This content was created by Erica Hoke. This content was uploaded by Erica Hoke. This is a YouTube video titled "How the Infertility Journey prepares you for Motherhood" (published June 11, 2021). The excerpt is a single-speaker, first-person talk in which the speaker reflects on how infertility can be part of a healing process that prepares someone for motherhood. Topics covered include postpartum mood disorders (PPMD, PTSD, PPD), trauma and grief linked to infertility, guilt and shame after achieving pregnancy, the importance of mental-health and mindset work (licensed counseling, tapping), and practical support such as a Facebook group called "Flourishing Through Infertility" and an advertised mindset workshop. The tone is personal and advisory, aimed at people experiencing infertility or new mothers processing complex emotions.
Chapters
Guys, um, I wanted to come on here today and talk to you about the infertility journey and how I feel like it prepares you for motherhood. So I made some notes today. I might have to read from them a little bit more than normal. My anxiety is like through the roof with this whole solar flare, lunar eclipse. I don't even know what's going on, but I'm feeling a little anxious today. Which is fitting because we're talking about, um, PPMD, PTSD, and, um, so PPMD, PTSD, and PPD. So those are postpartum mood disorder, postpartum depression, and of course PTSD, you know. So I wanted to talk about how the infertility journey is just a step, um, in healing, um, and preparing you for motherhood. So So many women, you know, are going, walking this road now, and there's a lot of trauma in their history, and that's causing infertility problems. And this is all kind of wrapped up into a big ball. So the healing journey for infertility and getting your mindset, and when I say mindset, I don't mean just have a positive attitude or just think good thoughts and you will get pregnant. I mean overcoming, doing actual healing work, um, overcoming trauma that you have been through and that sort of thing as a way— sorry— as a way to, um, heal your body and then also help you on your journey to motherhood. Because I know for a fact, for my own self, and this is, you know, personal, of course it doesn't apply to everybody, But I know for myself, if I had had kids when I really wanted to have kids, which was in my 20s, I would have been a much different mother. I would have been, um, just a, um, we try to do conscious parenting, so a thoughtless mother, let's say that, um, a more selfish mother. And I really know that the journey that I went through for infertility not only refined me and made me really, um, have a soft heart for my children, um, and really want my children and really appreciate my children in a way that I don't believe that if I had not gone through that journey that, um, I would have had. So when it comes to this, this kind of reflex, I mean, it's counterintuitive to people that haven't gone through it, but I think, um, somebody out there needs to hear this, that if you have gone through infertility and you have kids and you don't love every single second of your kids' waking, breathing moments, that that is okay. But I think it triggers people with a lot of guilt and shame, and they get into this guilt-shame cycle because they wanted kids so, so badly. They got the kids that they wanted, they got the children that they wanted, but they don't love every second of motherhood because motherhood is hard, you guys. Like, it's hard. Um, raising little humans to be good adults is hard. And so you have this tremendous joy, um, you're pregnant, you give birth, you have this tremendous, um, joy. And because you have this tremendous joy, it is completely normal and natural to have the yin and the yang of it, which is all kinds of fear associated with it, right? So a lot of, um, people that suffer from infertility go through like PPMD, postpartum mood disorder, where they are afraid that their babies are going to die, um, or they, they think that like the other shoe is gonna drop, that they're gonna be taken away from them. And it causes a lot of fear and it causes a lot of anxiety. And then they struggle with the grief of that, like the, you know, processing that because they're not loving every second and they're fearful. And then it creates shame and all that kind of stuff. So There's also some grief associated with the journey itself. So just processing that. So what can we do as moms or as people going through infertility on one side to prepare yourself for motherhood? And if you've already, you know, if you're already a mom on there, what can you do on the other side? So if you're struggling with infertility, find tools now, whether it's a licensed mental health counselor to help you work through things, whether it is a, um, whether it is something to help you cope with your mindset, like tapping. We're going to be talking about in my Facebook group Flourishing Through Infertility today on mindset and how to kind of get control of your thoughts through different methods, um, like tapping and that sort of thing. And also just recognizing that, um, what you're going through— I think that this is like such a key point— that what you're going through is happening for you and not happening to you. So if you're a believer, um, in a higher power in the universe, um, just know that this journey is for healing for both your body and your mind, and that this is happening to you. So I think that it's really easy to miss out on the blessing of it if we focus on, um, if we focus on the journey as a persecution and not as something that will help us, um, not only get our heart's desire, which is a baby, but help us get to a parenting style, um, where you appreciate your kids and you're not fearful and you are thankful for what you have gone through to to get to them. So you are enough. You have the power in all the things. And I want you to know that there's a ton of women out there who have suffered infertility, who have healed their body and healed their mind and gone on to get pregnant. So no one knows your body more or better than you do. And I would just encourage you to don't shy away from whatever healing you have to do. Don't shy away from that, including taking a real look and owning your part in your healing journey, which may or may not include some mental health healing and some mindset healing. We want to take those thoughts, those negative thoughts, and hold them captive. And we want to replace them with things that are helpful and useful on our journey for now. And also so that we can help ourselves, our future self. So you're paying it forward for your, your future motherhood self. If you went into that, um, that mindset workshop this afternoon that I'm doing at 5, Um, just drop me a message here and I will send you the link. In the meantime, health and blessings to you guys. I hope you have a great day.
