Eckhart Tolle argues that most human misery comes from an unconscious habit of complaining about people and situations. The mind constantly interprets neutral events as negative, feeding the ego. By noticing when you complain and choosing not to label what's happening, you can dissolve these thought patterns and reduce suffering.
The unconscious thought processes for many people has to do with complaining about things and people. They don't know it because it's come second nature to them. A lot of what in their minds, what they think about and talk about to others, is complaining either about other people or situations or what they call my life. The next challenge that you encounter, or the challenge that you're encountering right now in your life, use it and allow it to make you more present. Be present with it instead of rejecting, or instead of saying, 'This shouldn't be happening,' or, 'Something is missing.' Then why 'But don't I have that?' Allow the challenge to be there and work with it. The challenge appears in the present moment. If it's real, there's something here that either you need to deal with, take action, or leave alone if there's nothing you can do. Then that's a real, a real challenge. The ultimate real challenge is always manifest in the present moment. Then there's a mental challenge, and most people are challenged more by their minds than by the actual situations. So all the, the whatever your mind is saying, for many people represents the greatest challenge. The greatest challenge is their own mind, not the circumstances of their life, but they cannot differentiate between the circumstances of their life and their mind because their mind continuously interprets the circumstances and they cannot see the difference between what is and how the mind interprets what is. They become— their experience is a single phenomenon, and that's part of the unconsciousness. You can practice self-observation even with simple things like, let's say, you wake up in the morning and you open the curtains. Let's say it's wintertime or it's November and you open the curtains and it's raining and it's So it's, oh my God, not another rainy day, another miserable day. And so here you have mixed up what is with interpretation without knowing it. So you thought it's a miserable day. No, there's water falling from the sky. That's the reality. The miserable is supplied by your mind. And that's just a small, very small example of what happens continuously, this— the misinterpretation of what is. And unfortunately, the human ego loves to misinterpret in that way, because the more it can complain about something that is, the stronger the fictitious self feels. And this is why And this, for some of you, that might also still be helpful because it may still happen occasionally to some of you. A lot of the mental, the unconscious thought processes for many people has to do with complaining about things and people. They don't know it because it's become second nature to them. A lot of what in their minds, what they think about and talk about to others, is complaining either about other people or situations or what they call my life. Whatever it is, I'm not happy with it, and I'll tell you about it, why I'm not happy with it. You know what he did then and what he failed to do then, what should have done but he didn't do it. And then he said this, but I said this. And of course, you are always right and the other is always wrong. That's understood. So the complaining entity makes up a lot of the unconscious thinking for most humans. So be very much aware of the tendency to complain about people and situations or your life. And you can see that is the essence of unconsciousness, and that keeps the ego alive. And if you have that, you can make it a spiritual practice. Let's— you can, if you still have it in you, you have to have honest self-observation. Self-observation is not easy. It's easier to observe the unconsciousness in others than it is to observe it in yourself. Much easier to see it in others. But so it requires a bit more alertness to see it in yourself and say, 'Hmm, I've been complaining for the past 2 hours,' either mentally or out loud. I'm not saying to point out something that is wrong and it can be rectified. That's not I'm talking about useless complaining. It has no purpose except to strengthen the ego. So if you observe that, you can make it a spiritual practice. Let's say, I'm going to spend the next hour or two without complaining about anything. Okay, well, for some people that would be very hard. Okay, I'm not complaining about the traffic, other drivers, my wife, my ex-husband, what he said or should have said, and what the situation that I'm in right now. I'm not complaining about anything. I just let it be. You can still deal, you still deal with it. Your ability to deal with situations does not diminish if you stop complaining about situations. You can only deal with situations when you are not complaining, you face the fact, you don't deny the fact and then act upon it, which is complaining. You face the fact, this is what is and this is what I can do, or this is what is and there's nothing I can do about it right now, so it's fine and leave it alone. That's conscious living. The other is unconscious living, which most humans still live in that way. So you spend a couple of hours practicing not complaining about anything, no matter what you're doing or where you are. And sometimes you may— it's obviously, if it's out loud, you can catch that more easily. You say, You can catch yourself, that's, oh, I'm not saying anything. But of course, then it's still in your mind. So there you also have to identify the thought and say, let go of it. It's another complaining thought, drop it. Another complaining thought, drop it. And that is again an essential part of the awakening process, is to become aware of what you're Mind is saying, become aware of your thought processes. That's part of the awakening. And as you know, most humans are still completely identified with that stream of unconscious thinking. There's no— you don't know what's the real thing. You are the thought. You are at the mercy of your thoughts. Horrible way to live. So be aware of your mind, of your thoughts. There was a— many years ago I spent occasionally time in Buddhist monasteries, and the monks are trying very hard and nuns, they're trying very hard with their spiritual practice, but then they get— I've observed they get periodically, not all, but I saw one or two highly conscious ones, one or two, but the others then get taken over suddenly as they start complaining about the monastery. But this shouldn't be happening, that shouldn't— why do we have to get up at 4:30? It just doesn't make sense. And the water, why don't we have— why is the water so cold, it freezes my hands off, and why can't we wear something a bit warmer, this is horrible, this long meditation, I can't stand it anymore. So I've watched quite a bit of complaining there too, and then now Buddhist monks have to be very polite, so they cannot say— when you observe another person's unconsciousness, you can't say, shut up. You can't do that. But what they replace it with when they want to say shut up, they say, 'Watch your mind.' And sometimes it helps, the other person suddenly wakes up, 'Oh, okay,' and then becomes present again. Watch your mind. But that's a very powerful pointer, watch your mind. So that you are not— it doesn't take you over, this unconscious thinking. The more presence you are able to bring in, the better your mind will actually function when it's needed, instead of having a function that is purely self-serving, that purely strengthens the ego. Which is what for many people, that's 80% of their thinking or 90% of their thinking is self-serving and problem-making and not problem-solving. It's problem-making, not problem-solving. So that's the practice then, is an important part of the practice is be aware not only of your, what your thoughts creating, Also the emotional field that is there. Beware of the emotions that arise.
Why alcohol feels like relief, and what it is really giving you | Eckhart Tolle
