LA VLOG 🎙️ podcast day, mindset rants, malibu, pinch-me moments

We are going to be guest appearing on a pretty big podcast. Let's go! Look at these! What's up guys, welcome to another vlog. We're actually starting this vlog in Marbella, although we're traveling to LA tomorrow, and I wanted to start it here because I want to document a little bit of my prep for this trip. This is not just any trip, we are going to be guest appearing on a pretty big podcast, and I won't lie, it's super, super nerve-wracking. I'm super nervous. Yeah, it's bringing up a lot of self-doubt, a lot of fears. So today, we're flying tomorrow, today I'm gonna be doing some journal work on facing fears. A friend of mine sent me this video of essentially a mechanism for dealing with the things that you fear, so I'm gonna be trying that out. I'll let you know how it goes. It's called fear, I think it's called fear visioning, where essentially you actually map out like what the worst case scenario is and you kind of accept the worst case scenario so that it stops controlling you, like the fear of that stops controlling you. You kind of make peace with it. So yeah, that's what I'm gonna do. Oh yeah, smell of weed. Forgot about that. If you guys are wondering, where the hell is Brad? How can he not come with you for this amazing opportunity and like a dream come true? He has a very valid reason. He's looking after his mom. His mom is okay, but she had a big operation, so he needs to be with her, which is fine. It's just gonna be funny when I rock up and like normally people come in with like their teams and they reserve loads of parking spaces and I'm like, it's just me, just me. Here we are chit-chatting, like as soon as I start talking to you guys I'm like, I have to tell you everything. I obviously look like a horse's ass right now because I've been flying for hours, but I've stopped getting Botox. I used to get Botox like every now and again, like maybe once max twice a year. I've probably gotten it max like a total of 3 times and I've stopped because I just, I felt like I should stop. It just didn't feel right and the movement has obviously come back in my forehead and my eyes and my smile lines are actually quite more pronounced than ever. I'm pushing on 30, so obviously that's normal for a very expressive 30-year-old. This is something that I'm dealing with. It's like, obviously I'm here where everyone is super, super polished and treatments and da da da. I'm like, this is a great challenge for me to stay strong in my authenticity and just accept myself without it, because it doesn't feel right for me to get it. Last time I got it, it was crazy. I got like under the eye and I ended up getting a big bruise. And I remember as I was getting it done, I was like, oh, this feels wrong, even though I, I don't think there's anything wrong with it. It just didn't feel right for me. So we're Botox-free, we're makeup-free, we're living the dream. I was shitting myself, you guys, for this podcast. I'm just gonna give you the real real like I always do. I was so scared. Not saying the nerves probably won't kick in again, but like last week I was so terrified thinking about this that I was like my brain was like looking for ways out. And I managed— I've managed to process massive amounts of that fear and massive amounts of that imposter syndrome by doing something called fear visioning. So essentially I got in my journal and I wrote down like what I was actually scared of happening and why, and like what would happen if the worst case scenario actually did come true. Because again, that's like shadow work as well in a nutshell. It's like you, you face what you're avoiding. So so that it stops controlling you. You walk into the fear, you walk into the pain. So I did that, I wrote it all out, and the things that came through, they were just like random things about like feeling like I wasn't gonna know what to say, or just like stupid little things. And then I kind of just like faced that, and I was like, okay, well, if that happens, I'll just say some— I'll say something, or I'll— we'll move on to the next question, like it'll be so fine. And then I realized it was because I'd been so busy that I've not really been reading or in my like creation flow. I've been teaching a specific thing about abundance, but that's not necessarily what we're going to be getting into in the podcast. It's going to be more like general, the core principles of what I teach— manifestation, shadow work, things like that. And so that was just information for me, like, oh hey, you feel disconnected from your core stuff, reconnect with that stuff. How do you do that? How have you always done that? By reading, by brainstorming, by like mind mapping things out, by asking questions of how things link together and like sitting with concepts and and seeing how dots connect. Like, that is when I'm in my zone, is when I'm doing that kind of day to day, or at least every other day. And I haven't been doing that because I've been so busy with work and just actually getting big things done, which is important. But yeah, I took that feedback, and so I spent like half of my flight literally— because my Wi-Fi didn't work, but I think that was divinely guided because everyone else's Wi-Fi was working— um, in my journal, in my journal that I got at Maria's retreat. Filling it with like ramblings about the universe and manifestation and quantum mechanics and frequency and everything. Yeah, to the point that I ran out— my pen ran out of ink. It just really re-anchored me and like relit me back into my mission, back into the core, and back into like what the energy I want to bring on the podcast. Because the energy I want to bring is I want to change lives. I want to help you guys wake up to your power as much as I possibly can. I want to break illusions. And so it's not about me, you know. When I shift— when you shift your focus like that, if you're ever nervous about something, it's probably because you're just too self-centered and too self-focused, and you need to put that focus on something else. If I'm so focused on the message I'm supposed to deliver, what it is that you guys or the viewers of the podcast are gonna need to hear, then I have to just kind of get out of the way and let that come through. Good morning, guys. It is day 1 in LA. I'm not gonna lie, I woke up pretty anxious. You're like, how do you look like this when you