Speaking with Authenticity

You know, when I was a little girl, I don't know what it is. I mean, I do notice this in most Asian people, that if they're not smiling, they just look sad. So when I was a kid, you know, and if I wasn't smiling, they always say, why do you look so sad? And I'm like, I don't think I'm sad. You know, smile, smile. You got such a pretty smile. Smile. So I learned to, hi. Even when I'm really sad, I'll go, hi. Oh, yeah, I'm fine. You know, we take on these roles because people may have said something. I mean, I, you know, I did it. And then when I take on that role, I actually lose that authentic self of me that, okay, I might be this person that, you know, just looks sad, but I'm not sad. I mean, you know, it's. I was trying to please somebody else, make somebody else comfortable, because they told me that it wasn't nice, they weren't feeling good because I looked the way that I looked, which it appeared to them in their mind and interpretation that I was sad. So I learned to keep smiling. You know, it's easy to do, but it can be very exhausting if you hang around with a bunch of people all day time. Because I think I have to be like this. That's why I don't hang around with anybody. I mean, wow, we just got to be ourselves. And, you know, somebody told me, I was in a. A body worker in California, and we often just share and we talk. We really love talking with each other. And she told me this story. This man who used to come to her, he was a very old gentleman. And seeing that he was old, she asked him, wow, you've lived so many years. What. What great wisdom can you share with me? And he said, don't believe what anybody says. So it's not only don't believe what they say, don't believe what your own mind says, and don't believe the mask they wear. You'll know something when it's just genuine because something in your body just melts. You just feel it. And when that melts, because they're melted and then you melt, you go, oh, wow, this is nice. It's not like this great excitement that happens. It's just a nice feeling. It's kind of like, oh, okay, this is nice. This is comfortable. So on my retreats that I do, sometimes I'll do an experiment with, with the group. And it's a smaller group than this, so we can do a lot More experiments and stuff, exercises. But I will have them talk to each other. Just, you know, somebody that they don't know, go up to them and just have a conversation with them right away it'll start off and that gets louder and louder and louder and louder. And you just know that vibration of that energy is coming strictly from the mind. That's how they're meeting each other and communicating is through the mind. And then I'll go, okay, let's stop. Before you talk, I want you to go into your body, feel your body and then if you can access stillness, access stillness, go into stillness. So feel your body and then speak from there. So it's quiet for a moment because they feel their body and then suddenly they speak. And there's a level there, it doesn't rise. It's not like before, you know, where it was just like so loud. It can get so loud and they're speaking from a different place. And I love just. I did a retreat a couple of weeks ago at Hollyhock. And then I had, you know, the person share, like what was different from them for them. And they said, I just felt like as if I was raw because they were just being them. They're themselves. We are raw, we're vulnerable. And it was wonderful for her. And at the same time it was very strange because it's unfamiliar. We've forgotten that familiarity of how vulnerable and how raw and how, how open and how exposed we can be. Because we're so used to hiding ourself. Protecting ourselves and this has become our habit, is the protection of ourself. But who are we really protecting? We're protecting that ego identity. Because what is there to protect of your soul, of consciousness? Nothing. Because that soul, that consciousness is that open space or that all consuming love, the love that has no opposites or the peace that passes all understanding. It's who we are really in reality. The other thing that comes and goes, the body, the mind, the ego, that's all illusion, it's all impermanent, it's not who we are. But when we attach ourselves to that and only live from that place, you're living out of your shadow self. You've covered that light that you are here because it went. And this is where then you talk, you act and you think you're being yourself, but you're not. And what I've observed, most human beings are not themselves. It does take and vulnerability, a willingness to be vulnerable, a willingness to be exposed, a willingness to be raw and open just to be this. But every Time that you believe that you are this, then it's like you become sensitive to that and think, oh, I might get hurt, so it's easier to cover myself. Yeah, you might get hurt. Yeah. Humans hurt each other. I mean, just look at last half of the century. I mean, we hurt each other all the time. All the time. But when you know that you are the consciousness. That's why I was saying, ultimately there is no one to forgive. Because when you know that you are consciousness, the other is consciousness too. And that is just the ego, the illusion of it. So that's why there's no one to forgive. But most of us, you're not in that place. So when you're not in that place, you kind of need to merge these two places together and have that. Your ego, your mind, to understand that, to tell the truth. And when you live in that truth, it does open up that space there, because there is this too. Just because it's an illusion doesn't mean that it's not there, because it is there. It's like that. I don't know, it was some sort of Zen story where the student would say, well, if all this. If our body is an illusion, then why bother with it? Or, I don't know. I can't even remember. But then the master just hits him with a stick, and he goes, ow. And he goes. And the master goes, if you said your body's an illusion, why does it hurt? So we do feel. Why separate ourselves from that? Because when we are in the very essence of your soul, and you know that the consciousness is. You are that consciousness, then you're more mindful because you know how sensitive this body is, how sensitive the mind is, and how, you know, just vulnerable it can be. So we just kind of hold that. We hold ourselves in that, without that attachment, because we know that there is this body here. And then we speak from a different place. We don't just go right into the mind and start talking. So that's your homework during lunch, is to, before you speak, go into your body. Enjoy. Sam.