Eckhart Tolle distinguishes between ego-driven self-esteem, which relies on comparison and external validation, and a deeper sense of worthiness that exists beyond the ego. He explores how spiritual growth means moving past the need to prove yourself to others.
Okay. Actually my question is already being answered. That often happens and I think one day we are going to come here and once we're all in presence we won't have any questions for you.
That's true. That would be wonderful.
You're going to be out of business.
Yes, that would be wonderful.
Actually, my, my question was, could you elaborate on ego versus healthy self esteem?
Oh, yes. Okay. Eventually, what we call healthy self esteem, which is a wonderful thing, eventually that is not enough. And as a human being evolves that healthy self esteem is no longer satisfying as you grow older and is transcended and what takes its place is healthy. No hyphen. Self esteem. The self esteem of course means that you are reasonably satisfied with who you are as a person and the achievements of the person, what the person can do or what the person knows or what the person possesses. And you compare what the person can do, abilities, what the person knows, knowledge or what the person has in terms of possessions. You compare that with others and you come out favorably. So either you can do more than somebody else or others feel better about yourself. I can do this, but they can't. I can, but you can't. Or you have more knowledge. Did you know that? This and such and such, such and such a case. You didn't know that. Well, let me tell you, that feels good. You know more. These ignorant people, they don't know anything. Or you have more. How many bedrooms does your house have? Four. Well, we have 11. Do you have an advanced degree? No, I have two PhDs and that's fine. It starts with a child already says, look what I can do, I can jump further than you. And for the child it's fine. There's no point in telling a child, don't do that. Your ego is arising. No, the child has to go through that. And it is better to have healthy self esteem, as you describe it, as it's usually described, than extremely low self esteem. I'm no good, everybody's better than me. I have nothing. Life has treated me unfairly. There's a self image there also, as there is a self image in healthy self esteem. One of course is much nicer than the other. It's more pleasant to live with healthy self esteem than with a low low self esteem or unhealthy self esteem one could call it. But they are both identification with some kind of form. And you compare the form of who I am, the form of others, and you are better, at least in one area. You must be. And that's satisfying. But they're still you're trapped in form and you're depending on for your sense of value or worthiness. You're depending on, ultimately, to put it bluntly, others who have less or know less or can do less than you. And that's fine, doesn't mean you shouldn't strive to. To do great things or to have things or to know things. But the question is ultimately, is that a satisfying basis for your sense of who you are? And in the long term it is not. It is not satisfying. That is why people who are maybe very happy with what they possess, after a while there is an emptiness that comes. Not the spiritual emptiness, the. A sense of emptiness of what's it all about. And even things you can do. A time may come when you can't do it anymore. Whatever it is that you do that's so great, playing an instrument, the great pianist, wonderful, why not be a great pianist? But if you derive your sense of who you are from that, then one day you find arthritis in your fingers. And who are you now? Or just the agility goes. It's not there anymore. Oh my God. Suffering comes. Or you invent the greatest new computer, some computer, I don't know the expressions, but program or whatever it is. And everybody says this is the greatest ever. And but three years later or two years, these things happen very quickly. Somebody else comes with, makes yours obsolete, and then you have no new ideas and there you sit, completely devastated because you come from somebody great. You've become nobody. But it was all illusion because you derived your sense of who you are from something in the world of form which is fleeting, not reliable, not solid, dreamlike. And so the true self esteem comes from not identifying with form. Now, whether we even want to call that self esteem, I don't know. The true sense of worthiness and of power. True power comes when you realize the formless in yourself, that dimension, and that all power comes from that. But it goes far beyond the person that you are. And then you are rooted in the formless, so to speak, or you are it. And that there's enormous sense of worthiness in there. But it's not comparative, it's not more than. You see the same worthiness in everyone, even if they don't know it for themselves yet. So there is power, but not more than. There's just the power of life itself. And you know, everybody is an expression of that, although they may not know it yet. Everybody. So this is. You transcend conventional self esteem. And it doesn't mean you lose your sense of worth. It shifts into something much deeper. So every human really is. There may even be some children these days who don't need to go through the egoic state anymore. That is possible, but traditionally humans had to go some, many probably still have to go through the stage where they identify with form, develop some self esteem, do something that you feel good about, you can do it. And then comes the time going beyond. Except perhaps, as I said, some advanced souls who may be coming into this world already in this world as children, who don't even need to identify with that anymore. A question that comes from there also is if a person has low self esteem, in other words, a mental image of not good enough, then does that person have to go through the stage of healthy self esteem because before they can transcend it altogether? I don't know. I haven't tried it enough with enough people. It may well be that the unhealthy self esteem, if it leads to state of suffering, great suffering, you may be able to, with the help of a teacher, go from there to no self. Because the way from unhappiness or suffering to transcendence is easier than the way from superficial happiness to transcendence. Superficial happiness keeps you in the dream world for quite a while. It's not that bad. My life can't complain. It's not that bad. Okay, I'm quite happy. Just got a promotion. I'm so happy. I just got my annual bonus from my Wall street bank. Great. I'm doing so from there. The transcendence is not directly from Wall Street. Probably not. But if you go from Wall street to prison, much easier.
Why alcohol feels like relief, and what it is really giving you | Eckhart Tolle
