How to Create a Life of Purpose (Even If You Feel Completely Lost)

Stop looking for some big fancy purpose to heal you, to finally make you mean that you're good enough. I. When I was my most insecure, that's when I was looking for my purpose the most. I want you to wipe the notion of one big, magical, meaningful purpose in this life out of your head. You've got things that are aligned with you and things that are not aligned with you. That's the goal. To let go of the stuff that's not aligned and to align with the stuff that is aligned. You can't do that when you're so attached to your suffering, when you're so attached and addicted to everything that's not aligned with you. So most of you who are wondering, well, what's my purpose? What? What's my purpose? You're asking that because you're trying to alleviate the suffering in your life, but you're still addicted to the suffering. So how can you allow in something that's aligned, something that's meaningful, something that's fulfilling. When you've trained yourself to be addicted to suffering, there's no space in your energy for cannot come in. There is no resonance in your field with that. So instead of trying to look for one external magical thing or mission or quest that's finally going to heal you, I'm going to tell you, as I always say, you have to do the inner work yourself. It's not going to just. Someone's not going to come along and tell you you're a perfect snowflake. And then if you do this thing, it's going to heal you and you're going to be good enough. That's not going to happen. You have to go within and heal the internal stuff that's stopping you from feeling good enough as you are. And then you have to teach yourself to let go of all the stuff that you're addicted to that is not serving you, of all your attachments to your beliefs, to your identity, to your habits, to your victim complex. Because you're not going to be able to create a meaningful life in that state. And instead of looking for one big purpose that's going to fix you, you should instead be aiming for creating genuine meaning and fulfillment in your life from within, because that's the only place you can do it. You could, on paper, have the wildest successes. You could have millions and millions. You could have a successful business. You could have a, you know, typical family unit. But on the inside, if you haven't healed all that stuff internally, if you haven't followed your inner compass as to what's meaningful to you. None of that external stuff is going to matter to you. If you're still walking through life feeling like a victim, feeling not good enough, and feeding into all these things outside you that really don't give you anything back, you are not going to feel that fulfillment and that sense of purpose. It's not going to happen. And the way that this manifests in people's lives when you don't have, and I'm. I don't want to say a purpose, I'm thinking of it more like. And you should think of it like this as well, a sense of purpose, a sense of meaning from within. Like what you're doing in your life means something to you. You've got your energy, your attention on things that matter to you and things that give energy back to you. That is the goal, not external validation. It's internally validating yourself by deciding that you're going to follow the things that matter to you no matter what's going on outside. If you don't go to the source, if you don't create that meaning from within, if you don't come back into alignment with your authentic self, have a little bit of self esteem and self compassion and self awareness, you're going to be running through your life on autopilot. You're going to be anxiously attached. You're going to be looking for meaning in relationships, you're going to be looking for meaning in money, you're going to be looking for meaning on social media. You're going to be so worried about what people think. You're going to need 45 opinions before you can take one step. You're going to be in your head worried about everyone but yourself. And your life is going to feel like it means nothing until someone comes along and tells you that it does. You are never, ever, ever going to be fulfilled if that's how you're living and it affects every single area of your life. I used to be so anxiously attached in all my relationships and I can see now a big reason why that was, is because I didn't feel like I had a full, fulfilling, meaningful, purposeful life on my own. I and when I got into relationships, I could see in my partner the meaning that they were creating for themselves and I wanted in on that. So I was addicted to them because I wanted that meaning. I wanted something that I thought they had that I couldn't generate for myself. But the truth is you're the only one who can generate it for yourself. You are the only one who knows your intuition. You are the only one who knows your authenticity. And I know you've probably forgotten it because the world has trained you to forget it and your trauma has taught you to forget it. But you are, at the end of the day, the only one who can tap back into that. You're the only one who can create that meaning in your own life. So I'm going to tell you how to do it in this video. And if you do what I tell you, your whole, every, every other area of your life is going to change. Like when I started healing from my stuff and I came into alignment with what I actually wanted and I started creating genuine fulfillment in my own life, the type of partner I attracted was completely different. It was secure. There was. There's no anxiousness, no anxious attachment that disappeared because we both have full, meaningful, purposeful lives on our own. And then when we come together, it's just a beautiful dynamic. But there's no neediness, there's no dependency for anything because we've both generated that individually for