53: The Anxiety Cycle vs The Confidence Cycle

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Hello everyone, and welcome to another episode of DSO Secrets. I'm your fearless host, Emmett Scott. And today I want to talk to you about a virus that I see destroying leaders in our industry. And it's awful because it destroys from the inside out and it's taking down some of the best leaders in this DSO industry, in the clinical leadership than I've ever seen. And I've named this virus the Anxiety Cycle. Now, all of us know what anxiety is. All of us have felt it from time to time. And some of us, though, are feeling it all the time. In fact, so much so, it's becoming part of our identity and it's affecting our ability to impact and lead other people. It's affecting our ability to scale our business. And because it's so inside of our paradigms, we're not even attacking it correctly. But it's affecting everything that we are trying to solve. So let's talk through what this anxiety cycle feels like so you can self identify and determine if you have it. And then I want to give you the tools to root it out of yourself and others that you come in contact with that have the anxiety cycle. Now, a couple symptoms. Number one, biggest one is you constantly feel like you're failing. Now, if you're able to recognize one time for 10 seconds where you celebrated and you felt good and then you were back to failing again, you're in the anxiety cycle. Okay, if you're constantly thinking to yourself, I'm behind on all my timelines. I was supposed to be at this size by this time. Look at Joey over there. Joey's already done X, Y and Z and I'm not there yet, then you have the anxiety cycle going on inside. If everywhere you look, you see multiple fires that need to be solved and you're feeling like if you don't get those done immediately, your entire business is going away, your life's work is all going to be destroyed if you don't get all of them done soon, then it all goes away. You're in the anxiety cycle. If everything that you want to do, whether it's a new opportunity or a concern or whatever, feels like it's urgent, you're in that anxiety cycle. And if prioritizing is incredibly hard, not because you're just so excited about each one though you have to be careful of that too, but because you feel like they are all number one, otherwise the business fails, then you're definitely feeling the anxiety cycle. Now, I love the thought, and you can write this down, that the anxiety comes when the outside feels bigger than the inside. Think about that for a second. When everything that's going on outside feels bigger than our capability, our confidence, our capability to be able to solve it, then that's when anxiety hits. Now it's painful and we hate it. But why is it so bad, so to speak, other than the fact that it's probably hurting our body tremendously and shortening our life, you know, why else, from a business perspective, is this so bad? It's interesting too, as we talk about what the remedy is, the prescription to get rid of the anxiety cycle, how many paradigms we have that our own ambition will work against us. As I've talked to people who are in the anxiety cycle and tried to move them to the other side, which I call the confidence cycle, it's interesting how they've trained themselves to feel that if they're not in a place of urgency, if they're not feeling like they're failing, then they're going to lose all their ambition, they're going to become lazy, and they're going to be sitting on the couch, you know, eating french fries and watching America's Got talent for, for 24 hours a day. There's really no gray area for them. It's just kind of black or white. Either I'm in a place of anxiety and that to them puts them with the right fire under them for achievement, or I'm going to be a bum on the street if I don't have this. These are the mindsets and perspectives that you can look at and know that you've been infected by the anxiety cycle. Now, a couple things, both on the personal side and on the business side, why this is so detrimental. And I know as I go through all those symptoms, they might be self evident, but it's good for the brain to hear this. And number one, especially the ambitious side of your brain, is that when you are in this anxiety cycle, you tend to create Too many projects that will never get done with quality and execution. And so there is some training for the brain to understand that it is better to get one thing done well and with quality and that that domino will hit all of the others than it is to try to attack all fronts at once. The term I often use with my team is some fires we've got to let burn. We just got to have the courage to let those burn while we focus on the most important things first. When you're in the anxiety cycle, you try to take on all the projects and you end up having lots of failures. You don't have time to give your team clarity on what needs to be done. You don't have time to give your team support on the resources that they need to get projects done. And a lot of things get half done. And we try to tell ourselves that that means we're still moving forward, when in reality is we're actually starting to create failure within the organization because of our lack of focus. Now, speaking of failure, we're constantly in this place of failure, and we'll see that our feeling of being in failure impacts our team. And whether we say it or not, whether we're out there trying to be rah rah, if we truly are infected with this anxiety cycle, our team feels it. They feel our urgency, they feel our anxiousness. They feel the fact