Are You Repelling Success Without Realizing It?

Hey there. Welcome back to Leap Live and Lemonade. In today's episode, I'm bringing you Elizabeth Coles. She is a sales and messaging expert and she helps high achieving entrepreneurs make their sales more effortless. Elizabeth started with this new business in the end of last year, so it's still very recent and that's why I'm eternally grateful to her to come and share her insights. How does it feel to have made an important shift from her previous focus, what made her change and how she manages all the uncertainty around such changes? Her approach blends empathy, psychology and strategy and works it into a way of selling which doesn't feel like selling, which helps you invite your clients into your world even before you've made any pitch. This conversation we went into why traditional sales tactics feel so uncomfortable and also how your identity, how your beliefs, have a major impact on shaping the people you attract and your ability to attract people, the people you truly want to have as your clients. And my favorite part of this episode is how you can unconsciously sabotage things when your business starts flowing easily. It was a light bulb moment for me around how some of us are conditioned to believe that we need to struggle to deserve things. They can't come easily. So if you've ever felt resistance when business finally starts flowing, then definitely don't miss it. If you are ready to sell with ease and attract premium clients by stepping into your full value, then come with us and let's dive in. This is the Leap Live and Laminate Podcast. Hi, I'm your host, Esther Goldar. Twelve years ago, I took a bold leap. I left my corporate role, I moved to a new country and I built a business from scratch. Stretch in my fifth language. This podcast is for new and aspiring entrepreneurs who are ready and eager to turn their ideas into something real and thriving while making a lasting impact. Whether you are contemplating on leaving your nine to five or you are already on your entrepreneurial journey, this is your go to place for honest stories, actionable strategies and real talk around building a business and life you love. Your best life and success story are still ahead. Let's write them together. Hey Elizabeth. Welcome.

Hi. Thank you so much for having me here. I'm so excited to talk with you today.

Thanks for joining me. You're one of my first guests this year. So thank you so much for doing this with me.

I am honored.

I'm going to jump straight into that. Tell our listeners and also to me as I know what you do has been shifting lately and there have been some tweaks and twists. So what is it that you do and why do you do it?

Well, for me, I really believe that every woman deserves to be fully herself and that we were all made different for a reason. And we all have unique values to bring especially into the business world and that our worth is not defined by how hard that we work. And so how I do that is by helping high achieving entrepreneurs like yourself, especially females, communicate their messaging, like, whether that is through their contents or sales conversations in a way that feels just like a natural conversation over coffee. And the way I do this and the way I show my students and clients is that the premium clients actually come to their own conclusion that it's a yes, that you're the perfect fit even before you pitch. And I do this because it's not about scripts or guesswork. It's really based on how the brain naturally makes decisions. So, so you're guiding the right people, like the ones that you want to work with, not just the ones you think you should have to work with to recognize you're exactly what they've been looking for and that you can help them. It's really like bridging that empathy and strategic values and bringing that all together. And it's a very different method for most people just because it hasn't been done. But it is just so easy and like effortless. When you do it right, it just feels like you're helping someone instead of trying to sell them something.

Oh, I love that. I think so many people out there desire to be able to do this. What you said is like inviting them or having or awakening the desire in your potential clients before you even pitch. That sounds fantastic.

It just, it makes it so much easier. I mean like, I don't think a lot of us really want to be pushy and salesy. I don't think that's like what nobody.

Down but, but many of us don't find better ways.

So what it hasn't been taught like that leading with empathy. I mean, I think like, and I talk a little bit about like masculine and feminine energy and that's not like girl or boy. It's just the masculine is more strategy and structure and the feminine is more, you know, that empathy and compassion. And I think sometime times people think that like feminine means soft or delicate and has like no place in sales where it is typically male dominated and with like strategy and pushing and all this, when really the true power is not always from the person who's like leading the battlefield. Like I always think of like warriors, but it comes from the person who orchestrated the battle behind the scenes. And that to me is like the feminine power. You need both, right? Like our feminine is like our water. It's like the flow and then the masculine is that strategy and structure. Well, if you don't have both, you're never going to get water to the city. And so that's how I kind of think, like we need the balance of polarity essentially. And that's hard for a lot of people. And that's what I wanted to do. Just to make it easy so we could live in the. And instead of like. But like this or that, instead of this and that.

I would love to go into this at a deeper level. But before we do that, where does this whole idea come from? I know this direction is pretty recent for you. What did you do before? Have you always been an entrepreneur? How did this whole situation come.

