Why Your Partner Becomes a Different Person Sometimes | Eckhart Tolle

You fall in love. We talked about that earlier. And then you start living together or you even sign a contract that you're going to start living together. Okay, can't get out of this now. You live together and then suddenly on a week or a couple of months after you living together, the other your partner suddenly goes through some weird transformation. It's not the same person anymore. Some little monster that suddenly. Who is this? Who is this? I mean, you all have experienced anger, what that is like when it's. It's an emotion and it's usually accompanied by a story emotion that energizes the story, and the story gives more energy to the emotion. And the vicious circle happens. And you talk about it and think about it, this situation that makes you so angry and you get even more angry. It's horrible. And so you've all experienced how unpleasant that is. But you don't know when you're in the grip of it. You love it. Not you, but the ego, which you mistake for who you are. The ego loves it. When you're in the grip of anger. You don't want to let go. You don't want to let go. You cannot awaken a person, even a person who is, let's say you live with somebody. And if that person is being taken over by an emotion, like especially the pain body, as I call it, perhaps most of you know what I mean by pain body. Pain body is an old emotion that still lives in you. Painful emotion that subsides in you. And sometimes it's dormant, sometimes it comes active in order to feed on more drama and more pain. So periodically, the pain body which is accumulated, trapped negative emotion often goes back to childhood and perhaps past lifetimes. If you want to go there, you don't have to believe in it. But the pain body in some humans can be very, very heavy, which is accumulation of painful emotion that lives in them. Not always active, sometimes it's dormant, you hardly feel it. And then suddenly something triggers it and it wakes up. And if you have lived with somebody that perhaps the first time that you have observed it, let's say you, you fall in love, we talked about that earlier. And then you start living together. Or you even sign a contract that you're going to start living together. Okay, can't get out of this now. You live together and then suddenly a week or a couple of months after you live together, the other, your partner suddenly goes through some weird transformation. It's not the same person anymore. It's some little monster that somebody is. Who is this who is this? Somebody very aggressive or very deeply, awfully angry. And goes through complete transformation of their personality. Like a monstrous transformation. Oh, my God. And I signed a contract to be with this person forever. So all it means you first encountered their pain body. They were taken over by this emotional field. And the pain body attempts to feed on other people's reactions, negative reactions in it, presses the buttons that it most will provoke a negative reaction in the other. It'll say just the right thing that is hurtful to get the negative reaction. And so, in other words, the pain body in you will awaken the other person. Attempt to awaken the other person's pain body, who presumably also has one, maybe not as strong, but probably has one. And it attempts to get the rear. And this is how drama in relationships periodically happens. And the two that were in love yesterday, the next day, they are mortal enemies. At least for a few hours or a couple of days or three, they are suddenly mortal. They hate each other deeply. It's in the grip of their pain body. And then sometimes it happens. Then a little bit of time subsides. And then gradually they both wake up again, not into enlightened consciousness, but into normal unconsciousness, not deep unconsciousness, which is the pain body. And so they wake up and say, oh, and then they make up. Maybe they make love because they make up. Feels good. After a pain body episode, oh, all is well. You can't even remember why. What you were fighting about. Can't even remember it. Okay, all is well. We are fine again. Okay. Then two, three weeks pass, and again happening again. Oh, my God. And again and again. I can't take any more of this. And sometimes the intervals between pain body episodes get shorter. And then there's the beginning of the end. And unfortunately, they don't recognize it for what it is. There's not enough presence to have at least some degree of disidentification from that entity which is the pain body. I regard it, I suggest that you look upon it almost as if it were a little entity that lives in you. A little monster or gremlin or something that lives in you. There's this weird in. I think it's in Lord of the Rings, there's this weird creature, Golon or something. I can't remember what it's called. And that creature is. To me, I see it as a personification of the human pain body because it lives in continuous deep pain. And it's beautifully portrayed. Also in the movie, it goes like. Just. There's the pain body. You can see it you can learn a lot by just watching that. And maybe that thing lives in you somewhere. Maybe it lives in you. And occasionally it wakes up and wants to feed on more of the same vibrational frequency that makes up its being. So it feeds on drama and unhappiness and whatever form it may take. So once you recognize it, that's the beginning of the end of the pain body. But the recognition of it requires you to be present with it when it arises. First you recognize it in the other person. There's her pain body or his pain body. There it is. What do I