that we feel that we're behind on timelines. And they feel that the outside is bigger than what's happening internally. They feel that you can't prioritize and that overwhelm and your turnover starts to go up as you're impacted. Or maybe your turnover has always been high and it's because humans hate to be in a place that they perceive is putting them in a place of failure. Or as they look at it, they might even say, you know what? Clearly I'm causing the failures in this company. And for the good of the company, I love this company. I need to step out. And so you'll watch good people that are really helpful to you step away from the business because they feel like they're contributing to that failure. It's interesting when you start going into that HR and you go a little deeper on that personal side. The golden rule says, do unto others as you would have done unto you. Now, oftentimes we're focused on the importance of doing the right thing for others. But the formula that's laid out there, and another way to say it, is you will only treat others as well as you've treated yourself. Now That's a sobering thought, because most of us, a type personalities, ambitious, wanting to conquer the world, wanting to bring value to the world, are very hard on ourselves. And it might be because of our upbringing, in fact. Absolutely. It's part of that. It's part of just the DNA that we have. But we are constantly pushing ourselves, which can be, at the beginning, very motivating, exciting. We're visionary. We see the problems. We walk into the restaurant, we see all the things they could have done better, any kind of business. We see opportunities, we're constantly seeing those. But the issue is we're treating ourselves. We're seeing the issues within ourselves and treating ourselves very poorly. And then we wonder why we have such a hard time treating others with the right amount of respect and accountability. And a lot of it's because this anxiety cycle has created so much dysfunction internally in the scripting and in the talking that we do with ourselves, that our ability to then try to change that and treat others differently than how we treat ourselves, it's just impossible. Now, this sounds so awful that you have to say, emmett, why would anyone ever stay in this anxiety cycle? I mean, clearly, being in a place of anxiety, all of us want to be out of that. No one would elect to be in that. Well, I've laid out one reason that people would elect to be in it, and that is because somewhere deep down in that subconscious, if that anxiety isn't pushing on them, they've confused the anxiety with their ambition. And they feel like that the anxiety represents them being motivated. If they don't wake up with a little bit of that push, they've really become an anxiety and adrenaline addict, right? And so if they don't wake up with that push, with that feeling in their chest of, oh, man, I'm gonna die if we don't get this done, then they actually feel like they've lost some of their ambition and it freaks them out. And so they feel like they're being lazy. So that's one reason that people keep themselves in the anxiety cycle, is they actually interpret it as part of their ambition and they're scared to lose their ambition. Another reason is because the ambition can work against them. They actually want to be out of the anxiety cycle. And so they say to themselves, I just have to get all of these projects done, get to a certain size company, get this problem solved. Once that's done, then I'll be happy. Then I won't be in the anxiety cycle anymore. And the problem is, it's the anxiety cycle that's telling you that that's the solution. And of course, as we've laid out, as you try to attack too many projects, especially with the perspective that you're behind the line and you're behind on your timelines and you have urgency and they have to be done quickly, not necessarily well, but done quickly. And we got to get out of this pain, then it creates these failures and you just stay within the anxiety cycle. Now you can see why I'm super passionate about this. Because to get out of the anxiety cycle is life changing. And it's a process that I am constantly working at, is to stay out of that anxiety cycle. Those of us who are the most ambitious are also most prone to this disease. And so it requires a, a cadence every day to make sure that we don't step into this cycle and this process. So what do you replace it with? Well, you replace it with the confidence cycle. In the confidence cycle, we wake up already being a winner. We wake up with the perspective of gratitude as we look backwards and we say to ourselves, holy smokes, look at where I am today. Now a little bit of that might be. Look at where I am compared to the rest of the world. Look how blessed I am. Look at the talents and gifts that I have at my disposal. Now those of you in the anxiety cycle are saying, yes, yes, Emmett, but look at this stupid mistake I made. Look at where I'm failing here. You're not looking at my P and L. My P and L totally sucks. I'm suffering cash flow wise. My best practice manager just quit. X, Y and Z just happened. You don't know the deep down, like when you just look at me at the surface, yeah, it looks like I'm doing really well, but in reality there's tons of failure underneath and therefore I'm not the winner you think I am. And I simply respond, that's the effects of the anxiety cycle on you. That's not the right perspective just because that's how you're looking at those details. The reality is winners always are working against challenges. Winners are always trying to take on the next