ourselves. And that is how you need to be. You're not going to find the answers outside you just going to say that one more time. You're not going to find them outside you. So you sitting there in victim mode saying, well, this is the problem, or this is the problem, or this person had it easier. You've got to drop that right fucking now. Because you're never going to be able to find the answers within yourself if you keep putting your power in other people's hands. If you keep blaming your past, if you keep blaming other people for the. For you not being able to live your own life to the fullest. It's in your hands. You have full power and control over it. You're the only one who can do it. And you've got to make a conscious decision to become stronger than these old stories, these wounds of the past, these traumas. If you want to actually access fulfillment in your life, it's not some big magical thing that's just going to come and you're going to go, oh my God, amazing. Thank you so much. It's not going to come and save you. You have to save yourself. You have to start letting go. You have to start believing in yourself. And you have to stop blaming everything outside you for your problems. You need to take radical accountability for where you are right now. And you need to take full responsibility for the fact that your life is in your hands. So the reason I'm starting off by speaking about victim mode is because saying Oh, I can't find my purpose. I don't know what I want. You're already disempowering yourself by saying that. Because actually, when I speak to some of you, you start by saying, I don't know what I want. I have no idea what I want. And then by the end of the conversation, you've already told me five things that you want. So the issue is actually not that you don't know what you want, is that you don't feel empowered enough to even see that you could go for these things that you do want. Deep down, you don't even feel empowered enough to state, this is what I want. It puts you in a state of powerlessness to say, I don't know what I want. I don't know what I want. It keeps you in your comfort zone to say that. It keeps you in the comfort of your old identity, of your old habits, of your old life to keep saying that you don't know what you want. So some of you, you. Maybe you don't know what you want in your career. Maybe that's what you're trying to find meaning in. But. But, you know, you want to move country, and you've wanted that for six years. You do know what you want. You just don't want to admit that because it's going to force you to take some accountability and change your habits and change your identity and get outside your comfort zone of who you are and what you think you can have and do. So that's actually the issue. The issue is not that you don't know what you want. The issue is that you're standing in your own way. Your addiction to your old identity, to your old way of being, to your comfort, to your suffering, is in the way of you actually just saying, you know what? This is what I want. Because as soon as you say that, you have to go for it. You have to start thinking and admitting that you're in the way, that you're the only thing blocking it. Whereas if you don't know, then it's fine, because you're still figuring it out. Oh, my God. Do not get stuck in figuring it out. You're gonna spend your whole life figuring it out. You're gonna be 85 years old, and you're gonna be like, I didn't need to figure it out. I actually knew the whole time. Why did I spend my whole life figuring it out? Now it's over, and I wasted all that time figuring it out when actually I had it figured out. I was just Too scared to do it. And that is the truth for most of you. You've are. You already know deep down whether you consciously know or unconsciously know or kind of know or just don't want to admit it. You do know on whatever level. So maybe it is completely unconscious. Some of you have an idea already. You don't want to admit it for the reasons I just stated. Some of you know and are too scared. But you have to just start realizing that you're gonna die. And when you get to the end, you're gonna be thinking, well, shit, there were. There were these things that I wanted to do, but I didn't do them because I just thought they'd be too scary or they'd be too uncomfortable or it would just take too much time or whatever. Limiting stupid belief you're telling yourself in the back of your mind right now. So the biggest thing that's blocking you is your identity, your beliefs around who you are and what you think you can be and have in this life that is not set in stone. You weren't just carved from a piece of rock and set the way that you are. The beauty of being a human being is that you can shapeshift. You can change. The past does not have to equal the present. I can't tell you how many clients I've seen completely transform and shapeshift into another version of themselves. And I've done it. I've seen so many people do it. You can see people. There's case studies of people who have rewired their brains to be able to recover from chronic illness and make, like, miraculous physical recoveries. You can change your fucking path in life. If someone can regain their vision, if someone can walk again just from rewiring their subconscious mind, don't you think you can just change course of your life a little bit? Is not that big of a thing. You think this paralysis analysis that you have or this, like, feeling not good enough that you have is so such a huge barrier and such a huge wall. There's people out there who have had terminal illnesses, who have been able to heal that through the power of their mind. Realize how powerful you are. Stop with this stupid story that you're. That you don't have power. That's just something that you learned. That is not the truth. Okay? We have enough power. We're all