#60: The Process & Power of Inclusion

You're listening to the Proteus Leader Show with Erika Andersen, where you'll get practical tools and insights for leading, managing, and staying ready for the future. Erika is the founding partner of Proteus, a firm that focuses uniquely on leader readiness. A nationally known executive coach and bestselling author, you may already know her as one of the most popular leadership bloggers on Forbes.com. Ready for something you can use today? Here's Erika.

Hello everyone, and welcome back to the Proteus Leader Show. My guest today is Gabrielle Claiborne, co-founder of Transformation Journeys Worldwide, an organization that helps other organizations engage in the courageous conversations needed to create fully trans-inclusive cultures. Gabrielle has been an out and active trans woman since 2010. Prior to her transition, she owned and operated successful businesses in the construction industry. Since then, she has become a TEDx and keynote speaker, a dynamic trainer, a community leader, and the author of Embrace Your Truth: A Journey of Authenticity. Welcome to the show, Gabrielle.

Thank you so much, Erika, for having me. I'm so excited about this conversation.

I am too. I, I think all of my are working toward creating a fairer and more inclusive world and workplaces. And I really thought that your insights and your personal experience would be hugely supportive of their efforts in that regard. The first question I want to ask you is I noticed on your website, and I really liked this, you said, including everyone benefits everyone. So can you help us understand why you think this is true?

I think we need to kind of step back and talk about who the everyone is, right? When we, when we think about, you know, when it said— when we say we want to create this inclusive culture so that every— everyone can show up authentically in the workplace, what does authenticity look like with, with those in our organization? Right. Because some of us, me included, I identify as a transgender woman. And so for what my authenticity looks like may be different than someone else's lived experience. So, yeah, understanding You know, when we say these things about, you know, including everyone benefits everyone, we have to understand the lived experiences of those who may have a personal lived experience that's different from our own. And—

Yeah.

Oftentimes this requires us kind of sitting down and having courageous conversations like we're having today to unpack those. I like to stay away from the word differences, and I really lean into the word uniquenesses because we are all unique. human individuals, right? It's just that we bring different aspects to the lived experience, to our humanity, if you will. And so, uh, when we're courageous enough to sit down and have these conversations, then we start realizing, oh my goodness, we have more in common than not, right?

Mm-hmm.

And so when we're having this conversation around including everyone benefits everyone, when I can show up as a transgender woman wherever it's, you know, my spiritual community, if it's in my workplace, if it's in my relationships, you know, however and wherever I show up, when I can show up authentically, I am not only benefiting myself, but I'm benefiting the space that I'm showing up in. And I'm bringing— able to bring my whole self to that space, to that experience, to that relationship. And when we're able to bring our whole self to the conversation, to, to how we show up, then we don't have to spend time suppressing and repressing aspects of ourselves. And consequently, we can bring all of that energy and do what we're, you know, we're either hired to do or we're, you know, um, what— however we're showing up, uh, in that space. So, you know, including everyone benefits everyone is, is kind of our tagline, making sure that You know, we understand what those uniquenesses are, and we lean into those and find a way to create that inclusive culture for all of us to show up authentically.

Okay, that's great. So I'm understanding that when you say including everyone, to you that means not just a kind of superficial, sure, fine, I'm okay with everybody, but a much deeper effort to really understand other people's lived experiences and how it may be unique to them and very different from yours so that you really can fully allow them to be who who they are in the space and bring all of themselves.

Yes. It's creating that culture of belonging. You know, we, we all know when we feel safe, when we, when we feel like we can show up and not risk being authentic, then there's this sense of belonging and we start leaning into this, you know, into this space. And, and, and that's when everyone benefits, you know, innovation. Statistics show that innovation improves, collaboration. teams improves. And we all know that that directly impacts the bottom line if you're talking about the workplace. So, you know, organizations are recognizing the benefit of creating these cultures of belonging so that they can improve their bottom line. We actually hear story after story, Erika, of, uh, from a, from a trans context that—

Yeah.

An individual is allowed to transition in the workplace, that we hear story after story that their performance reviews actually improve.

Oh, I'm sure that's right.

Yeah. Spending less time hiding themselves and more time investing in their work.

