Eckhart Tolle explains how fixed judgments about people create mental prisons that block genuine connection. When you swear never to trust again after betrayal or label someone a liar, you close yourself off. Staying in a state of not-knowing, without rigid conclusions, keeps you open to reality and others.
And once you've formulated an opinion or a judgment of that kind, you can no longer meet this person in a space of openness, because immediately the judgment you formulated is there between you and you relate— this becomes part of the screen of conceptualization through which you then relate to that person. Public speaking, for many people, is one of the most stressful things. And that's because they can't go— become comfortable with not knowing. The big difference is becoming comfortable with not knowing and feeling, I don't know, but I should know. That's very uncomfortable. Remember what the great philosopher Socrates said, they call me the wisest of all men for the reason that I'm the only one who knows that he knows nothing. Nobody really has truly understood what he meant. People thought he was just pretending not to know. But I'm convinced that he was referring to the state of not knowing, which is also, of course, the state of not thinking, but awareness, out of which his— the whole philosophy Emerged. The creative use of mind emerged out of the space of no mind. If you have no access to the space of no mind, then your mind will not be creative in any way. In other words, it's just— you can only have to rely on what you have acquired, and you will be Moving within the conditioned realm of the mind, whatever the mind has been conditioned by, that's all you have then. Another way— area where it's very helpful, this not knowing, is not to formulate conclusions on limited, insufficient evidence, to come to conclusions that become rigid thoughts in your mind concerning, for example, other people or yourself or what you call your life. Such as, for example, let's say you have a relationship, an intimate relationship, then he or she betrays you in the conventional narrative, and then you immediately— the mind jumps to this conclusion: I'm never going to trust any woman or man Again. Never. That's a terrible— you just would have constructed a dreadful prison for yourself. So you have a thought that suddenly dominates your mind in order to— I'm not going to suffer again in that way, this is no more. These conclusions can become self-made Presence, and then you walk in and you shut the door and there you are stuck in that mind pattern, never again being able to relate openly to a man or a woman. And then you've other weird, weird conclusions that people arrive at. Some of them are so-called prejudices and so on. They're very rigid mental formations. That deprive you of openness towards reality. So it's good to be, with relation to other people, also frequently not— to be very careful with formulating conclusions about other people, individuals or groups of people. Remain as much as possible in the state of not knowing conceptually, and yet there is a deep knowing there, but it's not a knowing that creates separation between you and the other. So it's easy to find Imperfections in people when you start working with them or living with them. And if you place excessive focus on the imperfection or areas of unconsciousness, then that can obliterate the totality of that person. For example, let's say somebody Lies to you about something, for whatever— people lie for different reasons, maybe even not to hurt you or whatever, who knows what the reason is. And then you find out and then you say, oh, he's a liar, I know what kind of a person that is now, he's a liar. He lied to me. To me? Of course, that makes it much worse, to me. And once you've formulated an opinion or judgment of that kind, you can no longer meet this person in a space of openness, because immediately the judgment you formulated is there between you, and you relate this, this becomes part of the screen of conceptualization through which you then relate to that person. Now, if you formulate a judgment about an entire group of people, a political group of people, a religious group of people, all, whatever they are, are like that, or then when you meet an individual representative of that group, you will no longer be able to meet him or her, because you're meeting your mental image that you have created. So the true meeting is no longer possible. Very dangerous traps in your mind, created by your mind, by unconscious mental activity,
Why alcohol feels like relief, and what it is really giving you | Eckhart Tolle