given the same amount of power, the same amount of energy when we are born into this world. And you have been giving your power away to a story that doesn't serve you. And it's time for that to end. Because of neuroplasticity, we can literally rewire the neural connections in our brains. So. So whatever program you are running in that mind of yours, you can change it. You can change it. Anything that you're holding onto from the past, it only continues to exist because you're choosing it. And as long as you keep choosing that, you are not opening up space in your being, in your mind, in your energy, in your intuition for a potential desire, a new possibility for your life. You're not opening up space for that to come in. You're standing in the way, is what I'm saying. You this, you that you have been up until this moment, who's attached to all these disempowering stories is blocking your alignment and your dream life. Whatever way that you've learned to be from your environment and from when you grew up, if that's not serving you, you have to take your power back from it consistently. You need to sit down in silence and call your energy and your power back to you. And I do not want to hear it. If you comment on a video of mine or if you're going to keep watching, content to try and figure out your purpose, but you haven't once sat in silence, you haven't once journaled or tried to gain an ounce of self awareness, then I don't want to hear that. You don't know your purpose. You don't even know yourself. Of course you don't know your purpose. Of course you don't know what's meaningful to you. You need to sit with yourself. You need to understand yourself. You need to figure out what drives you, what triggers you, why. And there's an analogy that I learned from. There's a YouTuber, I think it was Dr. K is his name, he gave this analogy on a podcast. When you're trying to use everything outside you to create the terms and conditions for your life, it's essentially like you're driving in a car and you're driving your car, but you're looking, trying to look into everyone else's car but your own to see how they're driving their cars. But you never once thought to look down at your steering wheel and to see how your wheel looks and to see where your accelerator is and where your brake is. And then you wonder why you crash into the fucking wall. That's what most of you are doing. You're going off track, you're crashing into walls, you're on other people's lanes, in other people's streets. Because you've never looked inside your own car, which is your mind, your energy, your traumas, your shames, your habits, your victim complex, the way that you see yourself. These things, you have to take them into a journal, take them onto a voice note, go for long walks and vent about this stuff and get to know yourself. Your vessel, your energy, your mind is the one place you're going to have to live in for your whole life. And it has to be your priority. That and whatever connection you have with a higher power, those are the most important relationships in your life because those are going to be with you until the end. Those are eternal. You cannot keep putting the other external, fleeting, temporary stuff above those eternal things. They are the priority. And when you prioritize them, everything that's in alignment with your true self and with your fulfillment will come into place for you. So you're playing it backwards. You are playing the whole game backwards. You've got to start acting like a creator. You've got to start nurturing your home, which is your energy, and clearing the goblins out of your basement, which is your traumas, your shames, the stuff that happened from the past. Do you know how much I do this work with people one on one? And it's so crazy. It's not crazy because when I first did this to myself, I couldn't believe it. But every single person, when they do this work, they can't believe the stories that they're telling themselves from their past because they're gone, unconscious. And there is a four year old version of you, there's a five year old version of you, there'S a six year old, there'S a seven year old, there'S an eight year old, there'S a nine year old. There are all these child versions of you that have created certain stories around things that happened when you were too young to understand the bigger picture. And when those things happen, the default reaction for you as a child is to say, there's something wrong with me. So 90% of people have this childhood wound of not good enough. And they go throughout their lives trying to do things like find their purpose just to feel good enough, only to realize that it's just a story that their child 5 year old self has been telling them. And when you go back, this is the part that shocks people. When we revisit the moments in childhood, the really key trauma moments, moments that caused distress that was unresolved in the moment, that's a trauma. And you realize what your child self was thinking in that moment, you now with your perspective, revisiting that can go, oh my God, girl, no, it wasn't your fault. But you in that moment when you were five, you really honestly believe that. So the stuff when you do inner child healing, when you do shadow work, when you finally start getting to know yourself and why you are the way you are, the stuff that you're gonna realize you're holding on to that is just false is going to set you free so much it's going to shock you how many false stories and how many false perceptions you're carrying from your childhood and how much those have been limiting you and how actually easy it is to overcome them. All you have to do is look at them from a grown up adult perspective now from a compassionate perspective and say, hey, oh my God, no, that wasn't your fault. You are valid. You didn't have to chase approval in this thing. You