Ep.12 The 3 Laws of Attraction in Relationships

Challenges in relationships are inevitable. Part of what the kabbalists explain is that light energy, the next level of our lives, is always trying to be revealed. And this energy surrounds us and it's our future potential. And when this light, the surrounding light, as it's called, comes upon us, we start to feel stress and pressure and anxiety. And that's because we're being asked to transform something, let go of something that we're holding on to, so that this new energy comes in. Oftentimes, the areas that we're most tested and challenged is in our direct romantic relationship relationships. Actually, the Creator always first comes to the relationships that we are romantically involved in and has the challenges appear through this person. And this is why when two people come together and they love each other, it could be dating or a long term relationship, it could be marriage. There's going to be friction points, but you have to first understand this is not perfect personal. This is not someone trying to hurt you. This is not you being a victim of someone else's actions. This is just the universe's way of trying to elevate your vessel to be able to receive this surrounding light, this potential energy that wants to come in. Now, every challenge in a relationship comes down to three basic physical needs, emotional needs, and spiritual needs. Even though a couple or one person may not be spiritual, all of us have spiritual needs as well. So for example, a physical need can be so much so that one side wants to be able to spend more time with the other person. One person is upset with the fact that the other person's not taking care of themselves. So physically it's an issue. It can also be the issues around intimacy and sexual desire. These are all coming into the physical. And so when one side's physical desires are not met, there's conflict and there's a passive aggressive undertone that happens in the relationship. And this is one of the reasons why people in relationships have challenges. The second would be emotional. This is probably the most common one where one or both sides don't have their emotional needs met. They don't feel that the other person has empathy for maybe a particular challenge they're going through. They don't fully understand maybe what they're going through at work, or what they're going through at home, or what they're going through with their immediate family. Outside of that family, there's emotions deep down inside of pain and lack of that's coming up to the surface. It can be childhood traumas. And they feel that you don't understand, that you Might not care to understand that you're not even asking about it. And so when emotional desires are not met, there's conflict. This is the second area and the third, which is often it's a little more nuanced, a little trickier, it's a little more hidden, are spiritual desires. And sometimes we're not even aware that we have spiritual desires. It can be that I'm growing, I am overcoming my fears, I'm pushing myself to be a better person. But I perceive that you are not. You don't care. You're focused on other things that are maybe more mundane. And as a result, I will feel disconnected from you, or at least I think I am. And so there's conflict there. And I want you to think about in your own lives with the person that you're most intimate with. Where is their conflict? In which category are your desires not being met? Is it the physical? Is it the emotional? Or is it the spiritual? Or is it all three? So what's the solution here? What's the solution if you've realized that your desires in one of these three categories is not being met? First off, it's important to be the example of goodness here, the example of transformation. Very often we are asking the other person to change, but we haven't first taken responsibility to transform our part. The secret to a healthy home or a healthy dating life or a healthy relationship is always become the example of the energy that you want to see. And part of it is because when you become the example, you have the energy flowing through you when you communicate. The reason why people often don't listen to us is because they don't feel that we are an example of that. Energetically, our words become empty and shallow, and so they're not inspired. If you wanted to learn how to make money and you went to a seminar and the guy or the woman who's telling you how to make money is personally broke, you're not inspired. Even if they say all the right words, even if they're quoting all the right books, the words are empty. But if someone like Jeff Bezos came to you and gave you a few words about how to make money, you would hold on to those words for the rest of your life. Because the words have energy. Because he's done it before. He is an example in that situation, success. So I always tell my students that I work with, take three months and become an example of trying to meet the needs in all three departments for your partner. How do you do that? First is to be curious. Oftentimes we have no clue what our partner has gone through or is going through. Take time scheduled, not by the way, not in the hallway or casually in the middle of something or maybe when they just came home from work or they're on their way out the door. For some, not a reactive setting. Take time, even message them and say, hey, I would love to spend time with you this Thursday. And there's a couple things that I would love to talk about. Number one, I would love to get to know you more. I would love to hear about what kind of childhood did you have? What kind of parents did you have? How was your high school? How was college? What are some of the challenges you grew up with? I don't think I've ever asked you these questions. Start to learn about who your partner is. Once you hear what that what kind of relationship did you have with your mom? What kind of relationship did you have with your dad? When I had two people who were about to get married and they asked me, she asked me first, she said, what kind of relationship or marriage advice do you have for me? I said, do you know what kind of relationship he has