opportunity. Those are the symptoms of winners. Losers are sitting on their couch, they don't have issues. They're not recognizing opportunities to get to the next level. They don't have cash flow problems as we think about them because they're trying to hire this person, accomplish the strategy, open up this new location because they simply go in, take their paycheck or don't take their paycheck, live off of the parents there I'M using economic winner and loser type analogy here, but to think of yourself as a loser. Listening to this podcast, I already know that your ambition and your mindset has put you in a winner category. It's a matter of you seeing it that way. Now. As I start down this road, you'll find your brain. Some of the first things it will say is, if I truly saw myself as a winner, would it turn off all my ambition and would I just let the business fail because there's real fires that need to be solved? And the answer is no, that is not the impact of the confidence cycle. In fact, the impact of the confidence cycle is that you still see the issues, but your clarity opens up dramatically and you're able to prioritize constraints in the right order and you're able to work smarter, not harder, and see what will have the best roi, the best impact for the company. If, if you can't see that today, if you don't have a clear list of saying, if I do this, it's going to have the most impact, this would be number two. This is number three. Then know you are being impacted by the anxiety cycle. So moving over to this confidence cycle, seeing yourself differently, seeing the company differently, will start to slow the game down dramatically. The urgency will drop and the intelligence will actually go up. Now here's the best part. Seeing yourself as a winner today and increasing your confidence that we are in a good place. We have accomplished so many things. The challenges I have in front of me are because I'm pushing to new levels of success, right? I'm playing in the super bowl every day. And so there's naturally bones that get broken, people get hurt, things happen, other team scores touchdowns. I'm playing in the super bowl, right? We have to keep perspective of the context. And again, this isn't just fluffy, rah, rah. This is better leadership this way. This reduces turnover. This increases how the team perceives the entire business model and business strategy. This increases retention. When people believe they're on a winning team, they're just trying to get to that next next level. They're trying to climb that next mountain. That's way different than saying we're losers that have never accomplished this and now we've got to go do it. We're winners that have accomplished a ton of things. Now how do we take on this next thing? And what starts to move is the inside starts feeling bigger than the outside. And there's a couple ways you can do that. One is the outside starts taking on the right perspective. And it starts reducing down. Instead of seeing it as this huge monster, how will I overcome it? I start to look back and say, I remember I've had huge monsters before, and they really, once I got to the other side, weren't that big. And so when I really look at this from a better perspective, it's actually not as big as my mind initially wants to make it or another way to do that. So you can reduce the perspective of the outside threat or even opportunity, or you can increase your insights, you can increase your confidence by saying, you know what? I've taken on really hard things before, and I've always figured out a solution. And even when I failed, I picked myself back up, I started over again, and I figured out the next solution. And what no one can take away from you is all of that knowledge that you've gained. I mean, another way to think about this is if you took yourself two years ago and you took yourself today and you had the two of them compete on solving a current problem, which one would win? Well, obviously the one today can beat the one from two years ago because you've gained so much experience and knowledge. And you start to see that. What about if you took yourself 10 years ago, 20 years ago? How well can your experience and knowledge today solve problems going forward? And so that's a way to start looking at the inside and who you are as bigger than anything that's happening there. Of course, you can do that from a spiritual perspective as well. If you're someone that sees yourself as a child of God, you know, having a higher power, et cetera, you can access that and say, okay, where is this actually in the eternal perspective of things and what am I compared to this? And start doing some. Some mind activities and spiritual activities to get the right perspective. So that's one path to moving over to the confidence cycle. Whatever you use, the most important thing is figuring out how you're going to get yourself in a place where you believe you're a winner today. Not once you've accomplished X, Y and Z. This will change the game for you. One of my favorite players to watch right now is Steph Curry. And I'm not like the NBA king on stats and people and so forth, but there's something in his demeanor and calm. And it's probably the thing I love watching the most about sports, whether it's a quarterback or a basketball player, is their demeanor, and especially when their team is down. It's fascinating to me to watch how these confident leaders see themselves always bigger than the Game. And whatever happens, they always see themselves as winners. Now that doesn't mean that they walk off and say, I don't need to practice, I don't need to