just woke up? I've been up for about 2 hours. It's 9 AM right now. And yeah, I slept for like 9 hours, so that was good. But I just woke up with a lot of anxiety. I feel like I can feel more of kind of the heavy energy of LA this time around. Maybe because Bradley isn't here energetically supporting me. Maybe I'm more sensitive. I don't know. But I literally last night when I got in saged the whole hotel room, cleansed the space, had an Epsom salt bath which was really nice. So yeah, I kind of thought that would like clear the energy and I felt, I felt pretty good last night, but waking up this morning I did feel quite anxious. So I've just been like stretching, taking it easy. I was gonna book a class. I really like to get a class in in the morning if I can, like Pilates or yoga or something, but I just did a little stretch here because I'm actually so tired. My body feels physically tired. And then I started spiraling into like, where will I go? There's these places I want to try, there's this area that I didn't see last time, oh, I need to make the most of this, blah blah blah. And I realized I'm just overwhelming myself. I got stuck like thinking, oh, I should go here, oh, I should go there, oh, I should go here, oh, I should go there. And then nothing good comes from that headspace. So I just got ready and now we're gonna go to the cafe that I loved from last time, which is like a 5-minute walk from here. I just need to move. So pro tip: when you are overthinking and when you are mentally spiraling a little bit, just move. Like, leave the space, move the energy, and then you start getting clarity. We also need to go shopping today to get my outfit for the podcast. Guys, we're off to a good start. I'm feeling myself in my new outfit. Literally just bought this. It's my first day wearing the full the full fit. And, uh, I get into the lift, literally I get into the lift, and a woman comes in, she goes, "Well, don't you look smart?" And I was like, "Yeah." She was like, "It's classy, it's casual, it's beautiful." And I was like, "Oh my goodness, thank you." She was like, "You look amazing." And her husband was all pretending to take photos of me. It was So funny. I couldn't choose between a chai latte or a matcha, so both. I had this last time, so I already know it's amazing. Riz McGuy, who was on Diary of a CEO, doing a reflection on his interview and basically saying everything he felt like he did wrong that like took him too much into his head and made him too nervous to be able to perform properly. And how it was like anti-charisma to be overplanning and overthinking. And now I'm like, okay, it made me kind of more nervous for Wednesday, but now I'm moving through it. But it seems like the key is, which I already know, is, um, surrender, flow, present moment awareness. There's only so much prep you can do, and I think in the moment when you're trying to think of the right thing to say, that actually disconnects you from being real, which is where you will say the right thing, just automatically. But surrendering in high-stakes, high-nerves moments like that is so difficult to do because your brain wants to like overthink and plan and say the perfect thing to keep you safe. Then that's what actually disconnects you. So this is literally something that I— now I can see why it happened on Monday in my event. I overplanned and it actually took me out of my flow. So yeah, I think this Wednesday is actually really going to be about having the courage to just let go and trust myself, radically trust myself to naturally say what I gotta say. Okay guys, we're at the Grove because we need to get an outfit for Wednesday. I was gonna say tomorrow, for Wednesday. And I feel like I'm gonna know it when I see it. I feel like it's here. Intuition brought me here. I really like this area, it's really nice for shopping. Um, part of me kind of wants to wear a dress, a flowy dress, which is crazy, or like a two-piece, like a flowy two-piece shirt and trousers type vibe. Really important that you're comfortable for stuff like this. Even I'm really grateful that I've already got a lot of experience sitting down and filming my own YouTube, so I know kind of what looks good on camera and what doesn't. Even on my like skinniest feeling days. If I sit down wearing like a tight-fitting shirt or top, it just never looks good on camera. It's always just a bit— I'm never fully comfortable in it, because if you slouch at all, if you're not sitting up perfectly straight for the whole thing, it's just not that flattering really, is it? So we're just gonna wander and see where my intuition takes us. Uh, I see Revolve ahead of me. I'm gonna check Revolve. That sounds like somewhere I might like. This place is so cute. Good morning guys, it's day 2. I ended up not recording anything yesterday because I ended up shopping all day. I had to go from one place to the next to find these pants to go with this top so that I could have the outfit I envisioned for tomorrow. So anyway, we have the whole outfit, we have the shoes, we have everything. I was so tired and so overstimulated that I just couldn't— I couldn't vlog as well. But I will show you what I got when I get back to the hotel. Um, so today I just got up and went to Pilates. It was so tough. Oh my God, that's very different to like the Pilates that I do. It wasn't really contemporary Pilates, it was more like strength training on a reformer. There was no breaks, it was just like go, go, go, go. So yeah, it was really hard, but I'm really glad I did that because it took me out of my head, it took me out of like overthinking about tomorrow. So yeah, I did some prep yesterday for for the interview tomorrow. And then today I just meditated, exercised. Now I'm getting some food in this cute little place, and then we literally have all day to prep because it's only literally 10 past 9. I've been up since 6:30. I don't really feel any type of way at the moment about the interview, which is quite good actually. I feel pretty neutral. Okay guys, we are back at the hotel and I'm just doing a little bit of prep for tomorrow. One thing that Lewis always asks at at the end of his episodes. It used to be, "What does greatness mean to you?" I think he now asks, "What are 3 truths that if you could only leave these 3 things behind after you die, these are like the 3 things you would want to leave with humanity," basically. And I'm in my journal