I have always been an entrepreneur. But, but I would say why I was originally an entrepreneur was because I didn't like anyone else's rules. So I thought, well, I don't wanna listen to anyone else's rules. And I wanted to, I always just, I wanted to have a career that I looked forward to doing. And I, I just never. I had entrepreneurial parents and I just saw like, I don't want the typical. Like for me, I didn't want the 9 to 5. I didn't wanna go to a job that I dreaded going to and spend 40 hours of my life there. I wanted excitement and passion and purpose and impact. And I originally, I've done so many different jobs. I did find out about almost two years ago, I had a late in life ADHD diagnosis and that explained a lot. And I originally was a cosmetic tattoo artist and I was doing brows and I could not, I could not market this business to save my soul. Like I thought that sales was something you were just naturally born with. And I, my birth right missed that assignment and I just, I couldn't figure it out. And so I started my own methods. I ended up in different trainings that had nothing to do with permanent makeup. And I got the ball rolling that way. And when I saw that, I was like, I really want to help other people who probably feel the same way as me. And it's usually those heart centered people. And then I started working with beauty professionals and had some great success there. But I felt like something was missing. And I went to the Business by Design conference with James Wedmore. I signed up this past year, you know, we both have been in this program And I went to that conference and that I signed up for next level, which was like, a huge chunk of change that I did not have. And as someone who was, like, very, like, frugal and wouldn't, like, invest in myself and things like that, that was a very big moment for me. And I remember everyone was like, so excited. And then James, he, like. Like, Tabby is like, are you excited? Like, I'm so excited, but inside I'm like, I'm gonna go vomit in the bathroom. Like, I don't. What have I done? What have I done? I don't have this money. I like, it was just a true moment of. I tapped into my intuition. Despite feeling that fear, still, I still had the anxiety, but I had an inner knowing that this is what I needed to do. Because I'm a idea person. And sometimes for me, the strategy is hard. So just the way my brain works. And when I left that trip, because I had taken that big leap of faith on myself, I had this incredible download and I really was putting things into place of what I actually do and like, thinking, like. Like, I do have a bit of a natural gift with it, but how could I teach this? And it was the brain stuff, which I make very simple. Like, almost like fourth grade level was. It was just so exciting and so fun to me. And, you know, to allow people to make it easy, like a conversation where you can work with yourself instead of like, following a script. And like, the worst thing is when someone goes off script and you're like, oh, my God, what do I do? Like, you went off script. You're supposed to say these lines. And so that's like, it really happened very. In a very short time after I made that big bet on myself. And the downloads keep happening and things are shifting in my life. There's been a lot of big moments lately, both, like, some very painful, some amazing. And it's just very interesting when you finally see that you're worth it. What happens from that? Because I think as women a lot of times, like, we're conditioned to give and give and give. And like, it's not always, like, we forget about us. And so I think, like, that's also my mission because it's something I really struggle with, is to see what you are worth and to make that big investment. That was like the ultimate thing of self love and compassion for your. Your own self.

It's amazing that you approach it from. From this angle. I think when. When a new entrepreneur or someone who is about to start out in entrepreneurship, when they are like seeing people investing in themselves or being in a, I don't know, in the mastermind or in any program that helps their, their growth. They think that people when invest in these things, they will have tons of money, like a shitload of money. And that's when you actually do that. And that's how I looked at this like 10 years ago when I started my entrepreneurial journey. And then I realized if you wait for the moment when you have the shitload of money, you will never actually get there. And the way to actually up level, take yourself to the next level, take your business to the next level, take your life to the next level, work with clients at our next level. You first need to make this, come to this realization that you just shared and invest in yourself. Without that it might never happen. For me, it didn't happen. It didn't get there.

I think it's because you have to have a different mindset, right? Like even one of the coaches when we were in the luncheon for the next level and he was talking about how, you know, how is he going to expect someone to pay him $30,000 if he couldn't invest $30,000? And that was like, because I was someone, I like, notoriously struggled charging my worth, like people pleaser over deliver. Like, I still, I've built two courses in the past month that were supposed to be low ticket. And when I actually look at them, I'm like, these are like $5,000 courses. They were supposed to be like under $200. And it's just like, you're just so used to over delivering because you just, you don't want anyone to be disappointed in you. But you have to have that mindset. Like, okay, well, how can I expect my clients to take a risk and invest? And I think we all kind of become desensitized to it. Like what I used to ask my permanent makeup students, because you're trusting someone to tattoo your face. This is also like a luxury service. It's not a necessity. Like, so you really have to. I mean, I would ask them, okay, like, how easily do you give up control to a total stranger? And they're like, never. And I'm like, cool. So, like, how easily do you ask for help from a total stranger? And they're like, never. And I'm like, how easily do you talk about, like your vulnerabilities to a perfect stranger? They're like, no, I don't do that. And I said, how easily do you like, give up your hard earned money? Like, for A chance that may or may not work. And they all look to me like, never. And I'm like, but that's. Yet that's what we ask our clients to do every time they purchase from us. No matter if it's small, like $24 or big, it's still the. We have to think about the other person. And we. It's human nature. We. We think about ourselves. That's just how we're conditioned. But if we can, like, take a moment and step outside and say, okay, like, what does my client need to hear? How do they need to feel safe and seen and understood? How can I provide that comfort for them so that they do feel more comfortable making their own decision? Because what people don't realize. I know we talk about, know, like, and trust, but people have to trust in themselves to make that decision. So, like, if I didn't trust in myself, I never would have signed up for next level. Because, like, that is. I never would have done that in the past, like, ever. Like, even like a $2,500 course in the past is like, oh, my God, this is so much. And the next level is not $2,500.

Yeah. And how has it been going for you since, like, that you made that decision, like, six weeks ago?

Yeah, I guess. Wow. I've done a lot. You know, it's been wonderful. I. The support from the people in there. This is, I would say, the first place that I have really felt like I am understood. And I. I have always felt a bit like an oddball. I have a lot of emotional depth. I have a lot of, like, energy. But I'm also, like, very curious and introverted, and that can kind of people off. And, you know, sometimes I trigger people just because I do share feelings and emotion. And I felt like this was, like, the. The first place. Like, yes, I'm getting, like, amazing business advice, which I also love that it is not just, like, business. It is life and business and, like, how to, like, work cohesively. But it's the support that I was not prepared for. It was like, the first time in my life that I could just be me and people could all, like, could also support me. And I love being able to help people there as well. Like, that is. To help people is like my cup filler.

