Why You Don’t Have to Shrink to Be Taken Seriously — Reinventing Yourself with Luisa Bergholz

If you are in a corporate role that looks great on paper but feels all wrong, this episode is for you. I'm joined by the incredible Louisa Berkoltz, who is a trauma informed coach and is helping high achieving professionals reconnect with themselves and find or create a job that truly fits not just on LinkedIn but in their real life. In our conversation, Luisa shared an expression with me, selbs neuer finderin, which means a woman who reinvents herself. And it stuck with me because it describes what this episode is about so perfectly. We talk about how trauma can shape our career path, how to stop abandoning ourselves for roles that look perfect on paper but don't feel good at all, and how to finally start leading from two truth and not survival. If you've been questioning the path you are on, this episode's gonna resonate with you deeply. Let's get started. This is the Leap Live and Laminate podcast. Hi, I'm your host, Esther Godor. Twelve years ago, I took a big leap. I left my corporate job, I moved into a new country and started a business from scratch in my fifth language. Today I run a boutique launch and systems agency and helping ambitious entrepreneurs build smart and scalable digital businesses on Kajabi without having to do everything by themselves. This is your go to place with honest stories, actionable strategies and real talk around building a business and life you love. Your best life and success story are still ahead. Let's write them together. Foreign. Hey Louisa, welcome. Hi, Esther.

So good to be here.

Hi. So good to have you. And I'm super excited that you are connecting from Italy, right?

Yes.

I have been listening to you on your podcast which is called Limonata Coaching. Right. Or your business is called Limanata Coaching.

Yeah. Yeah.

So. So it's a nice meeting of Lemon with Lemon.

Exactly. Lemonade and Lemonata.

Yes. And I have, I have so many questions, but before we go into that, let. Let our listeners and our viewers know who you are, what you do, and why you do what you do. Yeah.

Okay, so who am I? I'm Louisa and I call myself, well, I think in English you would say someone who reinvents herself constantly. In German, we can put it in one word, but I think this doesn't exist in English. I am German, obviously. And yeah, what do I do? So my business is that I help women especially actually all kind of genders to reinvent themselves, to find out who they really, really are and especially what they really, really want from life and from work. So I'm specialized in work Psychology and in helping people find the work that really fits to the people that we find out what are your strengths, what are your needs, what are your values? And all of these things. And then, yeah, find or create the perfect job find for you. And why am I doing this? Because I have been searching for my why and the big purpose kind of my whole life, or at least half of my life, and didn't really find the answers. And it took me quite a while to find out what it is that I want to do. Looking back, it's kind of obvious, but, well, you live life forwards and then it makes sense backwards, right? So yeah, actually it took me a while to understand that I can find the answers only within myself. And this is what I'm helping people now to, to do for themselves.

What would you say helped you get to this point? Like what was the journey to actually helping people? What was your path before?

Well, maybe I start with not knowing what it is because I've been struggling so much with it and I learned that people can resonate a lot with it. So I've been the super adapted child in school where I always had the good grades and having a system that told me do this and that and this way. And all of this was perfect for me because I could just do whatever someone told me to do and had these external criteria without having to ask myself, well, what do I actually want? And so then I started asking myself, what, why? What is it that I do want? And I didn't find the answers because I didn't really dare to look within myself. And I think a big part of it was that I was scared of what I could find out and that maybe people around me wouldn't like what I find out. And so I was always looking for the permission of someone. And I actually then, well, I studied psychology, which was more like path of least resistance or something like that. Found my first job and it was all like, no, no real or it didn't feel like a real decision for myself. It was just, yeah, okay, I'm doing this, why not? Or someone offered me to do this or said this might be a good fit for you. And I do not have this one turning point, but I have a period in my life where I had different things that happened. I, for example, had an accident. Then I was listening to a book, a German book that. It's called your Life is too short for Later. I hope that is kind of the, the right translation, which was very eye opening for me to see. Well, this is actually just my Life. And I gotta live my life according to my terms and not anybody else's criteria. And this was my starting point, to discover myself and reinvent myself. I don't know.

Did this come after. Did this come after a while of already being on the market, like having a job, or did this become clear right after your studies and were you able to. Oh, no, like, know what you want to do?

I wish. No, I think what I. So I. I had this job because I was doing an internship and they liked what I was doing. I got great feedback. And then I thought, well, why looking for another job if I have no idea where I want to go? And then I also had this imposter syndrome thing where I thought, well, nobody wants me anyways. And I asked them, hey, I'm going to finish my studies soon, so do you want me to work here? And they said, yes. So also, they are part of this resistance. And I thought, yeah, I could do that for one year, two years, and then I could still see what I want to do. And after one year, two years, it was. It was pretty clear this is not the job that I want to do for the rest of my life. But as I didn't know what else to do, I stayed there in total almost 10 years.

Wow. After knowing that it wasn't the thing, but for not knowing. Yeah. Wow. Okay. I think you are not alone with this. You're definitely not. You actually talked about this in the episode I was listening to, which was about people being interested in too many things or them thinking that they are interested in too many things and this holds them back from actually making a decision. Was that the case that you were like, there were so many options in your head that you were, like, dizzy with the choices?