with his mom? She said, no. I said, well, number one, what's going to be most important to a man before you marry him is number one, get to know how his relationship is with his mom, both the good and the bad. Because you're going to learn a lot about how you, how he expects you to treat him as well. And number two, learn how to get close to your soon to be mother in law. There's nothing that makes a man feel better than when he knows that his partner appreciates and is connected to his mom especially or his parents and vice versa for women as well. So it's about becoming curious and asking questions and learning. Learning and then even asking, hey, if we had to divide our desires up into three categories, physical, emotional, spiritual, and maybe give some examples of each. Where do you feel I can add more to your life? What are you missing? This is a safe space. Make the make your partner feel safe. You're not going to judge them. You're curious. You want to know because you want to give. You want to add value, you want to come closer to them. You want to remove conflict in these three areas. Where do you feel that you're lacking? Share with me everything. And sometimes people just tumble right out and other times you need to pull it out. But the best way to do so is non judgmental curiosity. Non judgmental curiosity. Ask questions. Oh, why is that? How did that make you feel, what is it that I do that reminds you of that pain? Because the biggest triggers we have with our significant others is that they do things that trigger our pain from the past. And maybe we realize it, maybe we don't, but we take it out on them. And when you can better understand that, maybe for one person, it's loss, everything around loss triggers them. Maybe it's around abandonment every time. Maybe you walk out of the room without saying goodbye or giving a hug or a kiss, they feel the pain come up again. One person once shared that just saying something so simple as, oh, you're crazy, trigger them. Because maybe there's mental health issues in the family. So we have to realize things that to us are mundane in terms of communication to someone else can be very painful. And the only way you will ever know is by being curious and asking questions. If you're single and looking to date or be in a relationship, this will be helpful for you spiritually. Whenever we are on the path looking for a partner, there are three main areas that we have to keep in mind. And if we excel in these three areas, we close the gap, spiritually speaking. To meet our soulmate, Kabbalah explains that if you want to attract the energy of miracles, you have to become like the miracle. If you want goodness in your life of any kind, you have to become like that goodness. Mainly, the Kabbalists speak about the Creator, or what's called the light of the Creator. Energy that comes from the Creator, that fills up this whole world. We're not talking about religion, we're talking about spirituality here. An infinite source of energy that fills our universe. When you're connected to this energy, you have abundance, you have love, you have a soulmate energy, you have certainty, you have confidence, you can see into the future, you have vision. Miracles come to you when you're disconnected from this energy. We have pain, we have lack, we have fear, we have anxiety, we have doubts, we feel passive aggressive, we feel like victims, we have chaos in our lives. We have ups and then we have downs. That's what it's like to be disconnected from that energy. And so the whole spiritual path is, how do I connect to this light, to this energy of miracles? The Kabbalists explain, to be connected with the light, you have to become like the attributes of the light of the Creator. The whole study of Kabbalah is just about this, how to transform myself to become like the Creator. Now let's bring it back to dating life. When I want what I want in a soulmate, most likely Hits on these three areas. I want someone who's physically attractive, emotionally attractive, and, whether I realize it or not, spiritually attractive. Spiritually attractive means that they have a desire for growth. They do not want to stay stagnant. They're willing to look within and take responsibility and not blame you. It's very obnoxious and draining to be with someone who's always gaslighting you and blaming you for any kind of negativity, isn't it? We all want people who are able to swallow their pride, overcome their ego, and transform. Now, there are many spiritual tools out there to do so. Obviously, Kabbalah is one of them. But that is what we look for in a partner. Consciously or not, most people are focusing on the physical or the emotional, but they don't realize that they want the spiritual as well. And without. All three relationships do not last. So my question to you is, are you an attractive candidate? Are you doing everything in your power because you desire a 10 in all three categories? What are you doing in your life physically, emotionally, and spiritually? And all we really need to do is focus on ourselves to work in these three categories, because the energy that will emanate from you as a result will be so potent, so powerful. Universal law says that you must now attract your soulmate. But often we're so focused on maybe just one area. Maybe I'm just working on my beauty or I'm just manipulating my friends, or wherever I go, I'm trying to get people to like me. I'm spending a lot of time on dating apps or trying to ask people to set me up, or maybe I'm just talking to the universe, which is also. All of this is very positive. But most likely I am lopsided or overcompensating in one area and letting go of the other areas. You know, there's this funny example that I always give. There was this one woman who explained what kind of a man she wanted. You know, it was the physical, the spiritual, and the emotional, all these different things. But, you know, obviously physical was important to her as well. He doesn't want a man that. Not taking care of himself. But in reality, she also. She also confessed that she. She. She doesn't. She's not committed to taking care of herself as well. There's guilt involved, there's shame blended