Why Forcing Yourself To Be Positive Makes Life Harder

This week we're going to be talking about how forcing positivity actually bends reality against you. This is something that I don't see a lot of people talking about, but this is something that I personally have lived and I'm living through again right now. I've seen my clients live through it. I've seen over 200 people inside my community live through it. And it's something that people need to speak about more. Trying to be high vibe all the time, trying to be at the highest level of your consciousness as you possibly can at all times, and being ashamed of yourself, beating yourself up when you don't feel good is what's actually slowing you down. You have to allow periods of your life where you don't feel good, and those periods are just as valid as the periods of your life where you feel amazing. And if there's one trap that I see people fall into, it's when they get a bit down, when they get a bit anxious, when they get frustrated or angry or insecure or fearful, they start freaking out, they start beating themselves up, and they start forcing themselves to be high vibe again, to be positive again. And all that does is keep you actually out of alignment. It keeps you from clearing these negative emotions from your energy, and it keeps you from being able to move out of darkness and into light. Positive and negative emotions come up, and that's okay. It's how you deal with them that matters. And. And it's good timing for me to talk about this today because I've not been having a very high vibe week, and I felt the tendency to force myself into positivity. And then I thought, no, I know better. And then I thought, let me actually be really honest with YouTube. I've not been high vibe this week. I've been stressed. I've been low energy. I've been feeling kind of angry and frustrated because I've had so much going on. I've not been in my routine, I've not been in my flow. So I needed to share this with you guys because there's this kind of false perception that you're just going to arrive at, like the super high frequency and you're going to stay there. No. As long as you continue to grow, and especially if you're like an aware person and you're tuned into yourself and your intuition, you are going to have times where you have negative emotions come up because those negative emotions are here to point you to a block that you haven't cleared, or they're here to point you to some somewhere in your life that you're misaligned. So your emotions are messengers. The negative ones are often the best messengers you'll ever get. So it's really important that you learn how to navigate these things when they come up. How does forcing positive emotions bend reality against you? Okay, this is what most of us do. This is the trap that most of us fall into. We feel good for a little while, and then we start to feel not so good. And then what we do is we resist. We resist the negative emotion. We resist the anger, whatever it is coming up. And then what you resist persists. So the reason this bends reality against you. Let's take an example to make this easy to understand. Let's say you want to start posting content on social media because you want to launch a jewelry brand. Okay? So you want to start talking about your jewelry brand. This is a weird example. You want to start talking about your jewelry brand on Instagram or something, and you want to start wearing them. But you have a fear of being seen. Let's say, for example, you've been working on your beliefs around being seen. You've been working on the mental level to wire in this new understanding of being seen online, being rejected, being accepted, everything like that. Maybe you've even mentally gone back to your trauma where you were rejected, and you've taught, you've logically worked through this. Let's say you're trying to bend reality in your favor. You're trying to launch this jewelry brand. You're trying to grow this thing to $10,000 per month, and that's what you want. You've started doing it, you've maybe put your first post out, and all of a sudden you feel really bad. All of a sudden you feel extremely anxious. All of a sudden you're procrastinating, you feel really insecure, you're sabotaging, you're distracted, and you just feel terrible. And so what you do in that moment is you start resisting all these feelings. You get your journal out, you start trying to rewrite your affirmations, you start trying to shift your focus, but that doesn't work. You still feel bad. Right? So there's a distinction here. Sometimes we can just be in a habit of looking at the negative, of complaining, of dwelling, of doubting. And sometimes it's as easy as shifting your perspective to the positive and putting your focus on a new neural pathway in your mind and looking at things from a different light. So in those instances where it's kind of a surface level perception error or a perception misalignment that you're having. In those instances, you can just shift your focus. And if you keep shifting your focus, that will do it for you. So sometimes, you know, maybe just reading something new or listening to something different, listening to an identity rehearsal script, or doing a visualization or writing an affirmation or something, or a gratitude list, sometimes those things can help you. When you're just on the surface looking at things in a way that's making you feel bad, sometimes that works. But