do now? Oh, my God. Well, the important thing is that your pain body does not get triggered by it. Can you stay present? Not easy. And again, this is. You're being silenced. And this is what is good. You can actually. You're now required to be more present than you would normally be when you're with somebody who is deeply unconscious. In that moment, you need to be really present to turn up the dimmer, switch the light. You need to be really present so that you don't get drawn into this and drawn down to the same level of unconsciousness. So you're present and you observe. You know exactly what's happening. You know this is the other person's pain, but it's not. Not who or what they actually are in their being. It is something that kind of possesses them right now, so you don't need to react to it as if it were their real being. And then you can stay conscious while it's happening. I suggest to couples who sometimes experience these periods of drama, pain body periods have an agreement. If you both realize the importance of awakening, have an agreement. Not while you're in the grip of the pain body. There's no arguing with the pain body. No rational argument would ever get through. You can't do that. But when you're both relatively conscious, say, okay, again last week, do you remember when we had our pain body attack? Yes. Okay. And don't start with yes, but you started it. No, don't go there. It's not necessary to go there. You said there was a pain. Doesn't matter who started it. That was the pain. Okay, next time, let's agree. If you see the beginnings of a pain body in me, please let me know. And the other person says, okay, I agree. You see it in me. Also, please let me know that this is the pain body so that I can stay conscious, so that I don't get taken over by it completely. And you might even agree on a little sign that you Whatever it is. And then so you have agreement and you have permission to point out mutually the other's pain body. And then just wait for the next episode to happen. And then comes the critical moment. And then you observe it arising in the other. The first thing, it's just the first thing. They say it's the beginning of the. Or you know, it's a certain thing that always creates a pain body in them. Maybe it's to do with money or whatever it may be something. And there it is. And then you say ah, there your pain body perhaps arising. You have to be really careful. And if that person has still some consciousness, he or she would say oh, maybe it is. Let me check inside. However, it's possible that this person has already gone beyond that level and is no longer hearing what you're saying because the pain body is. Now you're no longer talking to him or her, you're talking to the pain body. And so if you miss it or it happens so quickly that you miss the beginning of it, and then you say that your pain body, and then the pain body will speak back to you. How dare you save my pain. Look at your own pain body. You're just projecting. It's yours, it's always yours. And no rational argument will ever get through the pain body. It's completely pointless because the person is very unconscious and that moment is in the grip of this entity, as I call it, like a little gremlin. But it's a wonderful practice. I find that people with heavy pain bodies have a stronger motivation to awaken spiritually than people with relatively weak pain bodies because it just can't stand it anymore. And so I had a very heavy pain body. In the first up to the first 29 years of my life I had a very heavy pain body, was often very despondent and deeply unhappy, sometimes angry, unhappy with myself. And this periodically the pain body comes up more strongly and then it subsides. If you live with somebody, it will use other people to feed on others reactions. If you don't live, if you live alone, the pain body can still feed, but it cannot feed because there's nobody around you. It will feed on your thought processes. So the negative energy of the pain body will go into your mind and then your mind will think, or rather the pain body will think through your mind and then every thought you have is deeply negative. There we go. Thank you. The demonstration. Please sit down. I'm addressing the pain body and you're hearing me. It's not the pain body. You are able to hear me. And you are able to now sit down and simply observe the energy that is within yourself. This is often the case that when I talk about that the pain body reacts and it doesn't want the light shining on it. But you love the light because you are the light. You are not that energy. You are the light. So often it happens and I've had it in the past when I work with individuals, the pain body gets very restless when shiny let the light on it. So this is a, is a universal human condition that you need to. It's not your individual problem, it's universal human condition. So allow it to be observe it so that it no longer has you in its grasp. And then you, your consciousness grows and the pain body begins to subside as you begin to observe it more and more. So this is a very important part of the awakening of human consciousness is to be aware of the pain body, not stop identifying it. You feel the energy of it, but you are the awareness. You are not it. You are the awareness behind it. And you are infinitely stronger as awareness than the pain body. So ultimately the pain body cannot survive in the light of your awareness. So what happens to doesn't get destroyed, it gets the energy that was trapped at a low vibrational frequency. The energy that was trapped in there becomes transmuted into consciousness or. Sam.