Yeah, there was definitely one part of it. So that I thought, yeah, that it's just too much I'm interested in. And how could I possibly choose any of this? Because I do not want to. To limit myself. And now I know with limiting yourself at least a bit, you get so much freedom out of it, which seems so counterintuitive. But with wanting to have all the options always and never deciding, this is actually the big trap where you're stuck. And there definitely are jobs where you can do things when you're interested in so many things. And entrepreneurship is perfect because you can do everything. One of my clients told me, yeah, you are a kind of the head of everything. I like that. Yeah. So there are definitely jobs, even if you have a lot of interests. And it's not that I'm interested in everything. There is a limit to it, definitely. And the problem is our brain, or especially our subconscious is always like the black or white slide. So all the possibilities. And it thinks like, it's a million things, but it's actually not a million things. It's maybe a hundred, which still seems quite overwhelming. Yeah. So that was definitely one big part of why I was so stuck.

And also another.

Sorry.

No, go ahead.

Another big, big part of it that I always observe in my clients as well is this f. Feeling of being kind of in a golden cage because the job is too good. Like, it's. It's not great, but it's too good to risk it because you have a good salary, you have the. The nice colleagues. It makes fun sometimes, not always. And, like, it's. It's okay. And then there's always this fear of, what if it might get worse if I train? And this is.

You know, when I changed, I had the golden cage, but it was bad enough for my mental health that I needed the change, and I never thought it could be worse. And then there were times when it was, but I never thought of it. I was like, it's gonna be amazing. And then there were those moments when I had to wake up. But, yeah, okay, so there are others who might be like, okay, it might not just be that amazing if I. If I switch. It might actually be worse.

Yeah. I mean, people move or change if there is enough pain or if the goal is desirable enough.

Yeah.

So most people change because of the pain. Rarely they change because something else seems more attractive and desirable. And I was definitely one of the people who, yeah, needed some pain. It's. Well, it's always. I wouldn't say it's easier, but you definitely have more capacities if you choose to change something before it gets really, really bad. Like, if your health is already struggling, then you have to. You need more energy and more resources to get yourself out of there. But if you're coming from a good place where your health is great and everything's great and you just want it to be, at least objectively, it's easier. But our mind tells us, yeah, but why risk it if it's already okay right now?

Yeah, maybe if it doesn't hurt that much, then it's actually okay. So what made you. After those 10 years, what kicked you in the butt? What made the. What made it possible for you?

As I said, there was not this one moment. Other people have these stories where they say, there was this one moment. And I'm Like, I don't have that. I have different incidents, like reading this book, listening to a lot of podcasts. I did start a coaching as a coachee. I was like, I want to find out what it is. It didn't help me that much at this time, but it was one of the parts coming together. And then I. I was pretty open about my changes with my employer. Employer. And actually, I got the chance to go to. Because I was working as an HR consultant, and then I could go to, well, not one of our clients, but they could have been our clients and work with them as an interim manager. Do you call it like that? Yeah. Yeah. Yes.

Okay.

Yeah. So. And then I noticed because before, I only had this one job. This. I only knew this employer, and this was the world for me. And then going in another environment and seeing I can actually work here as well. And I also get great feedback, and there's so much more. This was one part of it of discovering I'm not stuck here. There's more things, and there's definitely more potential of what I could do. Then I dove into the topic of new work, which fascinated me, and I read all about it and listened all about it and felt like, okay, work has got to be different from what I know it to be, and I do not want to be in this trap of, yeah, working is this from 8:00am Till, well, not even 5:00pm Because I mostly worked longer. But it doesn't have to be like this, and it doesn't have to be this strict exchange of hours and energy and money. And why not Reinventing all of this. And, yeah, all of this together were the puzzle pieces that led me to finally deciding that I want to be an entrepreneur.

And from the decision when to when it actually happened, was there a long period of time or from when you understood that this is the path you wanted to take? Did things speed up?

Oh, yes, things did definitely speed up. So from the first steps, like, okay, I gotta talk to my employer. I'm reading this book. This was in the beginning of 2018, I think. And then, okay, I also did a mentorship program and went into this other company. And then in, I think it was end of 2019, I took the decision, I want to be myself, my own boss. Before I was looking for other jobs, but it was all, like, not really exciting me. And then I thought, okay, just do my own thing.

Mm.

And then it completely took off. Like, so much development for myself, so much more clarity. And I didn't start with, okay, now I'm helping people to find out what they want to do. This then came within the next year because I noticed it's interesting, all my coaches or most of my coaches have this issue. How come that they all come with this topic? And then I thought, okay, maybe I, I can help those people because I can relate to a lot to this, what they are going through.

And then did you start it on the side or did you actually leave everything and then start new? How did you, how did you manage the. Because you mentioned that the financial part is sometimes what gives you the security, great pay, it's guaranteed, that it's recurring. How did you manage that part?

Well, I did just leap. I didn't save a lot before, but maybe this is also, especially in Germany, I'm not so sure about other countries. We have this insurance for when you don't have work that you get paid for about a year less than with a normal job. Of course. But why?

I got paid for three months in Hungary. €300 each month. Three months?

Yeah. Okay, different. But. Well, I was paying for this insurance for 10 years before, so that was. Okay.

Okay. Okay.

Yeah. So yeah, I decided I wanna do this in December 2019. And then I kind of. Oh yeah, it wasn't the same day that I ended in my notice within two weeks, I think. And then I left the company in April of the next year. And yeah, there was not so much time to save anything. It just actually in my mind and now looking back, it's kind of naive maybe, but sometimes being a little naive is good. I thought, okay, I just got to figure out within this one year how I'm going to do it. And if it's not working within one year, I can always go back to a, to a normal job. So what's, what's the big risk here? Actually, there is no big risk. And then I'm a person who, if I'm doing something, I'm doing it like

I'm going all in, 100%.