here and I'm like, "How do I distill down to 3 truths?" So I'm glad I'm thinking about this now, and I'm sure it'll just come to me in the moment as well. So I'm not trying to overly script or anything, but it is good to ponder in advance which 3 feel the most important to say. Because damn. Yeah, I'm not sure which 3 would be the core 3 I would want to leave. There's so many. There's one definitely that I'm gonna say, and it's gonna be the fact that you are not what has happened to you in your life. You are not this persona that you have adopted because of your trauma and your suffering and the programming that you have received from your environment, from your parents, from your family. You are not this protective sense of self that you've been embodied in that's keeping you in, in patterns of self-sabotage or perfectionism perfectionism or playing small, that's not really you. And no matter what you've been through— this is really what I really, really want to share because I feel like I'm going to be emotional in this podcast tomorrow, and I'm here for it because I'm emotional right now— like, no matter what you've been through, no matter what's happened to you, you can heal, you can change, you can stop being defined by your past, the only way to do that, the only way out, is through. Because if you don't go through, if you don't go into the things that have happened, if you don't go into your insecurities, if you don't go into your fears, your traumas, whatever it is, then you're going to forever remain with those things within you distorting your identity and your consciousness and keeping you from your full truth, your authenticity, and therefore your power. And like, I don't know, I feel like so many of us are just running around with these false ideas of not being good enough, not feeling worthy, not feeling smart enough, pretty enough, not feeling lovable, not feeling loved, tying our value to our achievements. And all of that, you only feel that because of the experiences that you've had. Maybe some ancestral lineage stuff came with you in that single strand of DNA that your physical body was encapsulated from, but a lot of it is from this lifetime. And experiences that you had, because the dominant state of consciousness of the world is that of the wounded solar plexus energy, where we are just chasing achievements and material gain. And so mass consciousness, the majority of people in humanity, are solely concerned with appearances, with gain, with achievement, because we're graduating slowly, slowly, slowly from survival mode, from killing each other for food, right? Now we're, now we're kind of just killing each other in a competitive sense. Or whatever else. So we're moving up from the root chakra, we're moving up, up, up, up. Now we're in the solar plexus and we're moving to the heart. But the reason so many of us have wounding around not feeling good enough, which I'm pretty sure 80% or more of millennials, when they were interviewed in a study, had this feeling that they weren't good enough. The reason so many of us don't feel good enough, the reason so many of us are chasing things that aren't aligned with us, and the reason so many of us are so disconnected from ourselves is because we don't think that who we really are is good enough. We think we have to chase these other versions of success because that was the programming that our parents had, because that's the programming of the world. And that's what we've been subjected to. So it's very subtle and subconscious. Like, for example, you're pushed into going to university, even though there's nothing there you really want to do, right? That was me. Or you're given like harsh criticism when you don't get straight A's in your exams, or whenever you see your family or speak to people, They just want to know what you do for work, who you are, what your ranking is, right? But it's specifically that early stuff, the early stuff, the stuff in childhood, the moments where you didn't feel seen, where you didn't feel important, where you didn't feel valued unless you were doing or achieving something, unless you were behaving in a certain way that was approved of. So the core thing that we were— we are missing, have been missing in humanity is unconditional love. And that's something that we can't point our fingers and blame our parents because that's us not being unconditionally loving to them. So that's not us breaking the cycle, that's us continuing the cycle. But they don't know how to give unconditional love because they weren't given unconditional love. It's like speaking a language. How can they speak the language to us when nobody spoke the language to them? They can't. And so for the, for the people who are waking up, and it's more and more people, who are waking up to this. It's so hard, but we have to be the ones to ground this frequency of unconditional love into reality so it starts being a part of our experience for our children, for our grandchildren, for generations to come, so that more people feel safe being themselves, feel safe accepting and loving themselves and loving others, so that there's less conflict, there's less competition, there's less people running around doing things just because they think they should rather than doing what they really truly were designed for, what God really designed them for. And so it's hard because, you know, there's more and more people waking up, and the people who are waking up, we have to have the inner strength to bring in the energy of unconditional love first to ourselves. Because if you can't give it to yourself, there's no way you can give it to other people, right? So forgiveness starts with forgiveness of the self. And then you can forgive others. Love starts with love of the self, and then you can love others. Acceptance starts with acceptance of yourself, and then you can accept others. Like, judgment is a double-edged sword. I always say, if you're in judgment of others, you best believe that judgment is also first manifesting in judgment towards yourself. So unconditional love towards yourself is how you begin to heal out of this and how you can begin to start unconditionally loving others. Right. And unconditional love, what does that look like? Well, can you love yourself in your ugly days? Can you love yourself on your worst days? Can you love yourself when you make a mistake? Can you love yourself when you're not