How to build REAL confidence and self-esteem

True, real, genuine, secure confidence coming from the the core of your being is when you really, truly like yourself and you don't feel the need to be liked by other people. You do not crave that external validation. You don't have the need to be approved. You don't need your jokes to be laughed at. You don't need your outfit to be complimented. You don't need your business idea to be approved by 10 different people. You don't need five friends to check your Instagram post before you post it. You like yourself, you know yourself, and you stand on your shit. And that is confidence. You won't be able to tap into your dream life until you feel like you deserve that life. You will not be able to have and go for the things that you want. You won't be able to step into the rooms and demand the things that you want in this life until you genuinely feel like the person who can have those things. So the biggest blocker to people's success is not feeling good enough and not having the confidence or the audacity to just be the biggest and grandest expression of themselves that they can be. Confidence is something that is practiced. It's a muscle. And if you don't train it, you're going to lose it because you're practicing relying on yourself. Before you even practice confidence, which is just knowing you can rely on yourself, you have to first have a base level of self esteem. Self esteem is more important really than confidence. Confidence is just a practice that can be built once you have a strong foundation of self esteem. But if you don't have self esteem first, you're gonna be building a house upon sand, right? Is that the phrase? I don't even know. That's the. But it's gonna have shaky foundations. You're not gonna know who you are, what you want, and what you deserve in this life. Self esteem is just how much you like yourself, how much you accept yourself, and how much you approve of yourself. And this is the thing that's going to block you when you're trying to demand more from life. Whether you're in a business setting, whether you're trying to get a promotion, whether you're trying to change jobs, whether you're trying to make new friends or network or get a new relationship. Whatever your project is, whatever your dream is, whatever endeavor you have, if your self esteem is low, you might not even have the capability to say to yourself what it is you want because you think you're so undeserving of that thing. So that is level one. Your self esteem center is in your solar plexus and it is the center of willpower. Can I do it? Am I good enough? And it's where you house your shame. It's where you house all the reasons why you're not worthy. Right? And we go throughout our lives and we come up with these reasons why we're not good enough. And we store them, and we store them in our energy bodies and they become subconscious, of course, but we don't know why. We can't seem to ask for that raise. We don't know why other people can just demand what they want from life, but we can't. We can't see why other people can just go for these big crazy dreams, but we can't even see ourselves doing that. It is because of this. It's because of your self esteem. If your self esteem is out of whack, you're not. Everything is going to seem off limits to you, when really it's not. It's just a false perception that has been created by you just housing all these little tiny wounds and shames that really don't need to be there. And they're really things that you don't need to be ashamed of anymore. Like the things that we carry subconscious shame about are ridiculous. And I actually want to just break your paradigm. Sorry, my nose is so itchy. If you were to actually go into your subconscious mind and realize all the things you're beating yourself up for and all the reasons why you're not good enough or you don't deserve to have the life or you don't deserve the money or the career or the relationship, you would laugh. They are ridiculous. The reasons subconsciously that you don't deserve or that you're not good enough are absolutely stupid and foolish. And when you can start to realize that, you can take it less seriously because this all feels very serious and it's not serious. Essentially, if you have come here and you have had mostly wounding around your father relationship, which, hello, you will definitely most likely have this wound in your solar plexus where you don't feel good enough. But it can happen in loads of different ways. But if you have an imbalance in your relationship with the father energies, whether it's your own father, whether it's a father figure, whether it's the divine father, you are going to have this kind of unrooted energy of just not feeling validated and secure and safe and loved and whole. So you're gonna have this feeling of not good enough. And Especially for my, you know, people out there who do have father wounds. This is almost always going to be an issue. If you did not get the approval or you felt like you didn't get the approval, Whether actually or subconsciously from your father figure, you usually will house this feeling of not good enough for your whole life. But the thing is, we're all good enough in the eyes of the Divine Father. No matter what your relationship is with your actual father, you do not need actually your Father's approval in order to feel good enough. You don't need anyone's approval. Let me tell you something right now. We're all equal. We are all equal. We're all the same. And we're all created in the eyes and the image of God. We, we are all worthy of creating the life that we truly desire. It's actually why we're here. We descended down to this 3D plane to create lasting light and fulfillment. And the purpose of us going through hardships and suffering is for us to overcome them. Because when we come out of an area of darkness and we are able to see through that darkness and come through it, that is what generates light. So your suffering actually doesn't define you. It's the exact thing that makes you worthy. It's the exact thing that generates the most inner fulfillment within you if you stop acting like a victim to it. It is what built you. You are not. You