In this short teaching exchange, Eckhart Tolle explains his core insight that there are two ways to be unhappy: not getting what you want and getting what you want. A retreat participant (Speaker B) shares his strong desires—to become a famous musician and to be with a beautiful woman—along with recent setbacks (quitting his job, a deceptive relationship, loss of money) and his ongoing spiritual practice. Tolle acknowledges that pursuing goals is fine but warns that excessive attachment turns desire into an energy leak that robs the present moment of quality. He asks whether the participant enjoys the act of making music, emphasizing that true fulfillment comes from deep enjoyment of the activity itself rather than fixation on fame. The teacher advises a balance: keep goals, but stay rooted in the present, enjoy the doing, and avoid letting attachment dominate, thereby reducing suffering.
There are 2 ways of being unhappy. One is not getting what you want, and the other is getting what you want. And perhaps you've had a little bit of taste of that already.
I think my question is about strong desires and strong Attachments. Which I feel I have one or two, like big, really big ones. The rest, I'm kind of— I don't really care. I'm pretty happy. One of them is being a famous musician and impacting the world. The other one is being with a beautiful woman. And again, just like the example with the question, the more I want these things, the more I suffer. And the more I awaken, because it's tough not getting what you desperately want. And I thought the problem was my job. So I quit my job. And then I thought that I should just go and get the things that I want. So I started playing music and I got the Hinge app and I met a girl and she fooled me and stole my money. And so, you know, now I'm kind of left without money and without time. So all the things that I thought, you know, I was kind of— I thought that, oh, finally, you know, God is answering me. I get the girl and the time to— and everything. And now, you know, it's a lot of loss. And I've always been into spirituality in a way or another without me knowing about it or not. Whenever I think of my grandmother or look at a picture with her or read one of her letters, I merge with a feeling of unconditional love. I like meditating. And I feel strong presence. Actually, I feel this is the only part of my life where I'm still progressing. And now I'm at this retreat because I know I'd like to calm my mind and become still and start. I mean, you know. get wise. But if I got this chance, I can maybe ask you right away, maybe you could give me, you know, some tips of what should I do next.
Thank you. Well, you may have heard the saying, which applies to anybody who is not rooted in being. There are 2 ways of being unhappy. One is not getting what you want, and the other is getting what you want. And perhaps you've had a little bit of taste of that already. So you still have— do you still have very strong pulls? You want to become a— Famous musician and the beautiful woman, maybe one day will appear and she will not steal your money. It is perfectly fine to pursue goals in life. Important question is, are you good at being a musician? You probably won't become world famous if you're not good at it or you don't enjoy it. Do you enjoy the doing? If that is the case, the important thing is to enjoy making the music that you do deeply. If you're too focused on the goal of becoming famous, that will take attention away from the actual performance of the— there was a— Having goals is good. Excessive attachment to a goal It takes away the quality of what you're doing in the present moment. It's like an energy leakage. Goals can be important. Excessive attachment represents a leakage of energy. So you have to have a balance.