didn't have to do this or do that or do that. This wasn't fair. When you say that to your younger self and you set yourself free from that stuff, you're gonna stop looking outside you for answers and validation because your home, your energy, your mind is going to start to feel more safe. Okay? And this is what I mean. You need to come back. You need to stop running outside of yourself and giving your power and your energy away to everything. But in order for you come back home and start hearing your desires and your intuition, you've got to clear out those goblins out of your basement, which is your traumas, the things that you're running from about yourself. Get to know yourself, study yourself, figure out why you are the way that you are. Give yourself some compassion, give some love to your inner child that they never got. And then when you move from that energy, the things that you do are going to be to fulfill yourself, not to run from yourself. Okay? So don't go watching more videos about how to find your purpose, how to da da, da, da da. No. Heal the stuff inside you that's making you want to run away from yourself. Then you're naturally going to want to do things that are self loving. And the most self loving thing that you could ever do is follow your desires, is create a meaningful life, is prioritize yourself and your values and what's important to you. The reason you keep sacrificing that stuff is because you haven't gotten to know yourself. You haven't cleared out the goblins in your basement that are keeping you from loving yourself. So go there first. Okay, I know this is about like Finding meaning and purpose in your life. But you have to go to the root, to the root of the root of the root, which is your shadow, your inner child. Start there. And then you're gonna actually just want to prioritize yourself and what's meaningful to you. Because if you don't even want to do that, I can't help you with these next few tips. I can't. You need to want to do it. You need to love yourself enough and understand yourself enough that you want to actually prioritize the things that mean something to you. A person who says, I don't know what they want, what I hear is, I don't know myself. And I'm not actually going to be mean about that because it's very difficult to know yourself. The reason you don't know yourself and you don't know what you want is because you've got a blindfold on. And that blindfold is your traumas, your shames, the stuff that you haven't healed. And it's also the survival program, the program of society that you inherited. So your belief system about the world, about yourself that you inherited, that you're running. So when I say you don't know yourself, I mean your true self. You don't know who you are without the blindfold. And because you don't know who you are without the blindfold, you have no idea what will be actually meaningful to you. And this is why everyone gets into like, paralysis, analysis, overthinking, needing to ask a million opinions before taking action, like trying things and stopping procrastinating self doubt. It's because you don't really know what's meaningful to you, because you don't know you. You don't know who you are really at the core of it. And I wish I had my whiteboard right now, but you basically. I'm not blaming you for this, by the way. It's not your fault, okay? It's not your fault that things happen to you that were stressful in your life that caused trauma and wounds and shame. That's not your fault. It's not your fault that you inherited a paradigm and a program and a way of being that doesn't align with your true nature. That's not your fault. But it is your responsibility. It's your responsibility to navigate through that and to take that blindfold off so that you can really know who you are and what you want. So when you have lived your whole life, when people tell me, I don't know what I want, what I see is They've got their authentic self. How can I show you this? They've got their authentic self here. And this is their most fulfilled version of them. Let's just say on the timeline where they're most fulfilled, this is them. They're like this blue marker. This version does not have the same identity, the same beliefs about who they are and what they can be, do and have. They do not carry and keep holding on to the same traumas and events from the past. They do not hold on to the same shames from the past. And this version does not buy into the program and the paradigm that society pushed onto them. Okay, and then over here, I wish I had another hand. Over here is probably when someone doesn't know what they want, this is someone who's out of alignment. So if this is your alignment, this is your misalignment, and this is someone who's living according to their shame, according to not feeling good enough because of those shames, according to the traumas of the past and according to the beliefs, the paradigm in the program of society that's been pushed on them, telling them who they are and what they should be, that's a lie identity. That is a false self. That is a self that was created to please everyone else. And it is not in alignment with your true nature. Your true nature is authentic. Your true nature is. Is not looking for fulfillment. Your true nature is whole all by themselves. And then anything they do from that wholeness creates more fulfillment. Because as within. So without. So you've got to. If you want. If you don't know what you want, then you don't know who you are because you're living this false identity. And I really want you to get into your head that that's not really who you are. So during my awakening process, I felt like someone was unraveling all of these layers and layers and layers of beliefs that I really thought were me. And the more I could let go, this is just a process of letting go. The more I could let go of