have not been punished your whole life for no reason. Your soul would not have chose this existence just for you to suffer. That is not the case. Your soul chose your parents, this incarnation, this life for you to experience the exact experiences that you have experienced, for the exact growth that you can tap into because of the things that you've gone through. But if you keep acting like a victim to the things that you've gone through, you're not going to get the lesson from the experience. So when you keep making your experiences, your hurts, your traumas, your hardships, your setbacks, your failures, your mean that you're not good enough. You're missing the whole point of the setback. You're missing the whole point. It was there to build you. It wasn't there to stop you in your tracks and make you think that you don't deserve anything. Every single person on this planet is flawed. Every single person on this planet fails. Nobody is more entitled or less entitled to anything in this world than, than you are. You deserve to take up space and you deserve to go after what you truly want in this life. And if you have a desire for something. And your only block to going for that thing is you don't think you're good enough, then you are denying your own purpose in this life and you have no one else to blame for that. You just have to start having the audacity. And this is something I've unlocked recently. I had this inner fear constantly that I was gonna get like told off or something. And this came from a wounding with my parent, a parent of mine who I was very. Kept very small by this parent. They were very controlling. They were very. Just honestly mean, negative. And they really, really tried to just break me down and dim my light. Especially as I was coming into my teenage years and I was starting to explain, expressed myself. So that obviously had an effect on how I expressed myself as an adult. I always had this kind of feeling like I didn't want to shine too bright. I didn't want to speak too loud, I didn't want to say too much. I didn't want to talk about myself too much. You know, I didn't want to put myself out there so much because I just felt like it was wrong. And I didn't really know why I felt like it was wrong because I could see other people doing it. And I wouldn't think that they were wrong, but I. But for me, I would just think, that's not right for me to do. I can't do that. And there was always just something kind of holding me back from just stepping forward and shining brighter. And I was like, well, what am I actually scared of? What am I actually scared of? I was scared I was going to get in trouble. I was scared I was going to get told off. And that's coming from childhood. And a lot of people have this where if you had controlling parents or if you had a parent that really tried to dim your light or break you down, you will carry that with you until you notice it and overcome it. Where you're going to be dimming your light subconsciously in ways that you can't even notice. And this is why it's like, okay, if I shine too bright, I'm gonna get in trouble, right? Like, this is a real thing. This is something. Something that really a lot of us carry. So children that are supported in their expression and that are encouraged to share their ideas and stand up and be their true selves, they're going to show up in the world a whole lot differently than children who are told to shut up and sit down and be quiet, you know, and that's stupid and whatever. So ask yourself. How safe do you feel being your true self, Showing up authentically, having some audacity and asking for what you want. And if you feel that block, it's probably coming from that internal thing where a parent maybe was telling you that you can't do that. But this is the thing. You are not a child anymore. You don't have to listen to your parents anymore. You do not have to play by your parents rules. As a grown up, as a human being with your own free will, you set your own rules now. And you can retrain yourself and teach yourself that it is not unsafe for you to have some audacity and for you to demand more from life. If you like yourself, approve of yourself and accept yourself genuinely, you're not going to care if other people tell you off or disapprove of your authentic expression. Because the only thing you need is your own approval. So how can you approve of yourself? How can you like yourself? How can you accept yourself? How can you accept even the ugly parts of yourself? Because it's not just some parts, it's not just the cool parts. You have to accept all the parts. And that is when you become truly powerful. When you know you're flawed here and you're flawed there, and you fucked up here and you made this mistake, but you're still like, I love myself, I accept myself. I know who I am and I approve of myself. I'm a work in progress, but I still approve of myself. That is how you can literally demand anything you want in your life. Because if you're coming from a fragmented place of not good enough, that's going to be reflected in everything you do. Any story that you're telling yourself as to why you're not good enough to have a good life is absolute bullshit. Because there's people out there who have very good lives who've made way worse mistakes than you have. And no matter what it is you want to do, if you're looking up to someone in a certain field, you have to know that that person started off at the same level, or maybe even worse off than you. If you're using outside markers to tell yourself that you're good enough. So, for example, I'm good enough because I have this amount of money. I'm good enough because I did this thing. I'm good enough because of this physical thing, right? Whatever. Those things are not determinant of your value. You have inherent value as a human being and as an expression of God. You're a divine being and a walking miracle. The Chances of you being here are literally insane. And you literally came here as this divine cosmic being to create fulfillment and to add light to the universe and to help the universe expand and grow, and to express yourself as kind of a mini God and a mini expression of God. But then you went