This content was created by Erica Hoke. This content was uploaded by Erica Hoke. This is a YouTube author-chat titled "Infertility Success: Author Chats, Diane Prunier" (published 2022-09-10). It is an interview-style conversation hosted by Erica Hoke with author Diane Prunier about Diane's chapter "A Journey of Hope: Secondary Infertility" in the book "Infertility Success: Stories of Help and Hope for Your Journey." They discuss Diane's experience with secondary infertility, multiple miscarriages (including chemical pregnancies), the impact of maternal age and insurance limits on treatment options, coping and emotional healing strategies, the role of support groups, and Diane's eventual successful pregnancy (her rainbow daughter Emily). Diane also mentions her work (Your Positive Pathways), an upcoming 2-week program to help people heal after miscarriage, and her website dianeprunier.com. Metadata: contenttype=YOUTUBE, title as above, thumbnail and createdtime 2022-09-10.
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Hi, thanks for joining us today for Infertility Success Stories of Help and Hope for Your Journey author chat. I'm here with Diane Prunier, and she is the author of the chapter in the book called A Journey of Hope and— a Journey of Hope: Secondary Infertility. So that's a little bit of a spoiler alert. You know where she's coming from, you know a little bit about what the chapter is going to be about. It's going to be about secondary infertility. But I wanted to let Diane introduce herself, and we're going to talk for a few minutes about her chapter and why she felt so compelled to share her story along with the other authors. Thanks for being here, Diane.
Hi, thank you, Erica Hoke. Glad to be here. Very excited to talk to you. So yeah, thank you.
Yeah, you're, um, Your chapter is your story of secondary infertility. And tell us a little bit about what was going on in your life and what that looked like for you, what that journey looked like for you.
Well, part of my story was obviously that I was secondary infertility. So we actually didn't have trouble trying to conceive Adam, my son. And he was— so I was 38 when I actually gave birth to him, and it was a healthy pregnancy, healthy birth. So we really didn't have any struggles. But so we wanted a second child. We wanted 2 children to complete our family. And when it came time to try again, we wanted about 2 years age difference. So around the appropriate time we tried and we got pregnant right away. Smooth sailing. So, like, so far. And then we got to the 12-week appointment and went in and they couldn't find a heartbeat. And that was a devastating loss. Total shock for both of us because we never figured that miscarriage would ever be a part of our journey. So that was pretty difficult. Yeah. And then—
so you got pregnant easily after 35 and You got pregnant a second time. So this was really— if you've never experienced a miscarriage, this kind of miscarriage is just something that it just blindsided you, right?
Yes. Yeah, absolutely blindsided. And all my friends, a lot of them had gotten pregnant easily and given birth easily. And I just— again, it was just so devastating to have to say goodbye to a baby on the screen and leave the place just just heartbroken and not knowing what the heck just happened. We weren't experiencing that. Like, we weren't set to experience that at all.
Yeah. So, yeah. Yeah. And so after that, you took some time to heal and now also you have given up the dream of having the, the children that you want, the spacing that you want. Right. So that's another loss on top of the miscarriage.
Yes. When you get pregnant, all these things pop in your head about plans and stuff. And then to just have those suddenly taken away is definitely— it's hard. It's a tough thing to go through. But luckily I had a great support system and things in place to help heal. But so eventually we moved it forward in our journey and kept trying. And we kept getting pregnant and then kept losing them. So I think in total we had 4 losses back to back. And the first one was the 12-week one. Second one was 7 weeks. And the last 2 were called chemical pregnancies, which is an early pregnancy loss. So you find out you're pregnant and then like 5 days later you're bleeding. So it's, again, another devastating loss. A loss is a loss. It doesn't matter what timing. I think by that point I was over 40 and our insurance— I double-checked and unfortunately our insurance did not cover infertility treatment such as IVF and IUI, and we could not afford to do that without insurance. So that was also a loss.
Right.
But the thing that was good is that they did cover infertility testing. So we were able to get testing and we kept getting tested over and over, various tests that I go over in the book. And so we kept getting tested and they kept coming back normal. Like, you guys are fine, your hormones look good, this looks good, that looks good. But then they were just like, it's just because unfortunately you're older. I was 42 at that point, I think, for the second round of testing, or 41. And they had just said the miscarriage rate over 40 is like 50%, so it's higher. So it was a little discouraging to hear that because it's like I was excited that there was nothing wrong, but then you're discouraged because it's like, well, why can't I get pregnant? So it's at that point that I sought other resources and I did find a Facebook group, an Over 40 and Trying to Conceive Facebook group. I don't think yours is over 40, but Erica Hoke, you also have a Facebook group for resources and it's so helpful. Just to be able to hear these other women's stories who were very similar to mine. And they all had different experiences and a lot of success stories. So I was learning so much about different things to change, and that's what I ended up doing. And again, I go through that in the book, in my chapter, so I won't get into too much detail. But, but yeah, so I ended up changing things and I switched a few things around and boom, I ended up getting pregnant. Again, and this time it stayed. So, um, spoiler alert, I did end up— we did end up completing our family, and I do have a daughter now. And so, uh, it's great. She's our rainbow baby girl, and we still look at her like, oh my gosh, after all we went through, she's here.
