Elay Amitay Halevi explains how past hurt makes you shrink your desire in relationships, attracting either someone who reopens you emotionally or a trapped, suffering partner. He calls it "soulmate or cellmate."
In a relationship, when a person shrinks their desire, either because they were hurt, because they've had negative examples of relationships their parents never exemplified love, so on and so forth, and the person starts to shut down their desire, then the signal that you're sending out to the world is that men and women should not approach you. And the only ones that kind of get through the guards are the ones that are there just to open you up, actually, the relationship yet. So you're either drawing in your soulmate or your or your cellmate. One of my friends, Good, always says this. He says three types of rings. It's engagement ring, it's the wedding ring, and then the suffering.
