Erica Hoke shares how she addressed unexplained infertility after doctors said she wasn't a candidate for IVF. She increased traditional Chinese medicine treatments, started trauma-focused therapy, prioritized self-care, and used mantras and scripture to manage the emotional weight of needing donor eggs.
Chapters
We are going to talk about how I treated my unexplained infertility. This is the mental health edition. I could go on and on about the things that I implemented once I found out that I wasn't a candidate for IVF, but I'm going to focus on the mental health component, um, and the things that I did to help me cope with my journey. And if you don't know my story and if this is the first time that you're watching me, I'm the infertile mom of 4. I, um, told that I couldn't do IVF. I had 7 different reproductive diagnosis could have and should have prevented me from getting pregnant. Uh, we were told that I would need donor eggs. And despite all that, all 4 of my kids were born— 4 of them were born after the age of 35 and, the last 7 years after we were told that we would need donor eggs. So all of that, um, to say there were a lot of steps that I took, but the first one has to do with, um, and we're focusing on mental health because you have to be able to cope, um, to continue, right? So the things that I did was I I kind of upped the ante. I was already seeking, um, traditional Chinese medicine. That's what I mean, um, by up the ante. Um, I was already seeking traditional Chinese medicine, but I increased the frequency of appointments. Um, she was treating me for my endometriosis, for my fibroids, um, for kidney support, which if you've been to Chinese medicine know that that's what governs the, uh, reproductive, um, reproductive. But I upped the ante on that and I increased my appointments, um, to more times a week. So the mental health portion of that is that I decided that it was worth it, that's worth it to take that time out of my schedule. Um, it was a big commitment and a lot of these things are a big commitment. And if you've met me, the way that I did my infertility, uh, the way that I approached my infertility healing is the way that I approach everything. All at once. I'm an all at once girl. I'm not a step by step by step girl. I do it all at the same time. Um, and get it done as fast as possible. Just my personality. Maybe that's your personality too. If you're an all-at-once kind of person, go ahead and drop something in the comments so that I, I know that I've got somebody there with me if, uh, if you can relate. So I started doing 3 times a week fertility treatments. Um, that was an investment for me that was new, um, to invest in that way and to recognize that I needed that kind of support and prioritize my own health needs was a big shift, and my own mental health, prioritizing that. Um, the other thing was is that I was seeing a, uh, for past trauma. Um, if you've seen any of my other videos this week, you know, we know that historically as a population, not just me, but women that experience infertility are more often than not also trauma survivors. Up to 40%. So I was dealing with trauma resolution through talk therapy. So that was one of the things that I, again, I prioritized heavily, as well as just recognizing that, that if I had, if if this was going to be fixed, that I had to fix it. What I mean by that is it's a different mental health mindset to be able to say, hey, I'm going to do what the doctor tells me. And if I don't get the result that I want, I can say, well, the doctor told me X, Y, and Z. It's a different mental health shift to say, I don't know what I can do, but I'm gonna do every single thing that I possibly can do myself that's within my control. And that's what I did. I committed to myself, I committed to my future children, and I just— I didn't know if it would work. Now that I was definitely being led in the path that I needed to fix my own health, but I didn't know then, but I trusted and I— And so we talked a little bit about this in the last video. I used to cling to small things. And this was something, this is something that you can do for your own mental health too. And it's information that I provide. Just the smallest thing like having in your mind a mantra or a phrase or a scripture, if that's you, uh, that will get you through your cycle when your cycle shows up. So I use two things. I used to say to myself, okay, if I got my cycle, I would say, thank you, Lord, thank you for, uh, my healthy body. Thank you, body, for functioning properly, because not all women can say that. Thank you for functioning properly. My cycle's on time. I'm having my period. Thank you for functioning properly because that means that I have an opportunity next cycle, right? I used to recite a phrase from James, James 1:1. I'm not good at that. Count all joys as blessings because they provide spiritual maturity. Don't have that memorized, but I used to just say to myself, count all joys as count all trials as joy. Sorry. Count all trials as joy. And I remember very specifically working in the Salesforce and just having to repeat that to myself day after day to get by. So if you have your own coping mechanism, if you have your own affirmation, go ahead and drop it in the comments. Let's just share you know, some of the things that help us get by, you know, when our cycle shows up, um, affirmations, scripture phrases, just drop those in the comments. Hey, you guys, I'm here Monday, Wednesday, and Friday as close to 12 as I can be, um, Eastern Standard Time. Health and blessings to you guys.