all these beliefs about who I was and what I thought I could have and be in this world, the more I was able to figure out what was actually aligned with me. So when you're doing this awareness practice with these awareness practices and you're figuring out who you actually are and what you actually want, start questioning where your beliefs came from. Where did you learn that you had to be a certain way? Do you really want that? You have to start figuring out whether what you're doing in your life is coming from Yourself and your authenticity or coming from a need to be seen and validated and approved by the external world. Because if it's the latter, then that's bringing you further and further away from your true self. Okay, so the more you let go, and I have a video on this as well called stopping yourself if you hate your life. But the more you can let go of doing things just to be approved, the more you're going to be able to come back into alignment. So stop procrastinating, stop avoiding this uncomfortable inner work which is to just start sitting with yourself, start meditating, start journaling, start knowing yourself and start questioning all the things that you think to be true about yourself. That is going to serve you more than anything. You need to have some fcking self awareness because otherwise you're never going to know what you want. If you're not doing that, get off YouTube, get off looking for answers outside you. Stop doing that. Go within. You're avoiding, you're procrastinating. You're giving your power away by doing that, by just continuing to watch content over and over again for a week or a month. Get off your phone, stop scrolling, stop looking for the answers in everyone outside you and just get to know yourself. That's going to save you. That is going to literally give you all the answers that you're looking for that you're never going to find outside you. Okay, Once you've done that, once you started going to the source, healing your stuff, letting go of these false beliefs about your identity, realizing what's yours and what's not, you can start acting in alignment with that. Let's trip it all the way back for a minute. You've got masculine and feminine energy. Stay with me, stay with me. You've got masculine and feminine energy. The law of gender states gender exists on all planes. In hermeticism, okay, from the tiniest little molecule to the greatest form of matter, masculine and feminine energy exists. It exists within our being, it exists within our mind. It exists on all planes. And when you're trying to be a fulfilled being in this life, when you're trying to create genuine fulfillment and meaning from within, you need your masculine and feminine energies to be in harmony and in balance and both functioning optimally. Because otherwise you are not going to be a creative vessel. There's going to be a block, there's going to be no flow of life force coming through you and out of you and into the world. It's not going to happen. So each and every one of us have been gifted Consciousness by the divine. We have divine life force energy flowing through us. Realize how precious that is. You need to channel the yin and the yang, the masculine, the feminine, in order to actually channel that into your life and begin to create value and meaning and fulfillment and projects and creations and everything magical and wonderful that you want. Okay, if we started step one, you don't know what you want when your feminine energy is turned off. That is your intuition, that's your creativity, that's your imagination, that's your vision. Okay, that's your playful energy. That feminine life force energy, that side of you will turn off when you're burnt out and wounded in your masculine energy. So if you are running on survival mode, if you're constantly trying to control everything, if you're constantly, constantly doing things just to get validation, if you're constantly doing things that you hate, if you're constantly chasing people and external things and you're never actually doing anything that means something to you, you're gonna be burnt out in your masculine energy and your feminine energy is gonna go. See ya. I don't want to play. I don't feel safe to give you an idea. I don't feel safe to spring to life. Okay, so she is like a precious seed that needs to be watered by healthy masculine energy. Your masculine energy is your action taking side. It's your logical side. It's your very physical, grounded, earthly nature. And your feminine is your more spiritual, ethereal, intuitive nature. So a lot of you, if you don't, if you're like, I don't have intuition, I can't hear my intuition. It's because you're basically your, your masculine energy is basically giving boy energy to your feminine energy. And your feminine energy has the ick. And she's like, I'm not playing with you. I'm not giving you my sauce, I'm not giving you my ideas. You literally are so flaky. Why would I do that? When I gave you an idea two years ago, you told me I was stupid, why would I give you more? You need to start becoming aware of these two energies within you. So if you're at base level and you don't know, if you really don't know what you want and you really don't have a clue, start healing in your masculine energy. Start doing right now on this video, when you leave here, let go of three things that are not yours to carry. Let them go. Let go of what your boyfriend thinks. Let go of what your friend thinks. Let go of three things. Three to 10 to 20 things. Let go of everything that you can't control because you're wasting your energy and you're wounding your masculine energy. When you do that, you're putting all this focus and all this will, which is your masculine energy. You're exercising your will on things that aren't yours to be exercising your will on. And it's wasting and depleting that resource when you