what I'm talking about here is when that stuff doesn't fucking work, and sometimes it doesn't work because what's going on is deeper than what you're able to think about on the mental level. And that's because it's coming from your body. It's an emotional block. So you're not going to be able to affirm your way out of it. And I want to let you off the hook for that. So maybe you sat down and you said, I am a powerful CEO, I have a hundred thousand followers on my Instagram page, my jewelry business is doing amazing, and you're writing all these things down and you, you still feel the same. You still feel the same. Maybe you feel differently for like a second, but then you go back to your baseline of feeling stressed, anxious, insecure, etc. And so you keep trying to force positivity. You keep trying to force positivity. Why this is bending reality against you is because this whole time that you're pushing back against these negative emotions and you're trying to force them to change, they stay trapped inside you. You're not letting them process. You are not letting the energy. Because what an emotion is, it's just energy in motion, okay? It's just energy passing through you. So you have an experience stored inside you. It's stored in your body, it's stored in your mind and your belief system. You have an experience stored inside you, and there's energy passing through it. So what you're doing is you're basically, you keep fighting this from happening. You keep fighting that this is going on with you. You're not letting that energy cycle of that emotion, you're not letting it finish, so it stays inside you. And what happens then is this is a component of you, this makes a part of your energetic frequency. And so you remain with this insecurity, with this anger, with this resentment, whatever it is you, you that stays trapped within you. So that stays a part of your frequency. And so you stay in the reality which is resonant with that part of you, that's why. That's why reality is not going to bend to you when you're trying to force positivity, because you're not allowing your negativity to clear out of you when you're trying to force against it. It is so important that you don't resist your negative emotions or your uncomfortable or your uglier emotions, whatever it is that's coming up. If it's a case that you can't just shift your perspective, if you try to shift your focus, if you've tried the affirmations and that stuff is still there, it's because it's still there. And you're not going to think your way out of it. You have to feel your way out of it. You have to let it actually happen, let it actually process. This is why most people don't make progress. And I have had clients, I've had so many amazing clients come to me now. And we have been doing a 12 week coaching program, okay? And we're meeting once per week. And what usually happens is not with every client, every client is a little bit different. But typically what happens is we get to around week five, week six, and we start making progress, we start having like breakthroughs in reality. We start letting things go. The identity starts shifting. You know, new perspectives are opening up, new ideas are coming to life, new actions are being taken. Everything is moving and groovy and great. And then what happens? Then the unconscious part of this client or this person that is scared of this next level or that is deeply insecure because they were bullied in school about being online or whatever it is, these old fears and triggers and wounds start coming up because the old identity is threatened. So what happens then? Around week eight, week nine, week ten, all of a sudden the client feels like, I'm really insecure. I feel like my old self. I feel like how I felt when I was a teenager. I haven't felt as bad in so long. It's not you, it's a part of you that's coming up to be cleared. Every single person, without fail, including myself. Even to this day, I have like a moment where I go, why is this happening? Why is this coming up? Why do I feel so bad? I don't want to feel like this. Everybody freaks out when this happens. If you could just stop resisting and stop freaking out, you would be free. If you could accept that this is a part of the human experience, if you could accept that, so long as you continue to grow, you're gonna have this stuff come to the surface, you would be able to move through it and you would be able to grow so much faster. So what I'm saying is any person that has gone on a path of transformation and has significantly transformed their lives, they had to transform themselves, which means they had to let go of a lot of parts of themselves, of a lot of emotional blocks and wounds, and of a lot of things that have been stored inside them. And if something is stored inside you, when, with pain, with painful emotions, when it comes up and comes out, it's going to come out with the same painful emotions that it was stored with. And you need to be okay with that or it's going to stay inside you, it's going to stay there. And so you've got two options here. You can keep resisting and forcing positivity, but you'll stay trapped in cycles of this thing coming up over and over and over again in different ways, different patterns, patterns, different limitations in your life. Or you can have the courage to accept that sometimes you don't feel so good. Sometimes you're angry, sometimes you're sad, sometimes you're