And I knew that if I would just do it as a side hustle, I would prioritize much more my, my normal job and not give my business the, the time and energy that it would need to really take off.

If someone is listening and they are right in that phase where they feel this is, this is not what I want, but I have no idea what's next. Would you say they just have to wait until the pain will be big enough so they figure it out or what other options do we have?

I would definitely not recommend waiting until the pain gets so big because as I said, if you want to go this path of letting the pain get really, really bad so that you are on the floor and have, yeah, problems of getting up in the morning and all of this, then you first have to take care of your health before you can think about anything regarding your job. At least this is what I think. But when you are feeling like this is not it and I want something else, but I don't know what it is, then go and find out what it is that you want and go looking inwards and stop looking outwards for people who tell you what they think you should do, because there are so many books, and I also wrote a book, but it means cool to write a book or to read a book, but a book cannot really tell you what to do. It can give you some insights or some ideas or some questions, but a book alone won't help your problems. Same with all these tests that you can take. Of course, you can take the personality tests and whatever kind of tests, but no test will be able to give you the one result of this is it. This is the one job that you should do. This is the business that you should do. And this is. Well, now I would say, because some years ago I would have said, yeah, but I want this. This would be so perfect if something could just come and tell me what it is. Now I'm saying it's a blessing that this doesn't exist because it's. It's your life and you gotta. You are the boss of your own life, so you should take the decision.

There is this saying, action creates clarity, which we often listen to from James. And yeah, I so believe in that, because it might not be the perfect decision, but it's at least moving you towards something like finding out maybe what doesn't work. And it always gets you closer to what works, at least in my case. Like, we talked about this with you in our prep session that I wasn't doing great on recording solo episodes, and I was just waiting for it to happen. And now you got me into actually start recording and I'm not super happy with all of them, but at least I'm doing it. So.

Yeah.

And now I have a date for. For the podcast to actually, actually launch. So. Yes.

Yeah.

But yeah, sometimes having someone keep that space for you, hold space for you, is, Is great because I was just like in my own little bubble and. And you, you were like, okay, so tomorrow you're gonna send me a message that you did it. And I think I literally did it. So I I can actually send you that message. Yeah. You help me account.

Yeah. And this is a very important part because as I was saying, you are your own boss of your life. I'm not intending that you should do it all yourself or that you have to do it all by yourself, because of course you can take help. And having someone like a mentor or a coach who guides you through this and hold you accountable, like what you just said, because of course our subconscious doesn't want to change. Sooner or later, there will be these moments where it's you against your subconscious. And then you might have the best intentions, but your subconscious comes in and tells you all these stories why you cannot do it and why you should do it tomorrow or next week or next week, whatever. And then you do it never. And then you lose your momentum. And having someone who's there for you whenever you're struggling with all of these stories and also shows you, like, hey, this is like a next step that you could take, or someone who listens to your stories and whatever you're saying and shows you where you're standing in your own way, but you don't even notice because it's the stories you're telling yourself 24 7. So you think it's. It's totally logic what you.

Yeah, let's talk a little bit about how to know whether. Whether it's a new job or a total reinvention. Like, it's super nice, the expression you are using the Selbs Neuerfinderi, which is like someone who reinvents themselves, right?

Yeah.

But reinventing yourself doesn't have to mean that you completely create something out of scratch. But how do we know if I'm stuck at the job? How do I know if my problem is with working for someone, having a job, or I completely need to break out of this whole world and create my own.

I think you kind of already gave the answer with this thing of action creates clarity. And it's absolutely not that you have to do everything from scratch and that you have to change completely what you are doing. People sometimes think reinventing yourself means it has to be like, how many degrees? 180. Like, completely different direction. And this is not true, actually. The term of this was born when I was still in my old job. So things didn't change that much externally, but internally I had changed so much and I was changing things in the current job. So I was doing like the job crafting. Do you know this concept, job crafting?

Not sure.

Job crafting is the term for people who Use the possibilities they have in their current job. Like, there's the task crafting. Like, you can think, are there any other tasks that I could do? Or can I change? Maybe the order in which I'm doing my tasks or whatever task related. Then there's relational crafting, where it's about the people you are working with. And maybe you can somehow change the relationships of the work. Maybe you can suggest to do a project with someone you really like working with. So you always have more possibility to change something, like more influence than you think. And you can also change the meaning you're giving your work. Like, and this is, I think, the first time that this term came up, or someone studied this. There was this study in hospitals where people, the cleaning people from the hospital, and they were asked about how happy they are with their job, how fulfilled they are. And there were those two groups that they discovered. The ones who were very happy and fulfilled and thought this is something important they are doing. And those who were not happy and not fulfilled and just did, like the job according to the job description. And the big difference between those two was that the happy ones, they used the. These possibilities of putting their self or themselves in the job. So they did not just do the work they were supposed to do, but they saw themselves as ambassadors of the clinic. Like they were talking to the patients or they were decorating a little bit the rooms so that they feel more at home and really saw the patient. And thus this gave them so much more meaning in what they were doing. Instead of, I'm just cleaning here. And this is something you can always do. You do not have to quit. You do not have to whatever. You do not have to wait for your boss to give you a promotion. You just look for, okay, what's important for me and already showing up differently. Giving in your ideas and things like this can change so much.

