How To Deal With Loneliness

Why woman needs a man?

Why does a woman need a man?

Yes, at certain age, for example, in my case, I've been very successful in business, having adult beautiful daughters, even two granddaughters, having fantastic job, which allows me to travel a lot all over the world. Having great friends, very interesting personalities. By the way, why sometimes coming this desperate feeling of loneliness, especially on Saturday morning, on Sunday morning. Is it a question of being incomplete myself or just desire to share?

Well, it could be both. In your case, it could be not just a man, but it could be any person that you do desire, whether it's a woman or a man wanting a man. It's the human aspect of us has this urgent. And usually it's when you're younger you have an urge you might want children or something like that. But if you've already had children, sounds like in your case you have children. So now it's just a partner to share with. And if you saying that every Saturday morning you wake up and you feel this loneliness, which is quite interesting because this is the picture that I have and I don't know if this is your case, but this is the picture that I have. Wasn't the worst thing when you were a teenager, you didn't have anything to do on a Friday night and Saturday night it's like you were. Something was wrong with you. I felt that something was wrong with me if I didn't have anything to do Friday or Saturday night. So I don't know if this is for your case. So maybe you can talk about it a little bit more. Like what are your feelings when it comes to. And what are your thoughts when it comes to Saturday?

I just think sometimes that it's not normal to be alone. Oh, interesting woman.

For a woman, yes. But it's okay for a man?

I don't know. For men, no. In my case, maybe I was taught and I brought up in very traditional family and I was taught to be a good wife. This was the destination was married 18 years and just children. Husband, very good one, but not my person and being. It was my wish to be divorced when children were adult, send them to study in school. And then I wanted this freedom actually very much. And I enjoy it very long. But now at certain age it comes this feeling of loneliness.

Yeah. Okay. So do you still believe that? Believe that you should have somebody in your life like a partner?

Yes.

So it's a belief?

It's a belief, yes. I feel really, it's unnormal, especially Saturday morning, that I don't want a person to Breakfast to take care of.

So it's a belief.

Yes.

Can you see that this unhappiness is caused from this belief?

I wouldn't say unhappiness.

Okay, well, whatever you're experiencing, then what is it then? Give a name to what you experience. Loneliness. But you're judging that loneliness because you think that you should have something. So it's a type of unhappiness. Would you say maybe.

Yeah, maybe you're right. Maybe. Type of. No, I wouldn't say. I cannot call myself unhappy.

No, not unhappy. But there's some sort of judgment. Is there a judgment that there's something wrong? That you don't have a partner? Okay, so let's. We won't call it unhappy for you, but there's a judgment. And do you see that this judgment stems from a thought, the mind? Because in reality, in consciousness, there's no problem.

I understand. Yes. But should I resist this feeling or should you?

What?

Should resist this feeling of loneliness.

No, no, no. First you need to see that it is a thought and a belief. And a belief is not real, because beliefs change. You can believe one day, yeah, you need a man. And then you can believe the next day, which maybe it happened because I'm understanding that you were married at one time, so you believed that. No, I don't need a man. Otherwise you might have stayed married even though it was maybe an unhappy marriage. So there's. Beliefs change. That's what I'm trying to say. Thoughts change. So. And I could see you thinking about this really, really hard. And it's not about thinking about this. So you experience a loneliness. So go into the loneliness to feel what that loneliness is. And when you go into the loneliness, maybe some insights may come to you. And you see everyone as a human being may experience loneliness. But if you have this real, like, desire and you want to have this partner, ask yourself, why do I want to have this partner? Is it so I can feel somehow complete? Do you somehow think and believe that you will be complete when you have a partner? Yeah. So you're not going deep enough into yourself. If you have a belief that something outside of you is going to fulfill you to make you complete, you're not deep enough going within to find the presence and the consciousness, the stillness within. You don't judge yourself for that because we all do it, all of us. I've been there. I've been there so many times that I end up choosing the wrong guy. You know, I kept on choosing the same shit but a different pile until one Day I said, you know what? I don't even want a guy anymore. I don't want it, don't want it. And then when I didn't want it anymore, it's like Eckhart appeared. So look at why you want a man in your life. Not to say that having a partner is not right or wrong. It's just like, why do you want this man in your life? Is it to somehow you will feel good, feel complete, feel whole? Because I'm telling you, when you first meet, you might feel like that. But after a while you're going to end up resenting that partner because they're not going to be able to fulfill you. They're going to be human, they're going to get angry with you or upset. You know, you may end up fighting with them or, you know, but maybe you're so. Be so present you won't fight with them. But it's still not perfect.

This is the answer. Yes, I was thinking like you. Okay, thank you very much. Anyway, this was the question probably from many women.

