PPI #154: Overcome Self Defeating Behaviors

People often sabotage themselves with self defeating behaviors. They keep drinking too much, they don't stop smoking, they keep working too much and as a result they feel trapped and that they will never break free. Today I'm going to teach you how to identify and overcome these self defeating behaviors so that you can become that better version of you and step into the life that you were meant to lead.

Hi, my name is Eric Partaker and I'm a peak performance expert and I've also been recognized as the CEO of the year. I'm. I'm also the author of two best selling books including the Three Alarms. So the first thing that we need to do to overcome self defeating behaviors is we need to identify them. Well, what are the behaviors? But where most people go wrong is that they only think about identifying the behaviors from their own point of view. Certainly that is where you should start. And we all tend to know what are the things that we should shouldn't be doing that are getting in the way of us becoming our best self. So the first thing that you do is simply from your point of view, register what are all the things that I do? What are the self defeating behaviors that are holding back from reaching my fullest potential? But then we need to reach out to those closest to us at our work, in our personal life and ask them from your point of view, what's the number one thing that I'm doing that if I did less of or didn't do at all that would help me realize my full potential? Where am I getting in my own way? Where do I sabotage my own success? You will be so enlightened by the responses and the answers that you get back in return. And all of which can be used to, to fuel your plan to overcome these self defeating behaviors and realize your full potential. Number two, we need to know what our triggers are. What are the things that happen which when they happen, lead to us engaging in that self defeating behavior. So for example, if it's smoking that you're trying to stop, well, what are the situations that typically prompt you to want to have a cigarette? Is it that you're suddenly feeling bored or is that you're suddenly feeling stressed? But rather than just not do whatever that self defeating behavior is, the secret is to swap in a new positive behavior in place of that behavior. Because we can't tell ourselves, for example, well, I'm just no longer going to feel stressed out or I'm no longer going to allow myself to be bored. Those things can still happen. Don't try to change the trigger so much change how you react to that trigger change and swap in a new behavior, a behavior which is better than that self defeating behavior. So rather than grabbing that donut, for example, grab an apple instead, or rather than smoking that cigarette, go for a walk instead, or rather than having that, you know, beer or glass of wine, one too many, have a glass of water instead, or have a non alcoholic drink instead. Next up, we can quiet the mind by practicing mindfulness, by practicing meditation, by developing the ability to quiet our mind, especially in those moments when we're feeling anxious or we're feeling resentful or frustrated. Especially in those moments when we're most likely then to engage in a self defeating behavior. If we've practiced mindfulness, if we've developed the habit of creating mental clarity, then we'll be stronger in those moments. It's been scientifically proven, for example, that if you practice meditation, your ability to stay resilient, stay strong, especially in the moments that test and pressure you will increase. So if you haven't yet developed or tried a meditation practice, try installing that at the start of your day, just even a minute or five minutes, whatever is necessary to just get started to develop that habit, plant the seed, and over time you can grow that habit into the full tree or however you want to think about it that's deeply rooted and then that can cover you and shield you from all the things that you run into in the course of your day. Next on the list, take small steps and set realistic goals. One of the quickest ways to find ourselves engaged in self defeating behavior is when we feel bad about ourselves. And when do we feel bad about ourselves? Well, maybe when we've set a goal that we actually don't achieve. And the biggest way to protect ourselves against that is to set small goals. So take your goal and then chunk it down into the smallest possible steps. If you want to write a book, for example, don't focus on writing the entire book. Focus on writing a quarter of a page each day and then grow that over time to a half of a page. And then maybe you get to one page and then maybe two, and then three. But start small. Start actually with the smallest possible version of the new habit or goal, such that it's nearly impossible for you to not be able to achieve it. Focus first on just developing the repetition of actually doing that thing day in and day out, rather than just trying to grow it into its fullest, biggest, you know, best form. And next on the list is be kind to yourself. Practice self compassion. When we don't practice self compassion when we're too hard on ourselves, when we give ourselves such a hard time for not doing the things that we want to be doing, then we're more likely to then engage in that self defeating behavior by practicing self compassion, by being kind to ourselves, by allowing the reality of the world to exist in, you know, whereby sometimes we achieve the things that we set out to achieve, sometimes that we, you know, we don't. That reality gives us room to breathe, that allows the kindness to come in, the compassion to come in. And when we feel kind towards ourselves and compassionate towards ourselves, we're far less likely to engage in self defeating behaviors. Number six on the list is to seek help. If you're really struggling with a self defeating behavior, seek help from your support group, Seek help from a professional. But if you're not able to do it on your own, you don't need to. Don't ever feel like you can't reach out and ask for a helping hand. Nobody has achieved greatness in the world on their own. They've always had the support of someone else. And that goes for you as well. And number seven, to help you overcome self defeating behaviors, you need to be persistent. Self defeating behaviors are often deeply entrenched. They're often really hard to overcome. And if at first you don't succeed, try, try and try again. There's also another proverb that I love. Fall down seven times, stand up eight. Don't let your first attempt, and perhaps failure rule your life. Don't let that be your answer. Don't let that be where you both start and stop. Be persistent. Keep trying. Even if you've tried 10 times before, try again. Try using some of these strategies and techniques that we've gone over today. Seek help, for example, from a support group. If you haven't been able to manage to do it on your own or but whatever you do, do not give up. Stay persistent on your path in your quest to eliminate the self defeating behaviors. Because unless you eliminate those behaviors, you won't have the chance to realize your fullest capabilities, to become all that you're capable of being on the work front, on the health front, on the home front. And to not do that is depriving yourself of a rich, free, full life. It's depriving yourself of your path to deepest fulfillment. So be persistent, stay on course, never give up. And I'd love to hear from you. So don't forget to leave a comment and a rating as well. And if you'd like to get a copy of my new book, the Three Alarms, please head over to my website at ericpartaker.com that's E R I C ericpartaker.com where you can pick up a free digital copy of my new best selling book, the Three Alarms.