Yeah. Thinking back to the jobs I was doing before, this can become especially difficult if you are a very small part of the huge machine, which happens a lot in corporate, that you are like, okay, I have to close out 40 tickets today. But those 40 tickets are 40 stories. Maybe 40 individuals, maybe families who are waiting for their order. Maybe someone whose whole installation would be in danger if you are not fulfilling that. But we might think of it as just the tickets that we have to close out before we get through this freaking day. Yeah. And it's a very different perspective indeed.

Yeah.

And that can help even if you are not an employee. Like, thinking of what I do now in a day when you are like, oh, my God, the task list. And although it's easier, I. I feel it's so much easier because now I also do something that I have chosen, created, and there the connection is, the feedback is also instantaneous. Yeah. Like, yeah, that's for you as well, I guess working now with your clients is probably very different than when you were an HR person. Yeah. Yeah. Would you say you are doing the same job?

No, I'm not doing the same job. It's kind of. I switched the sites. So before I was working for the companies to select the right stuff or help them develop their stuff, and now I'm helping the individual to find out what is it that I really want, and then let's find a job that fits to me and not the other way around. So this is definitely different. And one big, big difference is I'm working almost exclusively with people who want to work with me, like, who I'm motivated. Before, I had, like, colleagues or clients who were, like, complaining all the time and saying, why do we have to do this? Or when I was coming with a new idea of, hey, we could do this, they were just telling me why it's not possible, all the hundred ways of why it's not possible. And this was so exhausting. Yeah. So this is definitely a big difference.

Okay. It's very different. So you are looking at the same story, but from a very different perspective. And, yeah, probably the more healthy perspective for you, definitely. But I guess also for. For your clients who. Who work with you because you give them such a. It's such a different start when someone is, like, looking for a new job from. From the perspective of first getting clear with themselves.

Yeah.

That's actually amazing. I don't think I ever did that. When looking for a job. It was always just like, what was it about? Money. Yeah. How much? And that the people should be fun and that the office should be at the right place and it should be comfortable and stuff like that. But at that time, it had very little to do with who I was. I don't think I ever, ever thought of that before quitting. And after quitting, it was all about that because I had to figure out what I would be doing. And it was. I still started doing stuff. And yeah, I would say eight years of corporate and then another seven years of running my own business. When I first asked myself the question, what do I want? Who am I? So, yeah, it can take some time.

Yeah, totally. I don't know if it's true for everybody. My experience is that entrepreneurs, especially if they are doing a job as we are doing it, or a business as we are doing it, they are kind of forced to ask themselves these questions. Whereas when you are an employee, you do not have to think about this. The majority of people does not think about it. So whenever I'm also giving workshops in companies, some well advanced companies who want to help their employees to find out,

hey, what do they care?

Yes, it exists. And when I come with my coaching questions and all of these, yeah, what do you want? And if everything was possible, I often look in the faces while like blank. I don't know. Never asked me this question before.

You know what I said? Yeah, I, this reminds me that we did have people like you come and do training with us and they asked us these questions, but I, and, and I think I answered, but I don't think I ever internalized it because I felt like, I think at that time I was just looking for the answers that would be a good match with me being a great employee here and being successful within this company. I didn't think of the answer outside of, of the bubble. Yeah, yeah. Though I think the, the question came up like, like, what do you want from this world? What is your contribution? And I thought my contribution was making this company great, which, which could be. I mean, what I left was actually a very nice environment, but somehow it wasn't the answer. It wasn't. How did you know whether to or not? Before I ask this, did you, you start doing this in person? Are you working in person with your coaches or are you doing it online?

I'm doing it almost exclusively online. I started in the middle of COVID so actually I was having the intention at the beginning of doing coachings in a cafe setting. So I was scouting for coffee places where I could do coachings and dreamt about maybe having my own cafe in which I could do this. But then, yeah, there was Covid, so completely stopping this. And I did it online and now I'm super happy that I do it online because it allows me to work from everywhere where I want. So I couldn't be in Italy right now if I would be doing it in person. And I couldn't work with the people I am working with because I'm having clients from all over Germany and sometimes they also are somewhere else, like traveling. And I, I had someone, she was German, but she lived in New York, for example, and she could just dial in zoom and we could do our session together, which was great.

Yeah. How did you know that you would do this in. In German, because if it's online, it could be other people outside of Germany maybe who speak English. And I know that if someone reaches out to you, you would do it. But what made you choose German? I come across people being stuck at this point, like, okay, I'm gonna do something online, but I don't know which language. And then they start out in multiple languages. That's what actually I did with mine. And then you realize that every language is almost a separate business because you can't just duplicate, triplicate yourself. And then you finally make a choice. But if someone is still. Before this whole process, what was your experience or did it even come up that it could be English?

Honestly, I didn't really think about it. I just started in German. And so it was obvious that it was kind of. I mean, I have always been very keen to international settings, studied bilingual, trilingual, whatever, and really love to work in international settings. And I had especially one friend who's always asking me, but why are you not doing it in English? But, yeah, when I started, I didn't really ask me this question. I mean, I did offer some workshops in English, for example. I also did some workshops in French. But, yeah, I mean, I. I think there's still so many people in Germany who need my help, and a lot of them feel more comfortable when it is in their mother language. And of course, you always have some specifics depending on which country you're living in. If I would want to help someone in the US I would have to get at least for advising them on the job market and how this all works. I would have to dive into that because I never applied for a job in the U.S. so, yeah, I guess it's not that different. But yeah, I mean, I've been thinking about starting doing it in English as well. But as you said, this is kind of having a second business, so.