Yeah. I feel when you say that you can finally be yourself, not many communities give you. Give you that feeling. And many of our listeners might be in the phase of their entrepreneurship when they are still doing it by themselves. So one of the reasons why we are doing. This chat is help people understand that though each path, each journey is different, we are, we are. In the end, we are all connected by this whole notion of putting ourselves out there and creating something out of nothing and giving our best gifts to people. But tell me more about how it is belonging to a community and in what sense did it change your like every day how you do business?

I think like number one, having it is really hard to audit your own stuff. And I mean they're called blind spots for a reason. Like you can't see your own blind spots. So I think it's like there is power knowing why and not this is why I am big on teaching why? Because it's not enough to know what and how. If you don't have the why, then it's hard to remember and it's hard to put in process because if we don't know why we're doing it, then then what's the point? And so that I really enjoy, but I also, you know, for a lot of my business journeys I felt very alone. And it feels like business you do alone and for the most part you do. But in this instance, here's like a pun, like it's like a community, community of people doing it alone. And even though we all have different businesses, I always explain even to my students, like people have three triggers that is it like we overcomplicate humans so much. But if you were to look at everyone and every time like you've gotten in a fight or you've had a moment where you're like freaking out and that anxiety, it is related to loss of power, feeling inadequate and feeling rejected. And so no matter the person's business, we all are working through those fears, those same fears. I mean here's something that we created, it's an extension of us and we created especially in this industry, the community that we're involved in. It is very heart led, it is very service based oriented where people just want to help and make an impact. It's not necessarily ego driven at all, I would say. And so to do that, you put your heart and soul into what you create and then you have to put it out there and you have to be prepared for not everyone is going to like you and not everyone is going to understand. And so I think even though we are all different, we all have different businesses, we have those same common triggers that we each have to work through and get through. And what I love about it is, you know, when one person is struggling, the other people come and lift them up. And I am not someone who is about hierarchy at all. I personally think you could have a million dollars and someone could have $10, and you could learn from each other. And so in this community, there is, like, no ego. It is about helping. And I really feel like that's how business should be done. I mean, what's the point of having a business if you hate every second of it? And, like, what's the point of having a business if you have to be someone completely different to run it? And, like, put your business hat on. And what is the point of a business if you've gotten this for freedom and now you're just hustling until you die just to prove that you deserve that success? And so it's really, like, if you can work and build your business based on, like, your values and what is comfortable, like, I mean, you're gonna have to get out of your comfort zone. But, like, when it is value based, it is in alignment. And when it's in alignment, then it's easier to stay on that path and things come faster. That's what I've noticed, like, with my business, when I am working in total alignment with my purpose and, like, heart center and helping people is my first and foremost, not just getting the sale. That's when things come easy, and when I do it the opposite, because it happens, that's when it feels like I'm pushing a boulder uphill.

How would you say, or how did you know that the last business that you were doing, the tattoo artist business, wasn't the perfect alignment? Or. I don't know if it was, but probably if it was, then you wouldn't have made the change.

No, it was not the perfect alignment.

So what were the science? How did you know that it wasn't? Because you probably started it super passionate with. With thinking that it was. So how. How did you realize?

Well, it was so funny because when I started it, so I had been a makeup artist and I had learned lash extensions, and I. I needed another, like, job, and I heard about microblading, which is cosmetic tattooing. I'm like, well, this. I mean, sure, that sounds great. You know, it can't be that hard. I don't have eyebrows. Like, I'll sign up. I mean, it was very hard. I was not. I think deep down, I probably knew it did not come easy to me. What came easy to me was my interaction with my clients. And I would outlearn anyone just because I was curious. What did not come easy to me was when you are tattooing someone, a lot of it is out of our hands because the body has to accept the pigment. It's like the healing process. Everyone's skin is different. In my head, I could not separate the fact that it was out of my control. And so I felt always like it was in my control, like there was so much stress over what they're like, how they would heal, were they happy, and like I would over give and over give and just to build that business, just felt like it was like I was trying to run with a weight trapped like strapped to my foot and I couldn't figure it out. And then I finally figured out how to do it in a way that felt like an easy conversation over, like a casual chat where I could charge my worth, no questions asked. But then when I started getting busy from that, I was like, oh, this is not, this is not what I want. I. And when I looked at what I really loved about appointments, because I'm someone, I'm always curious, I'm very self aware, I'm always analyzing. And I was like, what is it that I really love when I have a good appointment? And when I had a good appointment, it was the connection with my client. And it was being a space for like, I worked with a lot of moms and so being a space where they could feel seen and understood and had time just for them, I was giving them something that I could not at that time give myself. And so I almost got a taste of it by giving that to them. And if I, I'm like, you know what? If, if I really looked at this, I don't need to tattoo someone to find that connection. And tattooing is very hard on the body. Like, especially like for three hours. You're like, your arms up, you get migraines, like pain. And I'm like, I'm not going to do that when I'm 60. So I wanted to have passive income as well. And then I went through some programs and I was just like, I had the transformation. I'm like, I really want to help people just be themselves and be themselves successfully. And that's when I started. I could feel like I was almost like repelling brow work at that point where it was like, I don't want to work. Like, I don't, I don't want to do this anymore. This doesn't feel good to me. And I left a lot of money on the table. And like, I swear the universe was pushing me because I had, I always had phenomenal clients. And then in the summer I had Some like, not so phenomenal clients that were like red, like sneaky red flaggers. And I was just like, what is going on? And I'm like, this is the universe, like pushing me to take that leap, that this no longer aligns with me. And what is the point of like trying to work myself to death to like make money from it if I'm gonna be, you know, depressed and hurting because of it? Whereas here it like breathes life into me. And a lot of my students are very surprised when it's like, I'm good at getting down to the reasons why we aren't doing something. Like, I don't know if you've ever had students and you give them everything and you're just like. But I don't get like, why you're not doing this. And it always comes down to a belief. And I got really good at finding those in people. And they'd be like, oh my gosh, it's like a therapy session. I'm so sorry. And I'm like, but that's what it's supposed to be. Because how are you going to operate like yourself? How are you going to create that heart centered message if you are hiding? So that is like what I love. I want, I just, I want to help heal people because I know from my experience what it felt like not to be that way.

