next time he has a drink and sees a woman. So very careful with stories that the mind creates and then become part of your sense of self.