Yeah.
So, so yeah, so we have complete— so I have a 7-year-old son, Adam, and a 2-and-a-half-year-old, uh, Emily. So yeah. It's wonderful.
Yeah. So during that time of those back-to-back, that like the dark ages, the dark time of those back-to-back miscarriages when you're struggling, what do you feel like was the thing? What would you, what would you say to somebody who's listening to help them keep going? Because one of the things I say is if you can't cope, you can't continue. And a lot of people just can't cope. And so they give up and they don't look for additional testing. They don't look for a second opinion. What do you, What do you credit that resilience with?
That's a great question. Thank you. I think that, you know, definitely reaching out to, to a support system is super helpful to know that you're not alone. Really sort of helped me. And part of the reason why I wanted to write this chapter in this book is because every time I was open and vulnerable. So being open and vulnerable really helps to heal. And it's so hard for people, but you got to do it because it's just all built up in your mind and you just need to let it go and let it release. So I'd be at playgroups with my son Adam and have just had a miscarriage, and I'm barely holding myself together. And I would end up just kind of telling some of the moms there, like, I just had a loss and we're trying for a second. And the amount of women I I cannot tell you the amount of women at these groups would be like, thank you so much for being so brave and sharing your story right now, because honestly, we're going through the exact same thing, and I feel super alone, and I don't know how to deal with it. And it's like, whoosh, you then you just get this connection, and it's like, that's what people need. You need to be open and vulnerable even though you don't want to talk about it because it's painful. Of course it's painful, but it really does help to verbalize and get things out, even write things down, which is is one of my methods as well that I do go over in the book. And I'm in the process of creating some content right now for a 2-week program that I will be selling through my company, Your Positive Pathways. But it's to help basically mend your mind after miscarriage, and it's helping you heal in an emotionally healthy way, your mind and your spirit. So I'm going to walk people through the exact strategies that I did that helped to heal and to move forward. Because sometimes when you have a loss, I mean, it depends where you are in your journey. If that's it, that's it. But if you want to continue and keep trying, you've got to get your head back in the game, right? Month after month, it's like the 2-week wait and this and that. So I want to help people to sort of heal emotionally so that they can move forward wherever they are in their journey in a positive way.
Yeah, that's awesome. I was just going to say your chapter inspired you to create this, this business to support women through their miscarriages and in a positive way. What else is going on in your life right now? What does your life look like now?
Well, let's see. Well, I'm still a certified life coach. I'm still a stay-at-home mom, CEO of the home, I like to call it. But And I do still have an interest in gift, in mediumship, which I did put in the book, but I'm actually putting that on hold right now, which is the great thing about life, right? You can switch directions anytime you want and it's okay. It's all good. Yeah. So I am working on— I'm really focused on getting this 2-week program out there to help people. So that's really where my focus is right now with my business and to sort of help people heal emotionally and in a healthy way from miscarriage. And I'm also currently potty training our 2.5-year-old, which is a full-time job.
Yeah.
Yes, exactly.
So where can people find information about your program?
Well, I currently don't have that information up on my website, but if you want to find out more about me, my website is dianeprunier.com. When I, when I do have information, maybe I'll put a waitlist up there on the website so people can sign up. And when they are interested in the, when the program comes out, I will have that information on the website.
So great. Well, we'll drop that link in the description below here. All of the authors said that if we could only help one person by writing this book and having somebody read our chapter, we would have done the project all over again. If somebody is watching at this point, and what, what advice would you give to them if they feel— if they are going through secondary infertility and have a similar story?
Just to hang in there and really, really reach out, reach out for resources, research, hang in there. Because I had several ups and downs. I even dealt with shingles on my head and face and eye and probably because I was so stressed out because they told me that I wasn't eligible to do IVF and IUI because I was over 40 and the insurance wouldn't cover me. So all these things were such stressors. And so ending up sort of reaching out to people, doing resources, really focusing on your mental health and your spiritual health really helped because it just helped to focus things in a more positive manner. So, um, yeah, that would be my advice.
Yeah, I love that. Well, thank you so much for being on today and talking to us about your chapter. Infertility Success: Stories of Help and Hope for Your Journey is available on amazon.com and where books are sold. So, um, grab a copy today. And if you have comments or questions for myself or Diane, go ahead and drop them below. We will see you next time.