disappointed, sometimes you're insecure. And that's okay. That's how you start rising above it. That's how you actually let these energies inside you finish the cycle, finish processing, and leave your body. So every time you resist an emotion, I want you to think about this. This is what you're doing. Hold on, let me get a prop. We'll think of it. Because I feel like water is a good analogy for an emotion because it's like energy in motion. So think of this bottle of water like this is your negative emotion. Let's say you're having a lot of anxiety coming up. Anxiety comes up every time you resist it and you run away and you try to drink it away, you try to scroll it away, you try to shop it away, you try to affirmation it away, you try to whatever it is, away. You're basically, you're judge, even just judging it is you resisting it. Even just saying, why do I feel like this is you resisting it? You're, you're basically taking this bottle of water and you're going, that's you. This is you. When you resist your negative emotions, you're going, yeah, I'll keep you stay inside me, that's fine. So I want you to remember that the reason I'm giving you a visual is because I want you to remember that's exactly what you're doing every time you resist every single time. So if you go back to our example of the girl, I say her name is Linda with the jewelry business, she somehow justifies her anxiety away. Maybe she starts taking Xanax, maybe, you know, maybe she starts binge scrolling on social media. Maybe she goes out and parties or whatever else. So she starts running from her anxiety because she just doesn't want to face that it's there. And maybe she goes into like overconfidence or maybe she gets a little bit cocky as a mask to actually how fearful she is about posting on social media. Maybe she starts posting all sorts of weird stuff on social media because. And it's not really aligned with her because she's just trying to run away from this feeling that she has and cover up the fact that she feels insecure and anxious about posting on social media. So what happens basically when you're resisting can see from this example you're holding this anxiety inside you. This is not you, this is just an, an emotion, an energy that is stored within your body because of a past experience that you had. And now there's something happening in your life that's causing energy to pass through that experience again that's causing that same emotion to come up and come out. So it's triggering this part of you, it might be triggering the identity traits of the part of you that existed back when this trauma or incident was created that you stored inside you. And so what's happening is when you're in this state, you're not really you. When you've got this stuff stored within you, even unconsciously and you're resisting it, you're not really you. And so Linda, she's resisting this anxiety, this insecurity. She's saying no, no, I can't feel like that. This is terrible. I hate my anxiety, hate that I feel insecure. So I'm not going to look at it. I feel powerful, I'm a powerful woman. I'm just going to look the other way. She's storing it inside and it causes her to act in a way that she doesn't really realize. It's very misaligned. She's acting actually unconsciously in a way that's just self soothing to this underlying pain that she's stored inside her cuz she doesn't have the courage to face it. What happens is she starts posting on social media. She's posting all this stuff that's not really, it's not really hitting the mark. It's not really actually aligned with what she's meant to be doing and meant to be creating. Cuz she has this pain stored inside her and it's not allowing her to really free flow and create to her fullest potential. And so this is why it's so important for you to actually face this stuff. Because Linda could be destined to have the biggest sustainable jewelry brand in Europe. That could be like, that could be her literal destiny, right? She could have this huge, huge purpose and this vision and everything that she's supposed to fulfill in this lifetime that she has all the potential, talent and skill to, to fulfill in this lifetime. But because she won't let this guy go, she's self soothing. She's acting in a way that's causing her to run away from certain things and she doesn't really know why. It's because she doesn't have the courage to face this. So she can't see certain strategies that she could take in her business, she can't see certain insights, certain ideas, you know, all of this stuff that's going to enable her to be her most powerful, to actually be her most aligned self. She can't see that stuff because she's not facing the emotion stored inside her that's causing her to act in a way that is misaligned. So Linda's just going to keep playing small. She's going to keep thinking small, she's going to keep taking very small actions compared to what she could be doing. She'll be limiting herself and that, that's going to keep coming back up. That anxiety, that insecurity is going to keep getting triggered by things because it's still within her. Every time she gets a kind of negative or not even negative, but maybe just some constructive feedback and comments or customer reviews, she goes into a spiral and it causes her to sabotage and it causes her to have to go and run away and hide and not work for a week and she wants to shut down the whole business causes all of these problems. Why? Because