This is a YouTube video titled "How to Say No Consciously | Eckhart Tolle Teachings" containing a spiritual teaching session recorded in December 2021. The content features Eckhart Tolle discussing the concept of non-resistance, the inner state of acceptance, and how to consciously say no without becoming reactive or a doormat. The talk explores ego patterns such as complaining and the impact of social media on ego amplification. The format is a monologue or teaching rather than a multi-speaker conversation.
My North Star is the monk. The story you shared about the monk who lived saying, is that so? For everything that came, I am trying my best to get there in my journey to accepting the isness of things and accepting the moment. What I'm struggling with is, when am I being a doormat. How do I determine? It's clear in the example you just shared. Being homeless in the gray areas of life. How do I determine when I need to take action?
Right. Thank you. Thank you. Good. I don't know if you. That story, I wrote about it in the New Earth, I think the monk who is accused of having seduced a young girl who became pregnant because the girl told her parents that this monk did it. And then the parents went to the monk and said, the horrible thing you did. She told us what you did. And all the monk ever said was, is that so? And then they told everybody else he lost his reputation. And that was before that happened, before the arrival of Twitter and Facebook and so on. But basically he was canceled, in modern terminology. And then the girl gave birth to the baby. And the parents said, we don't want that baby. We'll take it to the monk. He can look after. It's his baby. So they brought the baby to the monk. Here's your baby. You look after the baby. And the monk said, is that so? And then the monk looked after the baby for a year or so, just looked after it very well. And then the girl grew up a little bit more who had given birth. And then finally she confessed to her parents that he was not the father, but it was some young guy from next door. And so the parents ran back to the monk and said, we are terribly sorry. We now know that you're not the father of the baby. And again the monk said, is that so? And he handed the baby back to the parents. That is an extreme example of non resistance. Jesus is another extreme example of non resistant issue. Somebody slaps you on one cheek and you offer your other cheek. That's another extreme example of non resistance. But all it points to is not so much what you do on an outer level, but it points to an inner state of non resistance. You could still, if you had worded monk, you could still have said, this is not true. I am not. I did not father this baby. This is not even then you could still be in an inner state of non resistance. You could state simply, this is how it is. Probably nobody would have believed him, but he could have stated it. And so the important thing is non resistance is not so Much to do what externally, what you do. But it's an. It's an inner state of consciousness of non resistance acceptance of what is of the present moment in this, this moment. It doesn't. If it's misunderstood, then it could lead, as you say, it could lead you to become a doormat because then you would go along with what everybody say, anybody says to you and you would. Can you do this? Can you do this for me? Okay, I can do it. And then you could be used by people. But a state of non resistance sometimes may require you to say no to. Let's say somebody requests something but you feel you don't want to do it, or you cannot do it for some reason and you say no. I think I wrote about this. I had this expression, a high quality no as opposed to a low quality no. A low quality no is you make the other person into a kind of enemy. Why you always ask me this? You should argue and shout. You keep use the other. You're just trying to use me. I can see it. You've used me before and now you're doing it again. Now you're asking me for money again. I've already lent you five times here. Have you given it back to me? No, you haven't. So no, I'm not going to do it. Just don't leave me alone. That's one no. And then there's another no which is non reactive. It's not. Does not arise from reactivity, but is a response to the situation that says no. I don't want to say whatever the request is or the demand No, I. I can't do it anymore. I don't want to do it anymore. No, I'm not going to give you money again because I've already given you five times. So this I'm. I won't give you again. That's just how it is. I know I can't. No, no, I cannot. Whatever it may be. You're saying no without creating an enemy, without treating or a situation, without making a situation into an enemy. So it's a conscious no. And you're still in an inner state of non resistance. The state of resistance strengthens the ego. And this is a way of not operating through ego. So you don't have to become a doormat. But this non reactive no requires you to be alert and present and then used to. Also part of that is you stop complaining to people about what they do. As I gave in the example I gave just a minute ago. When you give a low quality no, you make the other wrong and you complain about them. All that drops away. I often, as you might know, I often remember an important aspect of the egoic mind, the unconscious patterns of the egoic mind is the complaining function. Complaining about other humans, their deficiencies, what the many ways in which they are wrong and lacking in whatever it may be. And for many humans, it's a very important part of their life is complaining about others. Either you can complain to them directly or very frequently to other people. When you're talking, you know who he said, and then you tell the story. And again. Another favorite occupation of the ego is telling a story of what he or she did. And then he said this and that. And I said, how dare you do this again? And then he said, and then I said, it's a very frequent thing that unconscious people do. And you're always the winner, of course, you're always the one who is right in that story. The complaining disappears from your life. And that's a very important shift because it has no purpose. I'm not talking about complaining to say, I want to exchange this thing, I bought this yesterday, but it's not working. That's not complaining. You could make it into complaining because you could personalize it and regarding as a personal insult to you that they sold you something that's not working. And then it becomes an unpleasant drama again. But to rectify something that is wrong is not complaining. Unless you make it into complaining. You seem to say, I need to. I want to return this because it's not working. But you don't come in, the soup is cold. Can you please heat it up? You don't. How dare you serve me this cold soup. You bring in the me, the offended person. Offended is a big thing these days. As you know, everybody's offended continuously on social media and everywhere. I'm offended, yes. No, I'm more offended than you. Another. The ego has. In certain time periods, the ego manifests in different ways. And now, of course, the ego uses the opportunity of the digital age, social media, Facebook, Twitter, whatever else it's called. I don't know, it uses that to amplify itself in certain ways that were not possible before. So it's a great opportunity for the ego to proliferate and amplify itself.
