One-Sided Love Relationship with Eckhart Tolle

Why is love not reciprocated? Why does one way love traffic situation arise? I am placing my aching heart before you. Please operate. Thank you. Thank you. All right, I will begin the operation now. One form loves and the other form doesn't reciprocate. Why is that? And the pain that comes with that great pain for many people is enormous pain. Now you know that the basic condition of the self, or the egoic self is one of a very deep seated sense of lack, of not enough, of not complete. And then it tries to fill through strategies. The mind itself tries to fill that lack that it knows and feels almost continuously, except for brief moments when something has been put in there. And then for a moment the lack is not felt, never lasts long. So it looks for the next thing. And it looks to the future. It looks to add to me, to fill that hole that is always there where I'm not myself, I'm not complete, I haven't. I'm not home, I haven't arrived. And so all kinds of strategies are there, but. And one of the main areas where it looks to fulfill that lack is in the area of relationship. The other person, he or she. And then when that happens, the entire focus of the self becomes focused on one other person who is perceived unconsciously as the one who is going to complete me, make me whole. He or she is the one. And so almost an obsessive attachment forms to that image, that form of that person. And that is called falling in love. And sometimes, if you're lucky, the other person feels the same about you, that you are going to complete him or her also. And of course that is great. You both feel that you are going to complete each other. And then probably you will want to get married, sign a contract just to make sure that for the rest of your life you are going to complete me and you're not going to leave me. Because that would have dire consequences if you broke that contract and left me. Don't you even think about that. And then you marry. This is where the films end. The director says, cut here. But life goes on and you marry. And after, perhaps even during the honeymoon, the first doubt comes into your mind whether this actually works, whether the other is going to live up to that enormous task of fulfilling and completing you. And then you start an ordinary existence, jobs, family. And gradually it doesn't seem to be working anymore, the completion, the sense of lack comes back. He or she isn't being behaving in the way that he or she should. To make me feel complete, make me Happy. You read it in ads. I don't know if you read it in India. Looking for man or woman to make me happy. Oh, who could live up to that? And nobody can. And then the lack that was covered up by the temporary delusion that this person was fulfilling you, this person who has a pain body. But you didn't know that. The temporary delusion that this person should be fulfilling you, that suddenly the sense of incompleteness, aloneness, fear, not being, your re emerges. But now through your mind you attach that to the other person and say he or she is the cause for what I feel. You're feeling again the basic egoic condition. You're feeling it more strongly now because for a little while it was covered up by the love relationship. And so gradually the love then periodically turns into hate. And every time the person is not fulfilling his obligations or her, the love turns into aggression, hostility, withdrawal, complete withdrawal. What's wrong with you? Nothing is wrong. Just don't want to talk, whatever or throwing something, whatever they do. And then the relationship fluctuates. For a while it works again and then it doesn't work, it works again, doesn't work. And then it becomes the periods when it doesn't work become longer and you feel, it feels bad. The happiness of marriage turns into the unhappiness of just coexistence. The happiness of the honeymoon becomes the divorce. And they're all one really. So it was an attempt to fulfil you through some form, some outer form. And then all that happens in the end. You sense the unfulfillment more strongly and then you blame that form for causing you that pain. It's egoic pain. This is the pain that arises out of love, hate, relationships. Now the questioner of course is not at that stage because it is one way traffic, as he puts it, that great love is felt for this form, but it's not reciprocated. What do you do then? Then you feel that lack even more strongly and it's pain. And there is a tendency for the mind to weave all kinds of fantasies around it, all kinds of stories. And the self gets in there and becomes a very painful self image of me. And it can then if it goes on, it can happen that that attraction turns into hate can happen, not saying it will happen in your case. And then you see it never was love in the first place. So what is called love is the deep seated need of the ego focuses on one form.