Okay, if I like to make a suggestion, you may not like it, but look at why you just ran away. You know, the heart, what we might think is the heart as a human being desires. It's kind of almost a natural thing. We go through our life and our society kind of informs us and tells us through the media, through television that, you know, we need to have a partner or we need to have a certain partner even. But it doesn't fulfill you, it doesn't complete you. I had to learn that even through Eckhart, I thought I found the most wonderful thing in the world. You know, like, why not? I mean, he is, compared to the other piles that I had, he is. But he's still, still a human being. And I began to see within myself that nobody, not even Eckhart, can fulfill me, can complete me, that I have to fill myself and complete myself. And look at, why am I constantly looking outside of myself to make me feel like as if I'm good enough or that I'm okay because now I have a partner. It's false thinking. When we really go deep within ourselves and really marry ourself, not the ego self, but marry our true self. That's the true marriage. It's not the external form as the true marriage. The true marriage is within you. This outer form of a marriage is a representation of how we should be inwardly. Will you love them forever? Love me forever? Well, it's true, right? It's loving. Well, I mean, will I Be faithful to me. Will I be faithful to the divine self? Not my ego self, the divine self that is within you. And then my guess is when you go deep enough and trust that within yourself and experience that relationship with your self, the true self, the divine self, have that kind of relationship and this other periphery, worldly relationship of having another man becomes secondary, I bet you that man will pop up into your life. I've heard many people say that as soon as they drop that desire and wanting, almost like that I gotta have a man or I gotta have a woman is dropped, then suddenly they appear. And that goes really for all desires. When we drop that desire, if it's a real true desire and you are meant to have that, it will come, seek ye first the kingdom of God. And then all things shall be added unto you, even partners. And it will be a partner that is going to be on that same level as you. In terms of level, I mean consciousness, that state of consciousness. Or it doesn't have to be the same consciousness, but you will have that consciousness. And when the choice comes along of a man that enters, they may be on that. They may be maybe I don't like to use the words different levels of consciousness, but for lack of better, maybe on a higher level, maybe not, it won't matter because you are conscious and you know your true self. You know, you don't have to depend on somebody else to make you happy or fulfill you. So then you come meeting with a partner. You, then you have your partner and you're, you're both standing like this. There may be times that you have to lean upon each other and depend upon each other. But when one moves away, you don't collapse and say, oh my God, he's gone. You know, oh no, I've fallen down. I'm, I don't know, worthless without him. I need, need, need. But when you come together and sometimes you have to depend on each other, it's an interdependence. But when the time comes where. Well, no, I just want to remain independent. So you're leaning a bit and he goes, well, you know what? I'm just going to move away a little bit because it does happen, right? You can't expect your partner to always be there so you can lean on them. That is codependency. But when that partner leaves, you go, oh, okay, you're gone. But I'm okay, really. And vice versa. Might go, he might be leaning one day and then you're okay supporting it. But then, you know, our support can only Sometimes go so far because we're human beings, we get tired and we just go, oh, hey, hon, you know, why don't you kind of stand on your own two feet for a little bit here? And then, you know, you stand, and then you're both like this again. So it's a okayness to kind of depend and then. But mainly it's an okayness to be like this. Two independent human beings that are sharing life together. And sometimes this, but then back like this, sometimes this, then back like this. And this is the importance of standing independently. And the independence is really our true nature. When we're leaning too far and for too long, we lose ourselves, completely lose ourselves. Because now we become dependent and codependent at that. So this is where we are moving to. So it's a wonderful, wonderful question. And you're right, it's probably many, many people's question. And it's a good. And I'm just pointing to come home to yourself. First seek ye first the kingdom of God. Then all things shall be added unto you. And it will. And when you seek ye first the kingdom of God, you might end up saying, wow, that was really a conditioning of mine that I really wanted a partner. Maybe I don't want a partner. I don't want anybody. I'm actually happy just as I am single. But you won't know that until you come home to yourself and really be in that beingness that you are. Then we'll be able to see clearly what it is and what comes, what goes. Because things come and go, people come and go, and it's wonderful. It's really like the play of consciousness. You know, I've had to tell myself even, you know, even though Eckhart and I are okay, and I have no desire or plans to leave the relationship. And as far as I know, he doesn't either. But I have to tell myself I'm married to the consciousness within me, so. And I don't know the future. I really don't know the future. But am I okay right now with this? Yes, absolutely. And even when we have relationships, they become tricky because you've got two people. And not only two people, we got two people coming, in my case, from different cultures. Cultures. So you got that added aspect when you find a relationship and you know that you'd like to be with this person. But maybe it's really hard sometimes. And as we spiritually awaken, I find we need more and more time that we have to spend on our own. And it's hard sharing the Same space all the time with somebody. So oftentimes what'll happen is that, you know, that's where the tension lies. There's nowhere to go. So for Eckhart and I, we found a perfectly creative way to be together and that is that in Vancouver, anyways, we have another home, but in Vancouver we have apartments that are right across from each other. Oh my God, that is so ideal. And I'm sure he would say the same thing because it's really hard to be with someone, somebody all the time. And it's not like we both leave our places to go off to our separate workspaces. We don't. We travel together. We're together all the time there. You know, at home. We have to find a creative way so we can have our space. And we each value our space very much. And this is how our relationship works. So we have to get out of the conditioning. So look at all your conditions about what you think a relationship should be like. What do you think a man should be like, what do you think a woman should be like? And then drop it all because, you know, if you have those expectations, you're just really, you're not having a true relationship with another human being, your partner. You're having a relationship with an idea in your head. So you look at all those expectations and see what they are and just let them go and really be in the moment. And it's like that respect of seeing, okay, where is he coming from? He has his needs, I have my needs. How are we going to make this work? Ah, get different apartments. That's wonderful. And it works, it works. We have also a house that's on an island where it. We made sure that the house is big enough where we can each have our space, our quarter, you know, okay, it's like, I had enough of you. And, you know, not in a bad way. It's in a way that I need to be alone now. So I go to my studio or he goes downstairs and you know, we have our separate time when we travel, man, there is no way that we could share a room together, you know, and teach. This teaching takes a lot of energy. We need to recover. And if we had to share a small little room together, it would be crazy. So it would make us crazy. So we would. So in order to make it work, okay, that's fine. We have separate rooms, maybe close together if we can possibly, but that's it. And it's fine. But if there's any thought or any sort of urge inside of you, of oh, but I don't think I can live that way. I need my partner right here, and I need to live with my partner. And I need it. Then that is something else. That is the conditioning coming through. That is a codependency coming through, because you are not coming. And being in your true self. Being in your true self is independent and not identified, attached to anything outside of you. And that includes your partner. I hope that helps you, Sam.