How to Say No Effectively | Eckhart Tolle

You're just trying to use me. And I'm not going to do that anymore. I'm not going to be used anymore by you. This is it. That's it. No more. That's another kind of no. But it's a low quality no. So I often say, say yes to the present moment. Or I say, make the present moment your friend, not your enemy. So to say yes to the present moment is a powerful teaching, but it can be misunderstood and has been misunderstood sometimes. And it needs to be explained what that actually means. It means, oh, by the way, there's a funny movie made a few some years ago with Jim Carrey. It's called the yes Man. And this is a person in the movie, a character. The character he plays. He works at a bank, I think in the mortgage department. And he's very bitter and he likes to say no to people who apply for mortgages. No, you can't have it in your love's sake. And he's very negative about everything. His life is uneventful, boring. Everything is negative. Then he goes to a new age. A friend invites him to a strange new age event with a new age teacher. And the teacher says, you have to say yes. Yes to everything. Say yes to everything. And he kind of becomes convinced, well, I might as well try that. I've got nothing to lose. And from then on, whatever people ask him, every mortgage he approves, and whatever people ask him, can you lend me money? Sure. Yes. Can you do this? Yes. Yes, yes. And then his life becomes very interesting, but also very chaotic. He gets into most chaotic situations and he kind of all gets out of hand. And in the end, he kind of seems to realize that this wasn't quite working. That is not the true meaning. So to say yes to the present moment does not mean that you accept everything that people ask of you. In some cases you have to use the now, the no, the but in the. But not in an angry way that denies the present moment. I call that a high quality no. So let's say in the orchestra, can you look after my children? Because I need you. You're so good with children. They still flatter you. You feel obliged. You're such a wonderful person. I love you. Can you do it again, please? And at some point, I'm sorry, I can't do it anymore. But without any negativity, a simple statement, it is not a reactive statement. You don't make her into a bad person. Who would you want to take advantage of me? I'm not doing it anymore. That is A low quality. Now, even if perhaps she did try to. Perhaps she was trying to take advantage of you, but that is not that. Maybe then a dysfunction in her egoic self. Many humans do that. The world is full of people who perhaps are trying to take advantage of you. That's what the egos do and not who she truly is. But you speak to. You do not speak to the ego in her. You simply say, I love your children. They're just wonderful and I enjoyed my time, but I can't do it anymore. I'm sorry about that. High quality. No, no, no, I can't do that. A person says, can you lend me another thousand dollars? And he said, well, I've already lent you 2,000 three months ago, and last year I lent you 5,000. I haven't got anything back yet. And then he's, I'm sorry, I have to say no. But you don't say. You're just. You're just trying to use me. And I'm not going to do that anymore. I'm not going to be used anymore by you. This is it. That's it. No more. That's another kind of no. But it's a low quality. No, the high quality. No, no, I'm sorry, that's it. I can't do that anymore. It implies there's a presence behind what you say. It's not reactive. And with the same, the person who asks you to write something, you say, I've seen the background. I'm not in agreement with that. I'm sorry, I need to say no to this. I can't do this. Thank you. High quality. No, it's beautiful and it works. Quite often you may have to use that, make sure that it's not reactive and then becomes low quality. It.