through experiences in this physical reality that kind of taught you that that's not your nature, but that is your true nature. And that's what makes you valuable, not all this other noise and all this other stuff. And so long as you're using transitory, illusory, physical things to determine your value, your value is always going to be rising and falling and it's going to be out of your control. Your value is in the fact that you are alive. You are a human being with consciousness. And consciousness is extremely valuable. It is the most valuable resource on the planet. Where you're placing your attention is where your value goes. So if you put your attention constantly and all the reasons why you're not good enough, if you put your attention constantly on all these other people and you're placing people, things, products, everything, gold, even above you, of course you're not going to feel valuable. Of course you're not going to feel valuable. You're going to feel valuable when you put your attention on yourself and all the things that are good about you. Because your attention is the most valuable currency in the world. It's more valuable now than land. It is literally the thing that is making companies billions and billions of dollars is our attention. That is our value. We are inherently extremely valuable because we have consciousness. And we can spend that consciousness with where we put our attention. But we all feel drained of our value because we're putting our attention on everything outside us. That doesn't give us anything back. It doesn't feed us in any way. It literally just drains us and drains us and profits off our spending of our valuable resource, our attention. And then you wonder why you're sitting there feeling empty and not good enough. You haven't put any of your own resource, you haven't spent any of that on yourself. So of course you feel drained. You are drained. You've spent it all on everything but yourself. Now you start to feel valuable in a practical sense. You realize that everyone is flawed. Everyone is flawed, but everyone is the same. Everyone that is here here has been given the chance to play this divine game as a divine creator and an expression of God. And we all have a certain amount of consciousness and life force energy to spend while we're here. But if you go throughout your life, spending it on things that don't give you anything back and don't matter to you, you are going to not feel valuable. And it's as simple as that. If you spend it on yourself and what's good about you and what's good about your life, you're going to feel valid, feel valuable, and it's not going to be reliant on anything outside of you. Because that is not a marker of true value. Your true value comes from you validating yourself. So that's self esteem. You have to have a strong root of feeling good enough and feeling valuable within yourself before you can even go on and practice confidence. Because the confidence is just going to come across as cocky if you don't have self esteem to back that shit up. Confidence is just how much you can rely on yourself. So when you're trying to get from A to Z and you're trying to get to your goal, if you don't think you can rely on yourself and you really feel that on a subconscious level, first of all, that energy is going to be emanated outward. So when you meet people, people can pick up on that energy. As empathetic human beings, we can sense what is in another person's energy field. So if you're somebody who treats yourself like shit, who doesn't keep your word to yourself, and who you just can't rely on yourself, other people are going to feel that energy off you. So you looking for that from someone else is a waste of time. Because your energy speaks before you do. If you can't rely on yourself, people are going to sense that. And then the other thing about that is the universe is also going to sense that. If you're asking for something, but you're constantly showing that you don't rely on yourself and you don't have confidence in yourself to manage whatever it is in your life right now, then you won't get more. It's very difficult for you to energetically take on more when you're emitting that energy. If you think of this even as another person, you wouldn't rely on a friend. If they kept canceling plans, if they kept saying they were going to do something for you, but then they didn't. They kept going back on their word, they kept changing their opinion as soon as they got around someone else and going against your opinion, right? So you wouldn't rely on that friend, you wouldn't have confidence in that friend. But then that's how you treat yourself. And you expect yourself to have confidence that doesn't add up. So you practice confidence every single day in how you show up for yourself every single day. It is a muscle and it must be used or it will be lost. How do you show up for yourself? Do you keep your word to yourself? Do you ignore your needs, the needs of your inner child? Do you look after yourself? Can you rely on yourself to show up even when things are difficult? Are you a hypocrite? Right. If you're a hypocrite, you're not gonna feel like you can rely on yourself because you're gonna subconsciously know. Let's say, for example, you're criticizing someone else or you're bashing someone else for something. And in the back of your mind, you know, there's something that you need to focus on, work on. You're gonna feel like a hypocrite, and you're gonna feel like you can't trust your own voice and your own opinion. And that is gonna make you lose confidence. All these little things matter. You have to know what your values are, know what your priorities are, and follow them and exercise them every single day. And that's gonna build a very strong energy of confidence around you. You get really confident when you. You do what's aligned with you and you do what you want to do, even if other people disagree or don't approve of you. Because you're going to see that you didn't need their approval and that you can rely on yourself even when it goes against what other people say. And that's going to build the most confidence. There's no point doing things for other people or to