work very hard. I just watched the Master class with Steph Curry on the app and he shoots 100 shots from different places on the court every day. And what's interesting, I thought this really stood out to me. He starts under the basket and his words were, I need to start there so I can build my confidence. Every day he starts right under the basket to build his confidence because he knows that the winner mindset changes everything for his go forward game. Okay, so I want to play out two people. One has the anxiety cycle going on, the other has the confidence cycle going on. They're sitting in two different offices. Let's say they're both CEOs, owners of a company, and in walks the CFO and says, we have a problem. Both of them are going to feel some kind of gut punch initially. But as the winner, the confidence cycle kicks in. Then they will start to perceive that in perspective. And very quickly they'll start saying, we've solved problems like this in the past. Where does this need to fit in our prioritization? What is the one thing that we need to do to move forward? And they'll look at that and say, at the end of the day we can accomplish this. They might even say, yeah, it sounds bad, we've got other things that are more important and we'll solve those and those will either impact it or we'll just have to solve that later. There's a calm in every three point shot that the winner, the confidence cycle CEO has the anxiety cycle driven. CEO is immediately responding, emotionally responding, adding it as another item they have to get done asap, portraying to the team that urgency, that anxiety that they are feeling, whether they say it verbally or how they act. Now, I don't want to give the impression that those in the confidence cycle never feel anxiety, never have a day where they're feeling that urgency towards multiple things. But I will say that over time it becomes less and less and less and it's an awesome place to be when the confidence cycle is your default and the anxiety cycle is the exception and it's awful. And it's difficult to run a business when the anxiety cycle is your default and the confidence cycle is so short lived. Let me also note going back to the golden rule that the owner, the leader that's sitting with the confidence cycle has process and cadence for self care. They make sure that they're getting things in their life, whether that's working out or food or time with family or kids, that allows them to stay in that confidence cycle. They are more present. And by being present, they become transformational to those around them. And people around them are always impressed that with everything going on that they're able to connect with them. And it's really because they're sitting in this confidence cycle, this winner circle that allows them to be present with whoever they're with. I will tell you, when I was in that anxiety cycle as my default, I could not win if I was home. I felt like I needed to be at work. And when I was at work so much, I felt like, man, I really need to be more at home. And so I was trapped in this place. And it's because the anxiety cycle just wants anxiety to survive. And so there is no win. And with the confidence cycle, where I am is where I am and I'm thrilled to be there. And I'm able to connect with the person in front of me. My head's not on a swivel looking for the next person to connect with or that I need to talk to. I don't have the FOMO fear of missing out component. I know that where I'm at right there and the connection I'm having, the information that I'm gathering, whatever it might be, is sufficient for that day. Now the bad news, as you can imagine, is this anxiety cycle. There isn't a one day cure to this. This is a dedication and it requires a faith and a courage to say, okay, what do I need to do? What's the activities I need to do to start moving towards that confidence cycle side. I can tell for many of you if you've reached a level of success and you feel like you're plateauing, this is probably the core issue because for those of us who are very ambitious, our ambition gets us naturally to a certain level. And then the turnover and the trying to fight multiple projects with limited cash flow puts a ceiling on how far we can go. And so we've got to take that leap of faith and that self care to come over to the confidence cycle. Now here's the awesome part. That golden rule, treating others as you would have, you would be treated for yourself or you would take care of yourself. Now you start to actually do self care with the perspective of by doing this, I actually can impact patients, customers, team members, staff support better as a better leader because I'm going out and doing this self care for myself. It's an awesome place to be. And as things grow, they get easier, not harder. That's a great metric to use to know you're doing it right. Things are getting easier, not harder, as I scale out. All right, I hope you've enjoyed this. This has been life changing for me. This has been a process that I've been through. It helped me during a time when I was just so driven by ambition and anxiety and adrenaline and I was chasing multiple opportunities and I never could scale. And then through lots of mentors, I was able to put together this model, move myself slowly over to this confidence cycle. And it's amazing how my time is freed up and how my opportunities have freed up. So I want to give that gift to you. Love to have more discussion on this, Please join us over on our Facebook page at DSO Secrets. And until next time, keep smiling.

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