Yeah. And this is, this is so important what you just said about realizing that even if you still wanted to do it, your, your body sort of rejects everything. Your body doesn't do it. And, and that's when the, yeah, the red flag clients also appear. So it's almost like you, you couldn't even continue even if you wanted to do so. So that's a very clear sign.

Yeah, No, I find like a really good indicator when you're not in alignment is like when you start resenting clients. Like whether it be like any issues they're having or how they're talking to you. Like, that's a really good indicator if you're resenting the work you're doing. If you're resenting like you're. I don't think you're gonna love every part of business. Like, I don't love learning ads and setting up ads, but I know it's like the me, right? I know it's like the means to the end. But even, like, even with Instagram, okay, Like, I used to hate Instagram and especially in the beauty world, it was very superficial. But I started being, well, f. That I'm not going to do that I'm going to talk like a real person. And that's when people started coming to me and they were like, oh, my God, I feel like you're in my head. I feel like you see me, like you know me. And it's because I chose to work in alignment with myself. And that's how Instagram became more fun for me, because it wasn't about the algorithm, it was just about, you know, what, how could I help someone today? What does someone need to hear? Even if it's just one person now, is every day easy like that? No. Some days you're, like, so frustrated. Like, why is this not working? Why are people posting, like, the basic stuff and they're, like, getting viral and I'm not? But then I just reflect back to, okay, I'm thinking too much about myself and not about the people I'm helping.

What are your best tools for getting out of that funk? When it's a day or various days in a row where you are not feeling it and that's what you are teaching. So you. Like, when. When I'm. When I'm stuck at things that I'm teaching, I get especially frustrated with myself because, like, I'm like, how. How the hell can I teach this if I can't do it myself? And then I have to find. I. I realize so many, so often that it's not that we are always perfect in what we teach, it's that we have the tools to. To regulate that or come out of those difficult moments. Right?

It's. Yeah, it's. I think I. You know, I think we all struggle with this, that when you're a teacher, right, you do feel like you have to be perfect. Like, you feel like you're the guide and like, that if you're not perfect, how are they going to trust you? However, I've listened to a lot of, like, Simon Sinek, who is amazing and really a true leader, is not being perfect. But it is about owning your. If you mess up, you just own it. And that's okay. You're human. And that's the same thing I bring to parenting with my daughter, because I have chosen to parent her different and, like, very respectful parenting with, you know, permitting feelings and boundaries. But I still screw up, I still yell, and I always go and I tell her, you know what? I am so sorry. I don't like what you did, but you didn't deserve me to yell at you. And I'm the adult and I can do better. And I think that when we take ownership of that, don't be afraid to be a human. It's okay, we all screw up and having that compassion. But what I. A few things that I noticed and I'm getting better at this because I do come from. I've had a lot of trauma in a very short amount of time. So I'm used to survival modes where you're just always doing, doing, doing. And it can feel very uncomfortable and guilty to rest. But if things are not working like I want, then I start being like, okay, why is this not working like I want? There is something missing. Usually it is. I've gotten too into the headspace of, I need to make this perfect, I need to make this sale. I've thought about me, but if I can start thinking about who I am helping, what do they need? What do they need to hear? How can we have compassion for them? What is their experience right now? That is what helps me. And also taking a break, if you. That has been the most mind blowing thing for me. Like, I used to power through it. It's like, I don't care. I have a migraine. I still have to do this. I'm gonna power through this. I'm gonna like, basically move things out of my way. But it never worked. And you just get more frustrated and that frustration energy comes through. Whereas my best place for, like, if I was too in that I would go out for a walk, get outside, and like do nothing with business and just think of like music. And that's what I would do. Or I would go and spend time with my daughter without a phone in the room, which was like, really important because if the phone's in the room, then I'm constantly like thinking, but for my students, I am not. I personally don't believe in willpower. I think willpower is only going to work short term. Why don't we just shift a perspective? So even for putting your stuff out there, a lot of students, every student, when they weren't doing it, it all came back to, I'm afraid of rejection if I put it out there and we tie our worth to those analytics and half the time people aren't even going to comment. And like, because they're busy, like, they have lives. And so I would say, okay, if you're, if you're thinking that and even going into a consult, if we're so attached to that outcome of like making the sale, it's not going to be fun and that's going to come through. So instead, if to really put yourself out there, you almost have to find that, why that is outside of your body. That has nothing to do with money. Because we all have crappy money beliefs, even hidden ones. No matter how good we think we are, like, there's still something in there, but it has to be something that is bigger than you. It can't. Like, it cannot be about us. And when I have helped students shift that, that's what gets them out of their funk. But I always tell them, stop and take a break. Your business is not going to fall over today if you just take a 10 minute break. You have to go get out of the environment that you're in and change it.