she never just faced it when it came up the first time. It just keeps coming up again and again and again. So you see in this instance, her trying to force positivity is bending reality against her because she's not letting the negativity come out so she can be free of that frequency and free of that trigger and then free to actually live up to her potential. So an analogy that's really helpful with this. If you're resonating with this and you've gone on a self development, self growth, spiritual journey and you've noticed, hey, I started feeling better and I started doing all these practices and I started living, you know, a more aligned life and being more regimented with who I was hanging around, what I was speaking, what I was thinking. You know, I started meditating, etc. Etc. But for a while I felt better. And then loads of this dark stuff started coming up. Loads of these difficult emotions started coming up. Perfect. You're doing it right. Why? Because the spiritual path is a path of purification. Okay? So all the pain, all the illusions, all the things that are not really you, that are stored inside, when you start becoming aligned, when you start becoming aware, all this stuff starts coming up and coming out to the surface. So it's like if you take a glass of water and has all this soil at the bottom, all that soil is all your trauma, all your darkness, all these illusions, these things don't actually align with you. That soil is all stored at the bottom of the surface. If you're stagnant, if you're never moving in your consciousness or your awareness, that stuff stays at the bottom of the glass. But when you start actually shifting your consciousness, when you start actually becoming more aware, becoming more tuned to yourself, it's like you turn the tap on and the water starts pouring in and all the dirt then can come up to the surface. Why? To be cleared out. So the spiritual path is a path of purification. Please remember that when the negative stuff is coming up. You are not crazy. You're not doing it wrong. This is supposed to happen. I wish. I hope this lands on the algorithm, on the YouTube feed of whoever needs to hear this, because I wish somebody told me this sooner. It would have saved me so much heartache. I wish more people spoke about this. That is such an important part of the path. That stuff needs to be cleared out of your system so that you can become free. If you think of all the enlightened masters, they were just beings who were free of these emotional wounds and blocks and illusions. They allowed themselves to go through all the dark, they allowed themselves to feel all of that stuff, and then they were able to rise above it. Even if we look at the hermetic principles, the principle of rhythm states that the measure of the pendulum swing to the right equates the measure of the pendulum swing to the left. So essentially, a person who has the capacity to experience and withstand a lot of darkness, they have the capacity to experience and withstand a lot of light as well. So the more you can embrace your darkness and your pain, you're basically going to be able to go into these emotions and you're going to be able to liberate because an emotion is just energy in motion. You're going to be able to transmute and liberate all that energy that was tied up in this more negative emotion, and you're going to be able to harness that for yourself. If you never allow yourself to just accept what's happening and you don't allow yourself to actually process it, that energy is going to stay tied up in that block, in that wound, forever. You're never going to be able to liberate it. So this is why sometimes, this is why it gets darkest before the dawn. This is why when you have a really down period, like the biggest ruts that I've been in, you guys, I have been in, I've been known to be in a rot. I have been in the worst ruts ever. Ever. But after every single rut that I've been in, there's been a massive breakthrough or a massive shift. It's like a springboard. Why? Because all of that energy that was trapped in negative emotion became liberated at last. And I was able to harness it. And the pendulum swung back out from the darkness into the light, and I was free of this block, of this wound that had been unconsciously holding me back for my whole life. And by the way, I feel the need to mention this. Whatever's coming up for you right now, if there's something coming up for you that you're resisting, it's exactly what needs to come up. Don't ask me how, I don't know how. But when you set a goal to go down a certain path, the path never looks like how you think it's going to look like. You will be sent down a path that'll be highs and lows. And you just think, oh, I want the jewelry business. Oh, I want $10,000 per month. I want to be a boss. I want to be this. You think, okay, yeah, I'm going to take these actions, I'm going to get there. No, wrong. You are going to probably get triggered along the way so that the very stuff that's within you, that doesn't resonate with that reality can come to the surface so you can finally clear it. Whatever struggle you go through on the path to your goal, trust that it is exactly what needs to come up. It's a very intelligently designed challenge to struggle, path, whatever you want to call it, it's exactly what needs to come up because it's exactly what you need to release, because it's exactly the thing that's blocking you from