Yeah. And I suspect that sometimes it's seemingly small things that are really big. I was thinking about you this morning. I was thinking, wow, it must be so lovely for you when someone uses your proper pronouns.

Yes.

And especially at the beginning of your transition to be in a situation where someone started You know, said, okay, fine, you're she, you're her.

That—

I can't imagine how wonderful that must feel.

I'll tell you a brief story. I'll never forget the first time I went through the Starbucks drive-through and I made— I placed my order and they said, will that be all, ma'am?

And when someone—

yeah, I was— that made my day. That was just like the icing on the cake, right?

Yeah.

Yeah. So when, when someone acknowledges me for who I am, whether it's my pronouns, whether it's my name, whether it's my identity, uh, then I feel seen and I feel heard. I feel validated for who I am. Right.

Yeah.

That's a very important step for allies and advocates of the trans community to do. Right.

Yeah. Yeah.

And it's very easy. I mean, How you advocate for someone and make sure you, you're using the correct pronouns for them. You basically, when you introduce yourself, or even, even on a Zoom call, you say, look, my name is so-and-so and my pronouns are, and how about you? And what that does is that gives the other individual an opportunity to introduce themselves and identify their pronouns so that that connection is built on a connection of respect. And authenticity, if you will. Yeah, pronouns are a very easy yet effective way to create that inclusive environment that we were talking about.

I love that. Well, so then let's go to the second question, which is kind of the dark side, the opposite of that. You know, a lot of people don't have much experience with transgender or non-binary colleagues. So what are some common beliefs and some common actions that aren't supportive of these colleagues and that people might not even realize are problematic?

Well, I think I'll start at kind of ground zero, and that is we are raised in a culture that is a binary culture, right? That there are only men and women. Gender is a whole lot more complex than that. Gender is man, woman, and anything in between. And that's— and that is where non-binary folks, individuals that don't identify as man or woman or a combination of both, are really pushing our culture's understanding of the expansiveness of gender. So consequently—

Yeah.

Raised in a binary culture that we live in, uh, you know, a lot of times we, we struggle grappling with how can someone not identify as a man or a woman or a combination of both, right? Yeah.

Yeah.

And the reason we do this is because we base someone's gender, that is how they identify themselves, on their anatomy.

Right.

But what, what we're now learning from research is that, you know, gender identity, who we know ourselves to be, and our biological sex are completely different continuums.

Right.

So my gender identity, my gender is not defined by my anatomy or lack of anatomy, right?

Yeah. Yeah.

Based on who I know myself to be. And I would encourage your listeners, if they're— if this is a new concept to them, I encourage them to either Google the genderbread person or the gender unicorn. So you can understand just how the width, breadth, and depth of gender as we know it today.

Oh, that's very helpful. And what are some easy, you know, don't do this, some easy, um, you know, guidance that you'd give for what not to do that's unhelpful?

Yeah, up until about a year, year and a half ago, Erika, it was actually polite and respectful to ask someone, what are your preferred pronouns? Well, after the community has had some time to sit with that, We're saying, really, that word preferred really doesn't sit well with us because that word preferred implies that pronouns are a choice. For a cisgender individual, that is an individual whose gender identity, who they know themselves to be, is— it matches the sex that they were assigned at birth. For a cisgender individual, your pronouns are not your choice or preference any more so than my pronouns are a choice or a preference, right?

Yeah.

So we say, what are your pronouns or what pronouns do you use? So stay away from the word preferred. Because this is not a choice.

Oh, that's great. That's a great insight. What are your pronouns, or what pronouns do you use? Yes, that's great. Anything else? That's a wonderful kind of tip. What anything else?

Yeah, you know, you know there's a thing called known as microaggressions when it comes to interacting respectfully with trans folks, right?

Yeah.

And these microaggressions are like the death by a thousand paper cuts.

Yeah.

So a microaggression could be, you know, asking curious questions about, you know, well, have you had the surgery? Well, Oh. Statistics show, according to the National Center for Trans Equality, which is the largest advocacy group here in the US for trans and non-binary folks, statistics show that only 25% of trans individuals actually pursue some aspect of physical transition. So it's very disrespectful to ask someone, have you had the surgery? Because being trans is not about You know, whether you've had or not had any kind of physical transitions, it's about and only about one's identity.