Quick sip of a lemonade. Time. Do you ever catch yourself wondering what the actual f I'm doing? Same happens to me at times. That's why I created a secret podcast series to get you out of the chaos and back into. I got this energy in just five days. It's cozy, it's actionable, and it will reconnect you to the version of you who already figured it out. Grab it for free@esthergoldor.com WTF or click the link in the show notes. And now back to our episode. What would you say to someone who, when, when, when they listen to you saying this? They are like, no, I, I can't afford. I literally have not enough money on my bank account. And if I stop, I will have even less. I will struggle to pay rent, I will struggle to get food on the table for my family. Because, because that's the pressure. So many times, even when, even when people have money, they would be like, I will break the flow. I will, I will get stuck. What's your advice in, in that situation, in that when, when they are in that thought process.

So that is like, especially after my latest life debacle, which I won't share today, but down the road, that is something that's been very hard for me because I think a lot of, especially for high achieving female entrepreneurs, a lot of times we were told we were too much growing up. Like, too much, you know, too emotional, too expressive, too much energy. Especially as a girl, you know, back, I mean, I'm 38. So back then it was like girls were to be nice. It was very gender. Genderfied I guess is the word. And so in an effort to do that, I think we become not like we often feel not enough because we shrink ourselves down. And really, at the conference, I came to the conclusion the only reason people ever said I was not enough is because, or I said I was too much was because they felt not enough. And so my energy challenged that. And then what happens? It's, I will say it's all related to childhood stuff because we can't stop. It's not even necessarily money. It is because we have to prove or we feel we have to prove that we are worth it, that we can earn this, that this is our way of validation, that if we are not working, then we're not worthy. And that is probably one of the hardest things to combat. And that's why like, we look at the money and we're like, well, if I don't have money and money is a real thing, I like it is stressful when you don't have it. But what is 10 minutes going to take away? Because what happens is like if you try and push through it and it's not working, aren't you wasting a lot of time because it's not working when if you just took 10 minutes to go, like sit in silence or go for a walk or take care of your body, don't you come back with a fresh perspective so then it's easier and then you are more effective. And I won't pretend it's easy. I'm not one of those people, you're like, yeah, just do this. And it's so easy. It's not. Because what you have to battle with is your identity and what you are used to. And that is something I constantly have to check myself because of my upbringing and then, you know, my married life, that was how I operated. Do, do, do, do, do. But there's like a very wonderful story, I don't know if you've ever heard this, where it was like two people were given the, the job of chopping down a tree in the forest and they both had an axe to do it. Well, one guy just went to town and kept chopping, chopping, chopping all day, all day. Whereas the other guy like took breaks and he was done quicker. And the guy's like, I don't get it. Well, the guy who took breaks sharpened his ax. So then you're more effective. Or like one of the other things I use, because I'm not, I am not about hustle culture. I do not want to subscribe to that. I want to have balance. And I look at it like, what if you like had two people that had to dig a hole, okay. And like one person, like a big giant hole, like 10 foot hole, one person is given a shovel and then one person goes and hires like a digger, like a construction tool. Well, the guy that Hired, the digger is going to be done sooner and it's going to be more effective. But in our culture, we say, yeah, but the guy that used the shovel and probably didn't even finish because his hands are bleeding and blistered, he deserves more because he had to work harder. When it's like. But the guy who did it easier got the job done, is he not more successful?

It's an. It's an inherent. So that you feel like the guy that worked harder will have to deserve all the. Yeah. Recognition, money. But in the end, it's very. Like, when. When we think back of your physical business, when you. When you are working from appointment to appointment, there is also a, like, our. Our energy, our efforts, our time is. Is limited.

It is. And it's.

It's difficult to sometimes grasp the notion of, yeah, if I. If I sit back, if I. If I work smarter, that could be the. Could be the way rather than just pushing through. And it's true not only in business, in personal life as well. Like, if I think of, like, cleaning our place, my husband was so, so much against somebody coming here and clean our place. And today he wouldn't even imagine. Now he's like, my time is. I have to put my time into what I do best. And we realized our home wasn't even clean at all when we were cleaning.

It because, oh, my God. Yeah, I'm gonna have to hire a house cleaner. I was not meant. Not meant to do that.

Yeah. It's so difficult. And those little steps make you realize, oh, okay, if I can get help with this, then I could get help with bigger things. Do you have anyone help you with your business?

