Eckhart Tolle explains how your state of consciousness shapes every relationship you have, from intimate partnerships to casual encounters. He argues that inner space and presence matter more than what you say or do, and that most relationship problems stem from operating on autopilot rather than from genuine awareness.
Relationships will reflect back to you, your predominant state of consciousness, and that's why they are so useful. And so if you are a hermit, then it's very easy to fool yourself as to your state of consciousness if you avoid contact with other humans because it's just. You just don't want to know anymore. It's just too unsettling. Then, of course, yes, you can probably be in sustained states of, if you're lucky enough, somebody brings you food, you don't. You can be in sustained states of presence and believe that you have finally arrived, but it will not yet be deeply rooted within you because it has not been tested in the fire of relationships. As a monk, I knew years ago a Buddhist monk was telling me that he was in the east somewhere and he, the Westerner, but he had become a Buddhist monk. And his teacher, the abbot of the monastery where he was, allowed him to go up a mountain and sit in a little hut for half a year. And somebody would bring him food every day. And yet nothing to do but meditate and sit. And after a few first, the first month was dreadful, unbearable because he was sitting there with his mind torturing him on the inner and the mosquitoes torturing him on the outer level. And then gradually he was able to let go of that and more and more presence was arising. And he then said, and then in the last month or so, presence was almost continuous. And he was convinced that he had reached the state of liberation. And then a message came from the monastery which somebody had realized that your visa has expired. And so he had to travel to the big city and stand in line at the consulate or whatever it was. And it took hours. And then he was in the wrong line and said, I've just been standing here for two hours. No, this is the wrong lineup. You have to go to that one. And that was the wrong one too. And when he finally got to the official, he was hitting his table. I've been here for five hours. And then he suddenly became aware and he realized all that beautiful presence was gone. That's relationships. And that was an easy relationship, just an official relationships. Now, there are many kinds of relationships. We will talk about that. The essence of relationships, the question is always whether relationships are working harmoniously and beautifully or whether they are conflict ridden is determined by whether there is space in your relationship. Then that applies to any relationship. The question is, is there space in this room? What does space mean? I don't mean space in the sense of distance between people. That's another aspect. I mean inner space. There is a line in Khalil Gibran's Prophet which talks about space, but this is not what I mean. This is also true, by the way, he says let there be spaces in your relationship. Which means don't be cling to each other all the time, occasionally go your own way and then come back together. That's also true. But what I'm talking about here is inner space in the relationship. And what that is you probably know already. And we will come to that now as we address the different kinds of relationships that you encounter in life and see how the arising new consciousness can be sustained in those challenging situations. Because there is no doubt that human beings are very challenging the others. Other human beings. So you have. Well, of course the first thing that comes to mind when you talk about relationships is the intimate relationships which often start, usually start off as romantic and then become something else. Those. This is all usually comes to mind. What is what many films are still about. Movies that you see a large part are still about that. And it is what many people's lives are preoccupied with, what people look to for their sense of fulfillment and happiness. And at the same time those intimate relationships are one of the greatest sources of unhappiness. So a little contradiction here. Of course people look to it for their fulfillment and happiness. And in many many cases the opposite happens. And in many many cases people experience the shift from the very person that was going to. Was supposed to make me happy, now makes me unhappy. That's the normal course of relationships. I read the other day, I don't know who said it. And he said there is no marriage in which a week after the wedding, there is no marriage in which one week after the wedding you cannot find grounds for divorce. And the secret is in continuing to find grounds for marriage. He said before we, let's put this aside because that is the most problematic. But you are engaged. We will come to that, of course. But you are engaged throughout the day and throughout your life in many kinds of relationship, different types of relationship. You have relationships with your children. If you have children, you have relationships with your grown up children. You have relationships with your parents, relationships with siblings, family members, relatives. You have relationships with friends. You have relationships, casual, brief relationships. When you interact with people to do this or that, to buy something, to ask for information on the telephone. These are all relationships and they're all part of. If you, if there is dysfunction in you, egoic dysfunction that will manifest in all relationships.
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