please other people's opinions, because, number one, it makes you lose confidence in yourself because you're using other people's opinions to dictate your life rather than relying on your own inner voice. And number two, nobody actually cares. Nobody actually knows your inherent values, your inherent priorities, your morals, your intuition and your strengths. So nobody really can give you the advice that you actually need in this life. They can give you advice from their level of consciousness and their paradigm and what would be good for them. But you know what's best for you. And you have to practice relying on your own inner voice and your own inner guidance system. Because what happens then is your intuition gets louder. And the more and more you train and use that muscle of relying on yourself and ignoring all this other shit that people think you should do, the stronger that muscle gets and the more and more confident you're going to become in being the actual, true expression of yourself. And Going for what you actually want in this life, you gain nothing when you follow what other people want you to do. Whether you win or lose, people don't really care. So if, like, if you were to lose weight, people might say, oh, she lost weight, but they don't really care. If you were to gain weight, they were like, oh, she gained a bit of weight. They don't really care. If you were to make it big in business or work a minimum wage job or go on unemployment, welfare or whatever, people don't really care. They don't care. They care about themselves. So do what you want to fucking do. It doesn't matter. You could literally run down the street naked and everyone who saw you would forget about it by next week because everyone is so consumed by their own lives. So you have to stop looking to other people and vetting yourself and changing your behavior and what you think you should do based on what other people might say or might think. People don't care. That is a waste of your energy. You will gain confidence when you stop looking outside you and you just start listening to yourself no matter what other people will say and be okay with being disapproved of. People are going to disapprove of you no matter what you do. So you may as well do what you want to do and be your true self. You have to stand on your shit, know who you are, journal about that, write that down, get to know yourself. Detach from what other people have told you your whole life, figure out your priorities and then fearlessly follow what you want, knowing that that is the divine path. Knowing that even if people don't, don't like what you do or disapprove, they're going to forget about it and move on within five minutes anyway. So worrying about that is a waste of your time and energy anyway. Your energy is more valuable than that. You have to have more respect for yourself and your own intuition than to be looking outside you and worrying what other people think. People don't think, they don't think. Stand on your shit. Don't let other people sway you. Don't follow trends, don't follow other people's fear based beliefs or rules or limits or terms and conditions for how things can be. You set the rules in your own life and when you set the rules and you play by your own rules, that is what will make you confident. But that is a daily practice. That is an attitude that you wake up and you reaffirm you have every single day if you want to do something and another person doesn't like it, you reaffirm. Again, if somebody wants to make a plan with you, but it doesn't align with your values, you re exercise your right to do that. Again, it is your right to spend your energy and to really show yourself that your energy is valuable by only doing things that are priorities to you, by trusting your own inner voice and letting go of what other people think or what other people say you should do. This brings me on to my next point, which is who do you allow to have access to you? We mentioned a minute ago, your energy, your attention, your consciousness is the most valuable resource in the world. So who are you allowing to use that resource? This is one of the biggest things that's going to change your life. Because if you're just giving away your precious energy all the time, of which you have a limited amount when you come here, you can think about it like this. From the moment you were born to the moment you die, you have a certain amount of life force energy. That's all you've got. Who are you going to spend that on? What are you going to spend that on? That's your decision. But if you're giving it out willy nilly to all these people who don't give you anything back, who don't respect your needs, who don't respect your values, you're going to be wasting and wasting away your most valuable resource. And that is on you. What does that signal to yourself? It signals that you're not valuable. It signals that you can't rely on yourself to stand guard at your energy and look after your needs. And that will not make you confident. So you have to really start monitoring. And how much are you letting people take from you? How much are you giving to other people without receiving anything back? That is not fair to you and that shows yourself that you're not worthy of receiving more. If you allow everybody to have access to you, you're essentially saying, this isn't that valuable, I'm not that valuable. You can just, yeah, here, have some of my life force. It doesn't mean that much. This is within your control. You decide who has access to you, and changing this is immediately going to make you feel more valuable and more confident. Because if you're in a place where people are treating you badly and people don't see your value, it's going to be very difficult for you to see your value. So you have to protect yourself, show yourself that you can rely on yourself and remove yourself from the situation where your value is not being reflected Reflected to you, whether it be relationship, a friend group, a city, you have the right to do that. You have to go where you are respected for your true self. And if you're not respected there, then move on. Don't allow other people to make you feel like you're not worthy