This is the first year that I actually have reached out for help, and I hired a virtual assistant. And that at the. In the beginning, that was so hard because, like, I'm like, well, if I want it done right, I'll do it myself. And, like, it's gonna. And with adhd, we have executive functioning difficulties. Whereas, like, prioritizing and organizing, like, give me a task that I love to do, and I will bang out 40 hours of work in four hours. But if it's like, like, learning ads and like, that strategy and like, the admin stuff, I'm like, oh, this is so boring. Like, I don't want to do this. So I've had to learn very clear communication. But my favorite thing is I can, like, the copywriting interaction with students, the content. That is, like, more my zone of genius. How about you do the tech setup? And so that's like what I give her. So I give her, you know, more of the integrated tasks. So I do the creating. She integrates it and we're finding our rhythm. So I asked for help that way. And then this is like the first time that I've actually asked for help with family, even with my current situation, because I am very much do it myself. I am hyper independent to a fault. That's something that I really have to work on. And I would say the thing that I keep working on, my daughter basically saved me. That child saved my life because I was such an angry person. And I like, I thought emotions were weakness. I was like, ew, emotions. Like, I am not that girl. Turns out I am totally that girl. But I do it like with powerful compassion and empathy. Not, I wouldn't say I'm soft. And my daughter, I really had to re parent myself and grow through healing and helping her. And what I looked at all the time was I'm helping this child become, you know, a functioning adult in society who feels whole and who feels seen. And so that has been my mission and it has come with uncomfortable reflections for me. But that is just like my. It's my purpose with my daughter. And that purpose leads into my business of how I want people to feel. And so how am I going to teach her that if I can't do it? And I am very big on integrity. Like, I won't ask people to do something that I wouldn't do myself. And so I think that we do have to have integrity in there when we are out of alignment, when we are like telling people stuff that we don't even do and we're like coaching them on it, never going to come through. Because, like, there's always that nagging little doubt inside where that's why your confidence doesn't come through is because you're like, okay, well, like, I'm telling them to do this, but I can't even do this. So it has been like a battle for me, I won't lie. But I'm getting better at it and I'm getting more like having more fun in life. And you know, being, I think in that conference, one of the things that I heard was you have to bring more fun. Like your business can't be your fun. And I mean, I still want to have fun in my business, but it was true, right? Like, we have to have fun outside. And your best ideas come when you're not even thinking about it. Your best downloads come when there is space in your brain.

Oh, yeah. And when we realize it, when we only realize it, or I sometimes only realize it when I finally take time away from it, like I might, I'm often so resistant to that. And when it finally happens, it's like.

Do you find, do you, do you find you're resistant? Because like that whole thing, like if I'm not working then like then what am I doing?

I still totally have it in me. I even, I was working with, with the Mind your Money series the other day with James and I still realize that I have this from my parents that you have to work hard for, for money. So even when it's easy for me, I, I realize sometimes I even repel it when it gets easy or I, I would sometimes even mess up things that are working too easily. And I'm like, oh no, this, this is for sure it's not sustainable.

You break it just so you can rebuild it.

It's crazy because that's what we all desire. Or at least that's why most people become entrepreneurs. To have the freedom to be able to live the life you always wanted. And, and sometimes it happens to me that when something is too easy, I'm like, where, what's wrong? Where is the issue with it? And lately this has been changing. But it was a very, very long journey for me, like I would say a 10 year journey to finally accept that when things are easy. It's also because like for example, earning $5,000 just after a 20 minute meeting with someone, it doesn't mean that someone paid for those 20 minutes with me. 5,000. They just enrolled into a program or they are doing a project with me. But I have to accept that my experience, my work, my studies, my, my everything in the last 10 years and even before are in those 20 minutes. And that's why that person felt like, oh, they can trust me. Like I'm like, oh my God, it's the first time we ever met and that person made the payment. I sometimes still can't believe it. But then it all adds up because maybe I was also recommended by someone to that person who they trust. But, but that recommendation came on the basis of all the effort I have, I have put into that and accepting that. It has been really hard for me, especially in the first years of, of me being an entrepreneur. It's so crazy. It's the trick.

You told me exactly what I needed to hear today. That's so funny because I just never, I never looked at, maybe we're repelling it when it does come easy because you just expect that it should be hard. It's always been hard. It has to be hard in order for it to be worth something. And that was actually so funny as I was creating my courses that I was like, yeah, this is like a great course. Like, to me it's like super simple and it's very diluted. Like, there is no fluff and. But there's a lot of power in it because it's basically how people think and it translates to every part of your business and honestly, even your family, because we sell all day. If you have kids, you're trying to get them to eat dinner, like your partner, you're trying to get them to bring out the trash, all of that. And I was like, okay, well I've done this, so it should be like 97 bucks, right? So I just happened to ask ChatGPT just for fun, like, how much would you charge for this? And they're like, oh, I'd probably charge 10 grand. And I'm like, I'm sorry, what? Like 10 grand? So easy. Like, I don't get it. And it's like, yeah, but it's because it's so easy. That's why it's so valuable. And that I will say I still struggle with that. Like I. The people who get my courses probably double the amount of what I would put them on for. But it's. Yeah, it's hard. It's hard when you're like, well, this, it was easy for me. And we forget that just because it's easy for us doesn't mean that it's easy for everyone else.

Exactly, yeah. And the whole perception, if you put out something, if you put something out there for like, I don't know, 200 bucks, the perception of it, the perceived value and actually the energy people put into that, it will be so different than if it's a 2000, $10,000 program. Right. I realized that with being in next level when I started with those payments, my hours and energy put into actually following through with the program exponentially increased as well. And if it was a thousand dollar a year program, you might just buy it and never even show up for the live calls.