Oh, that's very helpful. Yeah, I've been talking a lot with lots of different people about microaggressions lately. I love that we're getting more aware of that. I just the other day was having a conversation with a Black friend and colleague of mine who was talking about all the little microaggressions, like telling Black people that they're articulate. It's like, oh, Seriously, come on, you know, that's very helpful. And you keep— I noticed that you, you keep coming back to that. It's your experienced— it's a person's experienced identity.

Right.

And that, that doesn't— so it's not a preference. It's not a choice. It's what they experience as their gender identity. So asking them kind of where they are physically, or kind of how they want to call themselves, it's not so much a preference. It's not, it's not relevant And it seems like it's invasive.

Exactly. Another microaggression, Erika, is making the statement, oh my God, you're so beautiful. I would have never known you were trans.

Oh.

So what that implies is that as a trans woman, I don't have the option of being beautiful. Right.

Yeah.

Or just because I'm a trans woman doesn't mean that I can't be beautiful or not. Right. Or a trans man or a non-binary individual. So you would keep your comments less about someone's, uh, physical look and more— keep it more, you know, if you want to comment them saying— comment a trans person, say, oh my God, I love those shoes. Those are killer shoes.

Yeah.

If you're talking to a trans man, say, I love the new hairstyle. It is totally rocking on you. Right?

Yeah.

Yeah. More about their attire or something that they've done as opposed to their innateness as a human being.

Yeah. Okay. That's very helpful. All right. That's great. We always say we're going to give, you know, this is a quick practical podcast. So I'd love to get your suggestions for things that leaders who are listening to your message can do right now to create a more inclusive environment overall, practical steps that they can take to make sure they're creating an inclusive environment.

I so appreciate this question because at the end of the day, As we're having these conversations, if we're not empowering folks to be good allies and advocates, then we're missing the mark. The approach that we take with our company, Transformation Journeys Worldwide, is, is a, is a, is both a personal competency approach and an organizational cultural competency approach. So the personal cultural competency approach includes things like, you know, educate yourself because there are so many resources out there. On the website, on, on the internet that allow you to educate yourself. We have a resources page on our website at www.transformationjourneysww.com that has a lot of wonderful resources that you can use to educate yourself or also start or use as conversation starters within your workplace. Another great way that you can show that you're personally competent a person has some personal cultural competency is including your pronouns in your email signature, in your LinkedIn profile, in your Facebook profile, in your Instagram profile. If you have bios on your website, indicate pronouns at your bios. And then, you know, I think beyond, you know, working on those microaggressions that we just talked about, organizations are recognizing the best practices that they need to lean into to create that culture of belonging for gender-diverse individuals. They're, they're looking at their healthcare policies to make sure that they include transition-related care for gender-diverse folks. You know, they're making sure that they have gender-inclusive restrooms in their workplace. And making sure that they're having some intentional training conversations around what it means to be trans and non-binary, because You know, when we're learning something new, it takes a couple of different touches. Yeah, more times that we can lean into these conversations and create those additional touches, then that creates that personal cultural competency that I mentioned earlier.

That's great. It's always good to have a practical path. And, and just to, just to kind of pile on in a positive way, I was on your website the other day and looking at the resources page, and I watched this Um, 3-minute video about intersex people that was so— it was funny and heartfelt and beautiful and 3 minutes. I mean, there are a lot of, uh, brief resources on your page that I think will be super helpful to people. So, so thank you so much. I, I feel like we're just scratching the surface, you know.

We are.

Hopefully this is a good beginning for people. And, and listeners, if you want to discover more about Gabrielle and her work, You can go to, as she said, transformationjourneysww.com. That's her company website. And you can find Gabriele's book, Embrace Your Truth: A Journey of Authenticity, on her website and at Amazon. And so thank you so much. This has just been great.

Thank you, Erika, for having me.

Yes, I'm thrilled to have you. And to find out more about how to lead well and be supportive fully of all your team members, I encourage you also to go to ProteusLeader.com. Click, click on Topics and choose Accepted Leader. So thank you all for listening, and until next time, here's to creating the life you truly want.

We hope you're feeling better equipped to create the career, the business, and the life you want. For more insights and tools for leadership and management, join us at proudestleader.com. Have an excellent day, and thanks for listening.