polished? When you're not achieving? When you're not earning 6 figures a month? When you're not looking your best? When you're not feeling your best? When you're not in your best shape? When you've lost your patience with your children? Can you love yourself then? And that is the beginning of healing. If you only love yourself conditionally, if you only love yourself when you achieve something, then you never really allow yourself to just be. So maybe you're thinking, okay, well, I am not really achieving anything, so I am just technically being. But you're in resistance to your beingness, which disconnects you from your intuitive side, your feminine energy, your presence, and your authenticity. And that brings you out of alignment in your life. You end up doing the things that you're doing because of how it will appear, or to get a sense of approval and validation from yourself, which you think it's from yourself, but it's really from things that you've adopted from other people that maybe look good to other people, that maybe now there's standards that you've imposed on yourself. And what'll happen is you'll get to the thing that you placed your acceptance and love for yourself on, so you'll achieve the thing, and you might feel good enough for 5 minutes, but then because you have a pattern of only loving and accepting yourself when you achieve something, you will then again put your sights on the next thing and say, okay, I'm only gonna be good enough if I get this thing and this thing and this thing. And so you end up wasting your entire life chasing these things to feel good enough when the truth is you were always good enough. You were always good enough. I know this is so hard to like get your head around in this material world where we're so conditioned to put our value in things outside of us. And yes, we need money, we need resources, we need connection. That stuff comes to the person who loves and values themself. When you're operating from an energy of low self-worth, of feeling never good enough, and you're chasing a thing to give you permission to feel good enough, that thing is going to keep running from you because you are dependent on it. You are in a desperate chasing energy. Whereas if you love yourself, if you love your energy, if you love your authenticity so much, no matter if you make a mistake or if you mess up or whatever, you put yourself on this pedestal and you put all these achievements, successes, money, etc., they're kind of, they're kind of beneath you almost. They're just kind of a part of your expression. From there you become very magnetic to those experiences. Why? Because you're an energetic vibrational match to them. You're not chasing them. You are them energetically. So like, you will have an income that matches the level of value you feel towards yourself. Like, how valuable you think you are, you will be okay receiving that in the form of money. How valuable you think you are, you will be okay being seen in a bigger capacity because you don't have anything to hide. You will believe that you're worthy of achieving things, and you're worthy of achieving things in a way that feels good to you, that feels true for you. Not on other people's terms. What I see most people suffering with and struggling with is a fundamental disconnection from themselves because they've adopted a persona that's not really them because of the trauma experiences, the pain, the suffering, the conditioning that they have been subjected to, because they've been trained to put their value outside of them, because they've learned that they're not good enough. And so they're so anxious, looking around, trying to do all of this stuff just to fill an internal void The only way back is to start walking into that void and figuring out why it's there, because as within, so without. And so people are running around trying to numb, trying to self-soothe, trying to achieve, trying to drink it away, scroll it away, achieve it away, intellectualize it away, argue it away, weightlift it away. None of that gets rid of it. And actually what you're doing is you end up on this timeline that was never really meant for you, that's a limited version of reality for you and for your soul. You end up quite far away from the intention that your higher self had when they projected an aspect of themselves into this physical body, because you can't be in alignment in your reality if you're not in alignment internally, and if you've adopted a persona that's based on your trauma and many shadow aspects of you that are distorting your identity. Good morning guys, we are getting ready for the podcast. It's podcast day. Had a little bit of a, like a— I had a good night's sleep, I just kept waking up thinking that I missed it. Classic. This lighting makes me look crazy. I also have eye makeup on and no face makeup, and my hair is amazing. Yeah, I woke up with a little bit of like pressure and like, and wasn't too bad. But then I meditated, and in a meditative state, I imagined connecting with my higher self and asking my higher self to send me whatever energy I need, which was really nice. And then I asked her, like, what do I need to know, or what do you want to tell me about today? And she was like, I want to tell you— this is just what came through. I didn't, like, see or hear her directly, but this just, like, landed into my brain, which I'm beginning to learn is like a form of one of the clairs, claircognizance or something. But anyway, yeah, landed in my brain out of nowhere this idea that I should just have the best time ever today. It was such a nice sigh of relief because it was like she was almost saying like, you've done all the work, like this is a moment for you— I'm gonna be crying— this is a moment for you to like stop and reflect on how much your dreams— ah, I'm listening to Dreams— how much your dreams have come true and how much you've grown and how much you've overcome to get here. And this is a day for you to like relish in the fruits of your labor and just enjoy this massive milestone and this massive manifestation. It's not about like adding anything or performing, like it's about you just really enjoying it and enjoying the moment and having the most fun you can possibly have. And I was like, oh my God, yeah! And in the process, obviously serving whoever's going to, um, tune into the podcast, but I can do that when I'm in the that relaxed present state. So