100%. I also heard too Brad Bizjack, and he is also an affiliate of Business by Design, he said, you know, it's harder to get a $297 client than it is to get like a $5,500 client. And I was like, that makes so much sense because it is the mindset. And when I started especially like with beauty professionals, that was kind of like my, I'm like, something is missing here because I wasn't able to teach them what I really wanted to teach them because with that industry, you start automatically, you're an entrepreneur. And I don't think a lot of them are actually entrepreneurs. They just got into this like for the artistry and stuff. And so they would rather take a skills course to level up their artistry than they would take a business course. And so I'm like, I want to charge this much, it's worth this much. But because of the type of clientele now, are there some in there that do think like business wise? Yes. But if I want to make the most impact and help the most people, then I have to shift what, like who I am talking to. Because I don't want to have to beg people to do something. Like you need to sell them what they want. And when you are. That's why it's so important. I always tell people like, your ideal client is not just to make easier marketing. And I have a different way of doing it. I don't really rely on demographics at all. I rely on like wants, triggers, desires and identity. But part of your ideal client is so you can have people that you actually want to work with and like you love. Because like you are a business owner, you get to curate your, you know, your customer base essentially. And yet a lot of us forget that and feel like we need to say yes to all these people. And there is power in saying no to like I, even when I didn't, I was still looking for coaching clients and I turned some people down because I knew it was not the right fit. This is an energy exchange and if I like, I don't want to have to beg you to do things right. Like you have to take ownership as well. It is to me, sales and courses is very much a collaborative effort. It is not. I get this and you get this. It is, let's work together. Because who wants, who wants more people to buy their course and do nothing with it? I mean, that's heartbreaking because you just wanted to help people.

Yeah.

And so that's also with what I do. It also bleeds into getting the buy in from your clients to complete your course because it gives them a reason more so than it's just financial.

Yeah. I was listening to your video. You have inside your challenge about so many of us when we are struggling, especially when we start out as an entrepreneur and when we look out for help first we want someone, someone out there to tell us what to do. What funnel to use, what tool to apply. And if I understand, well, this is. This is exactly what you're tackling for, for us or. Or any of your client to realize that it's. It's not the tool, it's in them. But what. What is it that they need to tap into? Because, yes, the tools matter to some level, but as you say, if the foundations are off, then none of the tools will do their job. Right?

Yeah. So the way I explain it first to my clients is a lot of us get hung up on the funnel, the, you know, the tool, the Instagram, TikTok website, your sales page. And we think that's marketing. That is a marketing tool. So I like to say that is basically like a car. That is what is going to deliver your marketing message to the people. Your marketing message is how you speak about your offer, speak to your clients, whether it is in content, sales, calls, ads, anything. It's the words, and that is gas. So if you have all of these tools, you have all of these cards, but you have no guess, because we don't have the right words in what they need to say and what they need to hear. How are you going to deliver that message? And for whatever reason, everyone always looks at messaging and communication last. And I think it's because people feel like they're good communicators. And I mean, I would love to tell us that we are, but what are most fights over miscommunication and even down to. One of my favorite things is when people are like, well, you can be more confident. I'm like, yes, but like, what does that mean? Like, what does that mean for your client? And they're like, I don't know. And I'm like, well, then do you really know what you were selling? Because we often. It's one of the hardest things to do because we built that awareness so slowly that we can't even even imagine a life without that. It's like, how do you kill a lobster? Not that I'm about killing lobsters, but you just, you turn. You turn the pot up, the heat up a little bit at a time. They never realize. And that's how we built our awareness. So we're talking to these people like, they understand, and we're get. We're saying, you need this, you need this, you need this. No one wants to hear that. Like, I mean, when someone tells you what you need, you're like, yeah, no, you don't understand me, like, most of the time, right? And so what I do is refine that communication. And there is actually basically, I call it like the decision pathway in the brain that has to get activated. And first is your primal brain. Think of it like caveman days. That's still in there. Every single human out there is designed to thrive and survive. That is the job of that primal brain. And so if it doesn't catch your post or what you're saying as like this is going to help me survive or thrive, it is not paying attention. That's why we need to meet clients where they're at with the experience that they're having. That's why having the problem, awareness is still important. But not just any problems. It has to be problems that you know are important to them. And then after that what happens is then they're going to find the emotion behind that. And what is the feeling and what is the feeling of my pain right now versus what is the feeling of when I could work with like have that taken care of. We have to have emotion. No one will buy without emotion because buying or someone taking out their credit card is going to require trust and desire. And you cannot logic people into that. You cannot say, just trust me and someone's going to trust you. Like, in fact, you'd probably do the opposite. And even with desire, you cannot make someone desire something. They have to feel it. It's like you could be in a room full of good looking people. You're not going to want to date every one of them because you don't desire them. You don't have a feeling. You can appreciate their good looks, but doesn't mean you want to be with them. And so you have to bring in that emotion which is what normally is missing because people are very uncomfortable with emotions. And then it's going to flow through the logic brain which is going to justify that emotionally based decision with logic. That's why people think they make logical decisions, because that is the ending point. But there you have to show them either like with proof or facts or you know, client stories, or you have to show them this is what your life could look like. And like basically what you would catch on camera now that you've done this, your life can look like this. But I also think one of the most important things, two, two of them are the triggers, the subconscious triggers which that pathway takes care of. And those are basically like we perform on autopilot, right? Like if you really had to think about beating your heart, moving your leg, filling your lungs like, you would never do it. No one would be able to live. And so there's triggers deep down that people aren't saying out loud that they're dealing with. So like even with our high achieving females, like they're like, I really just, you know, wish business would be easier. But deep down they question their self worth if it was easier. Just like we had that conversation and that is that deep down thing that they are not even aware of. And then the identity. So you can sell, I mean you've heard don't sell the features, right? Don't sell the features. That's like. Well, I say it's like you go into a bakery for selling the features, which is like your modules, your how many calls they get. And it's like going into a bakery for a brownie, but all you see is the ingredients out on the counter. Like you're never gonna buy a brownie. But then you could sell the transformation, which is selling the brownie. The only thing is that people have to be aware that they want that transformation. Or you could sell the identity of who they get to step into, who they get to become. And that is like the experience of like the woman eating the brownie because she deserves it and she can indulge in it and she sees herself as important. And that's when you open your market to people who never heard of what you were doing. That's how I found with brow clients in a necessity or in a luxury based service. Most of my clients didn't ever wear makeup, didn't have permanent makeup on their radar. I spoke about the identity of being the put together woman from morning till night and they were like, I don't care what you're selling, I want to be that. And that's who came.

