How to Challenge the Stories You Tell Yourself

15 Sept 2026 · 1 min

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1:26

In this segment of Dr. Ed Tori’s self‑help talk, he introduces a concrete practice for recognizing and challenging the internal narratives that shape our self‑image and our interpretation of others. He keeps a sheet of paper titled “the story I’m telling myself is…”, where he records negative self‑stories (e.g., “I’m not worthy,” “I’m an imposter”) and assumptions about others (e.g., “She always does this”). He explains that we tend to judge ourselves by our intentions while judging others by the impact of their actions, which fuels misinterpretations. By regularly noting these stories, we become aware of the gap between perceived intent and actual impact, allowing us to re‑frame and correct distorted narratives.

Chapters

Another skill that we practice is challenging our own stories. Now, this is particularly interesting. I actually keep a piece of paper right next to my desk, right next to my computer. Whenever I'm in meetings, at the very top of the page it says, the story I'm telling myself is... And then I'll think, if something occurs to me or I notice I don't feel great about something, I'll write down what I'm actually, actually thinking about this. Oh, I'm not worthy of that thing. Or I'm not good enough for that thing, or I'm an imposter, right? That might be a story I have. Or she always does this. People like that always do stuff like this. These are stories we tell ourselves. We tell ourselves, oh, this is what they meant. And what's interesting is we, we tend to judge ourselves by our intention, and we tend to judge others by their impact on us. So in that process, we Have stories about why they impacted us that way. But how many times have you had a conversation where you thought somebody meant something and they meant something completely different? You tossed and turned, you thought about it, how you were going to address it, and then you go, you find out, oh, they're like, oh no, it wasn't that, it was something else. Like, that happens so often. And part of it is because the stories we're telling ourselves about what other people's impact has had on us The impact that they've had on us, we are creating stories around it. It's just, it just takes some work and some noticing.