Is It Wrong To Feel Peace While Grieving?

My sons drowned in the sea 10 months ago. I did surrender. But when I felt the peace and calm coming over me, it felt wrong. It was not right to feel peace and calm with such a loss. That's the natural way of being. After death of a loved one, there is suffering at first, and then there is a deepening. And in that deepening, you go to a place where there is no death. And the fact that I am now talking to the questioner who is not here, the fact that you felt that means you went deep enough to the place where there is no death. But their mind, conditioned as your mind is of course, by the society, the contemporary world you live in, which knows nothing about that dimension. Your mind then tells you that there's something wrong about this. And your mind, I should not be feeling peace. It's not what one feels in a situation like this. But that's a conditioned thought by the culture that you live in. So instead, you can recognize when this happens, when that thought comes, and recognize it as a conditioned thought. That is not true. It doesn't mean that the waves of sadness don't come back from time to time. But in between the waves of sadness, you sense that peace. And as you sense that peace, you can sense the essence of your children, also the timeless essence. So death is a very sacred thing, not just a dreadful thing. When you react to the loss of form, that's dreadful. When you go deep enough to the formless, the dreadful becomes. It's no longer dreadful, it's sacred. Then you experience the two levels. When somebody dies close to you. Yes, it's dreadful on the level of form. It's sacred on the deeper level. And death can enable you to find that dimension in yourself. And you're helping countless other humans if you find that dimension in yourself, the sacred dimension of life. So death can help you find the sacred dimension of life, where life is indestructible. Surrender can open that door for you. Complete acceptance of that's it. So honor that sacred dimension and realize that what your mind is saying, that this isn't right, is just a form of conditioning. It's not the truth. It is supremely right. Death is always a window into the formless. As you accept it, surrender because the form is gone, your mind becomes still when you surrender to death. Nothing. Explanations are. It's not through explanations that you accept death. You could have explanations, mental explanations that say, well, he or she, they will move on, reincarnate, or go to a place of rest that can be comforting. But there's a deeper. You can go to a deeper place than that, where you don't need even explanations. A state of immediate realization of the sacredness of death. Because what opens up when the form dissolves is life that is beyond form. And that's sacred. That's the only thing that is sacred. It's not a thing. That is the sacred dimension. You can get tiny glimpses of that, tiny glimpses of that. When you lose something and you completely accept that it's gone. This is a tiny glimpse of death and can give you a tiny realization. Maybe even more than tiny, if you're ready. This mind made sense of self is also much more focused on the negative than the positive. To be free, you awaken to who you are beyond your history and your life situation.