Recognizing the Pain Body in Relationships | Eckhart Tolle Teachings

Partners evolve sometimes at different speed, the evolution of consciousness. And some may not evolve for a while at all. So it's possible that suddenly the awakened consciousness comes into you, into you. And your partner remains where he or she is. And you go into enormous presence and aliveness and newness. And you still see he or she is still no change. And then wait a little and see. It is quite possible that your state transmits itself. Is there even the slightest degree of readiness in the other? The fact that you do not strengthen his or her mind anymore by opposing his or her mind, the vital thing, don't oppose. The mind can express your viewpoint without opposition. Something may happen, an opening may happen often. Or it is possible that you may have to separate. And it may be that the other partner will leave you. Because it is no longer satisfying to live with you without the drama. The pain body of course, many of you know about the pain body and hopefully not only know about the pain body, but have direct knowledge, immediate knowledge of your own pain body. The pain body, of course, is the favorite place for the pain body, which is the old accumulated pain, which is an energetic, almost an entity that lives in you, that lives on emotional suffering. It loves its vibrational frequency. It thrives on close relationships. That's where it gets its food, most of its food. There isn't much you can do with. If your pain body needs food, it can't do much. When you go to the supermarket and only see the cashier for half a minute or one minute even there, it could happen. I've been standing here for 10 minutes and you've been talking to this customer instead of serving me. But favorite place for pain bodies to renew themselves are families and intimate relationships. That's their place. And so you will know your partner has a pain body which occasionally takes them over and makes them say and do things that one could say they are completely out of character. Well, yes, it's unconscious. It comes as a surprise when you start living with a person and you experience their pain body after perhaps two or three weeks for the first time. And that used to be the big surprise when people got married. Nowadays, often people live together for a while before they get married, so they already know that the other has a pain body. It's good. And you haven't committed yourself yet. You can still get out. But what a dreadful thing when you have to. When you marry somebody, start living with that person. And two or three weeks after the honeymoon, a totally different person is suddenly there. A person who is in a deeply negative energy field. Says hurtful things, misinterprets what you do. You say, who did I marry? And you think, this must be the real person maybe I married. This was all a disguise. The real person is coming out. No, that's of course not the case. It's not the real person, it's the pain body. And where is yours? Oh, your partner's pain body wants yours, wants your emotional reaction. Pain body is an emotional aspect of ego. It's part of the egoic consciousness. Pain body needs to be recognized in yourself and the other as it arises. It's not usually there all the time. That would be dreadful. But it comes periodically and then you go back to normal for a while and then it comes back. And so you need to recognize it, be there as the space for it, be the presence in the other and in yourself. Perhaps the most destructive thing in relationships is the pain body that people carry around with them, that takes them over and makes them. Even sometimes people who are already awakening, they still get periodically get taken over by their pain body and completely lose consciousness, are then completely identified with that energy field. It uses their mind. It rises up. When the pain body needs to renew itself, feed on somebody else's reaction, it moves into your mind. And every thought you think is the thought of the pain body. It's completely. The emotional energy field takes possession of your mind, which is probably. If you're not conscious is probably problematic enough as it is even without the pain body. But then the pain body rises into your mind. And then if you observe it in your partner, because if it happens to you, you can't observe it anymore, the presence is lost. But you can observe it in another more easily. Every word they say to you is the pain body speaking through them as if an entity, and in a way it is like that, has taken possession of them and is now using their mind and speaking through their mind. You need to know that so that you do not react as if that were who they are. So that is where a degree of compassion comes in. When you recognize that they are being possessed at that moment by this entity called pain body, that helps to know it. But this entity is very cunning and knows exactly how to get an emotional reaction from you. It will accuse you, blame you, mention it knows your weakest points and it will go in there and press all the right buttons until you finally go and your own pain body has awakened and you're in the grip of it and you start shouting. And whatever form the pain body takes, or you may be present enough so that you don't get taken over by your own pain body. But even being in the grip of the pain body, if you're awakening, if the new consciousness is arising, there is a good chance that at the back there is still an observing presence. And you are able to say to your partner, I think my pain body has just come up. I can feel it. There it is. And if your partner's pain body has not come up yet, then he or she can help you to stay present with it. You can address it. See, it happened just at this moment when you said that or that happened that and now I can feel it. Okay, let's stay with it. You may also point out to your partner that the pain body has come up when you observe it. And if you're lucky, there's still enough awareness there to recognize it. But the pain body is very cunning. It may even be that your own pain body is coming up and you're accusing your partner that their pain body is there. Oh, very cunning. And of course, the interesting thing is if somebody says to you, there's your pain body, if there's a reaction, then he or she was right. What do you mean, my pain body? If there is an open a look and you say, that's my pain body. Okay, okay, let me just feel into this. Then probably wasn't my pain body. Well, that's strange. Didn't feel like a pain body, but maybe.