Letting Go of Attachment to a Parental Role

As we search to focus on our true self, our true I, and we look at the various types of attachments, status, materialism, body image. I specifically have a problem with letting go of the concept of relationship and roles and specifically the role of mother. And although I see the agonic risk in hanging onto the role of mother and have no problem with the challenge of trying to let go of that, it's the concept of letting go of and having motivation to let go of the bond between mother and child that I struggle with.

How old is your child?

My children are adults. I have two living and one that I have buried. So I embrace and fully accept the opportunity that they all may go at any time. It's not that, but I'm talking about the emotional bond. So I'd like your comment on how we accept and embrace the concept of a letting go of the emotional bond.

Can I ask. Stay there. Can I ask you whether you have fully grieved the one that you have lost?

I feel that we have. It's been 30 years. And my belief in the spirituality that we speak of has assisted me in incorporating that into our lives.

Are you afraid your other children may die before you pass?

No, I have no fear of that. I have no fear of death for any of us.

Okay, but you have a fear of letting go.

I have no motivation to let go of the attachment between any one of the three, living or dead. I'm asking for your feedback on how to let go of the attachment.

Well, what's coming through is that it's not the bond so much that you have to let go of. It's the mother role to let go of and begin. When you let go of that, you are able to then begin a new sort of relationship, a more perhaps adult to adult relationship, a friendship to friendship relationship, rather than the mother, daughter, mother, son relationship. Now, usually when we hang onto our roles, it gives the ego a sense of something, gives the mind something. Because after all, you know, we've been mothers for a very long time. But there comes a point where if you don't let go, then a new relationship cannot form a different type of relationship, a more adult relationship, because mother relationship, let's face it, mothers, you know, concept of mother could be, you know, telling your child what to do or having your child being able to come to you. But if we don't let go of that, the result then for your child is also not being able to be fully themselves. And you know that because you're shaking your head and in turn you are not able to be fully yourself. So do you want to be fully yourself?

Of course.

Then let go.

So am I understanding correctly that letting go of the attachment of roles in relationships is not literally letting go of valuing that, but rather letting go of that, identifying you.

Exactly. When we have an expectation of something. So when I realized in my relationship with Eckhart, early on, I had a lot of expectations, A lot of expectations. Things that I didn't want in a relationship anymore. Things that I wanted in a relationship. And he's like, so when I suddenly saw that, oh, my God, it was like this aha moment. Oh, my God. I'm not having a real relationship with my man here. I'm having a relationship with the idea in my head. So you won't be able to have a full relationship with your children until you let go of the role, because you don't need to be a mother anymore. They're not little, so. But mothers are okay. They're wonderful. But when they get to be, you know, like, older, it's no longer wonderful. It blocks them from growing and being who they are and blocks you from growing and being who you are. The question is, are you willing to discover who you really are and have them discover who they really are and see them who they really are?

Thank you for the clarification.

Sa.