should be using that energy on things that you can control. So take your power back and use that healthy masculine energy by taking action and focusing on the things that you actually can control, and especially the things that you can control that you've been avoiding avoiding. That is going to heal you into your healthy masculine energy so, so, so quick. And it's going to turn your feminine energy on faster than you would think. So I literally do this. Anytime I get in a slump, I'm going. If I feel my intuition turning off, if I feel that play, that desire, that lightness, that feminine energy that's giving me visions and imagination and creativity, if I feel that start to dip, these are the things I'll clock. One, am I burning out? Am I overworking? Am I overthinking? Am I trying to make things perfect? Two, am I trying to control things that are not mine to control? What can I let go of right now? What can I let go of? 3, what am I avoiding? What am I not taking action on? And if you can do those three things, your masculine energy is going to shift from an unhealthy kind of imbalanced state to a healthy state. And your feminine energy is going to be so attracted by that. She's gonna go, oh my God, Yay, I'm safe. Here's an idea, because I trust you now to actually execute it. And when, when you get an idea, when your feminine energy turns back on and you get an idea, my God, you better act on that. I don't care how stupid it is. The stupider the better when you act on that, when you follow your intuition, when you nurture your feminine energy with your masculine by taking action on what you actually want by stopp, over analyzing, analysis, paralysis, when you just go with the flow of what you desire, everything in the universe is going to conspire for that to work for you. And I need you to just trust me when I say that. And you're not going to believe me till you do it. And honestly, guys, I didn't believe it until I saw it physically, but I had an intuition to move somewhere. It was my only, like, strong intuition that I Had. I had it for years and I moved there. I was full of self doubt. Still, when I made the move, I didn't believe it was going to fix my whole life. I just was like, I have to stop ignoring this feeling. When I followed that desire, when I finally just threw caution to the wind and I said, I'm just going to follow that desire. I'm just going to go for it. My creativity, my life force, my intuition turned fully on. I was able to see a vision for my life that I could never see before. And everything in the universe started conspiring, firing in my favor to start making things happen for me. And I've seen it with my clients. And I promise you, you have to take that leap of faith. Even if you feel doubt the first time you do this. But the universe, God, source, your higher self, they're all going to catch you. You are going to figure that that's the best thing you ever do. And here's the alternative. You stay where you are. You stay attached to your suffering. You stay attached to this limited playing small, misaligned life. No, thank you. I know it's scary, but honestly, your purpose and your fulfillment is on the other side of your fear. And you need to come to terms with that. It's on the other side of you getting outside of your identity. It's on the other side of you dropping this victim complex. And it's on the other side of all the things that you're scared to do and scared to confront about yourself. So the more you can run headfirst at that stuff, do things that your soul, your intuition, your desire is craving that you, you know intuitively that you want, but your mind and your logic is telling you don't do that. Those are the exact things that you need to start doing. Because when you do that, you're going to be caught. You are going to be divinely supported and divinely guided and your vision is your intuition a whole, a whole world will unlock for you that you've never seen before. You're going to have talents, creativity, all of this stuff, all of these dormant faculties within you are going to come to life that you never even knew you had. But you have to start taking those leaps of faith towards your desires, even when they don't make any sense. Yes, it's uncomfortable to do this inner work. Yes, it's painful to sit down and face your traumas and face your own and the ways that you've been betraying yourself and abandoning yourself. But the cost of you not doing that is living your whole life out of alignment, not reaching your fulfillment, not generating that meaning from within and not ever seeing your potential. Because the thing is, when you let go of all this, that's not true about yourself and about the world and about what's possible for you. And you start opening up to new possibilities and you start doing stuff in alignment with what you actually want and you stop avoiding taking action on the stuff that means something to you. The stuff that you're going to realize about yourself. You're going to realize so many like hidden powers and talents and just so many things about yourself that you never even knew existed. You're going to see so many strengths and so much potential in yourself that you could never ever, ever see when you were miles away from your alignment and your authentic self. It's like, why are you standing in a place where your light cannot be reflected? Just to please other people in this identity that is a lie. You're never going to realize your potential and how powerful you actually are so long as you're over there. You have to realize that this is the way and it is so worth it. Yes, it's hard work. Yes, you have to have something, some discipline to sit down and let go of all this stuff and get to know yourself and overcome those limits within you. But I'm telling you, it is the greatest gift in this most self loving thing you can ever do for yourself.