Navigating Difficult Decisions: Eckhart Tolle's Advice on Ending a Relationship

In other words, the unenlightened, so to speak, partner becomes your teacher. That is sometimes the case and surprisingly often says or does exactly what you need to become conscious in yourself.

The question I have is, along that process, over the last couple of years, almost every one of my relationships is gone, including my relationship, my marriage of 25 years. It's like hanging by a thread at the moment. And I can't tell if it's judgment or it's discernment because it feels like I can no longer engage in some of the behavior. And so I'm with a crowd of people that I no longer relate to. And so what has happened is my partner's. Our friends have become my partner's friends, where I no longer kind of engage. And so it's causing a lot of distance. And early on in my personal growth, somewhere along the line, I had heard the line, only someone with low self esteem stays in a relationship that doesn't meet their needs. But it's now come to the point where it feels like any need that I think this egoic identity has is going to cause suffering. If I try to. Even as something simple as what you're saying is offensive, it's hurting. Can you please rephrase it? Even something like that seems like it's going to be misinterpreted. It's going to feel like an attack. And maybe it's writing on judgment that's just slightly beneath my consciousness. I suspect that's probably true. Like there's some. Whenever you speak about spiritual superiority, it brings some kind of. It's like, oh, you better pay attention there. So I don't know how much of that. Over the course of our lifetime, trying to get my partner to do some kind of spiritual growth work has had the exact opposite effect. Or. Anyway, that's where I'm at. She actually was coming here. I finally got her to come and it didn't happen. It blew up before and. Yeah, so.

But you're still together.

In the last year. We had a big windfall. I did some. One of your manifestation processes. A big house just showed up. And we're in two different houses now. I'm in a big house by myself. I don't want the house. I bought the house for her, basically, anyway.

Well, yes, that's an interesting story.

The emphasis on the word story, though.

So could you. Before I speak, have you already asked a question or not yet?

I think the question is maybe. Well, number one, how do I know when it's time? If it was up to me? I would never throw in the towel. For me, what's coming up is supposed to come up. It's an opportunity for us to heal. And so I'll plant my feet, but the other person doesn't seem like that's their agenda. So when do you say it's time to let go? I guess is the question.

And other relationships had already come to an end.

There was no formal end, just growing away. Like not a draw or a lack of connection, lack of ground to connect on, I guess. And at the same time I feel more connected to everything. So it's like the forms are going away, but the connection to energy. It's like I just see waves of energy.

Right, right. Thank you. Often that question is one form or another is often asked when is it time to let go of a relationship? Or is it possible to continue in a relationship even if there's a huge gap in the level of awareness? For example, in the two partners, if there's a huge gap, usually the best answer comes not through the decision making process of the mind trying to figure out what's the best thing to do. The best answer comes as a sudden realization that this is the thing to do. Either you leave or you stay. If you live in two separate houses, of course, then it makes it a little easier to be in a relationship because you have a lot of space to yourself and she has a lot of he or she has a lot of space also. So it often happens that one person, let's see, two people meet, they come together, married or not married, they start living together and at some point one of them begins to grow spiritually for some reason there's a spiritual growth happening, the arising of awareness, some transcendence of ego and the other person, let's say, is staying behind. So the communication becomes a little bit more difficult also as far as pain body is concerned, because the pain body in couples, for example, pain body needs the other person's pain body in order for the ultimately dysfunctional relationship to work. You need if the other already has gone beyond the pain body. I don't know whether you are still engaged in emotional.

I get hooked after if I feel like I'm verbally attacked. If you keep misinterpreting, I'll get hooked. So there's still places where I need to work.

Yes. So it could be that the other person can provide the training ground for you. That's what it feels like to be non reactive.

That's what it feels like.

It feels like, in other words, the unenlightened so to speak partner becomes your teacher. That is sometimes the case and surprisingly often says or does exactly what you need to become more conscious in yourself. So there's a reflection, and this can be highly, very useful. Ultimately, at some point, the other person may experience also the beginning of an awakening. But in the maybe not necessarily. But in the meantime, a relatively unconscious partner can teach you a lot about yourself when you observe the reactivity within yourself.

Great.

So unless something else comes to you that is beyond any doubt, and I very rarely make recommendations as far as people's personal lives are concerned, but I'll make one now. I would continue for a while and allow the person to reflect back to you the things that you need to still become conscious of by provoking you. And often that is the case. And, and you have some space if you can't take anymore, you go to a house.