Definitely is. It definitely is. I have these little things that I have agreed with my husband so that he should remind me not to do ever again. One is renting a physical place for a business. Another one is starting in another language.

Oh, so good.

And there is also no more employees, only collaborators.

Interesting. I would love to hear more about why those criteria.

Why the employee one or the.

Well, kind of other three. The language thing I think I already know. But the others, I think it all

goes back to past experience that made everything more complicated. And the no more employees definitely has something to do with being still a small business and having employees in Spain and everything that it Brings with itself. I was literally. Because I used to. Actually I think I did have to leave the corporate job because I was taking too much of my team's struggles on me mentally. So I don't think I was able to. To handle it properly when someone. I couldn't help someone further or. There was a year when I had to let go of people like in groups. And that really took a toll on me. And then here in Spain with my first business, I had a group of four employees and three collaborators who worked for me. And when it all had to end, it was terrible on me for the employees like them losing their job because me. Because of me stopping the business. And I think it all ended in a way that it took a toll on me. Like it still still feels like the responsibility. I mean I'm still responsible if I'm collaborating with someone. I'm still responsible for delivering on whatever, I promise. But when having people whose. Whose full income is hundred percent dependent on me, I think I'm. I'm not the greatest on handling the weight of that. Yeah. So. So that's about the. That's about the employees physical place. Why no physical place? Because I love to move things around. I love to change things around. And I always regret when. When it's something ties me somewhere.

Yeah.

And it's that I did have beautiful physical places here in Spain which I rented. But it was also too much to handle. But mostly, mostly that it ties me. It does. Doesn't give you the freedom. Like you said, you are now traveling and. And you can easily, easily run things. Keep running things.

Yeah, totally. Totally. That's interesting with the employee thing because I feel like I'm not ready to be responsible for 100% income of someone. And I think it's something you grow into, don't you?

I definitely didn't grow into. At the age of 28, I was promoted and ran a group of 60 people.

Wow.

And I was the. I think I was the like the. Almost the youngest of all those people. And maybe I don't know if we dig into it, maybe there's even a trauma that I wanted the promotion people saw it in me. But I definitely wasn't growing into at the pace it should have happened. I had the first team when I think when I was 25 that was like eight people, then 10, 12. And maybe there could have been a slower pace that could have made me the person who is able to handle that. But when I did it, I wasn't. And then I tried to still make it Happen. But yeah, I could tell you the exact stories with the names of people on the decisions that I'm regretting still. Still today. And if they are listening now, I'm sorry, I really am.

Oh my God. And you were doing the best you could at this time.

Yeah. And yeah, I didn't know better, but probably when companies make such decisions, they could. And maybe today there is more help in such a situation. I don't know. This was more than 10 years ago. 15.

Depends on the company.

You know, we. We had all these courses of. What was. What were they called? Like hiring the best. There was one, that one. There was something about being the best manager. We even did the Stephen Covey seven habits training. So they. They sent us to amazing trainings.

Okay, okay.

It was a great company. Maybe they wanted to help me.

Oh my God. Probably they did. But sometimes we are just not too quick ready to receive the help.

Yeah, yeah. And yeah. So I repeated the experience with having my own team and I think now I can say I tried it enough and I can grow in other areas. And now I work with many collaborators and I couldn't be happier with a team of VAs.

Yeah.

And they are on someone else's team who is. Who is amazing, actually. But I see her, I see her going through that sometimes as she's very openly sharing on socials. It's not easy. Even when you're running your own company, having your own employees. It makes it even harder than when you have a huge team as an employee.

Yeah.

All right. Too much about me. But yeah, hopefully this helps someone.

Hopefully.

You know what? I wanted to ask you about an interesting thing that came up in one of your posts in the community where we are both at. After you do this self reinvention, you normally go and look for help like coaching and belonging to a community. And for example, we now belong to the BBD business by design community. And when you join such a community, there is this whole overwhelm of my God, I finally found my place. There are hundreds, thousands of people who understand me. This is all gonna be amazing. We are all in it together. The whole rollercoaster ride is over. This is my happy place. Like I'm in heaven. This is what it feels like when you join. But also on the other hand is like, shit, am I really doing this? You are like freaking out. But there's this huge thing of finally belonging to a community that truly understands you. And then there was this post from you which I dare to share here because so many people resonated with you. And I was one of them. And that was about when a live event comes and we all come together. So many of us would have this feeling of shit, it looks like. And this could be a few months after we join. And there's a lot to do, a lot to learn, a lot to implement. And there's this feeling and this. I don't think we need a live event for this. This could happen when we are in an online community as well, that you feel like everybody else has got it together, everybody else is figuring it out. And look at that person, look at her, look at him. My God, these people, they are all succeeding or they are all connecting. And what the fuck is happening to me? Like, why am I behind or why am I not connecting? What do you think? How is this even possible after that? Like finding our place, finding our people. And sometimes this still creeps in like everybody else is okay, but I'm not. And then so many other people thinking the same, but we don't, we don't share. So everybody is just dwelling in their own little like shit puddle or whatever. And it was amazing that you called it out or you shared your side, but I think it was even surprise. It wasn't surprising to me. But to you it might have been. How many people actually thought the same about themselves.

