Disappointing Holidays WITHOUT Guilt or Shame

Thanks for watching today. We're headed into a big holiday weekend. If you're watching this on replay sometime in the future, it's Christmas Eve, and there's a lot of expectations that come with holidays, parties, celebrations, functions over the next couple weeks. And what I want to talk to you today is about holidays without guilt or shame. So we want to take care of ourselves, and in order to do that, sometimes we have to say no to other people's expectations of us. So we can do this. And this is, this is a boundaries conversation. I'm not going to sugarcoat it. We can do this without being rude or hurtful. Um, but it's really important for you, for wherever you are on your journey, your infertility journey, to go through the holidays, um, taking care of yourself first. Um, nobody knows what it's like being on an infertility journey. Unless they have been on it. So your family doesn't know, your family doesn't understand, and there might be some expectations that you are trying to do some people pleasing, right? You're trying to do some people pleasing and you want things to be normal, but you're just not really feeling well. Maybe you're not feeling well because you're in the middle of an IVF cycle. Maybe you're not feeling well because you just got your period today. Or you're expecting it tomorrow. And what I would say to you is that there's always, always room for you to say no to something so that you can say yes, as my friend Lauren, uh, da Silva, who wrote Healthy Boundaries, um, says, so that you can say yes to something else. So I want you to consider when you say yes to something what you're also saying no to. Okay. So if you're stuffing your feelings down, right? And they're like, you're walking around a party and they're like right here and you feel terrible physically or mentally, you're just holding on by a thread, but you're trying to do things to appear normal, but your heart's not really in it. I would really encourage you to set some healthy boundaries for yourself. And without guilt or shame, say no and say yes to yourself and stay in your PJs and watch movies and eat ice cream or popcorn or drink some wine or take a nap or whatever you need to do to take care of your emotional wellbeing, your spouse's emotional wellbeing, and avoiding, avoiding expectations. That are placed on you that you didn't ask for. So if there are things that you can cut out, if you can do less— that's not not do any, anything or everything— but if you can do less for your own mental health, I'm just here to encourage you and give you permission that that's the right thing to do because nobody knows what you're going through. Nobody knows what it's like to feel those feelings. And so they can empathize and they think that they're being kind, but the expectation and pressure, if it's too much for you, I'm giving you a permission slip right now. I want you to stay home. I want you to take care of yourself and your spouse and your immediate family. And when you're feeling better in a few days, next week, next month, you can still get together with those people if they love you and they know, or maybe they don't even know because you're not able to share because it's too much of an emotional toll for you to share, then they're going to understand. Bottom line, if they love you, that they're, they're going to understand. So here's your permission slip, and I hope that wherever you are on your journey, that you take care of yourself. I'm, I'm rooting for you. I'm voting your victory. I'm saying prayers, all the things. That you have hope going forward and that you put yourself first and that you take care of yourself. Health and blessings. I will see you Monday. Bye-bye.