with a little bit of laziness. And as a result, her vibration might be a 3 out of 10, but her soulmate might be somewhere around the 8 or 9. If I can just use numbers for a moment and so what the universe does to protect us delays the relationship to give us the time and the mercy to catch up to the level that we need to be at. And often the pain of not being with someone is supposed to motivate us to grow. But often we don't know how to grow. And I'm telling you now, it's one of these three areas. It's all three areas we need to grow into. What do I mean by the universe is being merciful? If you were 16 years old, very immature. Obviously a 16 year old doesn't know how to be in a long term committed relationship. There's tons of insecurity. She or he is just going through puberty, learning about themselves, probably hasn't had a broken heart yet, probably is a lot more gullible and naive when it comes to relationships. So we can say safely that this person doesn't have a stable vessel to hold a soulmate. Now, what would happen if the creator brought this 16 year old boy or girl their soulmate? Most likely the same thing my 6 year old would do if I handed him a brand new iPhone and said, this is your new phone. He will break the phone or he'll press all the buttons and lock the phone within 30 minutes. I need to give him a toy phone, a phone that he can break, throw up in the air, maybe even get bored of and not want to deal with anymore. Because I'm sure if I gave a brand new iPhone to my six year old, he might even just get bored of it after an hour and leave. Now I can tell him, hey, why don't you appreciate this amazing iPhone? All these other adults, look, we use our phones and we love our phones and we don't just leave it around and have it die. But the six year old doesn't understand it's not stimulating him. A sixteen year old girl or boy would be the same way. Because they don't have the vessel or capacity to handle something so great. Not yet. And it goes for adults as well. Oftentimes we are given the toy phone version of relationships. Not quite the right thing, not quite the perfect thing, but just enough to help us grow and learn lessons. We go through pain, we go through challenges. They press our buttons, we see the ugliness in them, which is just a reflection of us. And we go through this process, we learn our lessons, we say, well, I'm never going to do that again. Or I've learned now that I need to be more. Set more boundaries in relationships or I need to open my heart more so on and so forth we go. If you are ready for a long term committed relationship, if you're ready to experience that joy, that friendship, that pleasure, that fulfillment, let's start right away auditing our physical, our emotional and our spiritual. Let's ask our closest friends, what are we doing or not doing now? Part of the spiritual process also is not to beat yourself up that you're not doing it. Many times people have guilt or fear you might be hearing this and feeling bad about yourself. That's also part of the spiritual. You have to overcome the feelings of guilt and shame as well. If you have unresolved relationships in your life, that's part of the spiritual. That's part of the emotional. You have to deal with that. You have to deal with them. If you have issues with your sister, if you have issues with your mom, if you have issues with a best friend who hurt you or betrayed you, that could be the very reason that your true love is being delayed. Until we fully resolve our issues, we cannot move forward with our soulmate. We will destroy the, the soulmate relationship. I know somebody sees miracles all the time when I ask him, what is it special that you do? Says every night I spend maybe a half hour to hour forgiving everyone in my current life and my past. This is his secret, always is forgiving and sending energy and sending love, sending mercy. He's realized that what holds him back in life from success and prosperity and love and clarity and all that good stuff is that he's bitter and that he's resenting people consciously or unconsciously. So it's so important for us to realize that the reason my life is not moving forward, the reason I'm attracting unavailable men, the reason I'm attracting unavailable women, the reason why it's relationships are great and then something happens and I'm tripping at the finish line, is because I am not growing in the three areas in some way. My physical life, investing in myself, investing in my health, investing in my beauty. Not in a vain way, but taking care of yourself. I once had a class with a group of women and one of the women said that, that her husband made a comment. Why is it that every time you go out with your girlfriends you look so good and whenever you go out with me, you're just wearing normal clothes and sweatpants? That's a painful thing to hear. That's a painful thing for a man. Why is it that in certain cases we take care of ourselves, in other cases we don't? We have to ask ourselves these questions. I mean, this was an example of someone who was in a relationship, but you're in a relationship with yourself. Everywhere you go, you need to show up and be the best version of you. Who knows? If you're just going to meet your soulmate on the way to the grocery store or on an airplane, you got to show up energetically, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Going random places. Make sure you have a positive attitude. Make sure you have certainty, make sure you have happiness. There's nothing that make men or women want to avoid someone more than sadness. Seeing someone who's not happy. People stay away from that. It's like having Covid or something. They don't want to get close to you if you're sad. What? This sad person is going to take care of me, take care of my children? This is the person I'm going to be with the next 80 years of my life? No, thank you. And there's the delay. There's the delay. Sometimes we miss the opportunity to meet our soulmate because we are not either physically, emotionally, spiritually, or all three. On. It is our responsibility to show up in this world and give this energy. It is a form of sharing to show up in these three categories.