getting to the level that you want to go to. This is why you need to accept what's happening and accept what's coming up. It's coming up to say, hey, you've said you want to go over here. This doesn't resonate with you going over there. So you have to let it clear. Every emotion carries particular information. It's telling you of a block, right? So it's like there's a gate up. You're saying, I want to go over there. This emotion is saying, hey, you have this thing still trapped inside you, so you need to let this process, you need to let it release. Or it's telling you that there's something in your life that's not aligned, okay? And so your emotions are messengers. You've got to start listening to them. So here's what to do. Instead of forcing positivity, what can you do when negative emotions come up? This is a great question and it's a difficult one to answer, but I'm going to do my best. From what I've learned and what I've personally experienced, what I'm kind of even experiencing this week, what can you do when negative emotions are coming up? When you feel like hell, when you feel hopeless, you can remember everything that I just said, okay? So try to get a bigger picture on the go. Somehow, somehow zoom out as much as you can. Because when we're in the throes of feeling fear based emotions, negative emotions, what happens is our perception gets really, really narrow and we start to forget the big picture. So click on this video. Come and watch this. Remind yourself every single time you get into a row or get into this phase, okay? This is happening for a reason. This is coming up for a reason. These emotions, they're showing me something, okay? I'm either releasing something or something's not aligned. So I'm going to stop resisting. Just remind yourself that this is part of your path and it's a really, really valid part of your path. That's step one. Okay? Step two, you've got to get out of the way and stop resisting. What's the opposite of resisting? Accepting when you feel like shit. Say, it is okay that I feel like shit today. It's okay that I've been anxious for two weeks. It's okay that my affirmations aren't working. This is telling me that this is something that's deeper than a simple perspective shift and it's okay that I'm feeling this. That is step two. It's so important, okay? So widen your focus. Realize, okay, there's probably something bigger going on here. I'm not going to hone in and catastrophize. And then step two, it is okay, I accept that this is coming up. I accept that I'm angry. I accept that I'm disappointed. I accept that I'm anxious. Whatever it is, accept it fully and don't come in my comments going, oh, but if I accept it, then I'm going to stay feeling this way forever and I'm going to dwell. No, accepting it allows you to actually observe it and then you can start to actually understand it and then you can start to actually release it. Resisting it just keeps it there. It's not dwelling, it's not going into and becoming the emotion either. So step three is actually okay. Once you accept it, you don't become it. You don't completely dwell in it. You just observe it without judgment. So try your best. When you feel the emotion coming up, here's how you observe. One super powerful, effective way to start observing these emotions instead of becoming them or resisting them is notice where you feel it in your body. Maybe it's like a pit in the bottom of your stomach. Maybe it's tightness in your chest. Wherever it is, just notice. Okay, I accept that this is coming up. Okay, I see the big picture. There's something coming up here. That's fine. I accept this is coming up. Okay, where is it? It's in my chest. Okay, what. What does it feel like? It feels like an ache, or maybe it feels like a sharp pain, or maybe it just feels like tension. Okay, and how big is the area? Maybe it's just on the right hand side. Maybe it's in your lower back. Maybe it's in your upper back. Sorry. Maybe it's. Maybe it feels just like it's moving around a little bit. Maybe it's the whole area. Just notice it and then you want to start to name it. So what actually is it? Okay, it's stress. Go deeper than that. What is it? It's anxiety. What actually is it? It's fear. Oh, okay. What am I afraid of? Now you're starting to really loosen that up. Okay, so what you were resisting before, it was just there. Now you're starting to unravel and unwind it because you're observing it with compassion. By the way, I have a shadow work meditation in my community that does this with you. And it's so good and it's so powerful. So if you want to. If you want a meditation to help you through this process, you can find the Link for the community below. But I spoke about this numerous times on this channel. The other thing you can do is you can imagine you're pulling this emotion or this energy out of your body and you're just sitting with it, and you're just having so much acceptance and compassion for whatever this is, and you're just observing it. And what you can do is you can let this part of you speak and vent and rant and say everything it needs to say. And then you can say to this part of you, I understand you. I'm so sorry I've been pushing you away. I love you. I'm here for you. You make total sense. I'm not going to leave you alone. That can be very, very, very healing. And it can really. It can really help this part of you to process and integrate and start releasing these emotions. The moment