I've been trying to figure out like how to get to that relaxed present state so that I could serve and deliver whatever needs to be delivered today. And then that, that came through in a meditation, and that was exactly what I needed to remember. Like, this is not anything extra, this is me just getting to enjoy everything that I've worked for and that I've done. And it's a big full circle moment. I was watching the School of Greatness back in 2022, 2023, and I remember thinking then, like, wow, if I go on any of the big podcasts, I want it to be this one because Lewis has such amazing energy. And they're the first to reach out to me, and I'm just so grateful. I'm so, so grateful. So anyway, it's 20 past 8. We don't need to leave here until 10, um, but you give me a stretch of time and I will fill that. So I'm trying to be on time with things because I always need, like, extra minutes at the end. I'm very bad at perceiving time, guys. I'm really— I find it really hard to be on time. Maybe I'm a starseed, maybe that's why, but that's kind of an excuse. So yeah, I'm gonna stop babbling, I'm gonna continue listening to Fleetwood Mac and doing my eye makeup. And yeah, just wanted to check in and say that's where my energy is at. And I'm so grateful that I, um, took a minute to connect and was able to get that insight because it really shifted my focus for today. I'm still nervous, obviously, but there's, there's something else there now that a lot more expansive. And I kind of like tuned into what, like, what I would probably think in retrospect looking back. And the biggest thing I would probably say is like, really enjoy it. Like, just enjoy it. It's an amazing achievement. It's a manifestation, and it's a conversation that I'm born to have. So like, let's go! Katie, thanks so much for being here. Thank you. Appreciate you. And final question, what's your definition of greatness? To me, greatness is having the courage to be authentic, to be who you really are, to be who you were divinely designed to be, no matter what that requires you to face or get rid of or change. That to me is greatness, because Greatness is different to every single person. Okay guys, we are back from the podcast. Excuse the mess behind me, I did not have time to clean this morning. And that was so nice. I like, I knew this would happen, but I was like, why was I so worried? I wasn't even that nervous today, to be honest. But like last week I was so nervous, and of course today it was so fine. And I was like, all that stressing was for nothing. Lewis is an angel. He's such, such a great guy. He gave me some really great advice. It was really cool to hear like his story, his insights. My mouth is kind of dry from all the talking. Yeah, the, the interview or the podcast itself was so good, but my first couple of questions, I feel like I did not answer the question. They were such big questions. He asked me, what is a frequency and how can you change it, that I, I feel like I emotionally wanted my whiteboard and I wanted an hour to answer it. So I found it hard to just break it down and pinpoint it in a simple way. So I kind of ended up feeling like I didn't really answer his question directly, but we got into it then eventually and we started flowing more. It's so hard because like I feel like it went well, but you're always your own worst critic. Like I— it's so— I don't know, maybe because I'm a Virgo, I have a critical nature, but I'm obviously looking back thinking, oh, I should have answered like this, oh, I could have answered like that, oh, why did I say that, maybe I should have said this. But in any event, I surrendered, I did my best in the moment. I have no idea what it's going to look like when it's all edited and it all comes out. I'm sure it's going to be amazing. And to be fair, Lewis is such an amazing host. Like, the way that he asks the questions and has that back and forth with you, you don't feel like you're like under fire. Like, it feels more like a conversation, which that helped me so much open up and relax and share some stuff. And he kept me on pace as well. Like, he was going one thing to the next to the next, which in one respect meant I had to be careful, like, how deep I was going with things, because then I would open a loop and not be able to close it. But in another respect, it kept me from moseying to, like, on a big tangent. So yeah, and we got to cover everything, which, if it was left to me, if I was the one pacing it, it would have taken 5 hours to cover everything. But it was just such an honor to share that space and be able to have that conversation with someone who has such a— such an open mind, it's such a great platform for people to learn and grow and develop and start really accessing their potential. So I'm feeling really grateful. I'm quite tired, my mouth is quite dry. I am gonna go right now. I'm actually really feeling the loneliness of not having Brad here, but it's okay. I will go now and I will get myself some tacos and an alcohol-free margarita, and I might go shopping. To be very honest, a week ago in my mind when I pictured myself doing this interview, I saw myself like freezing and like literally not being able to answer any questions. The opposite was true today. I was yabba yabba yabba yabba. So I'm trying to soak in, and I am soaking in, and my mom just reminded me of this as well, like the magnitude of this opportunity. This was a really big milestone for me. It's a really big new level for me. The fact that I was able to show up and stay present and calm and connected and not be super tight and nervous and overthinking for the whole interview and get through it and feel like there were some good moments, that is a win. That is the win. Talk myself through it, but that is it. That's the win. And now I know I can do this. Like, now I'm in the game, I'm in this level, I know I have what it takes to be in this level, and I can just improve from here. So I'm in the door, I'm in the level, and this is something that I spoke about in my video called Life's a Video Game, Here's How You Win. When you enter a new level, you have to be okay with just being the minimally viable version of you to get in the door of that level. You're not going to be the version of you who's mastered and conquered that level, because by the time you get there, you're ready for the next one. Um, so you need to be okay being like a little bit rough around