Yeah. Yeah. And especially those who I looked up to and thought they have it all together. And then finding out you don't. Or at least you think you don't because yeah, this is really super interesting because people also told me that they were looking up to me while I was thinking, I don't even belong here.

Yeah, I think mine was. Mine was like I was thinking the same about me. But I met you a couple of months before that post and I definitely thought, oh my God, Louisa is a badass. She just has it all together. And I don't even know what am I doing with these people. And she's one of them. And you still are for me. But it's interesting. How does this happen in our. In our head?

I think it's that we have these deep wounds within ourselves. Mostly somewhere in childhood, but maybe even like from generations before us. We have something of, I'm not good enough, I'm not lovable, I'm not important enough. Whatever it is one of these deep root limiting beliefs. And just because we have external success doesn't mean we do not have those beliefs anymore about ourselves. And especially people who have a lot of success in the outside often are very, very driven to get all of these successes because they think if I just have enough external validation, then my, my wound is healed. But this is not how it works. So I guess you can be a millionaire or whatever, but if you're not looking at these wounds, you still feel like, what am I doing here? I'm an imposter. They are going to find out I don't belong. And all of this, and this is why this personal development work is so important, so that you don't limit yourself with those old stories.

How do we know that we are in it again? How can we remind ourselves and how can we get ourselves out of there? What's your best way besides writing such a post and actually probably with people's reaction? You probably forgot about that thing instantly or from.

What do you mean by forgetting about it?

Forgetting about limiting yourself, seeing how people see, see you and realizing well or not, not makes you forget it instantly.

It was very eye opening for me to, to see that so many people resonated. And then I was putting people on a pedestal and then hearing from them, they were putting me on a pedestal and kind of, what are we doing here?

Yeah, everybody, they do not belong.

Even though first, as you so beautifully explained or described, this feel of coming in such a community where you feel like, wow, I finally can breathe because they are all like me. And then it's, oh no, maybe I'm not like them. So I think doing this again and again and again, like sharing vulnerably about what you're experiencing and talking about it with those people and then kind of devalidating those limiting beliefs because you're getting these proofs externally that this is just bullshit what you're thinking, this is one thing of it and also like doing it anyways is also a big part of it. And then depending on how deep the wound is, my experience is that you gotta really look inwards and restructure or reprogram those beliefs. So some beliefs you can just reprogram by getting this insight of, ah, it's just not true. Yeah, okay.

Yeah, we have to replace, replace the thought. Yeah. It's not enough to prove that it's, it's a lie or it's an invention of our, of our mind, we have to replace it with something.

Yeah. And then if it's an ex, or if this limiting belief roots and an experience you had in your life, maybe as a child, then this can help to go back to this memory and see, see how you created your story around it, like what meaning you gave it and then rewriting the story. Because, for example, if you think your parents were angry at you because you did something, but then you noticed, oh, they weren't angry at me, they were angry because they got the bill they weren't happy about or whatever. But we as children always think it's about me, then this can also help. Or if you have compassion for why your parents behaved the way they did or whoever person did something, why they behaved the way they did, because they were also just doing their best that they could at this time. So this is also very helpful. And then, as I already said, there are limiting beliefs that we kind of get. How do you say that? Transgenerational. So, like, if your. Your mom or your grandma or whoever experienced something, they pass it on to you. And they are, from my experience, what really helps us to get into a light trance state to reprogram this. And this is also very effective. So there are so many different modalities that you can choose from also depending on how deep, deeply rooted it is, what we're talking about.

What would you say was your biggest rewritten story throughout your entrepreneurial journey? You mentioned the one that you have that you rewrote about fitting in, being the person who matches the expectations. That was more. While you were still at your original jobs. I think later, when you. When you started the entrepreneurial journey, can you think of a very significant one that you had to rewrite?

I think I'm probably still rewriting different stories because it's like with an onion, you know, with the different layers, you always get a little bit deeper. So the. The same topic reappears on another level. The. The trying to fit in and. Yeah, trying to get the. The permission of someone or whatever has come up different times. So I stopped doing this in my job, and then I started my business, and then I found myself looking for a mentor who told me. Tells me what I'm supposed to do in my business. What's the right way to do your business? Oh, well, me. Who decides? So this was then another step. And I think actually what you just described earlier was one of the biggest things for me. Stopping to think that everybody else has it all together and putting everybody on a pedestal, looking up to them, but starting to look up to myself.

Yeah, I love this. And it's a big one for me. I think I constantly have it in my head, it's them and me, which even without. Without starting to think specific thoughts about those people, it's already like I'm not one of them.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Where from many Perspectives. I am, but it's this instead of them and me.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Sometimes it hits me. It has only happened over the last 12 months. It hit me that shit, I'm one of them. I'm not the me and them anymore. But it's, it's still very, very natural for me to go down that automatic pathway in my mind. There is this. We have both worked with Tracy Goodwin and there is, there is an exercise we, we did with her about. I'm not even sure what exactly was the exercise, but maybe it was this like constantly comparing yourself to others. Like Tracy's course is about showing up, having your letting your voice be heard. And then there is this exercise of when you see someone who looks like they really know what they're doing instead of thinking, shit, they are so good. I'm never gonna get to that level. I think the exercise was that they are amazing, but look at me. You don't have to put their amazingness or degrade others so you can shine. We can all shine.

