In this segment of a Q&A, Eckhart Tolle expands on the distinction between ego‑driven self‑esteem and a deeper, non‑comparative sense of worth that arises when one transcends identification with form. He explains that healthy self‑esteem—feeling satisfied with one’s abilities, knowledge, or possessions in comparison to others—is a necessary developmental stage, but it ultimately proves insufficient for lasting fulfillment. As a person matures, this self‑esteem can be superseded by what Tolle calls “healthy no‑self‑esteem,” a formless sense of worth that is not based on comparison and is rooted in the underlying power of life itself. He discusses how suffering can accelerate the move beyond egoic identification, whereas superficial happiness (e.g., success, wealth) tends to keep one in the dream‑state longer. The dialogue also touches on whether a person with low self‑esteem must pass through the healthy self‑esteem stage before transcending, suggesting that intense suffering may sometimes shortcut the path to no‑self. Throughout, Tolle emphasizes that true power and worth arise from recognizing the formless dimension within, which is shared by all beings.
Chapters
For your sense of value or worthiness, you're depending on, ultimately, to put it bluntly, others who have less or know less or can do less than you. And that's fine. Doesn't mean you shouldn't strive to do great things or to have things or to know things. But the question is, ultimately, is that satisfying? Basis for your sense of who you are.
Actually, my question has already been answered.
That often happens.
And I think one day we are going to come here, and once we're all in presence, we won't have any questions for you.
That's true. That would be wonderful.
You're going to be out of business.
Yes, that would be wonderful.
Actually, my question was, could you elaborate on ego versus healthy self-esteem?
Ah, yes. Okay. Eventually, what you would call healthy self-esteem, which is a wonderful thing, Eventually, that is not enough. And as a human being evolves, that healthy self-esteem is no longer satisfying as you grow older and is transcended. And what takes its place is— Healthy no-self-esteem. The self-esteem, of course, means that you are reasonably satisfied with who you are as a person. And the achievements of the person, what the person can do, or what the person knows, or what the person possesses, and you compare what the person can do, abilities, what the person knows, knowledge, or what the person has, in terms of possessions. You compare that with others, and you come out favorably. So either you can do more than somebody else or others, just feel better about yourself. I can do this, but they can't. I can, but you can't. Or you have more knowledge. 'Did you know that this and such and such is such and such the case? You didn't know that? Well, let me tell you.' That feels good. You know more. These ignorant people, they don't know anything. And that's fine for— it starts with a child already. It says, 'Look what I can do. I can jump further than you.' And for the child, it's fine. There's no point in telling a child, "Don't do that, your ego is arising." No, the child has to go through that. And it is better to have healthy self-esteem, as you describe it, as it's usually described, than extremely low self-esteem. I'm no good. Everybody's better than me. I have nothing. Life has treated me unfairly. There's a self-image there also, as there is a self-image in healthy self-esteem. One, of course, is much nicer than the other. It's more pleasant to live with healthy self-esteem than with a low self-esteem, or unhealthy self-esteem, one could call it. But they're both identification with some kind of form, and you compare the form of who I am with the form of others, and you are better in at least in one area, you must be, right? And that's satisfying, but there's still, you're trapped in form and you're depending on, for your sense of value or worthiness, you're depending on ultimately, to put it bluntly, others who have less or know less or can do less than you. And that's fine, doesn't mean you shouldn't strive to to do great things or to have things or to know things. But the question is, ultimately, is that a satisfying basis for your sense of who you are? And in the long term, it is not. It is not satisfying. That is why people who are maybe very happy with what they possess, after a while, there's an emptiness that comes, not the spiritual emptiness, the a sense of emptiness of what's it all about. And even things you can do, a time may come when you can't do it anymore, whatever it is that you do that's so great. And so the true self-esteem comes from not identifying with form. Now whether we even want to call that self-esteem, I don't know. The true sense of worthiness and of power. True power comes when you realize the formless in yourself, that dimension, and that all power comes from that. But it's not— it goes far beyond the person that you are. And then you are rooted in the formless, so to speak, or you are it, and that there's enormous sense of worthiness in there, but it's not comparative. It's not more than. You see the same worthiness in everyone, even if they don't know it for themselves yet. So there is power, but not more than. There's just the power of life itself. And you know everybody is an expression of that, although they may not know it yet. Everybody. So this is— you transcend conventional self-esteem. And it doesn't mean you lose your sense of worth. It shifts into something much deeper. A question that comes from there also is, if a person has low self-esteem, in other words, a mental image of not good enough, then Does that person have to go through the stage of healthy self-esteem before they can transcend it altogether? I don't know, I haven't tried it enough with enough people. It may well be that the unhealthy self-esteem, if it leads to state of suffering, great suffering, you may be able to, with the help of a teacher, go from there to 'tch,' no-self. Because the way from unhappiness or suffering to transcendence is easier than the way from superficial happiness to transcendence. Superficial happiness keeps you in the dream world for quite a while. It's not that bad, my life. I can't complain, it's not that bad, it's going okay. I'm quite happy, just got a promotion. Or I'm so happy, just got my annual bonus from my Wall Street bank. Great, I'm doing great. So from there, the transcendence is not directly from Wall Street, probably not, but If you go from Wall Street to prison, then—