you go back into rationalizing it and judging it is the moment you trap it again and it freezes again within you. Okay? So you stay in the observer. You stay just compassionately observing what's going on, letting it unfold, letting it process. No matter how weird or ugly or whatever it is that's coming up and really important, you let yourself feel the emotions. You have to allow your body to purge this thing, to complete this energetic cycle. And then once it's done, you get all that energy back, and then you can try. This is transmutation. You can transmute that energy and put it towards something else because it's been liberated. So that's one overarching way, right? Just observe in the moment, when it comes up, notice where it is in your body. Relax and observe. Relax and observe. This is something you can train yourself to do, okay? When you're in a meeting and you notice you get tense, you start to close. Just observe. When you're in traffic and you notice you're starting to shout at the driver in front of you. Just observe, right? Get curious. Start just watching yourself. You can go deeper and you can journal and do like shadow work journaling. You can do something like that shadow work meditation that I just explained to you. But in general, anything that you can do to observe yourself compassionately will start to release this for you. Sometimes, and this is a disclaimer. Sometimes you have some kind of karmic knot or some kind of generational something or other that you. You need, it's on your shoulders for some reason to release this thing. Sometimes you need to sit with something for a while, okay? And we have a tendency to think, okay, I'm going to Join Katie's community. And I'm going to do the shadow work meditation once, and I'm going to be healed and I'm going to live my dream life. I'm so sorry. That's usually not how it goes. Yes. You can have a big breakthrough doing something like that. Yes. It's extremely powerful to have the courage to go in and sit with those vulnerable parts of you and feel those emotions and go into the shadow. And it's extremely helpful and it's much better if you do that versus if you don't. But sometimes we have knots and emotional wounds and things coming up that are deep and that are layered. And sometimes it takes time to. To fully get to the end of processing that. So I've had periods of my life. I've had like a whole month, maybe even longer, like six weeks of processing, one trigger of processing, one wound. I've had probably a period of a few months, actually, where I had to let something come up. And it was layered and it was loads of parts of me intertwined into one big thing. And it was all pointing to one massive area of my life that was misaligned that I just couldn't see because of all conscious stuff. And I had to sit through that for weeks on end to finally get the clarity and get to the point where I was able to go, oh, this is what's been going on. Right. But it took a lot longer because I was resisting most of it. So while you're in this phase, trust that whatever is coming up is supposed to come up and do things like shadow work. Do things like even inner child healing and journaling stuff, like sit down and just rant in a journal. Do that every day to help yourself process whatever's coming up. Sit down and rant on a voice note. Let yourself talk through whatever's going on. These things are so, so powerful. And the whole attitude, the whole time is you're allowing whatever comes up to come up. That's how it comes out, and that's how you finally gain freedom from it. If you feel like it's okay, I'm giving you permission to feel like. Let yourself vent it out. Let yourself scream it out. Let yourself cry it out. Let yourself journal it out. Go do shadow work. Go sit with your inner child. And whatever you do, don't run from it, because that's how you stay trapped from it. I promise you, those of you who have the courage to invite your inner demons to the table and sit with them and allow them to be there, you're going to be the ones who become free from them. And you're going to be the ones who do incredible, amazing things in this life. That is how you reach your fullest potential in this life. And honestly, if you're somebody who you came here to have a really grand life, and you came here to break a lot of patterns and to be this, like, really amazing, incredible, powerful person, sometimes your rite of passage is going through this stuff, but trust that it's happening for a reason. Going through this stuff is making you stronger than most people. Going through this stuff is allowing you into a life that most people will never have. So respect your path and respect whatever is coming up for you. And know that you are not alone in it. If you've been watching so many videos on how to be, you know, positive and how to live your dream life and you feel like nobody's addressed this, then I hope this at least has made you feel less crazy and made you feel like you're not wrong for the stuff that's coming up for you, because you're not. Usually it's the shame around feeling bad or your judgment towards yourself about feeling bad that's making you feel so bad. But feeling bad, feeling hopeless, feeling despair, is often like the very portal to your best self, to your most empowered self. So it's okay that you're feeling these things. All right, guys, that's all for this video. I hope it helped. I will see you all in the next one.