Exactly.

And it's, it's, it's funny. I have tried to bring this into my, into my non professional world because I realized I do that all the time with everything. So I started in my yoga class when I would always take the last row and look at people who are in front of me and look at, oh my God, look at her shoulders. Oh my God, how she can bend. Oh my God, I will never be able to do this. And started to reframe that. So my yoga class is this constant chatter. Look at her, she's amazing. I don't think she was able to do that before because it's kind of the same people. But look at me. What I wasn't able to do two years ago and where I am today.

Yeah, it's.

And it's. The rewriting never stops. It's. Or maybe one day and we move on to other, other stories we are rewriting. But it's a constant, it's a constant evolution process.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So true. Another important thing was stopping to think about what others think about me. Like the whole visibility thing and being okay with people not liking what I'm doing. Also there. I think I'm still in the process. I'm not there yet. But especially with Tracy's work, this is maybe why I'm thinking about it right now. I learned a lot about not caring so much about what they think and really owning my story, owning my opinion. And if others don't like it, okay. But if I don't Own my story and my. My knowledge and all of this. How could people who resonate with it possibly get into my world if I just don't share it? It's both important.

Does it happen that someone doesn't like, is, like, what you do doesn't make sense. Like, your. Your work to me is obvious, that it's very positive. Or would you get comments where people

disagree, like, but it happens. Yeah. Or that people think, I don't know. I'm. How do you say that in English? Kind of a scam, or like, I'm promising stuff that I cannot, cannot keep or whatever. Yeah.

Okay. So it happens. And then you have to be able to treat it in the right place.

Yeah, but. Or just like, I'm doing a workshop, and then some people say, this is too slow for me, and why don't you just move on? Or just comments like this can influence you, whereas other people are super happy with it. And then getting your tentacles back in and not letting yourself be influenced by this one comment, that one person. Exactly. By this one. Out of hundreds.

Yeah.

That's.

That's constant work. And I. Well, I have to be very, very mindful of that. And it's still. It still goes under my skin a lot if that happens.

And I think that's okay because we are human.

Yeah. I'll just take it. Take that for today. Cool. All right. I'm curious about this new episode for you. So you are. You are in Italy. You are changing, or. I don't know if you're changing. You tell me that, but you are at geographically different place. Are you able to run the business totally seamlessly without any problem? Is your business at the level where it's. Wherever you are, whatever you do, you are able to run it as if nothing was going on?

Kind of. I think. I mean, my clients noticed I have a new background, my typical office background. Right. I have the lemonades behind me. But apart from this, I mean, I've also already worked from so many different places. I mean, I've been, for example, like, in South Africa and did my coaching from there, and doesn't really matter where I am as long as I'm helping the people. So this is. This is important. And then that I'm in a good state so that I can offer the best version of myself for them. Yeah. So I think the only thing that is still kind of dependent on, but it doesn't have to be me, is that I'm sending out welcome packages to my new clients. I don't have that with Me right now.

So it's physical mail. You mail out stuff?

Yes, yes. I love to have something that you can touch. And then they have their workbook and stuff like this. Yeah.

Okay. That's the only physical element. How do you actually maintain that center? Like being able to provide your best with things going on? Maybe not being at your usual place or probably with your trip or with the change. There are things that are unexpected. Do you have any practice or tool that helps you go to that place that helps you give your best when you work with someone?

Thing is, when I'm coaching, this is kind of one of my happy places anyways. Even if I'm feeling a little bit tired or sick or whatever, once I'm in the. Okay, now I'm in the coaching role, something within me is like a switch and then I. I can do two hours of coaching and not even I notice that I'm tired. And afterwards I am tired. But this is energizing me so much that this alone is already helpful. But what I am doing to get in my center is a lot of embodiment things and nervous system regulations. So I. Before we did our recording today, I was dancing around because there's always.

We should have included that in the recording.

Yeah, maybe. Because this always puts me in a good mood. I think you cannot. It's not possible to dance and be sad, for example. It's not just not possible. And then breathing, like different breathing patterns are helpful or doing self hypnosis also very helpful. So, yeah, these are things that definitely helped me. And also planning, like, I wouldn't have set up this date with you today if I would just have gotten into this apartment today. But like having some time to check if all is working and if not, finding a solution for that. This is for me, very important so that I don't freak out.

Yeah. Okay. So you do keep some kind of safety structure around it. It's not just winging it out of glue each. Each time. Okay. Yeah.

Yeah.

All right. Do you. Do you use these tools with your. With your clients as well? Or is it more like.

Because.

Yeah. I mentioned to you that when I. When I went to those trainings, I learned a lot, but they were still very much practical, like checklists to make sure that. Make sure that I am these 10 things and then everything will be okay. And there was very little slowing down and actually connecting with myself. How should we imagine your. Your work? If I. If I'm someone who. Who is like, ooh, I. I think I could use her help. What should people expect?

It can be a range of all kind of things depending on what it is that people need. So yesterday we had a coaching session where we did dance together in the group and everybody was loving it. And afterwards I'm always asking after each session, like, what are your three main takeaways? And most of them said like, wow, this dancing together was amazing. Even though it was just with zoom.

Love it.