the edges, being a little bit of a beginner, having feedback for yourself, just getting in the room anyway, getting in the level anyway, making the mistake, falling forward. Because until you get in the room you're not going to be able to gain the insight and awareness and feedback to become that version of you who can master that room or that level. So that's what I'm reminding myself of today. Like, this is like the beta version of me in this level, and I think I did pretty okay for my first time. There were so many little things, like they clipped the mic on and the guy was fixing my hair, my lips went dry and I was like, oh, my lips might look crusty, and, uh, I didn't know where to put my legs. Like, little things like that that just when it's all so new, you've got to give yourself grace for maybe not being your most powerful, creative, clear answers. There were moments where there's things I said that I was like, yes, banger. And there were moments where I was speaking and I was like, meh. But compared to what I had in my head a week ago where I thought I would panic and freeze and not be able to answer the question and just be trying to get through the interview rather than present, this was a thousand times better than that. It was nowhere near that. And for that I am so, so grateful. And I'm just so grateful for the questions he asked me. He asked really good, really important questions, which says so much about his energy and how he wants to serve people as well. So I'm so thankful I have someone like that who holds space like that as my first experience of a big podcast, because I think, yeah, he made it really— he made it really special. He made it really really meaningful and kept me anchored to important things that were supposed to come through. Just got a phone call saying there's a delivery for me, but I didn't order anything. Thank you. That is insane. Oh my God, look at these. Oh, isn't he sweet? I already know who sent those. Oh, look at the roses. Wow, wow, wow. What are those? Yeah, yeah, yeah, she was just some flowers to say welcome. Oh my God, they're beautiful! Yeah, thank you so much, I love them. So this place is called The Butcher's Daughter. It's a vegetarian restaurant. I love the name. It's like it was a butcher, not a daughter, she was a vegetarian. I feel like there's a story behind that. Because I've done like a full face of makeup, I feel— I'm feeling myself. I'm like, why don't I do this every day? And then I remember it took me an hour and 10 minutes to do this. Well, that's spicy. I like that. I know my face is telling you that I don't like that, but I actually like that. So guys, what I've learned from this experience is you don't need to spend $350 on a silk shirt, although that did feel nice today. You don't need a designer handbag. I bought that tote bag with me that I I had today. I bought that from Target for $30. No one cares. It's your energy that matters more than anything. And the other thing that I learned today is, um, there is no point in achieving all of this stuff if you don't have people to share it with. So obviously I was supposed to come with Bradley, but his mom had a big operation, so he couldn't be here. Like, no way I would not have allowed him to come because she needed him. I'm manifesting— I want to manifest like a team now, like people just around me more in person, because I do have my amazing community manager, Carolina. But that's online. And yeah, I don't know in what context I would have a team, but I just want to have more people around me that can come with me to stuff like this because now I almost feel like I'm coming down. And yeah, I'm able to call people and stuff, but I kind of have nobody to celebrate with, which is a bit of a bummer. I think tomorrow we will go to Malibu just to make the most of our last day. We have all day tomorrow and then we're flying home on Friday. So, and to explore somewhere I've never been before. Okay guys, now I'm walking around whimsically listening to music, and this is just what I needed actually to integrate everything. A nice long walk to process that emotional roller coaster. Sometimes you just can't beat a walk on your own listening to music. This, this is the coffee that I got in Sedona that I've been looking for everywhere. You guys don't understand, I bought that in Sedona. If you were on the vlog, you know, and I haven't drank coffee since because I absolutely love it and it makes me feel amazing. And I got 2 pouches and I ran out, and you can't order this to Europe, you can't order this to Ireland. Oh, I didn't even come in here for this. Oh my God, I'm so happy. Good morning guys, it's our last day in LA and we're going to Malibu today. Which I'm really excited about. I feel like I'm slacking on the vlog a little bit. Um, I've just been in the moment. Yesterday, I can't remember where we left off. I think I left you off in the freaking supermarket in Erewhon. But after that, yeah, I really realized that I needed some time to just integrate, like listen to music, reflect, have a little cry. So that's what I did. I came back to the hotel and I was just like looking out the window at the palm trees, processing everything, processing like how much has changed in my life. The fact that I'm here living this life that I've always dreamed about. Like, ever since I was very young, I wanted to have this kind of exciting, meaningful life where I would be traveling. Part of my, my vision always for my life was to come to California. For some reason, I've always just loved California. But I love coming here. It just has that, like, go-getter energy. And yesterday, as I was walking around, it's like my inner child's— the song Drops of Jupiter came on shuffle, and it's almost like it triggered my inner child to come up and see through my eyes and see everything that, like, we were living and experiencing and everything that had manifested into my life. I suddenly was able to, like, see it fully as I was looking around, walking around West Hollywood, and it was extremely humbling. It was extremely grounding. I didn't realize how present I haven't been. With everything that's changed. When you change so quickly, it's really difficult to stay present and really soak in everything that's happening to the fullest extent and appreciate it fully. So I'm really grateful I had that moment yesterday. And after I had that moment, I went into Erawan and got