and not good enough. Because there are people out there who are going to respect you and love you and approve of you for exactly who you are. And, and they're not going to make you feel like you're not valuable. If you settle all the time and say, I'm fine with this, this is fine, then you're allowing that energy to be taken by these people. And you're not freeing up any energy for the people that are actually going to value you. The opportunities, the relationships, everything around you will shift because you've communicated that. No, I'm only allowing in stuff that serves me and is valuable. I'm only exchanging my energy for things that stuff serve me. That sends out an entirely different message. And it shows that you're capable of looking after yourself and it shows that your energy is valuable. So you are going to bring in things that are of value to you. Here's the final hack to gaining confidence. When you show yourself physically that you can do something that you didn't think you could do before, that is the biggest shortcut to confidence that you will ever, ever get. Why? Because you're relying on yourself to jump into this unknown thing. And you're relying on yourself to be able to make it work and to be able to do it. And that is confidence. Walking into a situation not knowing what it's going to be, but knowing you can fucking handle anything. That is true confidence. And that is so powerful and so magnetic and it's available to all of us. But most of us, we coddle ourselves and we hide ourselves away from any struggle or any new experience or putting ourselves outside our comfort zone so we don't realize that we have this within us. You have to practice this to show yourself that you have this capability. Otherwise you're going to think that you just don't have it. But everybody has it. Everyone has it. The difference is you're just keeping yourself so small and so hidden away that you can't see how strong you are. So you have to start throwing yourself into shit so you can see how strong you are. That's the only way to see it. You have to do the things that scare you. You have to do the things that are outside your comfort zone. You have to push yourself in Ways that you haven't pushed yourself before, because that is when your brain literally changes. I was on the stairmaster when one day in the gym, right? And I did. This is in my Sarah master era. I'm not really in that era anymore. But I was doing 10 minutes and I was dying, you guys. Like, I could not do 10 minutes. I was like, what is this death machine? I don't like it here. How do people do this? How do the girls on TikTok do an hour? Like, I don't understand. This is hell. So I did two days of 10 minutes, and I noticed I started getting into a routine of doing 10, 10 minutes. 10 minutes. 10 minutes. And then I did 12 minutes. And then I was stuck on 12 minutes for a while. And I just thought to myself, why don't I just show myself that I can do more? Whenever I push past the point that I would normally go to and I push past the point that I want to quit, and I show myself I can do something that I've never done before, I open up a whole new level in my mind. So let me just try to do it. And I did 30 minutes on the StairMaster and it was the worst thing in the world. However, after I pushed multiple times past the point of wanting to quit, I could feel new parts of myself unlocking. I could feel a new level of self respect. I could feel a new level of confidence. I could feel new thought patterns, new possibilities, new behaviors, new beliefs in myself just unlock as I was pushing myself beyond what I thought I could do. And this is true for every single area of your life. Unless you push yourself and you really hit that moment where your normal old self would say, this is it, we're quitting here. We're not going to do more. We're too tired, we're too hungry, whatever. You have to actually at that point say to yourself, can I do more? Can I choose differently? Can I push myself outside my comfort zone? Can I be more? Can I stop blocking myself from having, being and doing more? And when you do that and you actually push beyond what you thought you were once capable of, and you're standing there doing something that you never thought you were capable of, that is what really generates confidence. You're going to have such a high level of awe and admiration and respect for yourself in that moment when you look around you and you realize you're doing something that you never thought you could do, that is the feeling that we're all chasing in this life more than anything else. That is expansion. That is true growth. I would argue it's the best feeling in the world, Better than anything, better than any drug. To be standing there knowing that you're now capable of something that you never ever thought before was possible for you. And that is the feeling we're all craving. That is confidence. Because when you do that a few times, you're gonna know that you can handle anything that life throws at you, which is the perfect place to be. Because this life is going to throw shit at you. You're gonna lose people, you're gonna lose things, you're gonna fail, you're gonna be set back. So knowing that you have your own back in this life is gonna be the most comforting thing. And it's gonna actually enable you to actually enjoy this life. But you're never going to know that you have your own back and that you can rely on yourself unless you start consciously pushing yourself and putting yourself out there to do things that you thought you couldn't do once. So when you push yourself to do hard things in your daily life, the hard things in life that are outside of your control become so much easier because you have equipped yourself with the internal tools and the confidence coming from within that you are capable and you can handle your shit. That's all for this video, guys. I hope it helped. Please remember, you've got everything inside you to live the life of your dreams. All you have to do is detach from all the noise and tune back into yourself. As always, the links for coaching and everything are down below. I love you guys. I hope this video helped and I will see you in the next one.