That's fantastic. I love just that sentence. It makes you like. I did have a brow Tattoo more than 10 years ago and recently someone offered it to me and I, I was like, oh, I don't think I need it. But with that sentence I'm like, oh yeah, that makes sense.

Like I said, I stopped selling brows. I did not. Like, like brows were always in the middle. And it was basically, here's how my client felt before, you know, as a woman to barely had time for themselves to get ready in the morning. And with that visual representation, it shows you, it kind of presses on that I'm not worth it, I have to settle for good enough. I'm here for everyone else but me. Well, with eyebrows I would give them away to because I would create unique for their shape. I would give them a way to. Here's made perfectly for you, this is something just for you to reclaim how you used to feel before, you know, life juggling out got in the way. And now you never have to worry about becoming last in line because you will feel like you are worth it. And that is how I sold that. And that's exactly what I was doing. It's exactly what I wanted for my clients. And I just spoke about it differently, but those words are very different than just come get your brows tattooed so you can have flawless brows.

Yeah, exactly right.

It's the identity.

Yeah. Now, if there is someone out there listening to you and they are like, oh, my God, I would. I would love to find the same connection with my clients. I would love to talk to the identity, to the transformation, but I have no idea how to get started. Where can they find you? What. What is the best place way for our listeners to. To find?

So I have a few ways. I am very active on Instagram. I'm at. And I know you said you would tag these in the show notes. I can't speak. Yeah, Aligned. I'm at Aligned Influence Co. That is my Instagram handle. And then aligned influence co.com Now I have the speak to sell blueprints and the Aligned client Persona. And then we will be actually introducing a simplified low ticket in the next probably coming weeks. And so I'm there. I am always happy to chat. I just think there's so many wonderful women that have created beautiful businesses or are working towards it and unfortunately are missing that piece of where it can actually feel good to run and feel like they run the business and the business doesn't run them. And so my mission is to help heal the world by allowing people's authenticity to shine through and to understand that they are worth it. And that that's my mission. And if I would love, you know, the more people we get on board, the more people we help. And I think that this is something that our industry, I think we're seeing it now, especially with the rise of AI and people rejecting hustle culture. And I think that now, more important than ever, human connection is so needed. And authenticity.

Yes. You talked about identity, and I so appreciate you opening up and talking to such a vulnerable level. If you are comfortable with sharing this. Where do you see yourself? Where is Elizabeth in two, three years with this initiative? Who are you, let's say in three years time, where do you see yourself? Who is Elizabeth then?

You're giving me so many goosebumps right now, which I always say is a sign. And it's so funny, because I am humble to a fault. So I'm gonna. This is gonna be out of my comfort zone. So in two to three years time, I will have helped thousands of women heal their relationship with that burnout and overworking and just bringing in that feminine power where they understand that in fact one of the most powerful things you could be as a woman, because we can balance that compassion and that strategy very easily once you learn. And so my gift would be healing people that way. And to know that I have touched a bunch of lives that way would make me so happy. And I would love to speak all over the world, to bring that message all over the world and have podcasts and, you know, have those open table discussions, because that's what I love. I love hearing a different perspective. I am someone who is so open that if the facts change, I will gladly change my perspective. And I think that those types of conversations are so important, so bridging that. Also continuing to really nourish that relationship with my daughter, especially with what is happening in my life right now. And you know, I will say, like taking the vacations and taking, you know, I would love to have, you know, a beautiful, like, loft place on the lake, like, you know, the usual dreams. But my number one is, I guess, to help people. That's, that's. I just don't, you know, I've been through a lot and I don't want anyone. I know I can't protect people from it. But if I could help in a little bit way that people don't have to go through what I went through, then that's what I would like to do is like protect people that way.

Thank you for sharing that.

Oh, you're welcome.

And this is what I'm wishing you to, to close this off. I'm wishing you that those thousands of women who are already out there somewhere, that they find a way to you. And you also get to spend all those wonderful, amazing moments with your daughter, with your family.

She'll be tenacious, just like her mama.

Sure. She has an amazing example right in front of her.

Thank you.

Thanks, Elizabeth. I appreciate you.

Well, I really appreciate you in allowing me to come on here and being one of your first guests. And I had so much fun and I loved your questions and I hope I didn't talk over you.

No, you definitely didn't. Thank you so much.

You're welcome.

Thanks everyone for listening.