some food. So I realized there was still some of that left to come out. So I came back to the hotel and I watched the sunset from the balcony here, and I was looking out over the trees and I just had this massive release. I was like bawling, crying, like, wow. I cannot believe this is my life. Like, I— it's like part of me deep down always knew that I would end up here and I would end up living a life like this. But for years, for most of my life, I never even dreamed of allowing myself to voice it to myself, never mind other people, never mind actually going after it, because it always felt so stupid and delusional. And now it's almost like I had this moment yesterday where I was able to say to all those parts of me that felt so stupid for their dreams and desires, like, no, no, no, you were right, you were right, you were always like destined for this. And it makes me so emotional because I know there's so many people who are sitting on their big dreams. And like, every time you get that divine nudge or that insight that you're supposed to be living this other life, you get a flash of it. That's not random, you guys. That is a spillover from a parallel reality where you're living that life, and it's your most fulfilling timeline. That's why you're able to feel the feeling of desire in your body. And I just know, like, how painful it is to gaslight yourself out of that for years and years and years, and now to be living it— my past selves are just in shock in the best possible way. So yeah, yesterday consisted of a big release, lots of crying, lots of, um, registering where I'm at, which was really, really needed. And then after that, like, that was— that took a few hours. I was like listening to music, just bawling, crying. And then after that, to shift the energy, once I had that big release, I played like celebration music. So I was like dancing around, like jumping up and down on the bed, on the couch, just fully celebrating everything that's changed, everything that's happened, and just this life. This crazy, beautiful, magical life where transformation is so, so possible. Now, I will be honest, it's not all been sunshine and rainbows since the podcast yesterday. Of course not. Of course not. No, I was launched into another level of visibility. I feel like I was launched kind of into the pro leagues, and with that comes some triggers, and that's totally normal and that's totally fine. I think the expectation of how you think you're going to feel after an achievement makes the actual feeling afterwards kind of disappointing. And I've learned that already through different experiences, so I didn't really have an expectation. I'm very much non-resistant to how I feel, which is really helping me move through this because I don't feel amazing today. Yesterday I had my big celebration moment, I had that huge release, but today I woke up and I could feel this like kind of not this weight in my stomach and I was like, "Mm, that don't feel good." And I just kept having flashbacks of the interview and things I said, things I repeated, things I should have said differently, answers I never really got to give, like ways of answering that should have been different, or things I just forgot to say that are so glaringly bloody obvious that I really would have loved to have said, but for some reason they didn't come out. And that's okay. It's like this after everything, like when you do a big event or speaking where you're in the moment and you have to kind of switch on and deliver and just get into that flow, you're so in it in the moment that you don't really have time. It's just happening. You don't really have time to process it until afterwards, especially when it's something new. So my brain naturally is just processing. It's throwing all of these like little flashbacks at me to help me process, even like my flipping blouse, the top button of my blouse kept opening. So that kept coming up, not during the interview, thank God, but like before and after as I was talking to people. And I'm like, oh my God, my hair, like just little things. It's crazy, like all the little nitpicky stuff your brain will send at you. Like, oh, did I pause for too long to think about a question? Was I giving a confusing answer? Just loads of stuff. We're gonna try this new contour stick today. I used to use a contour stick from Sosumi, which is an Irish brand, and I love it, but it's down to the nub. So I'm trying this NARS one, but for some reason I don't have a good feeling. I don't have a good feeling about it. I don't think it's the right color. It's quite orangey. So yeah, anywho, this morning, in conclusion, all of these thoughts were coming up and I was like, oh my God, this is just a lot. And then I dug in deeper in my meditation and I was like, what is this feeling? And as soon as I opened myself up to kind of accept and allow the feeling. It was embarrassment and shame. It was embarrassment and shame. And I was like, oh, okay, okay, come on in, shame. Come on in, embarrassment. Have a seat. You're allowed here. We're not gonna repress you. It's okay. And as soon as I accepted it and let it in, I actually started to like go red and sweat a little bit. Like, I could feel like full body, like embarrassed in my body, like cringing at myself. I'm like, whoa, okay, what is this? That's fine, it's okay to hear, but what the hell? So I had to let myself feel that. I still don't fully know what it is, like why, why this cringe or this embarrassment is coming up. I really like this actually. I think my brain, although yesterday I was very much in the moment, I wasn't thinking about me, I was just thinking about how to serve and best answer the questions. I think today my brain is just trying to cope with the fact that this is a whole new level. I don't know the rules of this level, and I just, I really showed up as authentically as I could yesterday. And so there's a part of me that was like trying to process the inherent vulnerability of that, of being my full self in that environment. And so when I tuned into that part of me, she was saying, 'Oh my God, well, you weren't serious enough,' or I don't know, like, 'You were just—' because I was very authentic and I was making jokes and I was just being myself. So I think there's a part of me that's like trying to make sure that I didn't violate some kind of etiquette that I was supposed to have in that environment, even though I don't