In this candid conversation, Speaker A shares a transformative personal journey from a state of severe anxiety, depression, and suicidal thoughts to a place of self‑advocacy, expanded emotional range, and deep gratitude. The narrative covers how they learned to ask for what they need at work, embraced the full spectrum of human emotions without fear, nurtured their inner child, and experienced a profound body‑mind healing that resolved chronic stomach issues after a breakup. Speaker A describes daily practices of welcoming whatever feeling arises, celebrating both joy and sadness, and living more fully in the present. Speaker B offers supportive affirmations, highlighting the impact of this inner work and hinting at future community events. The overall message emphasizes that stopping the chase for happiness and instead welcoming all experiences leads to greater wellbeing and a vibrant, authentic life.
Chapters
My career has been in a place that I'm just deeply grateful for. I love the company I'm working with. I love the support that I have there. And I've also learned how to advocate for myself better as well. So in those interactions, you know, we can always get into a bit of the mentality that like things are happening to us, but oftentimes we're just not asking for what we want. And so I've been, I've been able to become more like have more deserving power of like, I, you know, I matter. It's valuable to have the things that I want. It's normal and okay for that. And so then I've been able to request the things that I need to like really thrive in my work. So that's been going great. And like, and then in my personal life, inhabiting myself, it's like so much more emotional range. So I'm— I, I still experience everything that everyone else experiences, all the sadness, all of the scaries, all of the you know, existential dread, all of the things. But my relationship to it is very different. And so I'm able to like, you know, be in joy and, and like kind of like Rumi's guest house, right? Like be in joy, like be so happy.
I love that poem.
Be so happy that it's here and then just be like, cool. And tomorrow I might not feel joy anymore, and that's fine. And so I'm not as much chasing an emotional experience I'm instead like welcoming whatever is here. And as I'm like in that experience, I can literally like— I might be like going through like just crying my eyes out. I'll go look in the mirror and I'll be like, fuck yeah, like look at you feeling your feelings. I'll be like experiencing joy in my sadness of like, I'm so proud of you for feeling these things and seeing these things. And like, I'll look at myself and I'll be like, this is This is the emotional experience. Like, you wanted to feel these things. Like, your soul didn't want to just know joy and happiness. Your soul wanted to know everything. And so I think that my range has increased while my ability to hold myself in it has increased. So I can— in a given day, in the morning I might be like raging, and then in the afternoon I might be like dancing. Yeah, it's night, I'm crying, and like the whole thing, I'm just like, this is it.
Oh my gosh.
So I don't have much fear to like embrace the full human experience. So it's allowed me to like bring so much more joy into my body, into my life, and just so much more, even if it's more sadness or more pain, I can, I can go and feel those things without connecting story to it, without feeling like overwhelmed by it. But I'm just like, cool, I'm gonna let myself be like really freaking sad for like 45 minutes and I'm gonna enjoy it. And then I'm gonna go live the rest of my day.
There we go.
There we go.
That was fun. Yeah.
So that's— inhabiting myself has been really, really welcoming every part of me, as well as like caring for the inner child. That's a big thing too. Um, and so for me to like be with her as she experiences all of these life experiences too, it's been fun to like mother my little inner little girl. Um, so that's what inhabiting myself looks like. And it's, it's really like, um, I'm just—
I'm—
I feel I'm living life so deeply and fully, and I'm really, really enjoying it. Um, even the moments that don't feel good, I'm like, I'm like comfortable with not feeling good, and I'm grateful to have that experience also. So that's my life is now. And just to— so much gratitude for like what it feels like now to feel feelings, as before it was so like, it was a constant heavy weight, right? Of like, I was just so— I mean, when I met you and before, like, the state that I was in, which I didn't speak to, was like, I was— I had been suicidal. I had been, um, like, literally I would get these downloads of like, you're gonna get an autoimmune disorder because you're so anxious and you're so in like hyper fight or flight constantly. And so I was just vibrating at like a level that was just so terrible. I was so depressed, I was so anxious, I was, um, like completely disconnected from any feelings of joy or happiness or even my own power. I just felt like life was happening to me. It was so out of control, um, and that was truly like waking up. I had so many like stomach issues even too, like it was physically manifesting. The day that I, I broke up with my partner, my stomach issues were just gone, just gone.
Um, but it was like the body-mind connection, the body-mind connection.
And so my body was just like breaking down as my mind was breaking down as well. And I was in a place where to me it felt easier to be like, well, I might as well just not exist anymore than just like have a— go through a breakup. Like, I was that twisted in my brain. Um, and so that, like, there's a part of me that fears ever going there again, ever being that low again. But I feel like now if something like that happens, it doesn't feel the same. It's like I can feel the rage and sadness versus it just building up in my system for so many— it was so long. Um, yeah, so that was where I really was. And with my career, I was hanging on, right? Like, I was like, of course I'm like— my, my company was so supportive of me going through all of this chaos, but it was like I couldn't focus, of course, you know. So I was doing my best, but I was really exhausted and overwhelmed and like trying so hard to not let anything drop while I was like going through this personal crisis. And so now it just feels like life is in flow and stable. And I'm just full of so much gratitude for how life can change by just like the work that we do inside of ourselves and the shifts that we can make. And like, yes, the partnership was causing me so much distress, but even if like that was in my system, whatever was attracted to that partnership— and so it didn't matter if it was him or someone else, that would have still been my reality. So this new, like, version. As I've, like, carved so much deeper into my system and, like, allowed all of that stuff to come out, I can just energetically express differently. And so, like, last week I went to this party for a friend. It was, like, karaoke, and I was just, like, the most expressed version of myself. I was just so silly and vibrant and full of life and able to, like, really craft my own experience and Um, so yeah, life is really grand, and that was a long answer, but no, I'm, I'm deeply, deeply appreciative of, um, your vulnerability and sharing.
And, um, I think I mentioned this, that this is what I was seeing but couldn't really describe, right? This vibrant energy, this version of you that was connected to your innocence and fully in your body and finding your voice again and singing and dancing and really, really just really coming, inhabiting yourself really. It's just like, this was the version that I saw. And to trust that that initial pop, right, was enough in our interaction to carry you through, right? I think of a carousel, like I was there for a moment and then I shifted out and then the next person came in and then shifted out. To realize that the work that we did, right, is so impactful, still is. And to see you thriving and excited and happy and alive and life is back in your eyes and your laughter is different and the way you're holding yourself is such a— this is, this is why I do what I do, right? This is why I have chosen this path to hold space for women that are here to do big things. Um, and it's even interesting because I say that I'm here to guide women who are here to do big things to do it out of the fullness of themselves and not at their cost. So to describe that so beautifully, right, and how, um, yes, you are doing a lot more in your job, in your career, and You're not sacrificing your well-being to do it. If anything, you're harnessing your well-being to do it right. And there's also a part of you that's doing your well-being for the sake of your well-being. And then the work is just flowing out of that, right? But to know when to take a nap, when to drink water, when to like get up and move and walk with your dog, just the things that now that you're fully present in your body, you're able to do and be in just so much more enjoyment of whatever is present without labeling it good, bad. It's just like, I'm here to feel. There was a time when I couldn't access this feeling, and now I'm going to feel. I'm about to cuss the fuck out of it. I'm going to feel all the things. Celebrate it. Celebrate it. It's just so beautiful to see. Like, I, I'm so, so, so, so honored that I got to walk some part of that journey with you, and maybe we will in the future. I'm, I'm Planning a retreat. I will share the details when it's ready.