Then I'm, I think all my coaching calls, or almost all my coaching calls, I start with a check in where we connect with our body, doing some breathing and like, it helps me and it helps my clients to get from wherever they have been before. Maybe they have been running around, being in meetings, whatever. And then, okay, let's transition from whatever has happened before to now we are here. And then setting an intention of, okay, what, what are we doing together? What's important now? Just yesterday I had this one woman who was sharing that she, she wasn't happy with the feedback that she got from other people because to her it seemed so tight, like they don't see her full self. And then we discovered you're not showing your full self, you're limiting yourself. And it was pretty emotional because she then discovered, well, I'm not even seeing my full self. And somehow I kind of lost contact to my needs. So she got the. The homework to check in each day several times with a simple question of how am I feeling right now? So, yeah, sometimes it's the slow things or the very. It's not like rocket science, but we forget these super simple tools.

Yeah, we expect those fully new and huge things and we might forget. Yeah, we're not checking off the. I love that you are not just doing the switch for yourself, but for everybody else who is in that session with you. Yeah, that sounds amazing. Whether it's through the dance or something else. Sorry, you wanted to add something?

I just wanted to say instead of checking off another hundred points on your to do list, letting go of the to do list and checking in. What does my body tell me? I mean, my work has a lot to do with your intuition and listening to your intuition, but if you kind of, kind of cut off the connection to your body, how are you supposed to even recognize your intuition? I mean, it's still there. We all have intuition, but if we ignored it for the last 10, 20, 30, whatever years, it needs some time, it needs some practice and reconnecting with your body and going inwards. Because intuition is. Yeah, A lot of what your body is telling you, the small little signs it's giving you. And this takes practice.

Yeah. And when you are running your own business especially, I don't think you can do it without it. Because when you are working for someone else, your intuition can be put into a drawer because you are told what to do and how things are going to go. But when you are the one who is supposed to tell people, and even if it's just yourself where to go, then you can't not rely on. On your intuition.

Totally. Totally. And even if you're an employee, it's very helpful to have your intuition and not just do whatever someone's telling you to do.

Oh yeah. Yeah. Now thinking back, I feel that it was, it was way easier to have my intuition silenced for a while. I don't think I had it silenced for, for the tasks that I was responsible for, but I silenced for me like my own stuff. And, and now I can't silence it when I, whenever I, I do, it comes back shouting at me or it shows up in a. In a more robust way.

That's so cool.

And it's scary, but it's amazing. I would, I would say it has both sides.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because intuition often doesn't really make sense.

Yeah.

Only in hindsight,

on the long run it will. Right. What, what was it the sentence you said right at the start that we. I don't know how you said it, but it was said amazingly that we.

That you live.

I will have to listen. Yes. Yeah, that one.

We live it forwards and understand it backwards.

Yeah, exactly.

Yeah. It's not from me. I don't know who said that before, but I love

describes it fantastically well.

Yeah, yeah.

If someone is listening and they are like, I would love to dance with Louisa. I would love to get help from her. Where can, where can they find you? What's the best place to reach out?

I guess if it's English speaking people, best thing is to just shoot me an email at infouisa Berkoltspunkom. I guess you will put it in the show notes because the name is probably not the easiest one. If people know some German, they are super welcome to listen to my podcast. Podcast, but it's on YouTube where you can also auto translate. So this is an option and Instagram, but this is also mainly in German. So.

Okay.

These are the different sources.

Okay. So we will put all those options into the show notes.

Yeah.

And before we, before we finish this off, I'm super curious on where do you see yourself in three years from now? And not necessarily physically like which country? But what is it for you that you envision and would love to. To be in experience?

That's interesting because I don't really like those questions for myself. This. Where do you see yourself in three years, in five years, whatever. But of course I have a vision. I mean, it can change. I always think of it, like, definitely it will change. So physically, I have no idea. I'm testing out living in Italy right now. Maybe I will live in Italy. I would love to have either if I'm living here or not, either my own place where I can host retreats or something where I can collaborate. Maybe from your experiences, not having my own place, but collaborating with people who want the thing. I just come there to do the retreat and dreaming of this already for. For quite some time. So in three years, I definitely will have my retreats either in Tuscany or Sardinia that I'm hosting. Then I see myself having a little team, not too big, who helps me with all of the different things. So definitely I have grown within the next three years so that I can help even more people and maybe even in English, because if I have more support and yeah, I mean, I can teach my approach and my coaching style to other people and then they can do it in English. That would be also very cool. And. Well, from what I envision right now, it would be probably kind of a mix between living in Germany because my family's there, and Italy and definitely a lot of traveling to all over the world. Yeah, I love learning myself, so I love to be in mentoring programs, coaching programs. Never envisioned myself to stop learning. So whenever I can dive deep into things, I'm here for it. So this is definitely something where I see myself as. As well.

Love it. I can already see your retreats in Tuscany or Sardinia. My preference is Tuscany. And I. I wish you all the very, very best with this new chapter in Italy or between Italy and. And Germany. And thank you so much for your time. I wholeheartedly enjoyed. I think it brought up so much stuff for me that I will have to keep working on, but it did already help a lot. And I trust that I wasn't the only one here who got a lot out of this session. So thank you. Thank you so much for your time. I appreciate you, girl, and wish you all the very best.

Thank you. That makes me so happy. Everybody who has been listening, I would love to get feedback if. If something resonated or. Yeah, as you just said, brought something to the surface that would be super cool to hear.

Thank you so much.

Thank you it was such a pleasure.