think I was supposed to have that. And I was made to feel very comfortable. It's just my brain trying to process how I showed up with maybe some internal expectations of maybe how someone should show up in that setting. But anyway, I leaned into it and I sat with it and I processed it, and now the embarrassment is pretty much gone. So I'm just processing what happened now. One of the things I wish I answered differently yesterday is he asked me what am I working on, or what, what's my next like vision, or what's something I need to step into. And when you're, when you're put on the spot like that in the moment, it's quite hard to think of, of the most accurate honest answer. And I really was trying to. I said leaning more into my feminine energy, which is correct, but more specifically, like more tangibly, what I really want to lean into is more connection. I think I mentioned that, but I didn't really give get into it much. And as I was literally walking around yesterday after the podcast, this whole thing spiraled and unraveled where, like, I'm at this transition point where I've achieved my kind of— a lot of my healing internally, and a lot of the changes that come from the healing internally that are reflected externally in my reality have been achieved externally, right? A lot of things I wanted to manifest, they've manifested. I've kind of climbed that mountain. And I spoke about this, I think, in Sedona, how I climbed the mountain. And I'm switching gears now, but these things take a while to integrate and process. But this is just another layer of this where it— like, I'm getting to a point where I don't, I don't want it to be about me anymore. Like, there's a certain amount of it being about me that's been in this journey so far. I'm just being so honest with you guys. I'm always gonna be honest with you guys. I'm always gonna be honest. That's part of my servitude. Yeah, part of the journey with you guys has been allowing you to walk with me, right? Having you with me throughout this process, that's been a core pillar of my whole thing. Every insight and download that I get that I share with you guys, the majority of them are because I've lived them, I've suffered them, I've gone through them, I've healed them, I've overcome them. And then I have the honor of sharing it with you guys. And oftentimes I've shown up on YouTube as I'm moving through something, like I am right now, as a way for you guys to resonate with me on my journey and move through it with me so we can do it together. That's always been a pillar of what I do, and I think it's a really important pillar of what I do. But sometimes it can lean a little bit too much into like, this is about me and my life, when I feel like I'm actually just a case study. Like, I learn the lessons. Some people are clairvoyant, some people hear things, some people study things, which I do study as well. My biggest lessons come through lived experience. I feel like my spirit guides, my higher self, puts things in my path so I can deal with them, go through them, and I get the insight and the lesson, and then I can share it and help you. That's kind of what I feel like my, my thing is here. But now I'm getting to a point where a lot of what I've been doing is to overcome my own inner demons and step into my own power. And we're stepping on up, we're getting there, we are getting there. And the more I heal myself, the less what I do is even about me, right? Because I'm getting into that energy where like, I have everything I need materially, right? I have everything I need materially. So when you get to that point— and this is to do with the scale of consciousness— when you get to that point, as your consciousness shifts and raises, you stop living in an identity that's self-soothing, and you stop having so many needs because you're meeting your internal emotional needs as you're on this journey and you're healing and you're getting to know yourself and you're making the shifts internally, letting go of parts yourself that aren't you. And you start meeting your own emotional needs, you need so much less externally. You're naturally able to correspond with what's aligned with you externally. You're naturally able to take aligned action, and so you don't really need anything from reality that's going to give you that sense of like validation. So yeah, one big thing that came from this for me is the realization that what I really need to step into now is more like a closer connection to my mission, a closer connection to you guys, to who I'm supposed to help and figuring out how to serve you more directly, like better, how to make you feel more connected to each other as well. Like, just the word connection is like— because it feels like sometimes I'm here and like my mission and you guys are here and I want us to be here, you know. This is energy work, by the way. I literally just got this idea to go, okay, you guys, get over here, and I'm gonna like pull you in, pull you in, pull you in, pull you in and put you here. Okay, we're together. Okay guys, we just made it out of the house. It's literally— it's 10 to 12. Oh my God, my day trip to Malibu is off to a slow start, but quite cloudy, and I wanted to take some time to reflect and process, and I made a YouTube video as well, which I'm happy I did. Um, so yeah, I'm gonna get a chai latte from Dialogue, and then we are going to get an Uber to Malibu. I do wish I had a car. I just saw a Mustang and I remembered Sedona and how fun that was. And the drive to Malibu I think is going to be gorge, but I will enjoy being a passenger princess all the same. I miss my dogs so much. I keep seeing cute dogs and I'm like, ah, I was literally dreaming about them last night. I have arrived. We have arrived. This is really beautiful. I've never walked anywhere like here before. Just what I needed to ground my energy. I'm so glad I've come here. Found this secret hidden passageway. Got his eye on me. Oh, oh, I got my Good morning guys, it's the final day. Just woke up, did a little meditation, and now we're gonna go to the gym. We're gonna go to the hotel gym. I've actually been enjoying getting back into the gym recently. Um, so yeah, I don't think there's much going on in the hotel gym here, but I'm gonna do a little run, a little walk, a little bit of shoulders, a little stretch, and then we're gonna get breakfast, and then we're gonna pack, and then we're gonna leave.